Lesson One

Ugh, I’m so frustrated. I’ve been editing and revising this book for weeks. I finally think I’m ready to jump out the window and submit this one to a few agents and publishers.

Yet, I know what’s missing. I’ve tried repeatedly to rewrite and polish these scenes. Even with help they’re missing something. Still each and every time it’s the same thing.

I get bored reading my own sex scenes. I’m serious. I’ve fallen asleep on them several times.

If I don’t want to read them, no one else will. Dean wasn’t lying about grandmothers throwing this stuff at me. It’s all tired and weak.

This is going to drive me insane. I growl and toss the laptop off of my legs. Falling back on the bed, I cover my face with my arms.

This is so frustrating.

I hear the door creak open and sigh. I’m training Dae-Dae to sleep in his own bed. I’ve woken up twice this week to find his foot in my mouth and his head tucked into my stomach.

I still don’t know how he opens his bedroom door with those little hands. Brooklyn promised to place one of those safety locks on the front door next time he comes by. I don’t want Dae-Dae getting any ideas of leaving the apartment while I’m sleeping.

When I hear my laptop being shifted and the bed dips under the weight of a much bigger person than my nephew, I sit up bolt straight. Those mesmerizing gold eyes are staring back at me.

I instantly relax. I’ve been so wrapped up in this book, I forgot he said he was coming in tonight. He’s a sight for sore eyes. I can use an adult to talk to.

Connie has been busy with her own thing. Logan and Brooklyn have been traveling a lot. I get the impression that Jamie has stepped in to oversee things when his brothers aren’t around.

Dylan is so shy, I think I frighten him at times. Besides, he has been getting more and more into his training. He likes mixed martial arts. I believe he wants to go pro.

Without a word, I scoot closer to Felix and place my head on his shoulder. He puts the laptop in his lap and starts to scroll through. I wince as I see the horrible scene I just wrecked beyond repair.

Felix sighs, causing me to look up at him. His eyes turn to me and they’re serious. I bite my lip not wanting to cry.

“I want this so bad. I want to be a writer. I just suck at it,” I say with a voice full of emotions.

He places the laptop on the nightstand beside him, before turning back to me. He looks into my eyes for a long moment. I can see him deciding on something and the moment that decision is made.

“You’ve never felt that spark with anyone? That intense moment that make butterflies take off in your stomach?” he asks.

I look away from his probing eyes. Hell, yes. I’ve felt it. I’m feeling it now, with the only person I’ve ever felt it with. I’m just not about to tell him that.

His finger lifts my chin, sending those butterflies into full flight. He leans in until our faces are only a breath apart. If I lick my own licks, I’m guaranteed to lick his as well.

“Tell me you don’t feel that?” he breathes against my lips.

“I…I feel it,” I whisper.

His thumb caresses the side of my temple down my cheek. He doesn’t say a word. He continues the soft caress until his thumb greets the corner of my mouth. He pauses for second, then slowly drags the pad of his finger across my lower lips.

I feel like I might whimper. I feel the pull from the bottom of my belly. His tongue flicks out teasing the path he just trailed with his finger. I gasp in surprise. My shaky hand lifts to wrap his wrist.

He pulls away, caressing my cheek again. I want to follow after him and feel his lips on mine, but I’m too stunned to act.

“That’s what’s missing, Kaye. That feeling should be in your books,” he whispers.

I drop my eyes feeling silly. He’s only trying to help me with my writing. I swallow hard, hoping to get my pride out of my throat.

“Oh,” I say so softly I don’t think he hears it.

“Tell me one thing,” he rasps. “Is it a religious choice? Are you waiting for marriage?”

My eyes lift as I blink at him in confusion, not understanding the question. My brows knit deeply. Then it hits me. I burst into laughter and shake my head at him.

“No. I’ve just always—” I cutoff, pulling my lip back into my mouth.

I can’t say it. I can’t tell him that I’ve always had a crush on him. I’ve always wished that he would be my first everything. I know it’s a big dream and I need to get real and get over it. I just don’t know how. I haven’t dated since I’ve been here in New York and it’s been over two years now.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I…I want more. I want to be in a relationship that’s passionat—.

The words aren’t fully out of my mouth before his hand is locked in the nape of my hair, dragging me to him. I’m straddling his lap in the blink of an eye. Felix captures my lips like a starving man.

It’s like an explosion happens in tummy. I feel his kiss in my toes. He’s gentle, yet, passionate. He uses his lips to teach mine. The groan that comes from him vibrates throughout my entire body.

I snap out of shock and push my fingers into his hair, tangling them in his silky locks. His tongue flicks against my lips, this time it’s like a request for entry. I open to him, allowing him access to me.

I moan as the taste of his tongue against mine strips me of my sanity. I start to grind against his lap. His right hand goes to my backside, grabbing a firm hold to halt me. He doesn’t stop the kiss though.

When my hips still, his hand goes to the bare skin of my thigh at the hem of my shirt. I whimper this time, in plea for him to touch me more. I love his kisses, but I need more. I want so much more.

I feel the slickness that starts between my legs. Yet, he continues to keep his hand still. Only flexing his fingers a bit here and there. All while his mouth does the exact opposite. He devours my mouth as if his life depends on it.

