Chapter Thirty-Three
Eric
Jeannie's funeral was that following Tuesday, at the Memorial Gardens like I had suggested. It seemed as though the entire town was there. Of course, in such a small town, everyone had known Jeannie.
I'd left Emma with Jenna, knowing that it would be impossible to get the girl to sit still for the ceremony on a good day. As it was, the weather was supposed to be hot that day, and humid. I dressed respectfully in a suit anyway.
I hadn't spoken to Olivia since Saturday morning, but when I'd gone over to her house on Sunday afternoon to check on her, she hadn't been there. I assumed that she'd probably been doing exactly what I had told her to do: spending time with a friend, to get her mind off things. Still, it sent a pang through my heart to think that she had turned to Buck to help her get through her grief.
I couldn't blame her, if I was honest with myself. I knew that I had probably shown her too little care, too late. Besides that, I was the one who had suggested that she turn to someone else. And I knew that I had been way too patronizing during our breakfast. I just hadn't been able to stop thinking about Emily's death and how I'd felt afterward. I knew everyone dealt with grief in different ways, but I'd wanted Olivia to know that what she was going through was entirely normal.
Instead, I'd probably made it sound like I didn't need to hear her whining or something like that.
I swallowed hard, feeling back about that all over again.
She looked stunning in her grief. The black dress that she was wearing was elegant and understated, and the little veil that she had clipped over her face brought her features into sharp relief. Her eyes were bright, and she was pale, but she looked strong, standing there.
I was proud of her, I realized, and I flushed just thinking that. As though I had any right to feel proud of her.
Her eyes found mine, and for a moment, it looked as though she wanted to convey something with that look, or possibly as though she might find her way over to my side. But just then, the funeral procession began, and her eyes snapped back to the officiant.
I was surprised to see that she wasn't standing next to Buck, but maybe she didn't want the whole town to know about them, especially given the pregnancy. Today wasn't the day for that. Still, I figured it was only a matter of time before everyone found out about the two of them, especially with the way that Buck had talked to Gary.
I suppressed the wave of jealousy that went through me and concentrated on the ceremony.
The officiant said some words, and then Olivia gave a tearful, well-written eulogy. Afterwards, she invited other people to get up and tell their own stories about Jeannie. The happy stories lightened the mood, but Olivia herself became noticeably sadder and sadder until I was surprised that she hadn't crumpled already. She continued to stand strong, though.
After the ceremony, I watched Olivia mill around, greeting people, thanking them for coming, and accepting their hugs. She seemed so terribly sad, and I wanted to go to her, to comfort her. But I wasn't sure that she would appreciate that, especially not in front of the whole town. I stayed off to the side, letting her come to me if she was willing to.
Buck stepped forward and had a quiet word with Olivia, giving her a quick hug. I turned away, not wanting to see the two of them together. Even though I knew it was over between Olivia and me, that she had made her choice, I couldn't help feeling bitter about it, but it wasn't the time to feel bitter about something so petty. Olivia deserved good thoughts and feelings from all of us, especially on this day, when she had just had to bury her mother.
But I hated seeing her touch another man like that. I felt another surge of love for her, mixed with a desire that she not touch any other man in her life. It wasn't fair for me to ask that, though. If she wanted to be with someone else, that was her prerogative.
To my surprise, shortly after Buck left Olivia's side, he made his way over to me. There was sadness in his eyes, and he nodded toward the doorway. “I was hoping I could have a quiet word with you, in private,” he said in an undertone.
I looked around incredulously. “Do you think that now is a good time for that?” I asked. I assumed he wanted to talk about his relationship with Olivia, or maybe he wanted to gloat about the pregnancy. I didn't want to hear any of that, not now.
“Trust me,” the man said quietly. “I need to talk to you.”
I rolled my eyes but followed him outside, sparing a glance for Olivia as we went. Fortunately, she seemed focused on whatever Christina, one of Jeannie's oldest friends, was saying.
“What do you want?” I asked sharply when it was just the two of us.
“I'm sorry about what happened to Miss Jeannie; I always respected her,” he said.
