CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
My heart is heavy as I sit in my apartment waiting for Lucian. I've been leaning against the back of the sofa, staring at the door for the past twenty minutes. Not so much staring at it as looking through it, not seeing it, my mind somewhere else. Mistake, it keeps saying. I should not have given him this chance. Nothing good will come from it.
I wish that Janice was home so that I could talk to her, but I already know what she would say. She'd try to convince me not to go out with him. She'd tell me everything that I'm already thinking. Lucian Reddick is bad for me. He's like a disease to my heart, slowly chipping away at my soul until he destroys me completely.
I shouldn't have felt sorry for him. I shouldn't have felt the slightest twinge of sympathy for his situation. People have bad things happen to them all the time—horrible things. Every day someone in the world loses someone important to them. People die, they get murdered, they have accidents. Those who are left behind choose how to deal with that loss. Most cope well enough. Then there are those like Lucian. Those who lose themselves because something inside of them is already broken, the part that understands how to properly cope with loss.
I sigh. Perhaps I'm judging him too harshly. Maybe I'm just being bitter because his coping mechanism has hurt me over and over again. I've been a victim of him being a victim of circumstance. It's not fair, but life often isn't.
And now I'm standing here, preparing to subject myself to more of the same treatment. Actions speak louder than words, and I honestly don't have much faith that he can change. This was never what I wanted, a man like him. But I was never what he wanted either, from the way he spoke about us at Flesh. Oil and water. Water and oil. You can stir them together until your hand cramps, but the two will never mix. Maybe I should call and cancel our date. Would he answer his phone then?
Just as I think of it, there's a knock on the door. My heart leaps into my throat, and I push myself off of the sofa, quickly smoothing my skirt before taking long strides towards the door. I didn't even bother changing out of what I was wearing earlier today. I don't care if he plans to take me to the nicest restaurant in town, I want him to see that my interest in him is practically dead. The part of me that cared about him is drying up faster than a puddle on a hot day.
I grit my teeth, unpleasant tightness assaulting my chest as I open the door. A bouquet of daisies is thrust into my face, and I scoff before my eyes land on the face delivering them. The tightness in my chest triples, and tremors of panic assault me.
Derrick.
He's wearing an Armani suit and a smile.
“Hey, Sugartits.” He pushes the flowers into my arms and then welcomes himself into my apartment.
I stand there with my mouth agape, trying to process what's going on. Lucian will be here anytime now. This is not good.
“D-Derrick,” I stumble over his name, quickly shutting the door behind him and pressing my back against it. “What a surprise.”
“A good one, I hope.” He glances over his shoulder at me before going to the kitchen to rummage under the sink for a vase. He knows my apartment so well that I'd be amused if I weren't absolutely horrified that he and Lucian will probably be crossing paths again very shortly at the worst of times.
“Your timing sucks so bad.” I exhale deeply, trying to push some of the stress out with my breath though it doesn't work.
“I just wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting lately. It was totally unnecessary. Consider this a peace offering.” He gestures for me to bring the flowers over.
It takes everything in me to push myself away from the door. For some reason, I feel like as soon as I walk away from it, Lucian will knock, and then this pleasant exchange will turn into a nightmare all over again.
“You shouldn't have.” I hand him the flowers. And boy do I mean it. While I'm happy to see him, I'd be leagues happier if it were any other time but now.
“I didn't feel like an apology was good enough.” He pulls a pair of scissors out of one of the drawers and starts clipping the stems of the flowers before pulling the rubber band off of the bouquet and sticking them in the vase to begin arranging them.
“I'm sorry too.” I lean against the counter, suddenly feeling guilty for wanting to shoo him away. Seeing him like this, the old Derrick that I've always had friendly affection for, I realize just how much I've missed him. Now I really wish I could cancel on Lucian. Maybe it's not too late. “Can you give me a minute?” I make a one with my finger, then turn from him to pull my phone out of my purse.
My hand is shaking as I quickly type out a text message to Lucian. “I'm sorry, Lucian. I've changed my mind. I really don't think that the two of us are a good idea. It was—”
Knock! Knock!
My shoulders practically cramp with tension when I hear the metal knocker clanging against the door. I gasp as my phone falls from my hand and busts apart when it hits the floor, the battery compartment and battery going one way and the phone itself going another. I bend over to retrieve the pieces only seconds before Derrick flashes by my peripheral vision. I don't think I've ever straightened myself faster, but by the time I reach Derrick, it's too late. He pulls the door open and is met by an older gentleman in a driver's outfit. It's the same guy who watched Lucian and I have sex in the limo.
The chauffeur looks at Derrick, then over Derrick's shoulder at me. “Miss Underwood, Doctor Reddick is waiting for you downstairs.”
I can almost feel the heat coming off of Derrick's back. I know that he's pissed. Why wouldn't he be? I chose Lucian over him. Not this time though.
“Tell Doctor Reddick that I've changed my mind,” I say in my most assertive tone. “I won't be having dinner with him tonight, or any other night, for that matter.”
“Amy, you don't have to.” Derrick turns to me, and I can tell he feels like an inconvenience. I can also see the glimmer of hurt behind his eyes.
“No. This is the right thing to do.” I nod as if I'm trying to convince myself.
The lines in the driver's face deepen. Looking at him now, he seems to be in his late fifties. The hair peeking out from beneath his blue chauffeur’s hat is salt and pepper, though mostly salt. His eyes are a light brown, but they look worn and tired. I can tell by his expression that he's not excited about giving Lucian the news.
