CHAPTER ELEVEN
The next day, normality returned to my life. I went to school, and everything seemed to be going smoothly until I ran into Colton Caldwell in Music Appreciation. It wasn't like I had forgotten about his existence, or the feelings he caused, but it was easier to ignore them when he wasn't staring me dead in the face.
I groaned internally as he smiled at me, the charm of it sending the butterflies in my stomach into a drunken confused stupor. Why did he have to be so cute and kind and perfect? Part of me hated myself for wanting him, but the other part blamed Damien for it.
As soon as class was over, Colton was flanking my side and asking if I wanted to hang out after school. I made up a lame excuse about being busy and then quickly walked away. The best thing I could do for my relationship with Damien was to ignore Colton.
He was persistent though. On Tuesday, I told him I didn't feel well. On Wednesday, I said I was going to my mother's place. On Thursday, I was visiting my aunt. By the time Friday came around, I figured he would have given up. That wasn't the case though. When I tried to rush out of class the second that it was over, he caught me by the arm, frowning.
“You're avoiding me, aren't you?” he asked.
I sighed. “No. . . Yes.”
“Why?”
“Damien doesn't want us hanging out together.”
“That's a bit overbearing, don't you think?”
“Not in the context of our relationship.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Listen, I don't have time to explain. I need to get to my next class.”
“Then maybe you should hang out with me after school to explain.”
“I just told you that I can't.” I gave him a desperate look, hoping he'd give up.
“Then you're going to have to tell me now, because I'm not going anywhere until you do.”
I thought about yelling at him, about telling him that I didn't like him. But that would be hurtful, and it wasn't true. In honesty, I'd like to have him as a friend. He was a nice guy, and I had a shortage of good friends.
“I'll meet you at the library after school,” I said finally, pushing past him. Thankfully, he didn't follow.
By the time school was over, my stomach was a knot of nerves. I didn't know how I was going to explain my relationship with Damien to Colton, or if I should even try. It wasn't any of his business anyway. Still, I felt like I owed him an explanation for my rude behavior.
When I got to the library, Colton was waiting at a table with his face buried in a book. He smiled when our eyes met, standing up to greet me.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Go where?”
“Wherever you want. It's Friday night. We should go have fun. Maybe meet up with Tanya and Bone Head.”
I giggled. Would it still be forbidden to hang out together if Tanya was there too? It would be devious to skirt around Damien's rule, but it was Friday night, and I did want to do something besides go home and be bored.
“Let me see what she's up to,” I said, pulling out my phone to text Tanya.
She responded back almost immediately, informing me that she and Vinny were going out to eat. When I asked if Colton and I could tag along, she quickly agreed, adding a winking smiley face to the end of her text.
We took separate cars and met up with Tanya and Vinny in the restaurant parking lot before going inside. Vinny greeted Colton as if they were best buddies, giving him some weird bro-hug, while Tanya made a comment about how Colton and I looked cute together. That explained the wink in her text message. She obviously thought something was going on between us. Why else would I show up with him?
Once we were seated, we talked about our classes and our professors and what we did over Christmas vacation. Then things took a more personal turn when Tanya asked about Damien.
“We're still together,” I informed her.
“Seems like he's not cracking that whip too hard if you're spending time with Colt here,” Vinny said, giving Colton a wink.
“I'd rather not talk about that,” I grumbled uncomfortably.
“So when are we going to see this illusive professor? I heard he got fired for banging some chick in his classroom.”
“That chick he was banging was me,” I said defensively, then instantly felt embarrassed.
Everyone looked shocked.
“Oh. So it was true then?”
I nodded.
“Now that he's not teaching at the school anymore, you should bring him out once in a while,” Tanya said. “I'd like to see how he's doing. It's a shame they fired him over that. He's a really good professor. A bit strict at times, but good.”
“I thought he was boring,” Vinny said.
“You think every professor is boring.” Tanya rolled her eyes.
“Not Professor Winslow. She's a hottie.”
The disgust on Tanya's face was apparent. “I need to go to the bathroom. Chey, come with me.”
I was more than happy to leave the two boys alone. To be honest, I hated talking about Damien. It was always awkward, and today it was even worse because Colton was around.
The bathroom was mercifully empty, which gave Tanya and I a chance to talk between stalls.
“So, there's absolutely nothing going on between you and Colton?” she asked.
“Nope. We're just friends. I mean, he's cute and all, but I have Damien.”
“How are things really going with him?” her tone made it clear she suspected something was up.
I sighed, “Being with him isn't always easy. I mean, he's great in bed and all, but he just lacks something emotionally.”
By that time, we had finished our business and were standing by the door. There was still so much I wanted to say. I felt desperate to spew everything out, but I knew we had to get back to the boys.
“You know, relationships aren't all about sex,” Tanya told me. “In the beginning, when you said that you and Damien had gotten together, I was really excited for you. But then I started thinking about you as individuals. I don't know Damien on a personal level, like you do, but I did take his class for the entire semester, so I did get to see a little of what he's like. From what I did see, you guys are complete opposites. He's not the type of guy I can picture you with long term. He's just . . . too serious and stuffy.
“Now, I'm not trying to break you guys up or anything, but Colton obviously likes you. I mean, he keeps looking at you.
“Vinny says he's a real good guy. He studies hard, has good grades, played lots of sports in high school. Not to mention he's cute and around your age. I mean, if I wasn't with Vinny, I'd tap that.
“I think the two of you look good together. If things aren't going well with Damien, then maybe you should part ways. It's not like it would be a dramatic breakup or anything. Now that he doesn't teach at our school, you never see the guy.
