“You just can't catch a break, can you?” Cindy glances at me over her shoulder as she stands in front of the stove making scrambled eggs for breakfast.
I can't tell if she finally went back on her low-carb diet or if she just felt like having eggs this morning. Whatever the case, I'm glad it's not one of her kooky experimental recipes. From what I can see from where I'm sitting, this morning's recipe is simple. Eggs, cheese, bacon, salt, pepper, and a splash of cream to make the eggs fluffy.
“The universe hates me right now.” I groan, practically draping my upper torso across the dining room table with my cell phone clutched weakly in my hand.
Even though I didn't have one drop of alcohol last night, I feel like I have a hangover, and it's killer. My mood did not improve with sleep. Part of me hoped that when I turned on my phone this morning and saw a flood of text messages from Croix and Raj, it would. Raj texted me. Croix didn't. Raj said that he heard about what happened and asked if I was okay. The fact that he didn't tell me I should give Croix a chance to explain things leads me to believe that there is no good explanation for what I saw. The fact that Croix didn't try to contact me again only confirms that. To make matters worse, I got another text message from Derrick. He must have a secret sensor planted inside of him that tells him when I'm miserable, because what are the odds of him texting me the very next day after Croix and I pretty much broke up. The text was basic and impersonal. He said that the job at Club Lux was still there if I wanted it. If Hudson Paragon Solutions hadn't offered me a better job, I'd probably be crazy enough to switch sides right now. At least, that's one good thing going for me.
“When it rains, it pours,” Cindy comments absentmindedly.
As she pours the bowl of egg mixture into the heated frying pan, it sizzles.
“I'm going to take the Paragon Solutions job,” I tell her.
“Good. I think that's a smart move.” She breaks up the eggs with a spatula.
“It is,” I admit to myself.
“I know this probably isn't the time, but your brother left something for you. It's over there.” Cindy nods to an envelope on the edge of the kitchen counter.
“Just throw it away.” I turn my head so that my voice is muffled.
“Aren't you the least bit curious about what's inside?”
“Not the least.”
“Well, I am.” She picks up the envelope and walks it over to me, tossing it on the dining room table. “Open it.”
“I don't want to.” I pout.
Cindy gives me a warning look. “He's your brother, Raven. What if something is wrong and he needs you?”
“He should have thought about that before he fucked me over.” I sit up with a sigh, taking the envelope and tearing it open with all of the disdain that I feel for my brother.
I pull out the handwritten letter and read it aloud so that Cindy won't have any questions about its contents.
Dear Raven,
I suspected that you might not want to see me, so I wrote you this letter just in case. I just wanted to take the time to apologize for what happened in regards to our parents' estate. That was wrong of me, and it wasn't worth losing you over.
Karma has a funny way of getting back at people. Sheri filed for divorce, and she took everything. Not only that, but she took the boys and moved to Texas. It seems she's trying her damnedest to make it as difficult as possible for me to see them.
Going through this has made me realize how important it is to have your family around you for support. It also made me realize how selfish I was and what a horrible position I put you in financially. If I could take it all back, I would. But I can't take it back. All I can do is move forward and hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I miss you and need you in my life. I tried to call you several times, but it appears you have changed your number. Mine is still the same. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. Even if you can't forgive me yet, just talking to you would help to put my mind at ease.
Sincerely,
Roscoe
“I wonder if he still feels that way after how I treated him last night,” I huff without a shred of remorse for my actions.
How convenient it is for Roscoe to regret what he did to me only after things with his life went wrong. I can't help but feel happy for his shitty situation. What goes around comes around.
“I'm sure he understands.” Cindy pulls two paper plates out from one of the cabinets.
“I don't care if he understands or not.” I fold the letter and stick it back in the envelope.
“Raven, you need to let this go.”
“Do I?” I quirk an eyebrow at her.
“Mark my words, if you don't forgive him, you'll regret it someday. Take it from someone much older than you.”
“I'll keep your sage words in mind.” I watch her plate our eggs, my voice full of sarcasm.
“Don't be such a smartass.” She turns to me with our plates in hand. “I'm just trying to help you.”
“I know.” I deflate. “I just have too much going on right now to have to deal with him too.”
“It sounds like you have a lot of priority rearranging to do.” Cindy sets my plate down in front of me before sitting across from me.
