CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The world was a mess of emotion and misery and blurry vision as Chase pealed out of my driveway. Before I even made it to the front door, I was sobbing so heavily I could barely breathe. Once I was inside, I pressed my back against the door and slid down it to hold my knees and cry some more.
What had I just done? I allowed the most amazing guy in the world to drive away. And for what? For some desirable older man who I could never have. No, that wasn't the real reason. Maybe it partially was, but the truth of the matter was that it didn't matter how much time I spent with Chase or how much hot sex we had, I still couldn't force feelings for him much stronger than friendship. Yes, we had gotten closer, and I appreciated him on a deeper level, but it just wasn't love.
With a heavy heart, I sobbed over a pint of ice cream and then went to bed in my clothes. When I woke up the next morning, my eyes were puffy, and I didn't feel much better. Sulking about it wouldn't help though, so I pulled myself somewhat together and went to school as normal, hoping that lectures would keep my mind off of my aching heart.
Now that Chase was out of the picture, I turned my mind toward Damien. It was hurting me so much to lose Chase, and Damien and I weren't even that close. Was it worth allowing myself to get closer only to lose him too? I didn't think so. The pain I was feeling inside was absolutely excruciating, and I couldn't bear to go through it again, but that was a bridge I would have to cross whenever Damien decided our lessons were over. Perhaps it would be better to take two blows to my heart at once, to end it with him as well and set myself free. After what I had done to Chase, I didn't feel like I deserved pleasure anyway. And that's all it was between Damien and I, bodily pleasure.
By the end of the day, I decided it was best to stop seeing Damien. I preferred my pain in one big dose, not bit by bit like a band-aid being slowly torn off a wound. On my way home, I cried for both of them, and then felt like a complete bitch for feeling sorry for myself, which only made me cry more.
My phone rang, and I grasped at it with a twinge of hope. Maybe it's Chase saying he'll give me more time. Or even better, perhaps he's calling to tell me he still wants to be friends.
It wasn't Chase though; it was Tanya, and for a few brief seconds, I thought about not answering. I didn't much feel like talking, yet I knew I would feel better if I did. Besides, she was the only one who knew the entire story about Damien and Chase. If I updated her on everything, she might give me the unwarranted sympathy that I was secretly craving.
When I answered the phone, she sounded sickeningly chipper, giggling and talking to someone in the background. It was a boy. I could hear his deep voice. And, eventually, she confessed that it was Vinny, her new boyfriend.
“You should come watch movies with us,” she said enthusiastically. “You can bring Chase, or Damien, or whoever you want.”
“Yeah, about that,” I hesitated. “Chase and I are no more . . . and Damien and I are no more, as well.”
“That's too bad,” she replied, too distracted to be sincere. “You should come over anyway. It will be fun. We rented a bunch of horror movies.”
“You know I don't really like horror movies.”
“Oh, come on, Chey. What else are you going to do on a Friday night? Besides, I really want you to meet Vinny. He needs the Chey seal of approval.”
I smirked. It sounded like he didn't need it that damn badly if she had already gotten serious with him.
“Alright. Fine. I'll be over in a little while.”
I hung up the phone and changed course, heading towards Tanya's house. She must have been busy doing something naughty, because she didn't even come to greet me at the front door. Instead, her mother let me in, speaking broken English in her heavy Asian accent.
I passed by her father watching sports on the couch in the living room and made my way to her bedroom. Not surprisingly, the door was closed. The brat in me thought about barging in and trying to scare them, but then I realized the door was most likely locked, so it was probably pointless. Instead, I politely knocked, waiting until Tanya came to let me in.
She squealed when she saw me, wrapping her arms around my shoulder to usher me inside and introduce me to her boyfriend, who looked every bit as Italian as his name sounded. He was tall and lanky, with tanned skin, dark eyes, and a blowout. Not my type, but at least he was around her age. It was rare she got along with guys our age.
As soon as the greetings were over, I was all but forgotten. They snuggled together on the bed while I was forced to sit on the floor, feeling alienated and alone. It wasn't long before I became frustrated by the lack of attention being paid to me, but I felt like it would be rude to leave, so I just suffered through it, trying to focus on the movie while they whispered sweet nothings to each other.