“Besides, don't you want a normal love life? I know Damien is ridiculously good-looking, and maybe Colton isn't as good of a catch, but doesn't it make more sense to be with the guy you have more in common with, who is around your age, and who is already integrated with your group of friends. Just saying.”
Before I had time to reply, she was opening the door and stepping back into the dining room, forcing me to follow behind, dumbfounded. Had she said all that because I seemed miserable with Damien? Did she really think Colton was a better choice for me? Was he a better choice for me?
I did find him attractive, though not as attractive as Damien. Their looks were completely different. Damien was the rugged type. He oozed confidence and looked like a rock star on most days, even when he was being lazy. Colton had boy next door looks. His smile was charming; his features were warm. He seemed like the type of guy who would cuddle you on cold nights and bring you flowers. Damien looked like he would fuck you bow-legged and leave your bed empty the next morning.
For the rest of the meal, my thoughts were consumed with who was the better choice. I hated this emotional tug and pull on my heart. While I loved Damien, I did want all the things Tanya had spoken of. It would be nice to date someone with the same interests, someone who enjoyed going out with me, someone who wasn't so uptight all the time, someone who didn't have issues expressing how he felt.
By the time we had split the bill and were parting ways, I felt stressed and emotionally frazzled. I was so out of my mind that I even hugged Vinny before I took off to my own vehicle. When Colton pulled me aside to ask if I wanted to go to the movies the following day, all I could think about were the things Tanya had told me, and my lips almost involuntarily said yes. Then he was gone, and I was sitting in the parking lot, realizing I had screwed things up even further with Damien by agreeing to go on, what was pretty much a date with Colton.
With a sigh, I started the engine and drove home, my mind a swamp of unpleasantries. As soon as I got there, I sent Damien a text to let him know I had gone out with Tanya and was going to bed early, then I took some sleeping pills just to get away from having to think about everything. Hopefully, I'd wake up refreshed the next day and better able to sort my feelings.
Saturday came, and my mind was only the slightest bit clearer. I knew I still wanted to go out with Colton. Maybe if we had a date together, it would help me decide how important that aspect of a relationship was to me.
The only problem was that I was going to have to tell Damien about it, and I knew he wouldn't like it. Surely, disobedience at this level would earn me one of his harsher punishments. My ass tingled at the memory of the spanking I had received last time I pissed him off. He managed to turn my greatest kink into the worst pain. Would he do the same thing this time? Not likely. Damien was creative. He rarely used the same punishment twice.
A little before noon, Colton called to ask what time I wanted to go to the movie. I decided to leave it up to him. The night would be more enjoyable if I didn't put restrictions on my time, even if that meant missing out on seeing Damien. While I did want to see Damien, I felt like this was more important at the moment. Besides, there was always Sunday. It wasn't like I'd have to go the entire weekend without him. And all I really had to look forward to for my disobedience was punishment.
While a small part of me hoped that Colton would want to catch an early showing, I knew I shouldn't be surprised when the three o'clock showing he picked overlapped my time with Damien. I said yes, and it was done. Now all I had to do was make the phone call.
For something like this, I didn't think a text was sufficient enough. Plus, I was kind of curious about how Damien would react. An hour before it was time for me to leave to meet Colton, I called Damien. He picked up on the second ring, his voice full of concern as he asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” I replied, trying to keep my composure. Telling Damien that I wouldn't see him made me nervous. He wasn't prone to yelling, but for some reason, that was all I could picture in my mind. “I won't be able to come see you this afternoon,” I told him.
“Why not? Are you sick?”
“No. I'm going out tonight.”
“This is kind of short notice. You know that weekends are our only time together.”
That's your fault. I would come see you during the middle of the week if you just asked. But you don't want that, for some unexplained reason.
“I'm going out with Colton tonight.”
For several moments, he was silent, as if he didn't know what to say. Finally, he spoke, “Am I going to see you this weekend at all?”
“I'll be there on Sunday, as usual.”
He let out a sigh. “Chey, I thought I told you I don't want you seeing that boy.”
“You did. And I'm blatantly disobeying you.”
“Why?”
I took a deep breath. “Because I want to. Because I need to.”
“Know that doing this makes me very unhappy.”
“I do know. And I also know you'll punish me for it.”
“I will,” he paused. “Before I let you go, I need to know if there's anything going on between you and this boy.” His voice was disturbingly calm, which bothered me.
“No. There's nothing going on between Colton and I.” Not yet, at least. Who knows after this evening? I don't even know what to expect, or what I'll do if he does make a move on me. I just don't know.
“Alright then. Have fun.”
It wasn't until I heard the dial tone on the other line that I realized how fast my heart was racing. For as short as it was, the conversation had been intense. There was tension in both of our voices, but yet we had both retained our composure, showing no signs of emotion toward one another.
I decided to try not to think about it. The night belonged to me, and I needed to make the most out of it if it was going to be worth the punishment that would follow. Meticulously, I tried on four different outfits before I settled on a black paneled skirt with a gray button down blouse and a pair of black ballerina flats. I straightened my long red hair and did my makeup, primping and adjusting until everything looked perfect. By the time I was done getting ready, I felt like a princess.
My effort didn't go unnoticed. When Colton and I met up at the movie theater, he immediately complimented me. It felt good to be told I was beautiful. Of course, what girl doesn't like being told she's attractive?
He paid for the movie, a fantasy flick with an entwined love story. Then we stood in line for popcorn and talked about the stuff we had done during the day, or rather, lack thereof. Colton seemed nervous, which I found absolutely adorable. He had dressed up for the occasion too, or at least looked like he had. Instead of his normal jeans and T-shirt, he was wearing a blue and white stripped polo shirt with khaki slacks. The smell of his cologne was a bit overwhelming, but the fact that he had gone all out just added to his charm.
