Will You—

I’ve been avoiding calling Kaye all day. I’m scared shitless I’m going to fuck this up before Saturday. I shouldn’t be going out to the house for just that reason, but something was off when I talked to Kaye briefly about two hours ago.

My heart is racing as I pull into the driveway. I just don’t have a good feeling. Throwing the car into park, I get out and make my way to the house.

It’s like I’m moving in slow motion. I hear every sound around me as if it’s amplified. Pushing my key into the lock, I walk into the house.

All of the lights in the front of the house are out. However, I can see that the master bedroom light is still on. Drawing a hand down my face, I move towards my fate.

When I step into the bedroom, our eyes lock. I know I’m right. Something is wrong. Kaye’s face is covered in worry and anxiety.

Stepping out of my shoes, I move to the bed to climb in beside her. I gather her in my arms and shift her into my lap. She places her head on my shoulder.

“Talk to me,” I murmur. “What’s going on?”

She blows out a shaky breath, reaching to toy with the buttons on my shirt. I start to rub her back. At this point, I don’t know which one of us I’m trying to soothe. On the outside, I’m showing my patience. Inside, I’m falling apart and I don’t know why yet.

“This should be one of the best times in my life,” she murmurs. “I’m doing things I used to only dream of. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Hold on, I feel like I’m missing something,” I say, trying to put the pieces together.

Kaye releases a deep, long breath. Lifting her head, she looks into my eyes. I can see the conflict and war within her pretty orbs.

It’s like she’s slipping through my fingers. I sense it. I want to stop it, but I can’t.

“I…I got a call today. It was from an agent. I’m being offered a movie deal—”

“Baby, that’s totally fucking awesome,” I croon, cupping her face.

“Yeah, it is. They want me to help adapt the script and everything. I’d be involved in the project for a year,” she says with a weak smile.

My brows draw in. I’m not understanding why this is a problem. We should be celebrating and jumping off the walls.

“I don’t understand, what’s the problem. Do you need me to look into things and make sure it’s all above board?” I offer, trying to grasp what I’m still missing.

Her eyes lower to her lap, where her hands are now fidgeting. I swallow hard. I see the wrecking ball coming.

“I’d have to live in Ireland for a year. Maybe a bit longer. It’s where they’re going to film the movie,” she says just above a whisper.

It’s like I’m watching all my plans for the weekend crumble. I know I can’t ask her to marry me now. If I do, she won’t take this opportunity. I know Kaye too well.

My throat is clogged with so many emotions. I want to be selfish and tell her everything. I want to tell her that we can still get married before she leaves or at least get engaged until she comes back. Yet, I know, if I utter a single word about an engagement, marriage, or anything remotely close to where I want to take our future—she’s not going to go.

“It’s only a year,” I manage to push out.

I surprise myself with how strong my voice comes out. Within, I’ve died a thousand times already. Being away from Kaye always leaves me looking for my next breath.

“But that’s a year without you and what about Dae-Dae. I’m going to be dragging him away from everyone. I mean, do they have preschool at his age in Ireland? Will they take him as a student? I could homeschool I guess,” she rattles off.

It slays me, but my brain starts working out the details. I know we can make this work because it’s all a part of her dream. Once I look into this and make sure it’s legit, I’m going to do everything in my power to make this happen for her.

“Your parents would take him,” I say, feeling the ping that tears through my chest.

Dashawn is Kaye’s son. She may not have given him birth but she’s the only mother he has ever known and she loves him as if she did carry him for nine months herself. I know leaving him behind will be the hardest thing Kaye has ever had to do.

Just as I thought, she stiffens in my lap. I see the stubborn look that comes over her face. I’m ready for the fight. She deserves to have this.

“I’m not leaving him behind. I’m his mother. My parents raised their children. I’m not going to saddle them with a four year old,” she grunts, folding her arms across her chest.

“You’re not saddling them with anything. They want to help out. Besides, I’ll be here. I can help out,” I offer.

“You don’t have time for that,” she mutters.