“I'd rather spend my afternoon with him.” I wrap my hands gently around Derrick's arm, proud of myself for making this decision, even though I know it will hurt later. For now, I just want to bask in the glow of my repaired friendship with Derrick.
Lucian's chauffeur says nothing, he merely nods and starts walking back to the limo. I close the door softly behind him and sigh, glad that I was finally able to end that chapter of my life. Lucian is wrong for me, and I've never realized it more than when thinking about everything that I almost lost because of him.
“Trouble in paradise already?” Derrick returns to tending to the daisies, fidgeting with them for a few more seconds before he sticks the vase under the faucet to fill it with water. The sarcasm in his voice is so familiar that I can't help but smile.
“Paradise is a stretch. I don't think there ever wasn't trouble.” I go back to leaning against the counter, watching him as if I haven't seen him in years.
“He's very pretty, Amy. I seriously can't blame you for falling for his bullshit.” He tears open the packet of plant food that came with the flowers and pours it in the vase.
“Pretty much an asshole,” I grumble.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
An almost unexplainable sensation rolls down my spine. It's like there's a fuse running from the top of my neck to my tailbone, and the knowledge that that knock did not belong to the chauffeur has lit it and sent sparks flowing down my body at record speed. I'm not sure if I'm more tense or more angry that Lucian just won't give up. At least I have a safety net this time. With Derrick here, Lucian wouldn't dare advance on me and play his seduction games.
“One second.” I gesture to Derrick, my lips tight and my eyes wide to show him that I'm not pleased with this intrusion.
I walk to the door and pull it open, my eyes instantly landing on a gorgeous bouquet of roses. Not just roses, but diamond studded roses. Light glitters off of them like Lucian pulled the stars from the heavens and adorned them. It is, by far, the most beautiful and expensive bouquet of roses I have ever seen. I try to stifle a gasp, but it's too late. Then my eyes drift up to the face of the man delivering them.
Lucian looks absolutely stunning. A picture of modelesque perfection in a classic black suit and tie every bit as expensive as the one Derrick is wearing, if not more so. He's dressed like a million dollars, smells intoxicatingly delicious, and the way that the dim outside lighting makes his hair darker, his skin paler, and his eyes bluer is enough to awaken everything in me that I know I shouldn't be feeling. Lust to feel him inside of me again. The desire for him to belong to me and only me. Regret for ever thinking of rejecting him.
“Lucian,” I say his name as if I hadn't expected to see him.
Oh God, I can't fall into this again. Derrick is here. I have to prove that I don't want Lucian anymore.
It quickly becomes a personal challenge.
“How nice of you to come all the way up here instead of sending your chauffeur.” I try to sound as callous as possible.
“I wanted to see your apartment.” He gives me a panty melting smile. It works ten times better when he looks like...a freakin' sex God.
“You're such a liar.” I turn away from him, more to escape that smile that's making my heart beat a thousand miles per hour than anything else. I hope it seems like a rejection since I didn't take the roses.
“Derrick.” I hear him say.
Crap, he let himself in. What is it with these guys just barging into my apartment.
I spin back around to see Derrick glaring daggers at Lucian. He absentmindedly tugs at the flowers in the vase, pretending like he's still rearranging them. Then his eyes fall to the bouquet in Lucian's hand, and his scowl deepens. I know exactly what he's thinking, that Lucian outdid him, and it makes me feel horrible. I love both of their bouquets equally. Derrick's even more because I know it came from the heart, not from his need to impress me with something lavish. He knows I'm not that kind of girl.
“This is awkward.” I take a step away from Lucian.
“The only thing awkward is getting all dressed up for our date and then being told that you suddenly changed your mind.” Lucian looks down at me with disapproval in his eyes.
“Tonight isn't a good night.” I rub the back of my neck. “Things have been a bit tense between Derrick and I. He came over to patch things up, so I'd rather spend my time with him right now.”
“It's fine, Amy. I'll just go.” Derrick's voice cracks as he takes long strides towards the door.
I move quickly to grab him by the arm, pulling him back before he has a chance to escape. If he leaves now, Lucian will swoop down on me like a sexual predator and I'll be completely lost. For as much as I want to hate Lucian, I don't think I could resist him looking like that. My body is already so hot from staring at him that I feel like I need to start shedding clothing.
“No. This is important to me. More important than going on a date with him.” I nod in Lucian's direction.
Lucian puts a hand on Derrick's shoulder, and I can visibly see Derrick cringe. “You stay. If this is important to Amy, then it's important to me too. I'll come back later.” He looks at me. “I already promised Amy that I'll be at her beck and call tonight.”
My mouth falls agape at Lucian's sudden unexpected selflessness. I made him cancel all of his appointments tonight for nothing, and he doesn't even seem to be angry. Even stranger, he's not jealous at all that Derrick brought me flowers. Who is this man?
“I would really appreciate that, Lucian,” I stutter.
There's no doubt in my mind that he booked us reservations at some expensive restaurant. He went out of his way to get me these gorgeous roses. He got dressed up to the nines. And now he's just going to walk away to accommodate me because I want to spend some time with my friend. I don't believe what I'm hearing.
“Of course.” He nods respectfully. “It was nice seeing you again, Derrick.” He takes his hand off of Derrick's shoulder and returns his attention to me. “Amy, call me whenever you're ready for me to pick you up tonight.”
“I will.”
He gently places the roses into my arms, kisses me on the forehead, and walks away, leaving both Derrick and me completely dumbstruck.