Chapter Eleven
Eric
I tucked Emma into a nest of blankets at Helen's house, feeling mildly guilty about the swell of relief I felt that I wouldn't have to drop her off at the daycare for the second day in a row. And with the weekend beginning the following day, that meant two more days until I had to see Olivia.
I wasn't avoiding her, per se. But I had a lot of thinking to do.
I hadn't been able to get Olivia out of my mind since our date on Wednesday. We'd had fun, and things were so comfortable between us. And the sex had been good. It left me feeling guilty, though, in ways that I hadn't expected. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had never connected with someone quite as deeply as Olivia and I were connecting...not even my former wife.
I had managed to come to terms with the idea that Emily would have wanted me to go out and date someone else. My mourning period didn't have to last for the rest of my life. But that didn't mean she would understand if I went out and replaced her with someone that I cared even more deeply about.
I wondered if maybe the reason why I could care more deeply about Olivia was that I had been hurt in the past. Maybe Emily's death had opened me up to a whole new level of feeling that I could never have expected to experience. Or maybe I now understood how precious every second of a relationship was, not knowing when the other person could be permanently taken away from you.
But no matter how I tried to rationalize things, I couldn't help feeling guilty. I didn't regret what Olivia and I had done the other night. In fact, I was so happy that the other night had happened. But I wasn't ready to face all the consequences of the other night just yet, not before I had a chance to figure some things out in my head.
I left Emma dozing on the sofa and headed out to the front hall before calling Olivia. “Hey Olivia,” I said when she answered the phone. “I'm sorry to say that Emma won't be coming in for daycare again today; she's still running a fever.”
There was a long pause. “Okay,” Olivia finally said, heaving a small sigh. “Look, Dr. Jones, I'm sorry if I did something wrong the other night, but we're going to have to interact at some point, given that you are my mother's physician. You can't avoid me forever.”
“I'm not avoiding you,” I insisted. “Emma is sick, and I wouldn't want her spreading her germs all over town. Besides, it's no trouble for Helen to watch her when really all she's going to do all day is sleep, eat crackers, and maybe watch a little TV.” I ran a hand back through my hair. I was wishing that I’d said goodbye to Helen before starting this call so that I wouldn’t have to have it here in her front hallway where she might overhear. I could only imagine how she might take the news that I had finally gotten over her daughter.
There was another pause. “I knew we should have waited,” Olivia said bitterly.
I blinked, taken aback by her tone of voice. “Did you not enjoy the other night?” I asked.
“Of course I enjoyed it,” Olivia said, sounding frustrated. “God, it was amazing, Eric. You were amazing. You know how good I felt afterward; I made that very clear.”
I smiled a little, remembering her vehemence when she told me that yes, she was okay. “I just need some time to process,” I told her quietly. “It's not that I think we should have waited. Or that I didn't enjoy it because I hope you know that I did. I really did. I just need to process it.”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “But you don't have to avoid me. You could come by to see me. Maybe we should talk about this.”
It was another thing that I'd been thinking about since Wednesday night. Her and I, dating in such a small town, everyone was going to know everything that we got up to. I wasn't ready to cross the bridge yet.
“We're going to have to be careful,” I told her. “This town gossips like no other. I don't want people questioning us.”
Olivia sighed again. “So I guess you're asking me to start avoiding you too, aren't you?”
“Of course not,” I said gently. “I'm just saying that I want to talk about this in private. Or maybe five towns over.”
“Going to be an awfully long drive to go five towns over for coffee,” Olivia said, and I could hear the grin in her voice again, finally.
“I don't think we'll have any trouble coming up with things to talk about,” I said.
“Well, I guess I'll see you around,” Olivia said uncertainly.
“You'll see me around,” I agreed firmly. “At the very least, I'll see you on Monday morning when I bring Emma in for daycare. I assume that she'll be feeling better by then.”
“Good,” Olivia said.
“Who was that?” Helen asked as she came into the foyer, watching me hang up the phone.
“No one,” I said, feeling guilty again. But Helen was going to need to know about this sooner or later. She'd start to wonder otherwise. I took a deep breath. “It was Olivia Sable,” I admitted. “We went on a date on Wednesday.”
“That's nice,” Helen said, smiling at me. “Olivia seemed like a very nice girl.”
“She is,” I said, surprised at how okay Helen was with the idea that I had moved on to someone else. Maybe she didn't realize that when I said date, I meant...well. I shifted, thinking about where the evening had ended up. Not that I was going to tell my mother-in-law about that.
“I have to get to work,” I told her, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “If you need anything, give me a call.”
“Will do,” Helen said cheerfully, ushering me out the door.
I was distracted all morning, and lunchtime was no reprieve. I headed over to Ernie's Diner for lunch, craving a tuna melt. “How've you been lately?” Ernie asked as he poured me a cup of his strongest coffee.
I shrugged. “You know, same old, same old,” I said. “Not much changes in a town like this.”
Ernie laughed. “You're right there,” he agreed, looking around the diner, which looked exactly the same as it had for the whole time I'd lived there, right down to the photos on the wall and the chips out of the linoleum. “Heard you've got yourself a new lady friend, though.”
“Who, Georgia Witherspoon?” I asked. “I ran into her at the market the other day, that's all. You know how she is. It's no secret that she's been chasing me for years now.”
