Chapter Twenty-Two
Shelby
The elevator doors opened, depositing me on the ground floor. I trudged out, exhausted. The New Year was always a busy time. That was when all the lifestyle and self-improvement stuff got big to capitalize on everyone making resolutions. I didn't buy into it personally, not that much but the 'new year, new me' stuff got ratings. Who was I to talk shit?
I only had one resolution, which was to be the best parent to Damien that I could possibly be. I felt relieved walking to the daycare to pick him up. I felt like it had been days since I had seen him; work had felt way too long. Was it just because I was coming off a break that I felt this way? Christmas was over, I had taken our tree down already and been preparing mentally for work again, but I still felt like my body was here, but the rest of me was not. I didn't know what it was; I had never felt that way before.
I loved my job, and I always had. Why did I wish that I was at home? It didn't make sense. I thought I loved working and having a career. Usually, I did; work was fulfilling, and I wanted to do it, but, I don't know, I was in a weird funk today.
It would most likely pass. I was counting on it. It didn't matter as much what I wanted to do; it mattered what I had to do. With Damien, having a stable job was not optional. Just give it a few days, I thought to myself, you'll be back to normal in no time. Obviously, the problem was I had gotten too used to rolling out of bed and spending the whole day in my pajamas; now it felt like it wasn't fair when I had to wear makeup and come to the newsroom.
Damien wasn't suffering any of the post-break bullshit that I was. He was happy when I collected him from the daycare and drove us home. I had been looking forward to getting home, but there had also been something else. Jason. He was finally back in L.A. He hadn't been gone a long time, but it had felt that way. I had gotten used to him being around. I had had to; when he had come around, he wouldn't want to leave: not that that had been a problem. He wasn't as hard to be around as he had been in the past. Not to mention seeing him with Damien was heart-meltingly cute.
We were getting dinner that night. He hadn't asked me to, but I was bringing Damien instead of calling Paula. I was so glad that he had proven me wrong about how good he could be in Damien's life. My caution had been totally uncalled for. I should have let him show me that he could be there instead of making the judgments that I had. With that too, it was a godsend to have another pair of hands to help with the baby. It was beautiful watching Jason fall in love with his son. I guess I had kind of missed hanging out with him too. We were taking things slow, but he wasn't making me regret letting him in.
At home, I fed and changed Damien, putting him in his crib for a few minutes so I could take a shower and get ready for us to leave. Work had been draining, but I felt a little better after having a shower. I brought Damien into my bedroom and put him on the bed while I got ready.
"What do you think I should wear, bub?" I asked, looking over at him on the bed from my dresser. "What do you think your daddy would like?" He babbled, wiggling on the bed. What was I talking about? This wasn't a date. We weren't there yet. It didn't matter what I put on to go see him. I did want to look nice though; what was wrong with that? After dinner, maybe he'd want to come over and, I don't know, put Damien down for bed. Once he was asleep, I was sure we'd be able to think of something we could do together.
I settled on a coral dress with a halter neckline. I threw a jacket over it and applied some light makeup to my face, then got Damien ready to leave. I got to the restaurant before Jason did: a place in the neighborhood that I had suggested because I could use its proximity to my apartment to suggest that we go back there after, together. The break hadn't been that long, but it had been long enough to miss him, yes, in that way. It felt like we had had a fresh start and I was impressed that he had made the changes that he had in his life just because I had asked him to. Only time would tell what his next moves were, but I could be around him now without worrying that he would blow up.
"You been waiting long?" I heard a voice behind me ask. I had gotten a booth so we wouldn't have to try balance Damien's carrier seat on a chair or on the floor. I turned and saw Jason walking up to me, grinning. I smiled almost automatically. He came up, holding his arms open for me. I let him hug me, loving the way his hard, solid body felt. He kissed my cheek then released me.
"Nope. We just got here," I said, moving so he could see Damien. He smiled down into the carrier seat, unbuckling him and lifting him out of it. I watched, almost hypnotized as he said hi to his son. Damien giggled as Jason cuddled him and kissed him on the cheek.
"I think he missed you," I said, as we sat.
"I missed him," he said, "both of you." We chatted after a server came and took our orders, Damien sitting on Jason's lap.
"How was your trip?" I asked him once we had gotten our meals. Damien, already fed was back in his seat, playing with a stuffed toy.
"It was all right. Took a shorter time than I expected to get everything squared away."
"Squared away?"
"Yeah. Getting everything in storage took the longest, but I wanted to be back here before a week was up."
"Storage?" I asked, confused. What was he talking about? Why did he want to put things in storage?
"Oh, yeah. Didn't I tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"This is it. I'm not going back," he said smugly. It took me a couple seconds to click.
"What? You're moving?"
"Yeah," he said lightly. "I had to go back to the station, patch up a few things with Vic, but really, the reason I went back was so I could put my penthouse back on the market. Won't be needing it now."
"Jason..." I didn't know what to say. It was so out of the blue. How long had he been thinking about moving? He hadn't said a word about it to me. That was weird, I thought. If he had said something to me, I could have helped him with his apartment search, or getting a realtor here. Who just picked up and moved, just like that? I had asked him to quit his job and he had done that without a second thought, I reminded myself. Quitting your job was one thing; he could get another job. He could get another house too, obviously, but that wasn't the point.
"When were you going to tell me?" I asked.
"That I was moving? I didn't want it to turn into a whole thing when it didn't need to be. You and Damien are here; this is your home. I wanted to be close to the two of you, so I moved," he said, shrugging.
"That simple, huh?" I said. He glanced over at Damien, then back at me.
"Whether it was L.A. or fucking London, I would have gone wherever the two of you were." I nodded, touched that he was taking fatherhood so seriously. It was still a surprise though. When had he been thinking about this, or had he just not? It wasn't encouraging if this had been a shotgun decision for him.
"Still a big decision. I wish you had told me," I said.
"I'm telling you now. Would you have told me not to do it?"
"No, that's not it," I said, pausing. "Do you already have somewhere to live here? When did you have time to get an apartment?"
"I didn't. Everything this past week or so has happened pretty fast. I was hoping I'd get to stay with you."
"What?"
"I just figured, with Damien and everything it would make sense." My jaw dropped.
"Are you kidding me? And just when did you figure all this out?" I demanded indignantly.
"Whoa, Shel, I didn't mean to make you upset."
"Is that why you didn't say anything about moving here? Your plan all along was to move in with us? Jason, it's only been a few weeks; why would you think about something like that? Why would you even plan that without telling me anything first?"
"I didn't realize it would be a problem."
"Because you assumed it wouldn't instead of talking to me first. My god, Jason," I said, getting up.
"Shelby, please,"
"Is this your fucking idea of taking it slow?" I asked, grabbing Damien's carrier seat.
"Shelby, I'm sorry. Sit. Let's talk about it."
"Now you want to talk? No, Jason, it's too late. Don't come by the house again."
"Shel, please." I ignored him, coming out of the booth and making a beeline for the exit. I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy. Shouldn't you have seen this coming, Shelby, I thought darkly. Nobody just reforms overnight. I had thought that that entitled attitude had come from his job making him believe that he was the shit. Guess it hadn't. That was just who he was. Good thing he had shown me sooner rather than later.