CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
You're afraid of me. Of this. And that's okay because I'm scared too.
I'm desperately afraid. Afraid of falling for the wrong man. Afraid of being hurt again. He has hurt me so much. He's capable of hurting me a lot more. I know this, but after hearing about his wife and child and all of those beautiful confessions, I'm willing to take the chance. I'm willing to give whatever this is a chance.
He kisses my neck softly as he unbuttons the front of my blouse, and I crane my head back, moaning softly, thinking about how I thought I would never feel his sweet lips on me again. Yet here we are. It only took a matter of minutes for him to destroy my resolve completely. I hate that he's capable of that. It makes me feel like a failure. I don't want to think about that right now though. I just want to think about him—about being with him like this.
His fingertips brush my shoulder as he pushes my shirt down over my arms. I try to wiggle free from it, but then his palms wrap around the sleeves of my shirt, and he uses it to pull my arms back. Immediately, I'm reminded of his obsession with control. When I look up at him, his eyes are dark. All of those wonderful things I thought I saw before are still there, but there's a hint of familiarity. I know that his mind is drifting to dominant places. He can't just love me like a normal man would. He has to own me.
“Lucian,” I whisper only seconds before his mouth crashes down onto mine.
The romantic part of him goes away, and the carnal part comes out to play. While I enjoy that part of him, it's not what I need right now to feel connected to him. I'm worried that I might lose him to the side of him that's consumed by lust.
I pull away from the kiss, turning my head, and he seizes the opportunity to kiss down my neck instead. He lets go of the sides of my shirt, allowing his hands to slip to my waist and draw me against him again.
Lucian threads his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck, pulling my head back further, almost painfully so, to give him more leverage. His kisses are rough, deep and biting. I wince when he clips my skin with his teeth, cry out when he sucks a little too hard.
“Lucian,” I say his name again, trying to remove the needy sound from it. He looks at me, his breath already a bit ragged. “Not so hard.”
“I thought you liked it hard.”
“I do, but not all the time.” I smile shyly. “A girl likes a bit of romance.”
“Romance?” He arches an eyebrow.
“Yes. Romance.” I lightly claw down his chest, causing him to visibly shiver. When I glance down between us, I can see that his cock is straining against his pants.
“I haven't done romance in a very long time.” He presses his forehead against mine.
“Not since her, I bet.” I nod towards one of the pictures. It feels like I'm purposely trying to sabotage the mood, like there's still a thread of uncertainty inside of me that wants to steer us away from sex. This wasn't supposed to happen tonight. I was supposed to walk away, to never want him again.
“No. Not since her.” He draws his tongue across his bottom lip.
“You know, we don't have to do this tonight. We can just talk.” I make lazy circles with my fingertip over his heart.
“Talk. Is that really what you want to do?” I can hear the grin in his voice. “I think I've talked enough for the both of us already.” He takes a step forward, even though there's barely enough space for it.
When he dips to kiss my neck, I know that talking isn't at all what's on his mind. Why should I have expected anything different? This is who he is. All sex. Well, mostly sex. To say he's all about sex wouldn't be quite fair. But close enough.
His hands roam my curves. He gives a small tug to the back of my shirt and slips it off the rest of the way. Apparently, he has taken my words to heart because some of the heat has died down from his actions.
His kisses are gentle, trailing down my neck and over my shoulder. He entwines his fingers with my bra straps and pulls them down a little, as if he can't stand not to kiss that small strip of skin that they cover. My hands begin to move down his sides, lower and lower, each hard line of muscle working like a wire connecting us, sending electricity straight to my core.
His mouth finds the slope of my breasts. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face between them, which makes me blush madly.
When his hands slip behind me to begin unfastening my bra, I wiggle my fingers down the front of his pants, using the V of his hips as an entry point. I tug at his pants lazily, trying to figure out how to get them off when he's so all over me.
“You're not wearing underwear,” I mumble.
“Does that bother you?” He pulls my bra forward and slides it down over my shoulders before tossing it aside.
“There's not much for me to unwrap.” I smirk.
He rubs my back gently, resting his head on my shoulder. “It's not like you haven't seen it all before.”
“I suppose not.” I press my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
His body tenses for a moment. “So what are you going to tell your boyfriend?”
I'm surprised he'd even bring it up. And for a moment, I think that he purposely did so that he could try to scare me away, much like he tried to do in the limo after we left Fleshfest. That happened after we had sex though. It doesn't make sense to me that he wouldn't try to get what he wanted first.