“I do. And right now, my main priority is getting this job. Everything else can wait.”
***
I spend most of Saturday lazying around watching television. My mind is never far from all of the misfortune I've experienced lately. It feels like someone's carved out my heart and left a hollow space in its stead. I know from my breakup with Derrick that it will be a while before that space is filled again. Croix has damaged me just like Raj told me he would. I should have listened to him. It's too late for shoulda, coulda, woulda's though. Now I just need to focus on what's important in life—what really matters. Securing my foothold with a good company.
Despite knowing better, I keep my phone close by, checking it every so often for a text from Croix. He doesn't reach out to me. I respond to Raj, telling him that I'm fine. I ignore Derrick's text message completely. I'm done giving assholes my time of day. He, Croix, and Roscoe can all go fuck themselves.
Raj offers to go out with me for drinks, but I know it's still too early for that. Booze could lead me in an unstable direction. Worse, it could make me vulnerable. When I'm upset, I tend to forget my limit and drink until the night turns into a blur. While I trust Raj to take care of me, I don't want to subject him to any potential crying fits.
Instead, I stay home and play games on my phone and Facebook, mindlessly killing the hours until it's time to go to bed. It's a waste of time, but I'm not really in the mood to go to the movies again. Besides, I was so upset last night that I couldn't even concentrate on the comedy I was watching. It's odd sitting in a movie theater full of people where everyone around you is laughing and all you can do is scowl.
On Sunday morning, I email Carol Bryson to tell her that I'll accept the position with Hudson Paragon Solutions. The pit in my chest deepens as I realize the finality of my actions. This is the last nail in the coffin of my relationship with Croix. There's no going back to The Billionaires Club after I hit send, not that I should want to go back anyway.
Around noon, the doorbell rings. Since I'm busy being a shut-in, I don't even bother answering it. When Cindy calls to me, I groan internally. It's probably Roscoe again. More than likely, he's only in town for a short while, and he's going to take every opportunity he can to speak to me. Whether I like it or not, I'll probably have to face him eventually. Now is as good a time as any.
I pull myself off of my computer chair and trudge to the front door. Cindy gives me a queer look as I pass her. The second my eyes land on Croix, I understand why.
For some reason, despite his betrayal, he looks as handsome as ever. Maybe knowing that I can't have him anymore adds to his appeal. I can't say for sure. All I know is that it's rather infuriating.
He's wearing a white button-down shirt and a pair of gray jeans. There's a bouquet of daisies clutched in front of him.
I sneer down at the flowers. “You're at the wrong house.”
His brown eyes dance to the number next to the door as if second guessing himself. “I didn't get the wrong address.”
“I'm pretty sure you did.” I wrap my hand around the side of the door, thinking about slamming it in his face.
His gaze drops to the floor momentarily. “I was going to give these to you at work tomorrow, but I didn't think I could wait that long.”
I shift my weight. “It's a good thing you didn't wait because I'm not coming in tomorrow. I'm done with The Billionaires Club.”
“Done with The Billionaires Club?” he parrots, seeming shocked.
“Yes. You can consider this my official resignation.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Why? All you've ever wanted was to be the assistant director somewhere. You're not thinking about going back to work for Derrick, are you?”
The accusation in his tone makes my anger flare. “That's none of your business. You have no say in what happens in my life.”
“You are thinking of going back to him.” His shoulders slump, his entire body sulking. It's like a wave of depression has swept over him that I never expected to see.
“Would you be surprised if I did after what I saw on Friday night?”
“What you saw on Friday night?” He raises an eyebrow.
“I know what I saw, Croix.” My expression couldn't be more sarcastic if I tried.
“You know what you think you saw. You're jumping to conclusions. If you'd just let me explain.” He tries to gesture and the flowers shake in his hand. A petal drifts down to the floor from the roughness of his actions. It reminds me of how he's jostled my heart. Pain courses through me—the pain of facing him. I never knew it would sting this badly.
“You had two days to explain via text. You just left me hanging,” I say between clenched teeth.
“I did not,” he insists. “I texted you and told you that I would explain at the club with Raj. You didn't show up. That's on you.”
“That's on me?” I huff incredulously. “You're acting like I'm the one at fault.”