As soon as we sat down in the theater, Colton raised the arm rest and set the popcorn between our laps. I was happy he did. The thought of having to stick my hand in his lap for popcorn brought perverted thoughts to mind. Not that I would mind giving him an imaginary hand job, but it probably wasn't the kind of distraction I needed when I was trying to sort my feelings out.
About halfway through the movie, Colton sneaked his arm around my shoulder, though he made no move to scoot closer to me. My entire body tensed from the contact, but I didn't push his arm away. Just the feel of a part of him touching a part of me made me a bit uneasy. Was that right? It was normal to be nervous when you were on a date with a boy for the first time.
When the movie was over, Colton asked if I wanted to go to out for ice cream. I agreed, since the night was still young, and I didn't want to go home. Eating ice cream would be quick and fun. Besides, it had been forever since I'd gone to an ice cream parlor.
He offered to carpool, but I insisted we take our own vehicles.
At the ice cream shop, I made a real pig of myself, ordering double fudge ice cream with brownies mixed in, whipped cream, sprinkles, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top. Colton laughed at me as I dug in with fervor, moaning from the rich taste.
“Wow, you really like ice cream.” He grinned.
“It's good,” I said with my mouth still full.
He ordered boring old butter pecan. A small. Making me look like a whale with my heaping seven servings of ass-expanding chocolatey goodness.
“Are you having fun?” he asked.
“Yeah. I'm having a great time.”
I was having a great time, wasn't I? If it was true though, then why was I thinking about Damien. Perhaps it was just remorse for blowing him off. It was so rare we got to see each other. Couldn't I have picked a school night to disobey?
“You seem kind of out of it,” Colton commented.
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“About Damien,” I replied guiltily.
“You're not going to see him tonight? I thought you spent time with him on the weekends.”
“I blew him off to come hang out with you.”
“Oh.” He seemed genuinely surprised, and pleased. “Well, that makes me feel special.”
I didn't know how to respond, so I said nothing. Colton was special, in a way. There was no way I'd take a punishment for just anyone. How special was he to me though?
We spent the rest of our time at the ice cream shop in almost complete silence. I was too busy stuffing my face to say anything, feeling bad I had ordered a mountain of ice cream while he had only ordered a little. Unfortunately, ice cream doesn't keep well, so I felt like I had to eat as much as possible so it wouldn't go to waste.
By the time we were done eating and started out to the parking lot, my stomach was beginning to ache. I had eaten too much too fast, and I was certain I'd be paying for it later—was already starting to pay for it.
“Do you want to do something else?” Colton asked.
“No. I think I best get home.”
He looked at his watch. “But it's only seven. We still have the whole night ahead of us.”
“I know, but that ice cream really did me in.”
“Maybe we should go do something to work it off.” Colton gave me a devious look, and my mind instantly filled in the gaps. “I mean, like playing pool or bowling or something,” he continued, trying to play innocent. That was so totally not what he had meant.
“No. I'm too full. I should really go.”
“Well, you're no fun.” Colton frowned. “Tomorrow then? We should hang out tomorrow.”
“No. Tomorrow I have to see Damien.”
He sighed, “Well, I suppose I can't horde you to myself all the time, though I'd really like to.” A smile spread across his lips, that same charming smile I was growing to love, though there was something different behind his eyes. “I had a really good time.”
“Me too.”
That's when he stepped up to hug me. His embrace was tight, and it lasted for far too long. It reminded me of the way Danica hugged Damien, and I didn't like it.
When he pulled away, his face was close to mine. Dangerously close. I could feel his breath on my skin, and then I realized what was happening. His actions were fast, but everything seemed to be going in slow motion. It was the moment of truth. What did I want? What would I do? I only had a fraction of a second to decide.
Before his lips could reach mine, I turned my head. The kiss he placed on my cheek was lingering, but when he pulled away, I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I'm sorry. I thought . . .” he stuttered.
“I should go.” And with that, I rushed to my car.
While I wasn't mad at Colton, I really didn't know how to handle the situation. Me leaving was the best course of action. We could discuss what had happened later, when we were both more level-headed, if he even wanted to discuss it at all.
For the rest of the night, I worried over whether I had done the right thing. Should I have let him kiss me? Maybe it would have helped me to sort out my feelings. I think I knew deep down what my feelings were though. Colton was cute and sweet, and maybe he was the better choice for me, a better fit for my college lifestyle, but I loved Damien, and as strange as our relationship was, I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Still, it didn't hurt to think about what might have been. The night could have progressed in a totally different direction if I had allowed him to kiss me. We might have even ended up sleeping together. Mmm.
Thoughts of sex filled my brain, causing that annoying itch between my legs that I wasn't allowed to scratch. When I got really sexually frustrated, I rolled around my bed and rubbed my thighs together, hoping for any small amount of stimulation. Was it still masturbating if I didn't use my hands? Damien would think so. All I could do was groan and wait for Sunday. Even though I would be punished, the night would still end with me getting off, and that's all that mattered.
Half the time, when I went over to his house, we didn't even have sex, but he always made sure I had an orgasm before I left. At least one, sometimes more. Now that I thought about it, I really would like more sex with him. It was strange to think he'd go the whole week without sex and then not be rabid for it on the weekends. Suspicion returned to my mind. Maybe he did have something else going on behind my back.
I huffed at the thought, trying to blow it away. No. He had said he was mine. But then, why wasn't he more upset about me going out with Colton?
Maybe I should have kissed Colton after all.