“I always have time for him. How much time do we have before you have to leave? We can move you guys closer to everyone. Get him settled into the new place and I’ll move in with him when you leave,” I muse. “That way I can drop him off in the mornings and pick him up at night, but he’s in a familiar place.”

Her face softens. She leans in to place a tender kiss against my lips. Her hand caresses my cheek.

“I love you. I love you so much more for always trying to make my dreams come true, but I can’t ask you to do that,” she says.

“You’re not asking,” I reply.

“Don’t,” she shakes her head. “Don’t do that. I’m no fool, Felix. Your job is demanding and at times dangerous. You don’t have time to play daddy for my responsibility.”

I look away from her. Her words cut deeper than she knows. Dashawn is as much my son as he is hers. They are my family. Shit just keeps getting in the way of me making it official.

“I’ll make it work,” I mutter.

Kaye tips my face towards her with her fingertips. When I look in her eyes, I see it. She’s made her decision. I think I’m going to bleed out.

“You’ve done so much for us. I won’t ask you for a thing more. Everything I’ve worked for has led up to this. I want this, but I’m not going to burden anyone to have it,” she says.

“Kaye, you’re not burdening anyone. If anything, you’ve been the one carrying the burden,” I know I’ve said the wrong thing the moment the words are out of my mouth.

Kaye climbs out of my lap and off the bed. She’s pulling away from me and I’m at a loss to stop it. I’m too stunned that she might be moving over five thousand miles away from me.

“Dae-Dae has never been a burden to me. I probably never would have been bold enough to do any of this if it weren’t for him. This is the least I can do for Danny,” she sobs. “I thought you of all people would understand how important it is to me that I give that little boy the life I know my brother would have wanted for him—”

“Kaye, don’t blow this out of proportion. You know that’s not what I meant,” I interject.

She swipes at her tears shaking her head at me. I get up, moving toward her. I just want to hold her in my arms. Kaye lifts her hands to halt me.

“Maybe this is what we need. We should probably take a break. You’ve done enough taking care of us,” she chokes out.

“I’m glad your choking on that bullshit. I love you. You have no idea how much I love you. I see what you think you’re about to do. Not with me, baby,” I growl.

“What are you talking about?” she grunts back.

“I’m not having that shit. You run your ass off if you want. I grantee you, I’ll be right on your ass. You don’t have to hurt people for them to let you go when it means bettering yourself,” I reply.

“You don’t understand,” she pleads.

“Bullshit,” I snort. “I want this for you as much as you want it for yourself. Don’t try to make this into something it’s not. This isn’t one of your books. I’m a real man.” I point to my chest.

“I know how to let you go follow your dreams. If you want me to help with Dashawn, I’m here for that shit all day. If not, I’ll support you taking him with you,” I pause to get in front of her, ducking to be face to face with her.

“For keeps, Kaye. I’ll be here waiting for you as long as I have to. I love you and need you as much as my next breath. I’ve told you before. I’m not your father. Stop trying to treat me like I am.

“You fight with me, fine, but before we go to bed we’re making up and fucking. Simple as that. There’s no silent treatment for three years or the year you’re away becoming an amazing filmmaker. Don’t even try it,” I hiss and cup the back of her neck.

I crush my lips to hers and show all the love I have for her. I can taste her tears on my tongue, driving me to kiss her deeper. I know Kaye better than she knows herself.

“I love you,” I say against her lips. “We’ll never sacrifice us. We don’t have to. We’ll make this work.”

“Okay,” she nods, her fingers clinging to the collar of my shirt. “Okay, you’re right.”

“I know I am,” I tease. “Now come here. We need to make up for all the time we’ll be missing each other.”

Kaye

I figured it would be easier if…I don’t know. Felix is right. I tried to fall back on a bad habit that’s childish.

This is going to hurt as it is. If I would have succeeded at hurting us both, I don’t think I would have made it a month much less a year. We both deserve better.

Please wait for me, Felix. I’ll be back. I promise.

Those are my last thoughts before I snuggle into his side and pass out. I fall asleep trusting my man. Like he said, we’ll make this work.