Things eventually quietened down, but it wasn't because they were watching the movie. The bed shook lightly, and it only took a glance in their general direction to know what was going on. My pussy throbbed at the very sight of him laying between her legs under the covers. I knew her skirt was hiked up, that he was fingering her or fucking her or something to cause the expression of pleasure on her face. Lucky bitch. That's what I'd rather be doing right now too, getting fucked. But by who?
Tanya's breath hitched, and I knew he had stuck it in. Those weren't just pleasure sounds anymore. They were fucking sounds. He was fucking her, right in front of me.
It took everything in me to keep my eyes focused on the screen, though my brain was going in all different directions. Since losing my virginity, sex had become such a regular part of my life. I wasn't sure how I was going to live without it. Did that make me a bad person . . . or a slut? Having sex at my age was natural. I shouldn't feel bad for wanting it. At least, that's what I was trying to convince myself.
Chase wasn't an option anymore, but there was still Damien. Crap. I had just decided to drop him. Was I already going to run back so quickly? Hell, he didn't even know I wasn't planning to see him anymore. It's not like any harm would be done if I continued on with my lessons.
That was just me being wanton though, thinking with my body instead of my mind . . . or my heart. There was plenty of hurt to be had in Damien Reed's bed, and not just the bodily kind. When I was around him, my emotions were a whirlwind of confusion. Besides, things had been getting really intense with us lately. I wasn't sure if I could handle my feelings for him becoming any deeper.
My heart knew what I was supposed to do, but my body was in complete conflict, and as I listened to Tanya moan from Vinny rocking between her legs, my body began to win. Her pleasure sounds transported me back to Damien Reed's bed, to the noises that erupted from my own throat when he fucked me. I imagined him between my legs, bucking away, filling me so incredibly full, and my pussy began to moisten at the memory.
Oh, screw it. They're not paying attention anyway.
As quietly as I could manage, I slipped a hand into the waistband of my skirt, sliding it between my legs. The heat from my sex greeted my finger, and as it passed teasingly over my pleasure button, I could feel my wetness leaking through my panties. I closed my eyes, forgetting about the mass murderer on the television, forgetting about Vinny and Tanya and their careful quiet fucking. In my mind's eye, my finger was thicker, not my finger at all. The hand it was attached to belonged to Damien Reed, and he was teasing me ever so wickedly, rubbing my engorged labia and barely pressing his finger between them to touch my nub.
Oh yes, I thought, but dare not say a word. Please, Damien. Stick it inside. No. Stick your cock inside. I want your cock. I want to feel it spreading me so wide, to ravage my cunt and take ownership of it.
The finger wasn't bold enough to enter my underwear though. For as good as my imagination was, I couldn't forget that I wasn't alone. All it would take was for either Tanya or Vinny to look over the bed to see what I was doing. The thought brought a blush to my cheeks, but it also somewhat excited me.
So what if they see me? They'll probably think it's hot. Maybe they'd even ask me to join them. For a split second, it sounded appealing. But then I remembered that I wasn't attracted to Vinny at all. And Tanya was my best friend, which would just make things weird. No. It's Damien Reed that I want.
I pressed hard against my clit, rubbing and massaging, imagining Damien's tongue and thick fingers and magnificent cock, all of which felt amazing against my body. It took everything in me not to moan. My pleasure button was so hot beneath my finger, almost burning. I worked it relentlessly, holding my breath, so I wouldn't pant too loudly. Tanya was doing enough of that for both of us. The bed was shaking so much that it was rocking me with it as I leaned against the frame. It was as if I was a part of their fucking, and I somehow liked the idea.
Just a bit longer, I told myself, feeling my hand beginning to cramp. I wasn't about to give up though. The waves of my orgasm were coming from somewhere deep. There was no way I would allow them to recede before they washed over me with pleasure. Vinny grunted, and I pictured Damien's magnificent cock spilling its juices inside of my wanton cunt, sending me over the edge of ecstasy. I knew we were all coming together, and it only heightened my pleasure.
Of course, by the time they started paying attention to the movie again, my hands were out of my skirt, my wet underwear and the smell of pussy the only real signs that mischief had gone on. I inhaled the scent of sex that overwhelmed the room, feeling horribly naughty for what I had done.
