CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It's a warning—a very cryptic warning. He wanted me to come to Fleshfest, to see into his world, to be with him. But now he's trying to push me away. In very few words, he's telling me that he's going to hurt me.
That's an understatement. He's already hurt me. A lot. Time and time again. Every time I'm with him, I end up getting hurt. Why do I feel the need to keep coming back, then?
Surprisingly, I don't cry. I leave him without looking back. My eyes are forward, wide, blank, empty. It feels like my heart is dead, but my brain is on overdrive.
I make people beautiful, but I also destroy beautiful people. Does that mean he's officially done with me? Are we over? Was that goodbye sex? It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. We were having so much fun together. Why would he push me away at the last minute? Was it because I asked about the girl?
I'm tired of trying to decode the mystery that's Lucian Reddick. More than that, I'm just plain tired.
The first thing I do when I get into my apartment is text Janice to let her know that I rode home with Lucian. Then I jump into the shower and wash his seed out of me. The numb feeling has returned—my coping mechanism for his little slight. I'm building the defensive fort around my heart again, but I'm not even sure if I need it anymore.
When I finish with my shower, I try to go to bed, but my mind is racing too much. Eventually, I decide to get up and wait for Janice to return. The best thing I can do to distract myself is to watch television, so I turn on Comedy Central and try to lull myself into a false sense of happiness with a funny TV show. It doesn't work very well. Then again, I never should have expected that it would.
It isn't until almost three in the morning that Janice comes stumbling in. Literally stumbling. She's so drunk that I'm absolutely furious that she didn't call a taxi.
“What in the hell is wrong with you?” I chastise her as she starts stripping off her dress in front of me.
“What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?” she slurs.
Oh no, she's crossed the line from friendly drunk into aggressive bitch drunk. I need to tread carefully, lest things turn ugly.
“Here, let me help you.” I move to pick her clothes up off of the floor.
“Thanks.” She makes her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
“So, did you have a good time at least?”
“Good time?” She looks over the bar at me as if she doesn't understand English. Then her head jerks back in an exaggerated gesture. “Of course, I had a good time. Fleshfest was awesome. You should have been there. They had people on silk ropes and tattoo artists and a guy doing needle play.”
“I was there,” I grumble.
“Where'd you go? What happened to that guy? You know, the one with the really blue eyes.” She points at me as she walks out of the kitchen to come sit on the sofa.
“He's the one I left with.” I rub my eye and blink a few times. I think an eyelash fell into it.
“He was really pretty.” Janice rests her head against me. “You should fuck him.”
“I did.”
“You did? Congratulations!” She hugs me, and it smells like Mardi Gras inside her mouth.
“Don't congratulate me yet. Nothing good came out of it.” I sulk.
“What do you mean? You went to Fleshfest to get the guy, and you got the guy, didn't you?” She gestures obnoxiously.
“Not exactly.” I really wish she was sober. I could use a friendly ear right now.
“Talk to me. Tell me all your woes.”
“Maybe in the morning when you're sober.” I give her a weak smile.
“I drank way too much to be sober in the morning.” She sways back and forth, and I wonder how long it will be before she's praying to the porcelain goddess.
“And what about your Sir? Did you guys do anything?” I decide to divert her attention from me by talking about her.
“Sir made my ass nice and pretty and pink,” she chirps.
“Yeah. I know. I saw.” I try not to scowl. “I mean, did you have sex?”
“Sex, in public,” she grunts. “Mister Blue Eyes is turning you into a perv.”
I roll my eyes at her. “I'm going to take that as a no, then.”
“No, we didn't have sex. I wanted to, but there were so many people. I didn't want to bother him. I was kind of hoping he would invite me back to his house after Fleshfest was over, but he didn't. Some other people did though. I was going to go with them, but I didn't know them, and I didn't think I'd be able to find my way back home.”
“Smart move.” I gently rake my fingers through her long blonde hair.
“Are you going to see him again, that guy?”
“I suppose I will. I have to for work.” I shrug, not really excited about it.
“Sir says he's got a really troubled past. Maybe it's best if you don't get involved with him.”
“What?” My ears perk up at the realization that Janice has some information on Lucian that I'd probably want to know.
“Sir. They're buddies, you know. At Flesh.” She looks at me as if I'm stupid.
“Yeah. I know.” I shake my head, frustrated at how ditzy drinking makes her. “You said he knows something about Lucian, about his past.”
Janice opens her mouth to speak, but then she burps instead, and the burp quickly rolls into her covering her mouth and standing to head to the bathroom. I panic as I flank her side, rushing with her to the toilet to hold back her hair while she empties the contents of her stomach into it. It looks like she drank a rainbow. Reds and greens and blues spew out of her mouth like a layered daiquiri. It takes everything in me not to wretch from seeing it.
As horrible as it sounds, I can hardly wait for her to stop puking so that she can tell me about Lucian. I feel like I'm on the cusp of finding out why he is the way that he is. I just need her to finish throwing up so that she can talk.
“Are you alright?” I ask when the heaving subsides.
There are tears streaming down her face and drool on the corners of her lips. If Lucian could only see her now, then I doubt he'd be as turned on by her as he was before. Then again, she is practically naked now. That might make a difference.
I push my jealous thoughts aside and stand to wet a washcloth to wipe her face with. She is my best friend, after all, and I need to take care of her.
“You said that Lucian has a troubled past.” I wring the water out of the washcloth. “What did your Dom tell you about him?”
Janice looks up at me blankly. Then her eyes roll to the back of her head, and she passes out. I kneel to catch her, but I'm a bit too late. After shaking her a few times, I realize that there's no way she's going to regain consciousness again for at least several more hours. As carefully as I can, I force her arm around my neck and help her to her bedroom, placing a trash basket next to her bed. It looks like I'm going to have to wait to find out the dirt on Lucian, and I have a feeling it's going to be really bad.