I pull away from him a bit. In truth, I feel horrible about doing this to Derrick. We're not actually dating, but he's going to be so pissed. He'll tell me that I should have been smarter than to fall for Lucian's bullshit again. Is it bullshit though?
My eyes wander over Lucian's face. He looks incredibly serious, completely pulled out of the moment, as if the answer actually matters to him.
I take a deep breath and then exhale, embarrassed that I went so far as to lie to try to get him to leave me alone. “There is no boyfriend.” I lay my palm flat against his chest, staring at my fingers, unable to look at him. I don't even want to imagine his expression. More than likely, it's mocking or amused or something else that will make me feel terrible.
“I'm glad.” He kisses me on the forehead before drawing me into his arms again.
I blink a couple of times in disbelief. He actually sounds relieved. It only makes my magnetism towards him grow stronger.
“Would you have stopped if I really was dating Derrick?” I ask apprehensively.
“I suppose you'll never know, now will you?” There's the smile I had expected, but since it came after the fact, I'm not so upset with him about it.
“You're kind of a jerk.” I tap his chest before pulling away from him and turning around.
“I'm very aware of that.” He follows, sliding an arm around my waist and another across my chest to draw me back against him. His lips are on my neck in an instant, his hot breath causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I can feel his dick pressing hard against my ass, and my clit pulses in approval. I want it inside of me. I won't be leaving here tonight until I've felt him inside of me. I know that without a doubt now.
The hand that was clutching me around the waist moves down to find the zipper of my skirt. All the while, Lucian's mouth never leaves me. I moan softly as he kisses me and undresses me at the same time. He's very talented at multitasking, I think with a mischievous grin playing across my face.
Once my skirt hits the floor, I step out of it and then turn to face him again. I expect him to take me into his arms, to kiss me like he means everything that's happened in the last several minutes, but instead, he immediately grabs the sides of my underwear and kneels in front of me as he pulls it down ever so slowly.
My self-consciousness gets the better of me—probably because he's eye level with my chubby stomach—and I use my hands to cover myself as best I can, placing one across my stomach and the other over my mound, even though I know he's going to gripe at me for it. He gazes up at me from the floor, and my mind flips to an insane place. It looks like he's about to propose. That's definitely not going to happen though. Wishful thinking that's completely misplaced.
As expected, he reaches up to move my hands away. I screw my face as I give resistance, my anxiety rising.
“Amy,” his voice is deep and warning.
“You're way too close to my stomach,” I grumble.
“I love your stomach.” He kisses the back of my fingers since I refuse to move them. “I love every part of you.”
Love is such a strong word. I wonder if he even realizes what he's saying.
“Well, I don't. And I'd prefer if you didn't look at me like that.” I close my eyes so that I don't have to see him being exposed to all of my flaws.
He stands finally, surrendering to the fact that I'm not giving in. Even though he's seen my body in its pudgy glory multiple times already, there's always a little voice in the back of my mind telling me that he hates what he sees and that I'm not good enough.
“Come here.” He slides a hand around my waist, gazing down at me, his dark hair falling in front of his eyes and making him look super sexy.
“I'm sorry,” I mutter.
“It's fine.” He walks me backwards towards the bed. “We're just going to have to do something I know you like, then.”
“I like a lot of things.” Just not you staring at my jelly rolls.
“I know you do.” He picks me up and sets me on the bed in one fluid motion, causing me to gasp in surprise.
“I hate it when you do that.” I furrow my brow though I'm not really angry.
“Why?” He kneels between my legs, a gorgeous smile splitting his lips and showing rows of perfectly white teeth, teeth that are very prone to biting. Just thinking about it makes my cheeks grow warm. That, and the fact that he's tummy level with me again. And even worse, that I'm sitting down now, so my stomach is definitely rolling.
“Eyes up here.” I put two fingers under his chin, keeping his attention fixed on my face.
He only honors my wishes for a split second though. I cringe as he places his hands on my legs, spreading them a bit wider before he leans down to kiss my inner thigh. I might actually enjoy it if I wasn't so self-conscious. Desperate to try to find some middle ground, I decide to lay back on the bed. Not only will it make my stomach look flatter, but I won't have to see what he's doing.
I expect him to protest, but he doesn't. Instead, he runs the blade of his tongue up my inner thigh, reaching the V between my legs before kissing a path back down. I exhale deeply, not even realizing that I was holding my breath on his ascent. My core throbs needily, wanting his mouth there, knowing that it won't be long before he finds that tiny spot that drives me wild.
“Hook your legs around my shoulders,” Lucian tells me.
