Chapter Fourteen
Jess
I white-knuckled my steering wheel during the whole ride over to Noah’s on Monday morning. Yesterday had been a waste of a day. Although, I needed it, especially because my mind whirred with the possibilities of the consequences of our actions. I ate junk food and binge-watched trashy television until my stomach was full and my brain was mush.
My indecision on the matter wasn’t resolved by the time I got to Noah’s home. After parking my car in the driveway, I sat there for a moment, collecting myself.
You can do this. You have to do this.
I had no other choice. I couldn’t give up on Gina because of my misstep. I would talk everything over with Noah, and then we would forget about sleeping together.
At least I would try. Even though I’d left him on Saturday night, it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. I could have stayed, and I was sure he wouldn’t have minded.
The memory of him touching my face, my chest, and everywhere else came back to me. A wave of tingles rippled over my skin, and I held onto that last bit before burying it deep inside of me. I had to keep my wits for the unknown reaction from Noah that I was about to face.
For once, I wished that Noah left later in the morning, preferably when Gina was awake. At least at that point she could be the buffer between us. I stared at the clock on my dashboard and knew that I had to go inside. If Noah was upset about what had happened and that I was late, it wouldn’t make the situation any easier.
I marched up to the door, confident that I would have a job at the end of the day.
Inside, I heard Noah moving around in the kitchen. I closed the door louder than I normally would have to alert him that I was in the house.
I tightened the scarf around my neck, covering myself up so there he would in no way think I was trying to seduce him. I’d never intended that the first time. Once again, a delicious thread of pleasure moved through me, settling between my legs.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts before entering the kitchen.
“Good morning,” I said cheerfully.
Noah turned. He cradled a mug of coffee in his hands. “Morning.”
We stood there for a moment, not meeting each other’s eyes. A pit widened in my stomach. This was as awkward as I imagined.
“How was the rest of your weekend?” Noah asked, sipping from his mug.
I let out a slow breath. His eyes locked on mine over the rim of his cup. They flashed in the same way they did on Saturday night.
“Not bad,” I said. “You?”
“Gina and I went to the park and met up with a friend.”
A female friend?
“That sounds like fun,” I said, rubbing my sweaty palm against my jeans.
“Yeah, he gave Gina a handmade doll he bought on one of the islands during his vacation.”
Did he sense my need for a gender clarification? “That’s lovely,” I said. “I can’t wait to see it.”
He nodded. “Gina loves it. I’m sure it will be the first thing you see when she gets up.”
“Great,” I said.
Noah finished his coffee and placed the mug in the dishwasher. “Thanks for setting up the quilt activity.”
“It’s no problem. I’ve been meaning to do another one for some time.”
Noah crossed the room and stood in front of me. His green eyes were darker this morning. Probably because there wasn’t much light in the room. “She’s really excited about it.”
I slowly inhaled, smelling a hint of his cologne. The scent memory catapulted me back to Saturday night.
“Well,” he said with a small smirk. “I should get going.”
“Yeah,” I said as I exhaled. I needed him out of my sight or I was going to go crazy with need. Would this feeling ever go away? It wasn’t completely his fault that this was awkward. I had wanted to have sex with him. And I was the one who left that night. What would have happened if I stayed? Did he think of me more than his nanny after that night? Or did he agree that this was a bad idea? It was clear we weren’t going to talk about it at that moment. But I built up a list of questions in my mind for when we did have that discussion when we had more time to hash it all out.
I waited until the front door closed and I heard the engine of his car before I headed into the kitchen to start on Gina’s breakfast.
With her dislike for most vegetables, I chopped spinach and added it to her oatmeal. It was a trick I’d learned in one of my earlier nanny jobs. Sadly, that job only worked out for about two weeks when the family moved across the country.
When I finished preparing the breakfast, I put the oatmeal in two bowls to allow it to cool before going upstairs.
Gina was still in bed when I opened the door. Her little eyes cracked open and then widened like saucers. “Jess!” She jumped out of bed and ran over to me, hugging my legs.
“Good morning, little tacker. Ready for breakfast?”
“I’m hungry!” she said in a deep voice. The reference to the dinosaur cartoon character from one of her favorite shows made me smile. She hugged her new doll against her body and took my hand, marching down to the kitchen with me.
At first, Gina glanced suspiciously at her oatmeal, but when I started eating it, she dug right in. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for, so I held my breath as she ate, fully expecting her to know that I sneaked something healthy into her meal.
“Your dad told me your uncle got you this doll?”
“I love her!” she said then kissed the doll. I loved how affectionate she was. “Her name is Sally.”
“That’s a pretty name,” I said. “What else did you do yesterday?”
“Did Daddy tell you about his date?” Gina asked, completely ignoring my question.