When I showed up at Damien's door the next afternoon, it was confusion city all over again. My mind had poisoned my emotions all day, questioning why Damien and I didn't have sex more frequently. I would have to ask him about it before it ate me alive.
He had barely opened the door to me when he said, “Go home.”
My heart sank to my feet, and I just gaped at him. “What?”
“Did I stutter? Go home and spend the week thinking about how you upset me. When you come back on Saturday, your day will start with punishment.”
“Are you kidding me? You just made me drive all this way to see you, and now you're turning me away? You couldn't have sent me a text or something? Gas isn't free, you know.”
His expression betrayed no emotion. “You couldn't go a full week without seeing him. I couldn't stop it. But I can keep you away from me. This is the first part of your punishment, if it even matters to you.”
Was this really happening? I couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth.
“So, since I blew you off yesterday, you don't want to see me at all this weekend?”
“Go home, Cheyenne,” he said, closing the door in my face.
Anger welled up inside of me, and my body went into emotional overload. I had been good. I had deflected Colton's advances, and this was how I was being repaid. No. He was going to have to deal with me whether he liked it or not.
With a scowl, I pounded on the door. The gloves were about to come off. Fur was going to fly, and by the time we were through, everything was going to be laid out on the table. I wanted him emotionally stripped bare, as I had felt all week long. I wanted to know if this was worth it.
His footsteps retreated, and it only made me knock harder. “You get back here!” I yelled at him through the door.
The footsteps didn't return.
“God damn it, Damien! Stop being a brat. You get back here right this instant, or I'm breaking this fucking door down!”
My knuckles ached from rapping on the door. When I felt like I couldn't knock on it anymore, I began kicking it, leaving black scuff marks on the paint.
For all of my threats and kicking and thrashing though, the door would not budge, and Damien wasn't coming back. His stubbornness enraged me even further, but there was nothing I could do about it. Words were my only weapon. If I screamed loud enough, he could hear me, so as a last-ditch effort, I yelled, “Fine. I hate you. I never want to see you again,” and walked away.
The second I got in my car, I regretted it. What had come over me? What was wrong with me? Part of me wanted to get back out, run to his door, throw myself against it and apologize. But would that make him any more likely to come out? I doubted it. The damage was done, and to save my pride, all I could do was scurry off with my tail between my legs.
And so I left, sobbing the entire way home, to the point where I could barely see out my front windshield. If I get into an accident and die, it will be his fault. I hope he knows that. And if he didn't, I would haunt him for the rest of his life.
I spent the rest of the afternoon hating myself. Hating Damien. Regretting. Regretting. Regretting.
At one point, I thought about calling Colton, about telling him what had happened and going over to his apartment for comfort. I knew where that would lead though, and for as horny as I was, having sex would only make me feel worse. Not because having sex would be bad, but because my mind just wouldn't be into it. Damien would be on my mind, and that wasn't fair to Colton.
Did it really matter though? Were Damien and I over? Had my hateful words put the last nail in the coffin of our dark relationship? And should I even care? Anyone who made me feel that shitty didn't deserve my love. Did he?
Even though alcohol wasn't usually my thing, I raided my father's liquor cabinet and got couch-sloshing smashed in front of the television, constantly flipping channels to find something happy to watch. It seemed like every damned channel was playing some sappy bullshit romance movie, to which I yelled “Boo!” at the television at the top of my lungs. The neighbors probably thought I had gone insane, and they wouldn't be far off the mark.
I woke up in a puddle of vomit on the living room floor the next day. How I had survived the night, I didn't know. My father's bottle of tequila was halfway gone, and I didn't remember much of what I had watched. Class had already begun, and I was far too ill to attend.
I spent the day curled up in bed, nursing my hangover, drinking water and vomiting stomach acid. The vomit could wait to be cleaned up until later. It wasn't going anywhere, and neither was I.
Colton called to ask why I hadn't been to class, sounding genuinely worried. When I told him that I was hung over, he asked if I needed him to come take care of me. It was a sweet thought, and while it certainly would have been nice to have been pampered and cared for, I really didn't feel like being around anyone. At least, he didn't seem upset about my rejection on Saturday. He never brought it up, so I figured everything was okay between us.
That night, I stared at my phone, wondering if I should even bother sending Damien his nightly text. If I did, and he didn't respond, that meant we were over.
Did I even want a relationship with him anymore? When I had been with Colton, I was confused, but I knew where my heart was. Now, I wasn't so sure. This fight had provided me with an opportunity, an easy out, if I wanted to take it, if I hadn't already taken it. Besides, who was the one willing to rush to my side and take care of me? It wasn't Damien. That was for sure.
Against my better judgment, I did text Damien, telling him I had stayed home from college, and I was sorry for the way I had acted. Then I stared at my phone until I passed out, waiting for him to respond.
In the morning, I had zero text messages. There was my answer. It was over between us.
I went to school with a heavy heart and a tear-stained face. My mind was filled with regret, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and die. If I hadn't taken Monday off of school, I would have definitely stayed home, but I couldn't afford to get any further behind. Between classes, I cried in the bathroom. During lunch break, I sobbed over my sandwich. The day was absolutely miserable.
When I blew Colton off to hang out after school, he looked concerned, but didn't press me. Part of me was thankful, since breaking down in front of him would have been embarrassing. But the other part of me just wanted to be held and comforted. I wanted warm arms around me and a soft voice whispering in my ear that everything would be alright.
