I hate myself for standing Ryan up, but I just got so wrapped up in Anders that I totally forgot I was even supposed to meet him. It's not until past midnight that I remember to call him. I lie and tell him I had an emergency. He sounds bummed, but seems to understand.
Evelyn is none too pleased with me either. The following day after work, she sits me down for a stern lecture.
“I thought you were supposed to go out with Ryan,” she begins, giving me her signature motherly look.
“I was. I accidentally stood him up.” I cringe at my own words. I feel like such a horrible person.
“Flash Lightning sure got in and out last night.”
I shift uncomfortably, wondering why I'm putting up with this. She has no business getting into my sex life, even if she is my best friend.
“He said he's been on a business trip this past week. That's why he hasn't called me,” I tell her.
“Oh, bullshit. Don't tell me you're actually going to buy that nonsense.” She rolls her eyes.
“He says he has two phones, one for personal calls and one for business calls. He leaves the personal one at home when he goes on business trips.”
“Of course, he does. Because if one of his family members has an emergency, he definitely doesn't give a shit.”
I see her point, and I sulk. Am I really so stupid that I'll eat up anything he says just to keep seeing him?
“He's using you, Tessa. Can't you see that?”
“I don't think he's using me,” I say weakly, though I honestly don't believe it.
“He shows up uninvited whenever he wants, and he never sticks around longer than it takes to get his balls lit. He's using you for sex. Right, Martin, that's what guys do when they're using girls for sex?” She turns to her husband who is watching football on the sofa.
“He's using you for sex,” Martin responds absentmindedly. I doubt he's even listening to our conversation. He just mimicked her like a parrot because she asked it of him.
“Maybe he is,” I admit crossly. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. I'm so . . . addicted to him” It feels stupid to admit it. It's the truth though. I can't resist that charming smile, that ridiculously gorgeous body. Just thinking about having sex with him makes my cunt throb with want.
“Move on,” she says the words slowly, as if I'm an idiot. “Tell him you don't want to see him anymore, and move on.” She pauses briefly, “Did you know that Jeremy is back in town?”
The name sends a spike straight through my heart. “Jeremy Morris?”
“Yes. Jeremy Morris.” She nods.
I bite my bottom lip, remembering the day he broke up with me. It absolutely killed me.
“What is he doing back here?” I ask.
“He's stationed here now.”
“It doesn't matter.” I shake my head. “He'll probably be leaving again soon. And why would I care anyway? He broke up with me.”
“I just thought you might be interested to know,” she tells me, gauging my reaction.
Jeremy Morris was the man who broke my heart. I don't care that he's back in town. I don't care about him at all.
***
The next day is miserable. Evelyn's words have gotten inside my head. She's right. Who am I kidding? Anders is only using me for sex.
I text him throughout the day like an obsessed lunatic, hoping and praying that he responds, that he proves her wrong. The messages range from “Hey, what's up?” to “Want to sext?” Anything to entice him to respond. I briefly consider texting him a 911 message, but that seems a bit dramatic.
It doesn't matter what I send him though. He never texts me back.
I drive home with a scowl on my face, fully realizing he probably has no intention of texting me back. He can't possibly be on another business trip already. And even if he was, he promised he would let me know beforehand. He's a liar. A gorgeous, sinfully beautiful liar.
When I walk through the front door, a familiar voice catches me off guard. And when my eyes land on Jeremy Morris sitting on the sofa in the living room with Evelyn and Martin, I think I might have a heart attack. This is the last thing I need right now, a painful blast from the past.
“Tessa!” he says, standing to greet me with untempered enthusiasm.
“Jeremy,” I try not to stutter as I say his name.
He walks over to greet me, scooping me up in his arms and twirling me around. It's like he never left. The look he gives me crushes my heart into a million pieces. He seems so happy to see me, and all I can think about is the day he broke up with me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask hesitantly, trying not to sound offensive.
“Evelyn invited me over.” He grins at her in appreciation.
I cast a scowl over his shoulder before he has a chance to look back at me and see. By the time he turns around, I'm all fake smiles again.
“You look amazing,” he tells me, leaning back to take in the view.
“Thanks. So do you,” I reply nervously. The army motif fits him well. His blonde hair is buzzed down to nothing, but it compliments his long face and square jaw. He's as handsome as ever, his big blue eyes looking at me with appreciative wonder.