I strain to look at him as I do what I'm told, not wanting to accidentally hurt him. Once my legs are on his shoulders, I try to hook my feet around his neck, accidentally drawing him closer to my sex.
“Someone is eager,” he teases.
“Sorry.” I cover my face with both hands, utterly mortified.
“Don't be.”
Before I even have a chance to recover, I feel his tongue slicking around my cleft. I gasp and buck my hips, the muscles in my legs tensing, pulling his face even closer to my pussy. I think to apologize again, but when I open my mouth, the only thing that comes out is a long moan as he wraps his lips around my sensitive bud and sucks until tiny contractions spring to the surface, threatening to dropkick me right over the edge of my first orgasm.
“Lucian,” I cry out his name, resting my head back against the comforter. My hands move to grope my tits, my fingers closing around already perked nipples to give just that little bit of added stimulation I need to have an incredible climax.
Lucian peeks over my mound. “I think you were more ready for this than you let on.”
“Don't stop,” I breathe, barely able to concentrate on anything other than the receding pleasure from the withdrawal of his mouth.
“You always taste so good down here.” He slips his hand between my legs and makes lazy circles around my clit with his index finger.
“You're such a tease,” I grumble, feeling like I'm about to pitch a fit if he doesn't continue.
“You like it.” He trails the finger down to my slit, softly probing at the surface.
“It drives me crazy.” I dramatically turn my head to the other side, my hair flipping and landing on my face. My body is all pent-up sexual frustration. I feel unbelievable wet and wanton and on the verge of pouncing on him. Why does he have to move so tortuously slow?
The heat of his breath wafts across my folds, making me shiver. I feel the rough flat of his tongue make a slow sweep across my clit, his finger probing a bit deeper. I whimper in horny discontent, the heat between my legs almost searing, the throbbing need almost unbearable.
“Lucian, please.”
“Please what?” His lips close around my core and his tongue lashes out to flick across it, driving me back up again. At the same time, he jams his finger into me, followed by a second. My back arches and one of my hands flies into his hair, not caring how pathetically desperate I'm acting. I need to come. Now. No more playing. “Oh God!”
He lets up again, and I think I might scream. It takes everything in me not to grab him by the hair and shove his face back down between my legs. His fingers still inside of me and I clamp my pussy around them, hoping it will somehow motivate him to...do something.
“You're so fucking hot right now.” He kisses my mound.
“I'm so sexually frustrated right now,” I growl.
“Good. I like seeing you like this.” If he ever looked any more pleased than he does right now, I can't remember a time.
“If you're not going to make me come, then you should...” I hesitate on the word 'fuck'. It sounds so crude. There's a part of me that doesn't care anymore though. I know he wants to hear it. I know it will please him, make him finish what he started. “You should fuck me.”
“Should I?” He begins moving his fingers in and out of me slowly. It does little to soothe the aching between my legs.
“You're absolutely horrible.” I curl my fingers into the comforter.
“If I remember correctly, when you came here, you didn't want to have sex with me.”
“Oh God, Lucian.” I cover my face with my hands. “Don't use that against me. You're getting what you wanted.”
“Don't make it sound like you're not getting what you wanted too,” there's a hint of warning in his voice.
Before I have a chance to respond, his mouth is drawing me to that heavenly place again. I pant as his lips close around me. His fingers work harder into me, moving effortlessly with the lubrication that my body provides. I hiss and close my eyes and pray to every God out there that he doesn't stop this time.
Thankfully, he doesn't stop. His mouth nibbles and sucks and teases, making me feel like a paraglider riding the wind up and down until I crash so hard that the earth seems to crumble around me. My fingertips quickly move to pinch and tweak my nipples, intensifying my orgasm. I'm all moans and breathlessness by the time Lucian pulls away and gently puts his hands on my legs to unhook them from around his neck.
When I finally open my eyes, he's standing over me smirking. It makes me feel exposed.
“What?” I grunt at him.
“You.” He slides his pants down over his hips, his gorgeous cock springing forth and standing straight at attention. I watch it bob as he moves, licking my lips, wondering what it tastes like.
“What about me?”
“I could feel your legs tense when you orgasmed.”
“So?” I scrunch up my nose.
“So, it was kind of cute.” He shrugs before pulling himself up onto the bed beside me.
“My orgasm was cute?” I try to process what he's saying. It just doesn't compute.
“Come here.” He moves higher up on the bed, and I roll around and follow him, crawling on my hands and knees.
He has his legs spread as if he wants me to sit between them. My eyes are zeroed in on his crotch though. As soon as I reach him, I find myself dropping down to my elbows and looking up at him.