He raises a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. The stress on his face is palpable. “No one is at fault because no one did anything wrong.”
“I'm glad you're able to think that. I'm glad that you were so not worried about the situation that you were still able to go out for your birthday and have a good time. Obviously, what happened between us doesn't matter to you, which means that I don't matter to you.”
I start to close the door and he surges forward. “Raven, wait. That's not it. Would you just... We need to talk.”
“No, we don't,” I insist. “From where I'm standing, everything is perfectly clear. We're over, Croix.”
“Do you really want that?” He cocks his head to the side, looking desperate.
I give pause, taking a moment to think about it. If what I saw was the reality, then yes, it is what I want. I still haven't heard his explanation, though. Maybe despite his strange actions, it was innocent. There's no way for me to know unless I hear him out. I may be throwing everything away for the wrong reasons. Do I really want to do that just because I'm riled up? He did show up on my door to get me back, after all, albeit way later than I had hoped.
I sigh, casting my gaze towards the wall. “You didn't come after me when I tried to leave.”
“That's because—”
I hold my palm up to stop him. “Wait. Let me finish.”
He nods.
“You didn't come after me when I left your house. You didn't text me an explanation of what happened, even after you said it wasn't what it looked like. Needless to say, that made it look even more suspicious. You still went out for your birthday with Raj. You didn't try to contact me that night. Or the next night. No phone call. No text message. Nothing. And now you're here, crawling back at the last minute. Give me one good reason why I should take you back? One. That's the only chance you get.” I make the number one with my index finger.
“I could give you a dozen if you'd just let me explain.”
I'm annoyed, but I want to hear his logic. “Start talking.”
“I went out with Raj because I expected you to be there. I know you were angry, but I still thought you would show up.
“When you didn't, I decided to take the opportunity to vent to Raj about the situation. One drink turned into two, turned into three. You know how it is being around him. By the time I realized you weren't coming, I was already buzzed. I didn't want to show up on your doorstep with alcohol on my breath stumbling over my words. I knew what you saw looked bad. I knew you'd be pissed, and I wanted to face you with a level head.
“I didn't come over or talk to you yesterday because I was hungover. In my stress, I kind of drank too much. I know I should have at least texted you, but I didn't feel like I could handle an argument. I'm here now, though.”
Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.
I'm about twice as pissed off at him as I was before. Not only did he not come after me, he decided to go out and have a good time. I highly doubt he drowned his sorrows in booze with Raj. More than likely, they were dancing the night away. If Croix really cared, he would have wanted me with him on his birthday.
“You've fucked up one too many times. You're out of chances.” I shake my head at him as I start to close the door again.
He places his hand on the door, the flowers shaking in his other hand. Several more petals fall. I watch them drift to the floor with a stoic expression. I have to make myself as hard as steel to get through this.
“Please let me explain. Let's go out to dinner. I'll tell you everything.
“I know I didn't handle the situation as well as I could have, but I'm only human, Raven. People make mistakes. If I could have rushed after you, I would have, but it was an awkward situation. That's not how I wanted you to meet my daughter.”
“You didn't even tell me you had a daughter,” I practically spit at him.
He cowers back, removing his hand from the door. “I know, and I regret that too.”
“Why didn't you tell me about her?”
“Come to dinner with me and I'll explain everything.” He nods towards his limo.
I don't want to end up trapped with him. I could always follow him in my car, but I don't want to make a scene storming out of a restaurant if he says something I don't like either.
“Explain here. You've got fifteen minutes.”
“Can I at least come inside?” He glances past me.
Cindy has retreated to her bedroom to give us privacy. I'm thankful for that, but it also makes me feel a bit guilty.
I chew my bottom lip, thinking that this is the first time I've had someone over while Cindy is awake, and right now it's nothing but drama. Still, I shouldn't fear bringing Croix into my living space.
I exhale deeply and take a step away from the door. “Come in.”
Croix follows me to my bedroom and immediately lays the flowers down on my computer desk, probably tired of holding them for so long. If I cared about the gift, I'd get a vase, not wanting the daisies to get any more messed up than they already are. For a while, I thought there would be nothing left but stems by the time we reached the end of our conversation. That's not the case. They're still vibrant, though a bit more weathered than they were when he first presented them to me.