“Um, not really,” I said.
“He told me that he’s not going out with your friend anymore.”
“Oh.”
“He was in a good mood yesterday.”
“He was?” I asked. Even after the awkward goodbye we shared, he had been in a good mood? After this morning and his nonchalant attitude about everything, I had no idea what to think. But hearing he had been in a good mood helped improve mine as well. I tried to hide my smile with a sip from my mug. With Gina reporting to me about Noah’s mood, I was sure she’d say something to him if I reacted too much either way.
“Yeah. He was smiling like you are.”
I wiped the smile from my face. I thought I hid it enough, but Gina was observant. Almost too much sometimes.
Gina sighed. “Do you have any other friends for Daddy?”
I almost choked on my oatmeal. “I don’t.” Like hell was I going to set him up ever again. Especially after sleeping with him.
“Oh,” she said.
“These things aren’t to be rushed,” I said, trying to cheer her up. “I’m sure someone will come along.”
She nodded and focused on her meal again.
Later that morning, we stopped by the record shop on the way to the fabric store. Tuckering Gina out early would help get her down for a nap easier that afternoon and then I could focus on preparing the quilt for us. When we entered the store, Gina ran over to Sierra, who was behind the counter, painting her nails.
Gina almost knocked over a bowl of lollies on the counter. With my quick reflexes from working with kids, I was able to grab it before they scattered all over the counter and floor.
“Can I have one?” Gina asked me.
“No,” I said firmly. “Not before lunch.”
“Oh, come on,” Sierra said.
I narrowed my eyes at her.
Sierra ignored me and spoke to Gina. “Give me a second, and I’ll get you the record.”
There was no one else in the shop that morning, so we had the place to ourselves. I desperately wanted to tell Sierra about everything that happened this weekend. It wasn’t a conversation to be told through text. And Gina would be busy dancing in a few moments so we could quickly chat.
Sierra came around the counter, waving one hand out at her side to air dry the nail polish.
Something crinkled, and I saw Sierra slip Gina one of the lollies.
I gritted my teeth. At least I was sticking firmly to my answer.
After setting up the record for Gina, Sierra went back to the counter, and I leaned against it, watching Gina.
“I said no candy,” I said to her.
“But I’m the fun one,” she said with a wink.
I rolled my eyes.
“How did your weekend turn out?” Sierra asked. “I couldn’t believe I was stuck here both days. I’m going to have a chat with Harold about the schedule.”
“It was interesting,” I said. Sierra raised an eyebrow. I pushed on, determined to get it out before the song was over. Gina could not repeat any of this to Noah. “Apparently, Noah had a terrible time with Kimberly.”
Sierra snorted. “I could have told you that. She’s an airhead.”
“Anyway, so he came home, and we shared a bottle of wine. And then we, um, you know.”
Sierra leaned against the other side of the counter and brought her face close to mine. “Don’t tell me you—?” She made an inappropriate gesture.
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Gina didn’t see it. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Sierra hissed. “You had sex with Noah?”
I buried my head in my hands. “Yes. And it was so weird afterward. I left like immediately after. I almost regret doing it.”
“Why? You needed this. And you like him.”
“It’s complicated with him being my boss and all,” I said. She didn’t understand that if things went sour, I’d never be able to see Gina again. And that hurt almost as much as me never seeing Noah again.
“It’s obvious he likes you,” she’d said. “You even said he’s not the type to hit it and quit it.”
I never used those exact words, but she was right. “It was so awkward this morning, but at least I’m keeping my job. For now.”
“He’s not going to fire you,” she said. “He has eyes and knows that you and Gina are a perfect pair.”
“So, what do I do about it?” I asked.
“Whatever you want. If it were me, I would keep it going. He’s into you, and you’re into him. Why not be that naughty nanny I always knew you were?”
I swatted at her. “I’m serious.”
“I am too.”
“You don’t think it’s a bad idea to get involved with him? What if something happens and I lose my job?”
“You’re not going to lose your job, sweetie. If the both of you are concerned with that then obviously there is something more there. Besides, who better to be a mother figure to Gina than you?”
“I don’t know…” I trailed off.
“Have you spoken to him directly about this? Maybe it was only awkward because you were the one to leave the other night?”
“Maybe,” I said, thinking about it. “Gina said he was in a good mood yesterday.”
“Well, duh. That should help you from feeling weird about it. He liked it, and there was no awkwardness for him. That’s all on you.”
I turned around and watched Gina dance around and make the animal noises. I couldn’t help but smile. I’d have to think more about this whole situation. I knew Sierra wanted to see me happy, but I had to make sure that my happy was the same as Gina’s and Noah’s. Somehow at that moment, I doubted it. If I pushed it too far, then it would be my fault. It was best to leave it alone for the time being.