For that, I went to my mother's house. When I showed up at her door in all of my miserable glory, she embraced me immediately, and when I told her what had happened, she said all the things I wanted to hear, that Damien wasn't good enough for me, that there were other fish in the sea, that my heart would mend with time. How much time? How long would it take? I had suffered heartbreak before, but it had never felt so horrible. Maybe it was because Damien had been out of my league from the beginning. It wasn't natural for us to be together. I never should have had him.
My mom and I ate ice cream and watched Animal Planet together until it was so late she practically had to kick me out. We exchanged a lingering embrace before I finally left and headed home, feeling a little better. The uncontrollable sobbing had stopped, and the tears had dried on my cheeks. At least, that was an improvement.
Before I fell asleep that night, I sent Damien another text, though I didn't know why. In the morning, there was no response again, which only made me cry some more. He was avoiding me. Knowing that hurt.
While I was still upset, I was able to keep the sniffling to a minimum. Occasionally, a happy memory of Damien and I together would invade my brain, and I could feel my eyes watering, but I would quickly push it to the back of my mind, trying to regain my focus on school work.
Colton asked me if I wanted to talk about what was wrong, but I told him no. I wasn't at one hundred percent yet, and I didn't want to chance getting overly emotional. It made me happy to know he wanted to be my friend though—that he was still an option.
I continued to text Damien every night, though I knew it wasn't healthy. By Thursday, I felt considerably better. Him not responding wasn't bothering me near as badly as it had. I even got a slight kick out of thinking he was probably considering changing his number since I wouldn't stop harassing him.
That night, I hung out with Colton. We studied and watched television together, and I was thankful he didn't hit on me. While I was attracted to him, and would probably eventually act on it, I still needed time to heal. When the moment was right, I would tell him that my relationship with Damien was over, and we could take things from there. Until I was ready though, it was best for him to think I was still off-limits.
On Friday night, we went out with Tanya and Vinny to a restaurant. When they asked me questions about Damien, I was vague with my responses, though I knew Tanya could see the pain behind my eyes. I couldn't hide anything from her, and when we went to the bathroom together at one point, she managed to worm a partway confession out of me. All I could tell her was that there was trouble in paradise, but that I'd figure everything out, and she didn't need to worry about me. She simply said that she knew Damien, and I would fall apart sooner or later, which didn't make me feel any better. In fact, it bugged me so much that I reflected on it for the rest of the night.
Had our relationship always been set up for failure? Did relationships between students and their professors ever work out? Or had it been the BDSM that finally did us in? I chose to believe the later of the three. If he hadn't been so damn strict, this never would have happened.
Before we left the restaurant, I gave Colton a gentle kiss on the cheek. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes flooding with excitement. I couldn't help but grin at the fact that he was so easy to please.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Just for you being here for me. You're a really good friend. I'm glad we met.”
“Me too,” he paused for a moment, his expression suddenly darkening a little. “So, are you going to see Damien tomorrow?”
“I haven't decided yet.”
It was strange, but I hadn't really thought about it. While I was sure that we were over, it would be nice to hear something definite from his lips so that I wouldn't feel so guilty about moving on with Colton. Then again, hearing something definite would probably make me cry again.
“Well, if you don't go, then we should hang out together, maybe catch another movie,” Colton offered.
“Alright. Sounds like a plan. I'll let you know what I decide to do.” I gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder and then got in my car.
That night, I thought about masturbating. Lately, I hadn't really been in the mood. Yeah, I got horny, but my body had been trained to resist, so pleasuring myself wasn't that important anymore. Now there was no reason for me to resist. Was there?
I sneaked a hand between my thighs, allowing my fingertip to caress my pleasure button. It perked from the stimulation. No matter how much I rubbed though, my heart just wasn't into it. You'd think that after going two weeks without getting off, my body would have plummeted over the edge in half a heartbeat. My emotions dulled my senses though, and I kept thinking about how I needed the finality from Damien to move on—with everything. It would be hard, but I needed to see him. Or not see him. If he didn't answer the door, then that would be as good of an acknowledgment of the end of our relationship as anything.
“I'm coming over tomorrow,” I told Damien in a text before I went to sleep.
In the morning, there was no response.
My day was pretty dull. I cleaned the house and recited in my mind what I would say to Damien when I saw him—if I saw him. The odds weren't good. In fact, now that I had warned him I was coming, he would probably either leave the house or just not answer the door. It was bratty, but whatever.
At four o'clock, I pulled up in his driveway. Instinctively, I opened up my console, staring down at the training collar that was curled up like a silver snake at the bottom. The sight of it made me sad. With a sigh, I closed the console.
When I went to the door to knock, the butterflies in my stomach took flight. It wasn't the happy fluttering that usually came from seeing him. Today, it was more of a panic. The butterflies were trying to escape, not wanting to witness the emotional meltdown if the door did happen to open.
Almost as soon as my fist hit the door, I could hear footsteps on the other side. And when it opened, my breath hitched, my nervousness welling up to a peak as my eyes landed on Damien Reed's gorgeous emotionless face.
“You're not wearing your collar,” he said, looking at my neck disapprovingly.
“I didn't think it was necessary,” I stuttered, trying to regain my composure.
“It's always necessary. Put it on before you come inside.”
“No.” I shook my head.
He scowled. “Why not?”
“We need to . . . talk.”
“About what?”
“About us. Can I just come inside?” my voice rose an octave in irritation.
Damien seemed genuinely confused, which kind of pissed me off. Had I gotten the whole thing wrong? We were obviously on very different planes of thought.
“Sure.” He stepped aside, and I wrapped my arms around myself as I found my way to the living room, letting him trail behind me. I really just wanted to get this over and leave, preferably before I broke down into a bawling fit of emotional insanity.
“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, sitting on the sofa across from me.