I pull out my computer chair and take a seat so that there's no way he can sit beside me unless it's on the floor. As predicted, Croix opts for the bed instead. He keeps his gaze to the ground, his legs slightly parted and his hands steepled together between them. He looks deep in thought.
“I'm sorry that I never told you about Beverly. I wasn't sure where things were going with us, and with you being so young, I wasn't sure how you'd react to the news of me having a child.”
I scoff. “You make me sound like a kid. I'm twenty-four years old, Croix. I know you're older. It's not farfetched to think you would have a kid.”
It was something I had wondered about when I first met him, but the fact that he never brought it up made me assume that he didn't have kids. Isn't that kind of an important thing to discuss when you start dating someone? In truth, the fault of me not knowing is partially mine since I never bothered to ask. Still, he should have felt it was his duty to inform me.
“It was wrong of me not to tell you. I know that.” He subtly taps his fingers together. “Believe it or not, there were several times when I thought about it. It just never seemed like the right time.”
I can think of at least half a dozen times that would have been the right time. Especially when we were at Disney World. What better place to bring up children than at a theme park?
“Well, now I know.”
“Yes, now you know.”
“And the woman?” I prod him for the answers that I really want. He seems to be avoiding the main issue, which is only aggravating me more. “She's Beverly's mother?”
“Yes.” Croix nods.
“You love her?” It's almost more of a statement than a question.
“She's my best friend.” He looks over at me. “Always has been.”
I quirk an eyebrow. “How does that happen? People don't usually fuck their best friends.”
“How do most things that we regret happen? Alcohol,” he lets out a short laugh.
“So if I got drunk and fucked Raj, you'd forgive me?” I say through tight lips.
He tilts his head to the side, his expression a mixture of warning and pleading. “It's not the same thing, Raven.”
“Isn't it? He's the closest thing that I have to a best friend right now.” I perk up indignantly.
“If you hadn't noticed, Beverly is six. That happened a long time ago,” his tone is laced with impatience.
I know that I'm pressing every one of his buttons. While part of me feels like it's my right to be on the offense, I know he's trying his hardest to explain things to me. So many secrets are coming out. Up until now, I didn't even know he had a best friend, though naturally, I would have assumed that his best friend is male.
“So how did it happen? Enlighten me. Tell me how you ended up in bed with your best friend.” I gesture before dropping my hand heavily onto my lap with a slapping sound.
“Do you really want to hear it?”
“That's what you came here for, isn't it?” I move my head with a bit too much attitude.
He takes a deep breath before launching into the story. “I was going through a difficult breakup at the time. Since Kenzi is my best friend, I naturally went to her for support. We ended up getting shit faced together, and I woke up in her bed. I seriously don't remember how it happened. Whatever the case, it was a mistake. She knew it. I knew it.
“We decided not to talk about it ever again. We've been friends since high school, so why let such a trivial thing ruin that, especially when we didn't have feelings for each other. It was just sex. I was vulnerable. She was horny. We couldn't take it back, so we just decided to move on from it.”
“Except it ended up not being just sex.” I try to rush the story along.
“No. It didn't.” He shakes his head. “Two months later, she tells me she's pregnant. She's anti-abortion, and I had no one else in my life at the time, so I didn't have any qualms about her wanting to keep the baby.
“Things began to change between us. Being pregnant made her needy.”
“As it does for most women,” I chime in.
He shoots me a glance that suggests I should let him finish, so I decide to keep my mouth shut until he's done.
“To make a long story short, she decided that she was in love with me. I didn't feel that way about her, though. She's like a sister to me. Just knowing we had sex still kind of weirds me out to this day.
“She accepted my lack of feelings with grace, knowing that maintaining our friendship was more important than leveraging our child to turn me into an enemy. Things slowly returned to normal. I was there when Beverly was born. I've been there ever since.
“Since she's the mother of my child and I have more money than I'll ever need, I take responsibility by financially supporting them both. That's our arrangement until she meets someone else who can take care of her. Of course, I'll still be there to financially support Beverly. Being a good father is important to me.
“That's the main reason why I didn't chase after you on Friday. I didn't want to confuse or upset Beverly. Kenzi brought her over because she wanted to see me on my birthday. It was unplanned, and I couldn't exactly kick them out. For the sake of my daughter, it was easier to let you leave and deal with our situation later. I've already explained to both of them that you're an important person in my life and that I wish you would have met them on better terms. Kenzi knows that we're together if you had any questions about that.”
