Chapter Thirty-Six
Olivia
It was hard not to be moved by all the nice things that Eric was saying. I had to admit that I was still a little worried about where things would lead. It sounded like he wanted to be involved with the baby, as well as with me, and I had to take that at face value, especially when he'd taken me on such a wonderful, relaxing weekend retreat.
The place was gorgeous, and after a week of horrible, crushing sadness, I was starting to finally come to terms with Mom's passing. That didn't mean that I was feeling 100% okay again or that I was ready to jump into things with Eric, but I was seriously considering everything that he had promised.
The thing was, deep down, I knew that Eric was a good guy. I could tell that he cared about me. And I still couldn't deny that I loved him. We might have had our disagreements, but he had still been there for me when I needed him, and I could trust in that if nothing else.
And ever since he had come over the previous day, I hadn't been able to stop picturing starting this family with him. I could picture Eric by my side during the pregnancy, and Emma playing dress up with her future sister. I could picture holidays together, and birthdays. I could even picture visiting Mom's grave with Eric by my side, lending silent support, just like I would when he wanted to visit Emily's grave.
What's more, I was surprised at how easy it was to picture all of that. Like he had said today, it felt like we were right for one another.
As I'd told him, I was pretty sure this was what Mom would have wanted, too. I didn't want to make the decision just because Mom had tried matchmaking the two of us, but that had some weight on my decision as well. Mom wouldn't have gone on and on about what a looker he was if she hadn't thought that he was a good guy as well, and her opinion meant a lot to me.
I was afraid to rush into anything, but at the same time, this didn't exactly feel like we were rushing into anything. Maybe we had at first, but now we'd taken some time apart. I still didn't know all the details about his life, but I knew the important ones, and he knew important things about me. What's more, I knew that we understood one another, with that shared experience of losing loved ones to cancer.
As we walked back to the bed and breakfast, I slipped my hand into his. Eric smiled down at me but didn't comment.
“I didn't schedule anything for the afternoon,” Eric informed me as we neared my room. “I figured that you might want to try to take a nap, once you were good and relaxed. But if not, you could relax in the hot tub or the sauna for a little while. Or I'm sure we could talk to the front desk and see if they could book you for another massage.”
“A nap actually sounds like a really good idea,” I told him honestly.
We lingered outside the door to my room, and I could tell that we each wanted to say something more but weren't sure what. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I stood up on my tiptoes, grabbing his collar so that I could pull him into a messy kiss.
When I pulled back, Eric seemed surprised. And hesitant. I didn't like that look in his eyes, the one that told me he was about to push me away.
I wondered how I could have read things so wrong. It had seemed like he was finally ready to be in a relationship with me. But had he only been saying that because he had thought that was what I had wanted? Or had he thought that he had wanted it, only to realize now that he didn't actually?
Sure enough, he took a step back, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears.
“Hey,” Eric said, reaching out and tapping my chin with his index finger so that I would look up at him. I couldn't quite meet his eyes. “Oh, honey,” Eric said, folding me into his arms.
I struggled against him, not wanting to feel his pity, not over this.
“Olivia, please,” he said, sounding desperate. “I'm sorry, you just took me by surprise, that's all. I didn't realize that you had already made a decision, and I didn't want you to do anything that you would regret.”
I stilled against him, pulling back so that I could peek up at him. “Why would I regret this?” I asked him.
Eric scratched the back of his neck, looking rueful. “Well, I'd hope you wouldn't,” he said honestly.
“I want this,” I admitted hoarsely. “I've wanted this.” I bit my tongue to keep from admitting how much I loved him. I shook my head. “Things have been crazy lately, but you've been there for me when I needed you the most,” I pointed out. “And this weekend, this is exactly what I needed, and somehow you knew that.”
Eric smiled softly at me. “Does that mean we're going to label things this time?” he asked teasingly. “Because I'm not sure what I would do if you said we were just casual again.”
“We can label it,” I said, feeling a swooping feeling in my gut as I even considered it: Eric, my boyfriend. I smiled at the very thought.
“Good,” Eric said. He continued to linger there, and I rolled my eyes.
“Come on inside,” I said, opening the door and pushing him in.
“Are you sure?” Eric asked seriously as I started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Please,” I said, my voice already sounding raw and fucked-out.
Eric's eyes went dark, and he stepped away so that he could strip himself down, his nimble fingers making quick work of the buttons. I gave myself a belated shake and hurriedly stripped down as well.
I wanted to take my time with this, to show him how much I appreciated everything that we had gone through, how much I was looking forward to our future together. But at the same time, I was desperate to have him inside me already, practically dripping into my quickly-shed panties.
I sprawled out on the bed, watching as he moved toward me with catlike grace. I couldn't help sliding my hand between my legs, playing with myself a little as I waited for him.
Eric made a soft, punched-out noise as he watched me, interest written all over his face. “God, that's sexy,” he told me as he crawled in between my legs. He bent down to press a soft kiss to my lips and then moved lower, kissing my belly, his meaning clear. Then, he moved his lips down to the space that I'd previously been exploring with my fingertips.