“Hi,” he says nonchalantly.
“Hi,” I reply, sticking out my index finger to rub the tip of his cock.
“Careful,” he hisses as if my touch burned him.
“Sensitive?” I slick my finger over the small bead of pre-come that's starting to gather and stick it in my mouth. He tastes musky and salty, as most men do.
“Fuck, Amy. You're so sexy.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you have perfect balls.” I sit up beside him and wrap my hand around his shaft, lazily stroking it. It feels like warm steel beneath my fingers, so amazingly hard.
“Perfect balls, huh?” he lets out a short laugh.
“Yes. You don't have all of that extra sack skin that a lot of guys have.”
He laughs so hard that he falls over on the bed, causing me to jerk my hand away from him. For some reason, his reaction makes me feel embarrassed, like I said something wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.
After a minute, he sits up and nods, an ear to ear grin plastered across his face. “No, I've never been told that I have perfect balls before.”
“Yeah. Well, you do.” I wrap my arms around myself.
“Come here.” He motions for me to sit between his legs. I do, though my mood has faltered a little.
Lucian wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck. I can feel his cock pressing hard against my back. It feels kind of weird. Even more weird to be sitting in his bed like this cuddling.
It's not cuddling for long though. Soon, his hands are wandering again. They slip around my sides to grope my breasts, two small handfuls. He splays his fingers so that my nipples fall between them, then he pinches and pulls them, causing a shiver to ignite the spark between my legs again.
I place my hands on his forearms, feeling the strong muscles flex as his hands tease and explore. I lean back against him, inhaling the scent of his cologne, happy that I'll smell like him after we're done. It will be a reminder of what happened tonight, of all the sweet things he said and did that were completely unexpected.
I turn my head towards him, and he takes the queue to find my lips, kissing me as the roughness of his touch increases. His cock throbs against my back, and it makes me regret getting too embarrassed to give him the blowjob that I was planning on. Oh well, his loss. That's what he gets for laughing at me. A thick, pent-up, twitching cock. My mouth waters thinking about it, thinking about how he tasted.
I think about going for it again. For as many times as he's eaten me out, the guy has earned at least one blowjob, even if it's a quickie. But as soon as I start to turn, Lucian maneuvers himself in front of me.
I grab his cock, my palm sliding down the velvety length, but he pulls out of my grasp, crawling over me like a predator. I'm forced down on my back, his gaze locked onto mine. He's ready for sex. I could feel it when I was sitting in front of him, and I can definitely see it in his eyes.
When I'm flat on my back, Lucian leans over to open the bedside table drawer. My heart sinks as I realize that he's back in BDSM mode. Everything we've done together tonight has been amazing and wonderful. Maybe I can give a little. Compromise. Allow him to throw a pinch of kink into a night that's been fairly romantic.
When I see him pull out a length of rope though, stubbornness sets in. If it had been anything else, I might have considered it. Not this.
“No.” I place my hand on his arm before he has a chance to close the drawer.
“No?” He looks at me as if I've just insulted him.
“No.” I shake my head. “Not tonight.”
He seems contemplative for a moment, staring down at me with an expression that suggests there's some kind of internal debate raging within him. Then he finally sets the rope aside before returning to me.
I sigh in relief, worried for a moment that we were about to get into an argument over it. He relented though, and for once I'm going to get my way. For the first time since we met at Flesh, tonight seems all about me.
Lucian kisses me as he positions himself between my legs. I spread my thighs to give him easier access, ready to have him inside of me. His glans presses against my entryway, and I hold my breath as he pushes into me, connecting us as one.
I close my eyes as his lips move down to my neck, his hips sinking deep, causing me to gasp from being painfully filled. It only lasts for a fraction of a second before it melts into pleasure as my body adjusts to his girth. He moves slowly, and it's exquisite to feel every centimeter of him.
I moan softly, expecting him to pick up the pace. He takes my hands in his, holding them above my head and curling our fingers together. It feels like another form of bondage, but I don't complain. His lips find mine, and he kisses me again and again and again as he continues to move on top of me. Steady, slowly, rhythmically.
He presses his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. It looks like he's really into what he's doing, as if he's actually taking the time to enjoy every small sensation that comes from being entwined with me so intimately. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. A feeling that swells my heart and makes me melt and heightens my pleasure.
For once, he's not fucking me. He's making love to me.