Then Tanya ruined the mood by asking me what had gone on with Chase and Damien. Talking about Damien in front of Vinny made me uncomfortable, especially the excitement in his eyes when Tanya disclosed to him who Damien was.
“Fucking a teacher. That's crazy, man,” he said, shaking his head.
“He's not my teacher anymore,” I told him.
“Well, he kind of is since what you guys are doing is technically lessons,” Tanya commented.
“Lessons?” Vinny looked incredulous. “That's probably just what he tells girls to get in their pants.”
“It's not,” I insisted, though I was becoming more unsure by the second.
“I mean, seriously? Who needs lessons in sex? It doesn't take much to figure out how to suck a cock or have your pussy pounded.”
These lessons are different though. It's not just about that. It's about something more. Erotic sensations and pure enjoyment of the physical pleasures of the body. I wanted to say it, but I doubted he would understand. So far, Vinny was not getting the Chey seal of approval, though I doubted Tanya would care.
“Well, it doesn't matter now. It's over,” I said with a sigh.
“You shouldn't stop seeing Damien just because things didn't work out with Chase,” Tanya told me.
“I just . . . don't want to fall in love with him.”
“Yeah. That would be a mistake,” Vinny agreed. “The guy has probably banged half the school. I used to know this other girl who said she slept with him too.”
Jealousy shot through me with fiery green rage.
“How long ago was that?” I asked.
“Last year sometime. She didn't say anything about lessons, just that she was sleeping with him. She graduated already.”
Was she blonde? I wondered. That girl in the sex video with him perhaps? What did it matter? He wasn't mine anyway.
“I need to go,” I grumbled, standing up, my mood completely soured.
“Awww, so early?” Tanya whined. “It's the weekend, Chey Chey. Not like you have anything to do tomorrow, especially if you don't have any lessons to attend.”
“I've got a lot of homework,” I lied, just wanting to get away from them. Coming had been a mistake, I could see that now. Maybe if it had just been Tanya and I, things would be fine, but having Vinny tell me that Damien had fucked some other chick . . . It just wasn't what I needed to hear.
“But you've got the whole weekend.”
“I want to go home, okay,” I barked, and Tanya cowered away.
“Fine. Fine. I just thought . . . Never mind. Just . . . go home. I'll catch up with you later.”
“It was nice meeting you.” Vinny waved.
I didn't return the sentiment, but I did return the gesture, simply saying, “Yeah,” before I allowed Tanya to lead me outside.
“What do you think of Vinny?” she asked once we were standing by my car.
“He's kind of a douche.”
“Nah. He's really sweet. You just need to spend more time with him. Maybe watching movies together wasn't the best way for you two to get to know each other.”
You think. “It was fine. I'm just a little grumpy is all.”
“I know. The thing with Chase sucks. But, I really do think you should keep seeing Damien, at least for a little while. Being with him will help keep your mind off of Chase.”
“I suppose you're right,” I sighed. “I don't know. I'll think about it.”
“Alright. Well, I need to get back inside. Vinny doesn't like to be kept waiting. Let me know how everything goes, okay?” She cast a backwards glance at me as she headed for the door.
I nodded, crawling into my car to drive away.
By the next day, I felt a little less miserable. My mind was slowly accepting that Chase was gone, though my heart still ached every time I thought about him. I spent most of the day doing homework, cleaning the house, and thinking about whether or not I should see Damien Reed again. He was bad news for my heart, but he would help keep my mind off of Chase.
Despite my brain screaming at me not to go, I somehow found myself in front of his door at four o'clock. He opened it with a smile, ushering me inside. For the first time ever, I was dreading our time together more than I was looking forward to it. My body craved his touch, otherwise I would not have come at all. But the farther I stepped inside of Damien's house, the less I thought I could emotionally handle being around him.
“Are you alright?” he asked once we were in the classroom.
“Yeah. I've just been under a lot of stress.”
He gave me a strange look, somewhere between disapproval and disappointment. “If you're not feeling well, then you shouldn't have come. You do know how to work your phone, don't you?”
I sighed. Being condescending was the last thing I needed from him.
“I thought that seeing you might help take my mind off of things,” I said.
“Anything you care to talk about?”