Relief floods through me from his words...and also understanding. It makes sense that he wouldn't want to upset his daughter. I can only imagine that explaining a significant other to your child is difficult.
I rest my elbow on my knee, cupping my chin while I think. Everything he's said does make sense. Still, the look on Kenzi's face when they were embracing bothers me.
“She still loves you,” I tell him.
“I don't think so.”
“She does,” I insist. “I could see it on her face when I walked in on the two of you.”
He moves to the edge of the bed, reaching forward to take my hand in his. “It doesn't matter if she loves me or not. I don't love her. I love you.”
Whoa. The L word. Where did that come from? I'm completely blindsided by it, but appreciative none the less. It's something that I needed to hear to help bring me back on his side. I refuse to return the sentiment, though. I don't love him. Not yet. And I won't say it unless I mean it.
“Croix.” I turn my hand in his, rubbing his thumb between my fingers. “I can't handle any more secrets. This has to be it.”
“It is. I promise. You can ask me anything you want, and I'll answer truthfully. But as far as I know, I've got nothing else that would be detrimental to our relationship.”
Detrimental. That's a good word for it. Everything that happened on Friday was harmful. Can we really heal from this? Can I learn to trust him again after he kept such a big secret?
“I have something to tell you too,” I exhale, trying to even the playing field a little, though my secret isn't anywhere near as big as his.
“What?” His body goes rigid.
“I took another job.”
“You did?” He quirks his head back. “That was quick. How did you...” his voice trails off as he realizes the meaning of my words. This wasn't something that came about because of Friday night. It's been in the works for a while.
“The company is called Hudson Paragon Solutions. I applied for the job before I moved here,” I lie. “I never expected them to call me, especially since it took them this long to get back to me.”
“Well, you haven't started yet. It's not like you have to go in.” He shrugs.
“I don't have to, but I want to.” My stomach twists as I disclose my true feelings.
“Is it because of what's happened between us?” He inches closer, his ass on the edge of the bed.
“No.” I shake my head. “And yes. Mostly no, though.
“Working with you is admittedly stressful sometimes, but to be honest, I never pictured myself staying at The Billionaires Club long-term. It's a non-profit organization. My salary is limited by that.
“This company offered me the managing director position. They're a stable company. They've been around for nearly thirty years. The salary is almost double what I make at The Billionaires Club. I'd be an idiot to turn it down,” I word vomit out everything I can think of to make Croix see my point of view.
For a moment, I expect him to pull the Derrick card and offer to double my salary to make me stay at The Billionaires Club, but he doesn't. I'm thankful, not wanting this to be any more difficult than it already is.
“That sounds like a pretty good deal.” He pulls his hands away from me to tear one through his hair. I can tell he's not happy about the news.
“It is a good deal. And for as much as I like being around you, I really need to think about my future.”
“You've done so much good at The Billionaires Club. I'd hate to lose you,” he sounds sincere.
“Raj can step in and fill my shoes now,” I joke.
He screws his face. “I can't fuck Raj.”
“Why not? That would be kind of hot,” I laugh.
“Ew. Only in your fantasies. Sorry, love, but I don't swing that way.”
“Shame.” I grin at him.
For the first time since he stepped into my bedroom, I feel like things might be okay between us.
“So, you're not mad at me?” I ask timidly.
“No. While I'm not thrilled, I can't be angry at you for wanting better for yourself.”
“Good.”
Now that we've gotten all of that out, there's only one thing left to discuss.
“I need to tell you something else. Something less important to you but pretty stressful to me,” I say, feeling uneasiness build in the pit of my stomach again.
“What's that?” He gives me his full attention.
“The reason why I didn't want to go to The Silver Spoon when we were in California. The other reason besides Derrick.”
His expression drops as he suspects the worst. “Tell me.”
I launch into the explanation of what happened with my brother, about how I left California after my parents died because there was literally nothing left for me there. Derrick firing and dumping me was the last straw in a string of misfortune that made me want to get far, far away from the place of my misery.