***
To be completely honest, after the first few times that I had sex with Lucian, I thought I was completely ruined from ever enjoying love making again. The sweet slow motion of two bodies meeting never seemed to make me orgasm. Lucian's carnal fucking always did. The friction of his cock pumping into me and his pubic bone rubbing against my clit had a way of driving me to climax every single time. It was amazing. Dizzying, even. Nothing had ever felt so good.
I lay beneath Lucian, thinking about the surrealness of the situation. All around us are pictures of his dead wife and child. They're watching us. They're seeing him with me like this. Maybe not literally, but it feels like it.
He has confessed that he has feelings for me...of some sort, and now he's proving it. He's giving me the romance I told him I wanted. And he's far better at it than I think he gives himself credit for.
I practically purr as I enjoy the feeling of his big cock spreading me. Seeing him move on top of me, knowing that he's doing his best to make me happy, knowing that he's enjoying it, stimulates my hormones to an almost unbelievable level. Even though he's not jackhammering into me, I can still feel the familiar throbbing sensation between my thighs. It won't be long before I come again.
I hook my legs around Lucian's hips and hold him against me, moaning softly into his ear as he picks up the pace ever so slightly. The sound of his labored breathing only makes my core pulse more. He grinds heavily into me, his pubic bone drawing long strokes across my clit. I feel so overwhelmed with pleasure and happiness that wetness comes to my eyes. Tears of joy. I feel like an idiot for crying right now, but I just can't help it. This is what I wanted from him all along. All of this.
I hold my breath as each thrust pushes me closer to the edge. Lucian kisses my neck and his body passes the threshold of gentle for a few quick seconds. I cry out, my nails digging into his back as the world dissolves around us and all I see is everything we could be together. It's an orgasm on both a physical and emotional level, something I've never experienced before.
He presses deeply into me, giving a few shallow thrusts. I can feel his dick swelling and twitching and spilling into me. It makes me want to hold him even tighter against me, but I don't think that's possible. We're so connected that there's no space between us. My hips are bucked up to meet him, drinking everything in. I can feel his rapid heartbeat pounding against my chest. It's amazing. Incredible. Unbelievable. I don't ever want it to end. Not ever.
I lick my lips and then kiss his face, holding it in my hands, making sure I don't miss an inch of skin. His forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, his chin. The small bit of stubble feels funny against my mouth, but I don't mind much. This is me taking in all of him.
When I'm done, he gives me a quick peck on the lips before rolling off of me. We lay there together for several moments, just breathing and staring up at the ceiling. There's a giddy feeling swirling inside of me that's pushing at the surface. Even though we just had sex, I feel like I have enough energy to run around the world. I want to get up and jump up and down and whoop as if I've just conquered the greatest feat ever. Maybe I have, because I think I might have conquered Lucian Reddick's heart. At least, I hope I did.
With my breathing finally calm, I roll over to cuddle Lucian. Almost the second that I do, he sits up to get out of bed. My heart sinks so hard that I think it might have left my body. This is his classic after sex dismissiveness. The happy tears that were streaming down my face only moments ago turn to sorrow and shame. He's about to kick me out.
I draw my legs up to my chest and hug them, watching him, waiting for him to get dressed and tell me to leave. He doesn't put his pants back on, but he does head toward the door, not even bothering to look back at me.
“Lucian,” I call to him before he has a chance to disappear.
“Yeah?” He turns back to me.
“Where are you going?” I absolutely loathe how pathetic I sound. Right now though, I feel about as fragile as a thin piece of porcelain being handled by a rowdy child.
“I'm going to get us some water. I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty.” He wipes a thin sheen of sweat from his brow.
“Oh.” I cower a bit, though I don't know why. This doesn't mean he's not going to kick me out immediately after we're hydrated.
Perhaps he sees the concerned look on my face because he walks back into the room and sits beside me, reaching a hand out to rub my back. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” My face sinks behind my arms. “No,” I admit.
“What's wrong?”
“Would you like for me to leave? After we drink our water, of course.” I do my best not to sound pitiful, but it doesn't work too well.
His head cocks back a bit. “No. What would make you think that?”
“Never mind.”
Lucian places his hand on me knee. “I'm going to go get us some water, and then we're going to take a shower.”
“Together?”
“Yes. Together.” He grins, brushing a strand of hair away from my eyes. “And then I'm going to hold you hostage all night. You're going to fall asleep in my bed and wake up in my arms.”
“Really?” My mood perks up from his romantic words.
“Really.” He kisses me on the forehead before standing. “I'm parched. I'll be right back.”
“Alright.” My body relaxes as I watch him go, my legs flattening out on the bed.
Maybe things will work out for us after all.