“No.” That would just spoil this even more.
“How's your finger?” He looked down at my wounded appendage, which was healing up nicely.
I held it up in the air and wiggled it for him. “Almost as good as new.”
“That's good.”
We sat in awkward silence for a moment. It seemed like he was scared to approach me, like he feared my mood.
“Have you given any more thought towards learning about BDSM?” he asked, leaning against the chest of drawers.
I shook my head. “Not really. My mind has been too occupied with other things.”
“That's fine. I just thought I would ask.”
“Can we just . . . get on with the lessons?” I felt bad for rushing him, for making it sound like a chore. Perhaps I was hoping that when our bodies were coupled together, I'd start to feel better.
“Are you sure you're up for this?”
“Mhm.” I nodded, but he didn't look convinced.
After staring at me strangely for a minute, he turned to open the chest of drawers and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. “I thought today we could do some light bondage. I don't want to overwhelm you the first time, so you should know that these aren't real. There's a mechanism on them where you can unlock yourself. In my BDSM training sessions, I use real ones, but since we're just playing, I thought I would do a slow introduction.”
I stared at the handcuffs, which were obviously made of cheap plastic. They lacked the shine of metal, and didn't look particularly sturdy.
The idea of being restrained had always turned me on. Just the thought of being powerless, in general, aroused me. Maybe I really was built for the BDSM lifestyle.
I tried to push my thoughts about Chase to the side. After all, I had come here to have fun, not to sulk. Besides, thinking about Chase wasn't going to change anything that had happened. That was over now.
Forcing a smile, I held out my wrists. “Lock me up, stud.”
“Take off your clothes first. Everything but your bra and underwear,” he instructed, and I was quick to comply, shedding my white blouse and red pencil skirt before I hopped up onto the bed.
Fuck my cares away.
Damien came to my side, towering over me to pull my wrists over my head and clasp the handcuffs in place. I watched him move, wanting to nip at his T-shirt but knowing better. He was supposed to be in control. That was the game of the night.
When he had finished securing my fake bonds, Damien stood at the side of the bed to take off his shirt. He stared down at me all the while, his brown eyes burning into me as he slowly revealed an inch of skin at a time. Just the sight of his bare flesh made my pussy ache.
“You remembered.” I smirked.
“Shh. No talking,” he told me, and it took everything in me not to pout.
The shirt slid over his muscular shoulders, and then it was tossed haphazardly onto the floor. Damien Reed knew how to use his body to seduce, and he was showing me the full power of it. I nibbled on my bottom lip as I watched him unbuckle his pants, then slide them down over his hips along with his boxers. His cock was flaccid, but still looked beautiful. It wouldn't stay soft for long, I was certain.
When he was completely naked, he crawled on top of me, leaning down to press his lips against mine. I met his kiss eagerly, wrapping my tongue around his and feeling every smooth wet centimeter of it. Even his kiss was teasing. He'd allow me to explore the slick cavern of his mouth for a while, and then he'd pull away to nibble and tug on my bottom lip. My back practically arched in an attempt to draw him to me, but he moved away with a wicked grin.
“Maybe you are ready for this after all,” he whispered.
“I'm always ready for you,” I replied, my body writhing with the heat of my desire.
In a surprisingly quick gesture, he grabbed the cups of my bra and pulled them down over my breasts, forcing them to swell over the tight material. My breath hitched from the suddenness of it, and before I could close my mouth, his was on top of mine again, taking my breath away. Our tongues moved urgently against each other, needily against each other. I wanted to put my arms around his neck, but knew I shouldn't.
His hands reached down to squeeze my breasts, applying so much pressure that it almost hurt. A whimper escaped my throat, and he softened his grip, trailing his hands up to pinch and twist my nipples. Blood rushed to them, turning them into taut peaks in his grasp. Each rough twist sent a shock of need straight to my pussy, and I bowed my legs, so he could see the moistness he was causing down below.
He broke away from the kiss to crawl between my thighs, leaning forward to rub his swollen erection against my panties. I gasped at the feel of his cock head catching on my heated nub. It felt tortuously exquisite, him bucking away, creating friction with his meaty shaft and teasing my bud when the head flicked beneath it. Soon my pussy was throbbing, my body threatening to fall over the edge.