I gasped, unable to help myself. “Eric,” I groaned as his tongue flicked out, playing over my clit. He sucked and laved at me, leaving no part of my folds untouched. Then, his fingers came up to gently explore as well, playing through my wetness, making me cry out with pleasure.
“You like that, do you?” Eric asked, grinning wickedly up at me.
“Please,” I begged, not even sure what I was asking for. On the one hand, I didn't want him to stop what he was doing; one the other hand, I wanted desperately for him to slide inside me, to fill me up as only he could manage.
Fortunately, it seemed like Eric was intent on giving me the best of both of those options. He continued to use his mouth against me until I was helplessly consumed with pleasure, twisting against the sheets. Then, before I'd even had a chance to come down from that orgasm, he repositioned himself and thrust inside of me in one smooth movement.
I really hoped the walls were soundproof, because I was sure the whole B&B could hear me cry out as he breached me. I was breathless with sensation, utterly overcome, my feelings from the past weeks cascading over me, making everything that much more intense.
There was sadness, for sure. It seemed like we might just be able to forge something beautiful, the two of us together.
I urged him on with my heels, pulling him into me, rocking into my thrusts. My fingers couldn't get enough of his skin, and when he lowered himself down onto his elbows, changing up the angle so that he could get deeper inside of me, I leaned up to press open-mouthed kisses to his neck and collarbone.
As though taking that as a hint, Eric bent down further, pressing his mouth to my skin, biting a mark into it. Like he was finally, finally ready to tell the world that I was his.
I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, and Eric seemed to sense them, pulling back so that he could stare down at me, his eyes full of wonder. His hand came up to caress my cheek, and he kissed me again, his lips so soft. They were a perfect counterpoint to the almost violent thrusts that he was still using to rock my body.
Suddenly, he slowed down, until I could feel the perfect glide of his member inside of me, until I could register his weight pressing down on me. The air was pregnant with the words that we both wanted to say. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I didn't say the words yet, but I felt them, and I wondered if he could feel them too. Something about this told me that he could: the sensual drag of his fingers down my sides, the reverent look in his eyes, the way he focused on giving me exactly what I needed. The way that he somehow knew exactly what I needed, just like he'd known that I needed this weekend away, just like he'd known how to comfort me the night that Mom had died.
Somehow, he seemed to have an innate grasp on my psyche. I remembered how he said that he felt like we were right for one another, and I smiled.
“What are you smiling about?” Eric whispered.
“I love you.” The words slipped out thoughtlessly, without conscious direction from my brain.
Eric's eyes widened fractionally, and I prepared to take them back, to say that I hadn't meant them but that I was just so caught up in these feelings. But before I could, his expression melted into a smile. “I love you too,” he said, punctuating the words with a few sharp thrusts that had me spiraling over the edge for the second time.
I moaned, fingers clenching desperately against his arms as I came for what felt like an eternity, my walls shuddering around his length. He came as well, and in that perfect moment, I couldn't tell where I ended, and he began, or even if there were an end and a beginning between us. We were suspended there, in bliss and harmony. Our fingers twisted together, and I smiled as I opened my eyes.
Eric groaned as he pulled out of me and flopped to the side. I immediately rolled toward him, snuggling close, putting my head on his chest. I held my breath, hoping that this was okay and that he had meant everything that he had said.
Not that I thought that he would lie about it, but at the same time, this was a big shift in our relationship. A week ago, I could never have expected this.
To my relief, Eric maneuvered his arm so that it was around my shoulders, pulling me even closer. I exhaled heavily. “Relax,” he murmured. He cracked a grin at me. “I give it about 10 minutes before I'm ready to go again.”
I blinked up at him and then giggled. “You act like it's been weeks since we slept together,” I said.
“It has been weeks,” Eric said gravely. “Weeks since I made love to you.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I realized that there was still part of me that was worried he had just said that he loved me in the heat of the moment, in a flood of passion.
I aimlessly traced patterns on his chest, trying to think of a way to say what I was thinking. “I meant it, you know,” I said quietly. “I love you.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Eric said, holding me close. “I meant it too. I love you. I've known that ever since I thought I lost you to Buck.”
I stared up at him in surprise and then surged up to kiss him, hardly daring to believe it, but it resonated between us, and I knew it was true.
I settled back against his side, a smile on my face. Then, I yawned.
Eric laughed. “I think you probably need a nap before we go for another round,” he remarked, pulling the blankets up around us.
I pouted, but I knew that he was right. “I love you,” I whispered again as I drifted off to sleep. I knew it was sappy, and I didn't want to say it too much, to make it seem meaningless. But I couldn't help it: I wanted to say it over and over, to make sure that he believed it.
For what it was worth, Eric didn't seem tired of hearing it yet. Instead, he leaned down and kissed me lightly on the forehead. “Love you too,” he murmured.