“I came here on my savings. Roscoe gave me enough money to pay off my student loans, and instead of using all of it for what it was intended, I took a large chunk and used it to get me here and keep me stable until my checks from The Billionaires Club started rolling in.
“Roscoe has always been a heavy drinker. He got that from our father. He frequents The Silver Spoon when he's off work. I didn't want to chance running into him.”
“Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?” Croix asks, his tone suggesting that I could have saved us both a lot of pain if I would have been honest up front. I could say the same for him about his daughter.
“You had already jumped to conclusions. I was so angry with you, I didn't think you wanted to hear the truth.” I turn away, recalling that night with a twinge of discomfort.
“I'm sorry. You're right. I was out of line.” He deflates a little.
“Anyway,” I shake my head, bringing us back to the original subject, “I don't want to deal with him right now. He's here, though, and I doubt he'll leave before he gets to really talk to me. My only options are to wait him out or acquiesce and see what he has to say.
“I mean, I already know what he has to say. He said most of it in that letter. My response is the same. I can't forgive him right now, and I don't need the stress of dealing with him while I'm starting a new job. I think it's better if I just ignore him. The wound is still too fresh. Our parents haven't been gone for very long.
“He spent the money. Or rather, his ex-wife has it now. There's no getting back what I lost. Roscoe and I haven't been close for the past seven years. I see no reason to rekindle our relationship now.” I sigh.
“That does sound stressful. It makes me thankful that I'm an only child.”
“You are lucky.”
“Come here. You're too far away.” Croix makes grabby hands at me.
I scowl internally. While we're definitely in repair mode, it feels too soon to be getting all lovey. The sting of his secrets is still there muddying up my desire for him.
“I'm good where I'm at.”
He recoils, obviously hurt by my rejection. “I miss you. I missed you on my birthday.”
“I missed you too.” I soften a bit from his sweet words.
“It was boring without you. And miserable. Raj tried to cheer me up, but I couldn't stop sulking.”
“You should have called me.” I glance up at the ceiling as if to subtly remind him that he fucked up. All of this could have been resolved on his birthday if he had just explained things then. He created his own misery...and mine. We both suffered needlessly because of his inconsideration and stubbornness.
“I should have.” He nods.
“Well, it's over now.”
“Can I get a do-over?” He quirks an eyebrow at me.
“A do-over? What's that supposed to mean?” I give him a suspicious look.
“If I recall correctly, you had an extra special birthday present for me that I never received.” He wiggles his eyebrows, obviously talking about sex.
I can't help but smirk at how dense he is. I already rejected his first advance. What makes him think I'm going to fall for this?
“You missed out, bud.” I sock him in the arm playfully.
“Will you at least tell me what I missed out on.” He grabs the arm of my chair to roll me to him, despite the fact that I've made it clear that I want to keep my distance. For a moment, I think about rolling back into place, but that would be too bratty.
“Do you remember what I was wearing that night?” I purse my lips.
He probably doesn't. I imagine all that was going through his mind was how bad he looked getting caught hugging another woman. That and what he was going to tell his daughter about the strange lady who came to his house in a trench coat.
Croix lets out a breathy laugh and looks away. “You were naked under that trench coat, weren't you?”
“Close.” I'm admittedly surprised by the guess.
“Then I'm sure you were wearing something breathtaking.” He smiles at me, and warmth trickles through my body from the charm of it.
I squirm slightly, realizing that somehow he's managing to make me want him again. “Maybe you'll see it sometime if you're a good boy.”
“I want to see it now.” He presses his forehead against mine before giving me a chaste kiss on the lips.
He's too close. Even if I wanted to have sex with him right now—which I don't—we can't do this here.
I stroke his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb before pulling away. “Down, Tiger.”
He grabs my hand, drawing it to his mouth to kiss the back of my knuckles. “How can you possibly expect me to behave when I've missed you so badly?”
While I don't withdraw my hand from him, I keep my expression serious. “I expect you to behave because you respect me. Because you respect that I need time to heal from all of this before I can be intimate with you again.”
“I'm sorry, Raven. I truly am.” He inhales deeply.
“I know you are.” I caress his cheek. “We'll get through this. It's just going to take some time.”
He squeezes my hand gently. “I'll give you all of the time you need because you're more than worth it. My greatest fear these past few days has been losing you. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.”