“I'm turning in my collar.” The words hurt, but it was the only way to make him understand.
“Why?” Damien furrowed his brow.
“Because you didn't respond to my texts. I didn't know what was going on with us. I assumed we were over.”
He sighed, looking away. “Chey, I'm sorry. I thought you understood that was part of your punishment. I told you that you would have to go a week without me.”
My eyes began to water. I had misunderstood. It was more than though. Everything had gone wrong.
“I can't do this,” I whispered before bursting into sobs.
Damien was at my side in an instant, his arms around me. “I'm sorry, Chey. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just . . . so jealous. So afraid of losing you. I thought that . . . I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't mean to push you away though.”
I sniffled against his shoulder before sitting up and looking at him. “You were . . . jealous?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” He gazed deeply into my eyes when he said it, and I swooned, melting, now crying for a completely different reason. I clutched onto him, upset at myself for thinking anything less, embarrassed for causing such a scene.
Damien just held me, soothingly running a hand through my hair until the sobbing subsided and I could recompose myself. When I looked back up at him, he held my face in his hands and wiped my tears away, then kissed me gently on the lips. They trembled against the pressure of his.
“You're mine,” he told me. “And I don't like the thought of other people touching my things.”
“It didn't bother you at the party.”
“That was all for show. Besides, I knew none of those people could take you from me. This boy is a different kind of threat.”
“He's not a threat at all.” I shook my head. “We're only friends. Nothing more.”
“Boys and girls don't hang out together just to be friends. I'm old enough to know that much.” He gave me a knowing look.
“Well, he did try to kiss me, but I didn't let him,” I confessed, feeling somehow ashamed for it.
Damien's jaw tightened.
“You need to learn to trust me,” I said. “I trust you. Don't you think I worry about why you don't want to see me on school days? You could easily have someone else on the side.”
“I don't,” he insisted. “The only reason I don't want to see you on school days is because I think your time would be better spent studying. Your education should come before all things, including me.”
“You act like I don't have enough time for you and school too. I do. I'm not buried in so much homework that I can't take an extra hour or two out of my week to spend with you. And if you're so worried about time, then you could always come to my place. My father isn't there, so it's not like you have to worry about being run off with a pitchfork.”
He smirked at that. “Would you want to see me more throughout the week?”
“Yes! What do I have to do to get that through to you? This isn't the first time I've brought it up. You're just so damn stubborn that you don't listen to me half the time.”
Damien sighed, “I suppose you're right. I've been so busy worrying about your well being that I haven't actually taken the time to factor your happiness into the mix. Shame on me for that.”
“Yes. Shame on you,” I huffed at him.
“Well, what do you want to do now?”
“I think we should go over some rules for our relationship.”
“Alright.”
“First, I think we should agree to see each other more often. Maybe I could come over once a week, or you could come over to my place.”
“If that will make you happy, and you don't think it will overwhelm you.”
“I don't think it will overwhelm me. Second, we need to start trusting each other more. Colton may have feelings for me, but I don't return them. It's you that I love, you that I want to be with. Having said that, he's still a great friend, and I don't have enough friends. I don't want to have to sacrifice that friendship just because he makes you uncomfortable. I hope you understand.”
Damien paused for a moment before responding, as if trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say, “I think I can deal with that, though I certainly don't like it.”
“Good, because it's not optional. I don't tell you who you can hang out with, and you don't tell me who I can hang out with. We just trust each other.”
“Fine.”
“Third, I want you to meet my parents, both of them. Whether you consider yourself to be or not, you are my boyfriend. We've been together for a while, and it's only right for you to meet them.”
Damien shifted uncomfortably. “You sure are making a lot of demands.”
“You put me through hell this week. These are my terms. I've agreed to plenty of your terms that I didn't like and have asked for nothing in return up to this point. This is our compromise. These are the things it's going to take to keep me by your side.”
“You make it sound more like an ultimatum.”
“Maybe it is. Now, do you want to hear the rest or not?”
“Go ahead.” He nodded.
“And fourth, I want more sex.”
That turned his frown into a grin. “How much more could I pleasure you, you wanton girl? I thought I did a good enough job as it was.”
“You do an excellent job . . . with your hands and your mouth. I want your cock. Every time I've come over, our kink sessions have been all about my pleasure. Half the time, we haven't even had sex. How do you go the entire week only having sex once? It makes me wonder.”
Damien looked to the ceiling, thinking. “That's a good question. I do love sex, as you know, but I also get off to pleasuring you. I enjoy watching your face as I do things to you, feeling the way your muscles clench around my fingers, seeing you writhe from the pleasure of my touch.”
“You can make me writhe from pleasure in other ways too.” I poked at his crotch. “You're gonna have to start giving it up, or I'm gonna start taking it.”
“That would be a sight to behold,” he laughed.
“I'm not even joking.”
“I'm sure you're not.” Damien pulled me onto his lap and gave me an affectionate squeeze. “Any other demands from Princess Chey?”
I thought for a moment. Did I want anything else? If I did, now was the time to say it, when I was feeling bold and empowered. I couldn't think of anything though.
“No. I believe I'm done,” I replied finally.
“Alright, then I suppose you should go put your collar on for me.”
“Can we skip that for the night?” I gave him a desperate look. “I've been going through so much lately. I just want a night of normality with you. No kink. No BDSM. Just you and me. We can go back to it tomorrow, just not tonight.”
“If that's what you want.” He stood, picking me up and forcing me to clutch onto his neck.
“What are you doing?” I asked in shock.
“I thought we'd start with request number four.” Damien readjusted me in his arms and then carried me down the hall.