“So good,” I moaned, closing my eyes and submitting to the bliss between my legs.
“You like that?” he asked, though it didn't sound like a question at all.
“You're going to make me come.”
“Already? You're so easy to please. I love it.”
“I do too.”
He stopped thrusting, though kept his hard sex on top of mine. My body begged for him to continue, but before I could ask for it, he grabbed his cock head, angled it up a bit, and then let it fall back onto my pussy. The force of it sent a shock of electricity straight through me.
“Oh God,” I cried out.
“Want me to spank your pussy with my cock?”
“Yes. Please. Again. Do it again.”
He obliged, but this time, he grabbed the base of his rod and slapped it against my engorged lips, sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through me. I was almost to the edge when he stopped.
“No. Don't. Keep going,” I said, embarrassed by how desperate I sounded.
He grinned at me, gripping the crotch of my underwear and pulling them aside. “You're so wet down here already,” he commented, pushing a finger into me to feel my moistened tunnel. I clenched around it almost instinctively.
Despite my begging, he allowed my orgasm to subside, more interested in other things. Annoyed by my panties, he gripped them by the waistband and pulled them off, tossing them onto the floor. Then he spread my legs with his palms and used his fingers to pull my pussy lips apart, examining my inner workings. I blushed madly, feeling completely dirty and somewhat violated. No one had ever looked at me down there before. Not in the way that he was looking at me.
When he grabbed his cock and moved forward, I thought he was going to stick it in. But instead, he rubbed it between my cunt lips, building up the delicious friction again. The skin on skin contact was far better than him rubbing me on top of my underwear, and I found myself crawling back up the mountain of pleasure at super sonic speed. Every time his glans would tap my clit, it pulsed in approval, wanting more.
Damien leaned over me, positioned to fuck. He pistoned his hips, sliding his length back and forth between my folds so fast that all I could do was gasp and cry out when my pleasure button had had enough. Contractions rolled through my stomach, rocking me to the core, my clit firing off, throbbing beneath his thick veiny member.
“Oh, God, Damien.” I wanted to grab onto his arm, to touch him . . . anywhere. But the damned handcuffs were keeping that from happening. Now I was feeling the full emotional weight of being restrained, the mind fuck that my ability to touch him had been taken away.
“That's a good girl,” he whispered, leaning to give me a chaste kiss on the corner of the mouth. When he pulled away, I strained forward, biting his bottom lip. He continued to move away though, and I was forced to let go.
Damien slapped his cock against my pussy a few more times, milking out any stray contractions. Then he angled it to slip into my warm wetness. I was oh so wet for him. Dripping, practically. He slid inside with ease, making me feel full and complete. When we were coupled together, it felt like I was an extension of him, and he was an extension of me. It just felt so right.
He began thrusting immediately, slow at first. I moaned when he pressed his body against mine, leaning in for a kiss. Our tongues danced together, and between breaths, I sucked on his lips while he filled me, pumping and pounding, his gorgeous naked body moving on top of mine.
I wanted him, so bad. Not just sexually. I wanted to belong to him, and for him to belong to me. For us to be more than this. More than sweat and sex and lessons.
Up until this point, I managed to drown those thoughts out. Why they were coming back now, I didn't know, but they had come with a vengeance, snuffing out my happiness and pleasure. Not now. Please, I begged, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. But every time I looked at Damien, I knew I couldn't have him, and it absolutely killed me.
Before I knew it, I was sobbing loudly. Damien stopped thrusting, looking at me with concern as he pulled out.
“Are you alright? Am I hurting you? What's wrong?” he asked, coming to my side to look me over.
“No. You're not hurting me,” I cried.
“Then what?” he breathed a sigh of relief.
I brought my arms in front of my chest and pushed myself into a sitting position, avoiding his gaze and feeling like a complete idiot. The waves of emotion wouldn't stop though, and I knew I couldn't torture myself anymore. This was a mistake. I never should have come.
“I can't do this anymore,” I sniffled.
“Do what?”
“This.” I thrust my wrists at him. He moved to unfasten the handcuffs, but I pulled my arms away. “No. Not just this. I mean, all of this, with you.”
He looked incredibly uncomfortable, sitting rigid as he watched me. “I'm not sure I get what you're trying to say.”