I felt confused, but my confusion just made me feel more frustrated. “I'm not the person that you should be saying that to,” I said, looking pointedly back toward the doorway. But he had already said his condolences to Olivia, so I wondered why he felt the need to echo them to me. Maybe he was trying to rub my face into it, along with the pregnancy? Maybe he was trying to tell me that he had Jeannie's blessing and that was why Olivia had chosen him?
I forced myself to tune back into what Buck was saying.
“I feel horrible for what I've been doing to Jeannie's daughter. I don't think I've ever felt more ashamed in my life.”
I snorted at the dramatic way that he said it, although I found the words far from funny. “What, you feel bad for fucking her? Think that you should make an honest woman out of her? That that's what Jeannie would have wanted?” If this was his way of telling me that he was planning to propose to her, his timing could have been better.
But Buck shook his head, his expression earnest. “That's just it,” he said. “I haven't been fucking her.”
“Bullshit,” I said. “I heard you, talking to Greg at the gas station. In sordid detail.” I tried to keep my voice quiet and my tone level, but I was having a difficult time of it, even thinking of the encounter. “If you're looking for congratulations, you can go to hell.”
Again, Buck shook his head. “Georgia paid me $100 to say those things,” he blurted out.
I stared at him for a long moment, unable to believe what he had just said. “She what?” I finally asked.
“She's been paying me to pretend that I'm Olivia's lover, wherever you might overhear,” Buck said. “I didn't do any of those things that I said.”
I frowned suspiciously at him. This I really didn't see any reason for him to lie about. But at this point, I wasn't sure who to believe. “How did you know about Olivia's tattoo?” I asked him.
“There's a picture of Olivia and Jeannie on the table in Jeannie's hallway,” Buck quickly told me. “I saw it every time I went inside to get paid. Jeannie was adamant that I not track dirt into the house, and there wasn't much else to look at while I was waiting for her to come back with her purse.” He paused. “It's the two of them at the beach, wearing swimsuits. You could see Olivia's tattoo in that, but she was facing away from the camera.”
It just might be the truth, at last, I realized. But if it was the truth, I felt horrible for accusing Olivia of lying to me. “So you never slept with her?” I asked, needing to confirm it.
“I never slept with her,” Buck insisted. He gave a short laugh. “Are you kidding? She wouldn't have slept with me. She's only had eyes for you, ever since she moved to Tamlin. Everyone in town knows it.”
I swallowed hard, not even wanting to consider the truth of that last part of his statement. The more pressing matter was that I doubted she could ever forgive me for not believing her. Trust was such a key part of a relationship. But it went beyond my believing that she had slept with someone else; I hadn't supported her when she'd told me that she was pregnant, either. Instead, I'd accused her of being pregnant with another man's child.
I felt sick, just thinking about the emotional turmoil she had been going through.
“I have to go back inside,” I told Buck. Strangely enough, I didn't feel angry at him, as I might have expected that I would. I couldn't even find it in me to be mad at Georgia, even though, once again, she had been meddling in my private affairs.
I remembered how she had shown up to my office that day that I had had Emma there. How she had shown up there again right after Olivia had told me that she was pregnant. She must have been watching my office, just waiting for Olivia to show up there. I wondered wildly whether Georgia knew that Olivia was pregnant, but despite the somewhat stalkerish way that Georgia seemed to go about things, I doubted she could know that. I hadn't heard any whispering around the town about it, and I assumed I would, as soon as Georgia knew. She would want to make certain that we knew the baby was Buck's.
Only it wasn't Buck's baby. It had to be mine.
I shook my head. This time, she had gone too far. But as with Buck, I didn't feel angry. I would need to have words with the woman, to let her know that this wasn't okay, but instead, I mostly felt numb. My worry for Olivia seemed to have taken over everything. I gave Buck one last look and then headed back inside, already trying to figure out what I could say to Olivia. I knew that I couldn't confront her there, not in front of everyone else.
In fact, this probably wasn't the time to talk to her about Buck's revelation. She was already dealing with her grief; I shouldn't make her deal with this drama on top of that. But watching her move around the room, seeming like she might burst into tears at any moment, I didn't know if I could continue to leave her alone when she was so obviously in need of comfort.