His teeth nip my lip and tug, pulling a groan from my throat. It stings but feels so good at the same time. I feel the weight of my hair hitting my shoulders and pull away to look at him.

“You’re so gorgeous. Tell me now if you want me to stop, baby. Once I start this lesson you can’t unlearn what I teach you and you’ll never be the same,” he says harshly.

I cup the sides of his face, pulling his lips to mine. I need his mouth on mine. I mimic the flick of his tongue against my lips. Felix groans. In the next motion I’m on my back, he’s now straddling me.

He hovers over me looking down, with so much lust in his face. My body is humming beneath him. Dipping his head he kisses my lips quickly but pulls away to look down at me again.

He palms one of my breasts over my t-shirt and I nearly lift off the bed. My nipples are so hard beneath the fabric. I clench my thighs together, squirming beneath him. Felix watches my face as he kneads the mound, teasing the tight bud between his fingers.

“Mama, Mama,” I close my eyes as Dae-Dae’s voice pierces the air.

My hands cover my face and I growl in frustration. Not with my nephew but my life. Timing has never been on my side. Felix climbs off of me, but when I rise to go tend to Dae-Dae, he leans in to kiss my forehead.

“I got it,” he says with a sexy smile.

Felix

I want her. I want to be the one that gives her that passion she wants to expose. Now that I know the feeling is definitely mutual I’m not backing down, but I’m going to go about this my way. I care about her. I want more than a quick lesson in lust for her.

I push aside all thoughts of where things were going as I stop outside Dae-Dae’s door. Reaching down, I adjust myself. My head falls back and I blow out a breath.

When I push my way into the room, I find Dashawn sitting up in bed rubbing at his eyes sleepily. When he see me entering his room his eyes light up. He leaps from the bed headed for me.

“Lix!” he squeals.

I find it so cute that the kid’s version of my name is Lix. First time he called me that my chest swelled with so much pride and love. Like now.

I scoop him up into my arms and give him a bear hug. His arms go around my neck and he holds on tight.

I’ve been making it to New York more often. Dashawn asks after me a lot more. I don’t like the thought of disappointing him. When he asks, I’m usually on the plane heading this way.

I appreciate everything my cousins are doing so I can make sure this little guy and his aunt are happy. Logan may have told Wyatt, but the rest of my family still doesn’t know what I’ve been up to in the last two years. I prefer it that way for now.

I smile and kiss his cheek. Someday, he won’t have to ask for me to come to him. We’ll all be in the same place. I’ll be patient, but I know it’s going to happen. I decided that the moment my lips touched Kaye’s.

“Lix, you here. Go to park?” he says excitedly.

“Not now, buddy,” I laugh. “It’s still night time. You should be sleeping.”

He makes a sad frown, pulling the perfect pout. He looks just like Danny and Kaye when they were little. I’ve noted a few times before how he looks nothing like his birth mother.

The Porters have some strong genes. I think of Kaye and wonder what our children will look like. I laugh at my own thoughts.

I can’t see me as a father and I couldn’t imagine my brothers as Uncles. Fuck, I hope if I have kids they are all boys. With our luck, we’ll all have a bunch of girls.

“Dae-Dae, let’s hope karma doesn’t come for me or your uncles back home,” I say, sitting on his bed.

“Pop-pop,” he says ignoring my words.

“No lollipops tonight. You need to get back in bed and go night-night,” I say.

He gives me more of that pout. I swear he’s too adorable. If this weren’t New York City, I’d get him dressed and take him to the park now. This time of night there’s no telling what he might see in the parks around here.

“I’ll have to get us a house with a playset,” I think aloud.

“Book, Lix. Come sleep with me and read book,” he replies, hopping off my lap to get his favorite bedtime story.

I figured I’d be in for the long haul. He’s spoiled. Kaye never should have let him sleep in her bed for so long. Now she’s been fighting to get him out of her bed and into his own. When she does get him in here, he usually tries to keep her with him.

Honestly, I don’t mind. If I’m in here, I can’t be in Kaye’s room getting lost in that delicious body of hers. She was on the verge of driving me insane when she was rocking those hips into me. Her lips taste like all that’s good in the world.

I mentally shake those thoughts clear as I get comfortable on Dashawn’s racecar bed with him. Placing my back to the headboard and bringing my knees up, I pull him into my side to start reading. He’s fast asleep before I flip the first page.

Closing the book, I sit to think while combing a hand through his thick curls. This little dude can snore. I crack up to myself as the sound rises.

This could be my life. I could help Kaye raise Dashawn. It’s already like we’re a little family. There isn’t a night that goes by that I don’t call to check in and talk to them both.

I know that ‘See Lix’ means the little guy wants to see me. I know when Kaye gets that look in her eyes she misses me, but she won’t ask for me to come to them.

I instinctively know it’s when she needs me. Whether just to talk, or to have me around as someone familiar from back home, I watch for it, I know that look of need. I respond every time.

I want to be Kaye’s man. I have no questions about that. Dashawn comes with that. So be it, I’m game.

Maybe there’s a father in me yet.