The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, “I love you, Damien. I'm in love with you. And you don't want me like that. I know it. I understand. I just . . . I can't do this, knowing that you'll never want me like that.”
He took a deep breath and then looked away. “Oh.”
See. I knew it. This was pointless. Why had I come at all?
I fought with the handcuffs, practically breaking them in an attempt to get them off. Then I flung my legs over the side of the bed and fumbled for my clothes, putting them on as quickly as possible, crying all the while.
“Do you want to talk about this?” he asked, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed while he watched me dress.
“What's there to talk about? I told you how I feel, now I want to go home.”
“Yes, you did tell me how you feel. But you never asked how I feel about you.”
I was too scared to know—too scared to ask. Instead, I slowed down, taking my time as I continued to dress.
“I do care about you, Cheyenne. I really do,” he began.
“But?” There was always a but. The way he was hesitating let me know there was a but. And buts always hurt. I tried to brace myself for the pain to come, but what did it really matter. The tears had begun falling a while ago. It wasn't like I could produce anymore of a torrent.
“But I don't do relationships. Not in the traditional sense.”
“I kind of figured,” I sniffled, sitting on the edge of the bed to strap my feet into my sandals. In a matter of minutes, I would be out the door and putting this whole mess behind me.
With my shoes on, I stood and grabbed my keys off the chest of drawers, practically running to get out of the room. Before I could make it to the door though, Damien grabbed me by the wrist and drew me back to him. His hot mouth enveloped mine, and I gasped, slapping at his chest. When he pulled away, I was all fury.
“What part of I can't do this anymore don't you understand?” I growled.
“What part of I want you don't you understand?”
I blinked a few times, my mind a mess of confusion. “You . . . want me? But you just told me that you don't date.”
“I don't date, but I do carry on relationships in other ways.”
“Other ways?” I felt absolutely stupid, like there was something very obvious that I wasn't getting.
“If you would be interested in learning about BDSM, then I would be willing to take you on as my submissive.”
I scowled. “You want me to be your slave.”
“No, and yes. I want you to be by my side. I know you don't really understand, because we haven't gotten into it much. But in the BDSM world, collaring someone is as good as putting a wedding ring on their finger. Now, I don't want you to get ahead of things and think I want to marry you. I'm just saying that I would like to work towards . . . that type of relationship with you.”
He was stuttering, searching for words, and I could tell he was desperately trying to keep me there. My brain couldn't process everything at once. Wedding rings and collars sounded like two completely different things to me. But he was right, I didn't really understand. Perhaps I should have allowed him to start the lessons, so I had a better idea of what he was talking about.
“So, if I agreed to become your submissive, then it would kind of be like we were dating?” I asked.
“There's a process to it that's a bit more complicated than that, but yes, essentially, you would belong to me. We would be in a committed relationship with each other.”
“I . . . really don't know what to say.”
“If you love me, as you say you do, then say yes.” His eyes had returned to their normal empowered smoldering, as if he already knew he had won.
“Yes?” I wasn't sure if it was an answer or a question. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted him. Heck, I admitted to loving the guy. This wasn't the type of relationship I had hoped for, but I would do anything to be by his side.
“Good.” He took my hands in his, then leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. I was still in a daze, lost in the surrealism of the moment. “I have a lot to teach you, and it will be a while before you earn my collar, but I'm sure we'll both have a lot of fun getting there.”
I nodded, confused but happy. Damien Reed was mine.
“Do you want to hang out for a while?” he asked, sounding more casual.
“No. I think I'd rather go home. Sorry. I didn't mean to freak out on you. I've just . . . been harboring these feelings for a while, and it's really been tearing at me. All this time, I thought this was just sex to you.”
“Well, now you don't have to worry about that anymore.” He smiled warmly.
“I guess I don't.”
Slowly, the misery was fading away, being replaced by giddy happiness at the thought of all the lessons to come. Damien was a kinky freak and a sexual beast. I couldn't wait to see all the interesting new techniques he wanted to show me.
More than that though, I was relieved that I could finally let my guard down. My heart didn't need a wall of doubt built around it. I could open myself to Damien completely, and we could begin a beautiful new relationship together.