My eyes instinctively landed on the classroom as soon as it came into sight, but he passed it, walking me back to his bedroom. Very lightly, Damien set me on my feet, though he didn't let me go. He gazed into my eyes, melting away any icy barriers of doubt that I had about our love. When his lips touched mine, they were earnest, moving softly, affectionately. I returned his heated kiss, moaning against his mouth.
Already, his hands were wandering, gently caressing my side, lifting my shirt so his fingertips could tease my skin. Each touch was sensual and delicate, lighting something inside of me that went far beyond the realm of pleasure. My heart and body were on an equal plane of contentment, drowning in every gentle caress.
Damien lovingly undressed me, kissing my neck and touching all of my most sensitive spots. He was more attentive than he had ever been, worshiping me and making me feel like a goddess.
When I was down to my panties, Damien sat me on the bed and knelt between my legs to kiss my stomach. I craned my neck back, watching our reflection in the mirror on the ceiling. We didn't even look real. It was like two completely different people were up there. A beautiful young woman with fiery red hair stared back at me. Her brown eyes looked completely lost in lust, her lips slightly parted in a soft moan. The man between her legs was absolutely gorgeous, though he would look so much better without a shirt on.
I smiled deviously as I gripped at his shirt, clumsily pulling it off. Damien stopped for a moment to toss it to the floor, then gazed up at the ceiling to see what I was looking at. He grinned when he saw the goofy look on my face, then went back to work, covering my torso with kisses.
“Lay back,” he told my breathlessly, and once I did as I was told, he quickly removed my panties, leaving me naked and exposed for the mirror's viewing pleasure.
When he plunged his tongue between my folds, the mirror was almost forgotten. The movie I had been watching turned off, and I was back to reality, back in my body, back in the moment. I tangled my fingers in Damien's hair as he licked and sucked and teased my clit, making me writhe in pleasure beneath the heat of his mouth.
“Mmm yeah,” I whispered, feeling especially impassioned.
It wasn't long before he had driven me up the peak of pleasure. He knew my body too well—knew exactly how to get me off. For a split second, I thought about telling him I was about to come. But then I said fuck it. Tonight we played by my rules.
The orgasm rolled through me with trembling ecstasy, but my body was greedy. Oh so greedy. I wouldn't be satisfied until I had what I wanted. All of Damien.
When my contractions stopped, he stood up, unbuckling his pants and looking like a porn star. I shot up into a sitting position and swatted his hands out of the way, taking over. Those pants couldn't come off soon enough.
His cock was already making a delicious tent in his boxers, and I couldn't even wait long enough to pull it out. I had to taste it—needed to taste it. Hungrily, my mouth moved to the bulge, my tongue licking over the thick fabric.
Damien groaned lightly, and it only made me want him more. I grabbed onto his hips, drawing him to me so I could devour the package that was far too large for my mouth. My lips made a few passes up and down it, and then I hooked my fingers around his waistband and unwrapped him like a present, watching with lusty delight as his erect manhood sprang out at me.
The open air had only half a second to touch his cock before it was in my mouth. I threw teasing to the wind, sucking and bobbing as if I could swallow him whole. He tasted exquisite, smelled exquisite, just like a man should. When Damien tangled his fingers into my hair, I knew I better slow down. We were moving too fast. Everything was moving too fast. I wanted to make love to him, not just have a rowdy fuckfest. He had trained me well though, and we were both starving for sexual affection.
My jaw didn't even have a chance to get sore before Damien was pulling me away. He urged me up onto the bed and then crawled over me, looking like a tiger about to pounce on its prey. The carnal desire in his eyes was almost enough to drive me over the edge. When our mouths met, the kiss was far from gentle. We fought for dominance, moaning and clutching at each other and breathing heavily.
I could feel his sex between my legs, and I grabbed it, giving him a few teasing strokes. His manhood was so hot in my hand it was like living fire, and when I felt his pulse beneath my palm, I knew we couldn't wait any longer. Haphazardly, I guided him to my waiting hole. All it took was for his tip to touch my entryway before he bucked inside.
My breath hitched as he filled me. Perhaps it was the fact that I had gone two weeks without sex. Maybe it was because I missed Damien so much, loved him so much, needed him so much. But he felt incredibly big, gratifyingly big. I whimpered and moaned as he began thrusting, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders and holding him tight against me. The urgency with which he fucked me felt incredible, but I knew he was sprinting towards the finish line, and I wanted tonight to be a marathon.
“Slow down,” I whispered gently to him.
Instead, he stopped. “Are you alright?”
“Yes. I just want to savor you is all.”
He kissed me. This time, there was less heat in his kiss but far more passion. His hips began rocking again, more slowly this time, and he propped himself up to watch my face as he moved. I groaned softly, returning his loving gaze, enjoying the feel of his thick cock gliding in and out of my tight wet pussy. My muscles clenched around him, and I smirked at the subtle change in his expression.
“Do you like that?” I asked.
“Mhm,” he replied and then bent to kiss me again.
Making love was nice, but he couldn't hold out for long. Gradually, he picked up the pace, though he never reached the furiously pounding speed that was akin to him being ready to orgasm.
After a while, I urged him off of me, then climbed on top to ride him. Selfishly, I used his cock for my pleasure, grinding and rotating my hips on it while I pressed his hands against my breasts. He took the queue, skillfully pinched and tweaking my nipples, sending pulses of electricity straight to my clit that made my pleasure core fire off again. I placed my hands on top of his as my orgasm played out, forcing him to squeeze my breasts to the point of pain. Perhaps I wasn't the only one who couldn't settle for plain lovemaking. Maybe we were more alike than I had thought.