“I've missed you.”
Just hearing him say those words makes me want to cry. How can he say that when he's the one who left me? He shouldn't be allowed to miss me.
“I've missed you too,” I mutter.
“We should go out together and catch up.”
I don't think it's a good idea, but I still say, “I'd like that.”
***
“How could you do that to me?” I growl at Evelyn when he finally leaves.
Both her and Martin are beaming from ear to ear. This was all planned. I can tell.
“You were happy to see him,” she says matter-of-factually.
“No, I wasn't,” I insist. “My life is complicated enough as it is without Jeremy being thrown in the mix.”
“There's nothing complicated about it, Tessa.” Evelyn rolls her eyes at me. “That Ryan guy obviously wasn't doing the trick for you, so I figured your old flame might rekindle the fire you've been missing.”
The fire I've been missing? What in the hell is wrong with her?
“I don't need my fire rekindled. I need my fire to die,” I say bitterly.
“He still has feelings for you, you know.”
“Then he shouldn't have dumped me.” I cross my arms over my chest, glaring at her.
“He didn't know what to expect. He was scared. I think he knows he made a mistake.”
“Are you a fucking psychic now?” I arch an eyebrow at her.
She sighs, tired of my attitude, “Just go out with him, okay. You guys might have fun together. Heaven forbid he makes you forget about Flash Lightning.”
Heaven forbid.
***
“I can't believe Evelyn won the lottery,” Jeremy comments over his cup of coffee. “That's like . . . I didn't even think it was possible, really.”
“I know, right,” I laugh. For as much as I was hesitant to come out and meet him, being with Jeremy makes me feel . . . Well, it makes me feel things I shouldn't feel. Hope. Love?
Did I ever stop loving him? No. It was he who stopped loving me. He who broke up with me. I have to remember that. I can't allow myself to get my hopes up. There have been way too many let downs in my life lately.
“The house they bought is nice. How long are you planning on staying with them?” he asks.
I know the comment wasn't meant to, but it makes me feel like a burden to Evelyn and Martin. Just another reminder that it's time for me to strike out on my own.
“I'm going to save up a few paychecks and then get my own apartment,” I tell him before taking a long sip of my beverage. Mmm Chai tea. It makes me think of the days before everything got complicated, when Jeremy and I were college sweet hearts, and we used to hang out in coffee shops on the weekends after long nights of studying. He was always so perfect back then. We were perfect together. Then he decided to ruin everything by joining the army.
“So, are you dating anyone now?” He looks away when he asks me, as if he fears my answer will hurt him.
Briefly, I think about Anders. Are him and I dating? No, we're just fucking, I decide. It's not the same thing. If we were dating, he'd return my damned text messages.
“No,” I reply finally, though I have no interest in asking him the same. If he's dated or slept with someone else, I don't want to know.
“Have you been with anyone since you and I were last together?” He stirs his coffee before taking a drink, acting completely nonchalant about the inappropriate questions he's asking me. This isn't normal conversation. It's more of an interrogation.
“Jeremy.” I shift uncomfortably in my chair, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Of course, I mean it doesn't matter if you have. I didn't expect you to wait for me.”
“You broke up with me, remember.” This entire conversation has taken an awkward turn. I really don't want to talk about this, but if he's going to bring it up, we might as well get it out of the way.
“I remember.” He frowns. “And I regret it more than anything in my entire life.”
Our eyes meet, and it's like a floodgate of emotion opens up. Everything I've ever felt for him comes rushing back. I want to draw him into my arms, to feel his lips against mine, to lay in his protective embrace. I want to make love to him like we used to and sit under the stars together and talk about our dreams for the future.
We already had that though. He ruined it. Saying he wants me back doesn't automatically make everything better.
“How do you feel about us?” he asks, capturing my full attention.
My reflex is to say that there is no us. I manage to hold my tongue though. Instead, I say, “I don't know.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his, startling me. His blue eyes captivate me as he speaks. “I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I also know that a lot has happened since we last saw each other, both in your life and in mine. But I want you to know that I've never stopped loving you. And if you'd just give me the chance, I'd like to fix things. Can we start over? Will you give me the chance to make things better between us?”
My heart is pounding, my mind a fit of confusion. He's everything I've missed, everything that used to be perfect to me.
“I can try.”