“Not Georgia, no,” Ernie said, waving a hand at me. “I meant the new girl. Jeannie Sable's daughter.”
“Olivia?” I asked in surprise. “Emma goes to her place for daycare, that's all. Helen's getting older; I figured it would be easier on her, a little less stress if Emma wasn't her sole responsibility nearly every day of the week.”
Ernie raised an eyebrow at me. “Emma goes there for daycare, sure. We all know that.” He leaned in close. “But I heard your car was parked in her driveway rather late on Wednesday evening.”
I tried to school my features into a neutral expression. Of course, someone had noticed. It was exactly what I'd been worried about. This was a small town, and people took notice whenever anything even slightly out of the ordinary happened.
“So, you're finally moving on from Emily, are you?” Ernie asked, moving to dry some cups. “About time, I'd say.”
“Olivia and I aren't dating,” I said. “Or doing whatever else you're insinuating.” I hoped he couldn't see the faint blush spreading across my cheeks. “We're friendly, sure. But Wednesday night, I was just over there because...” I cast around in my mind, trying to find some plausible excuse. Finally, I hit on one. “Emma forgot her dolly over there during daycare, and she refused to go to bed without the thing. I just went over there to get dolly back.”
Ernie frowned. “Seems like you were over there for a long time if you were just there to get a toy,” he said meaningfully.
“Oh come on, Ernie, I don't know what you want me to say,” I complained. “Like I said, Olivia and I are friendly with one another. I didn't just run in, grab the toy, and leave. We chatted a little. We shared a little wine.”
“Sounds romantic,” Ernie said. “And Emma waited for you that whole time?”
“Emma didn't need her dolly to fall asleep,” I said, knowing full well that I was just digging the hole deeper and deeper. I didn't like lying about it, but I wasn't ready for the whole town to know about Olivia and I yet, and as soon as Ernie knew, the cat would really be out of the bag. “Who told you about the car anyway?” I asked. “You live on the other side of town from me; you weren't just passing through, either.”
“I didn't see it with my own eyes,” Ernie admitted. “Georgia Witherspoon told me about it.”
I should have known.
I sighed and shook my head. The situation was even more complicated than I'd considered, then. It wasn't just about the town finding out that Olivia and I were together. If Georgia was involved in things too, that meant that by going out with Olivia, I was rejecting the woman once and for all. I didn't want to say that she scared me, but I did have to wonder what she would do if she found out that I really wasn't interested in her in the way that she wanted me to be.
I continued to brood as I headed back to the office that afternoon. The balance of a small town community is very delicate, and I didn’t want to upset that balance. But I also had no desire to disappoint Olivia. We'd had fun the other night, and then there was the strength of the desire that I felt for her. And beyond all that, there was the whole thing with her mother. Olivia herself was in a delicate state at the moment. But even if I thought I should stay away from her, I wasn't sure if I could.
As though sensing the direction of my thoughts, Olivia called that evening, not too long after I got home. “Hey,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to check in and see how Emma was feeling.” There was something more to it than that; I could hear it in her voice. But I didn't press, as much as I wanted to hear her admit that she was mostly calling just so she could hear my voice or something like that.
“Emma's doing good,” I told her. “She should be back to 100% by Monday.”
“Good,” Olivia said, sounding distracted. She paused. “I've been invited to this wedding,” she finally said. “It's for an old college friend of mine, and I'm supposed to RSVP by the end of the week because the wedding's in about a month. Anyway, I was just wondering if you'd be my plus one.”
“Oh,” I said, shocked to hear her say that.
“I know it's kind of a big deal, but I won't really know anyone there except for a small handful of people from college. They're all bringing their fiancés and husbands, and I don't want to be the only one there on my own,” Olivia rushed to say. She paused again. “Besides, there will be beer. And cake. And I won't make you dance, I promise.”
I laughed. I wasn't sure that I should agree, not with my uncertainty about this whole relationship, and especially not if everyone else was going to be there with their fiancés and husbands. It sounded like people could very easily get the wrong impression of us. But then again, the more I thought about it, the more that that was a wrong impression that I wanted them to make.
I swallowed hard. That, in itself, said more than all the thoughts I'd had that afternoon. I wanted to be considered a serious couple with Olivia.
Still, as soon as we made this into something serious, there would be consequences. Or repercussions, rather. There was the town to think of, and my evolving grief. There were Emma and Helen. And Jeannie, and my professional relationship with her and her daughter.
I didn't know if I should agree to go.
“I'll have to check with Helen and make sure she'd be okay to watch Emma,” I said lamely.
“Oh, right!” Olivia said too brightly, clearly attempting to mask her disappointment. “Of course.”
“I want to go,” I said. “I just need to check.” Then, I shook my head. “Do you think this is a bad idea?” I asked.
“I wouldn't have asked if I thought it was a bad idea,” Olivia said, sounding confused.
“Not about the wedding, but about...us,” I said slowly. I didn't know how to say it to her, but I wasn't planning on playing around with her. If we did anything, it was going to be serious.
“I want there to be an 'us,'” Olivia told me frankly. “But that's up to you to decide, Eric.” She sighed. “Could you try to let me know by the end of the weekend if you're okay with this?”
“I'll let you know,” I agreed. There wasn't anything else I could do.
“All right,” Olivia said. “Have a good night.”
She hung up almost before I could respond.