When the waves of pleasure receded, I found myself on my back again. Damien had returned to lovemaking mode, wanting nothing more than to please me, but I was ready to kick things up a notch.
I gripped him by the hair, drawing him to me. “Fuck me hard,” I whispered. “Fuck me til it hurts. Fuck me like you want to break me.”
The look he gave me was pure shock for half a heartbeat. Then the gentle light faded from his eyes, and Carnal Damien came out to play. Oh God, what did I just do, I thought, though I was more amused than afraid. Whatever was about to happen, I had asked for it.
Damien grabbed one of my legs, pulling it up to rest against his chest, splaying me out. He looked so sexy, kneeling between my thighs with that dominant gleam in his dark eyes.
His thrusting was slow at first, warming me up for what was to come. I watched him move in the mirror, admiring the way his muscles flexed, staring at his perfect little ass as he pistoned into me. It wasn't long before the bed was creaking beneath us, threatening to give out under the weight of our rough play.
Damien took a break to put me on all fours. He forced my legs together and straddled them, fighting to squeeze back inside from the compressed position. I bit my bottom lip, savoring the pain of him drilling into me, the wetness of my inner channel providing the only relief. When Damien was all the way in, he gave my ass a slap, sending a shock wave straight to my clit. Then he grabbed me by the hips and fucked me so hard that the headboard cracked against the wall with each thrust.
By the time he finally changed positions again, my cunt was all kinds of sore. I panted as I was rolled onto my back and had both my legs hoisted over his shoulders. Sweat had beaded on Damien's brow and chest, and his breathing was almost raspy, but that didn't stop him.
I hissed lightly when he entered me again, wondering how much more my pussy could take before he broke it completely. Damien pressed all the way inside, leaning over me so that my face was only inches away from my ankles. Then he pounded down into me, making it feel like his manhood was stirring my insides. Despite the pain of it, the lusty look in his eyes made my cunt throb for more. He'd pause occasionally to rotate his hips, feeling every centimeter of space my body had to offer.
When he finally dropped my legs and thrust for the home stretch, I felt like there wasn't an inch of me that hadn't felt the wrath of his cock—and what sweet wrath it was. I wrapped my arms around Damien as he dialed up to ejaculation speed. To my surprise, he didn't pull back when he came. Instead, he pressed forward, digging his pubic bone so hard into my clit that it made me come again. My mind went blank as he filled me with his seed, though I wasn't sure if it was from the earth-shattering orgasm or the surrealism of the moment. He had purposely come inside of me, and I absolutely loved it.
“Fuck yes,” I moaned, holding him desperately against me, not wanting a drop to spill out.
By the time our bodies had expended themselves, we were both breathless. Damien laid on top of me, panting louder than ever. I clutched the back of his neck, feeling the sweat from his effort, never wanting to let him go.
How romantic it would be if he fell asleep inside of me, I thought. But also, how dangerous.
Damien ground his hips between my legs one final time before pulling out. I spread my legs, feeling the cool air touch my overheated parts. The thought of having his semen deep in my womb filled me with a strange sense of satisfaction, though also a bit of fear, despite the fact I was on birth control.
Damien kissed me tenderly on the lips, then descended between my legs. When his tongue lapped across my swollen slit, I blushed. He was drinking his own come.
I wasn't sure if I found that outrageously sexy or somewhat disturbing. All I knew was that his mouth felt amazing on my abused parts. His tongue and lips were gentle, caressing my folds and sucking them clean. When he moved to tease my clit again, I squirmed a little. My body was extra sensitive, but apparently not too sensitive for another orgasm. It took a bit longer to push me towards my breaking point this time, but Damien was persistent, and I was groaning out the last of my pleasure before I knew it, seeing stars as if nothing else existed.
When Damien finally climbed back up to my side and pulled me into his arms, I sighed contently.
“That was amazing,” I whispered, running my fingernails over his chest, thinking about how I was happy he had kept up with shaving.
“I liked it too,” he said.
“That was like . . . the best sex ever.”
He laughed softly.
“I definitely won't be walking right tomorrow.”
“I aim to please.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“You succeeded.”
“Good.”
The rest of the night couldn't have been anymore perfect. We took a shower together, and there were no stern rules surrounding it. I bathed Damien lovingly, and he bathed me. There was a strange satisfaction in feeling what was left of his semen drain from my body. My mind raced to the future, a future where we were married, and I was carrying his unborn child. It was too far ahead for me to worry about now, but I hoped that someday it would be a reality.
When we were done with our shower, we huddled down to watch television together, curling up on the sectional sofa. Damien was ever attentive to my needs. He made me dinner and then did the dishes, and I didn't even have to lift a finger.
“Weren't you supposed to punish me?” I asked, half joking, amazed at how the night had actually turned out.
“I thought you didn't want to do the BDSM thing tonight,” he said.
“I don't. I just remember you saying that you had some big punishment for me. I was just curious what it was, and if I should be scared for tomorrow.”
“I think you've punished yourself enough as it is. Besides, that sex was so good, it made up for anything bad you could have done,” he replied, kissing me gently on the lips.
“The sex was really good,” I agreed. “So tomorrow, we go back to normal, right?”
“If that's what you want.”
“Mmm. I'm really starting to like this 'if that's what you want' mentality you've got going on.”
“Don't count on it lasting.” He smirked.
“Oh, I won't. You're too stubborn and set in your ways.”
We were silent for a few minutes before he spoke again, “So, I guess this means you're not turning in your training collar.”
“No,” I said thoughtfully. “I think I'll hang onto it for a while longer.”
“Good, because I have so much more to teach you.”