Overwhelmed

I just don’t know what to do now. If I go home, I’ll have to explain. Explaining will lead to questions, questions will lead to answers I just can’t give. Danny trusted me. I need to do this in his memory.

Besides, things have been said. Words have cut to bleed and left wounds that have not yet healed. As much as I need help, my pride won’t allow me to go back with my tail between my legs.

I groan when the doorbell rings, causing all chaos to break loose all over again. I’m going to kill whoever is at that door for stealing my hard-won peace. I drag my tired body up the hallway of the small apartment I now live in.

“Maybe that’s that selfish heifer,” I mutter.

Though I doubt it. I’ve never seen someone run so fast—not even a glance back. I huff out a breath to release my frustration. Thinking about the past, no matter how fresh it is, isn’t going to help me.

When I open the door I freeze. I should have known he would find me. I know I look a hot mess, but that’s the least of my worries.

Yet, as I stand here staring up into those golden eyes, I’m at a loss. He looks so good. That beanie strategically placed on his head, covering his thick locks. The front of his hair peeking out in an artful tousle that covers just a bit of his forehead. A black leather jacket on that lean swimmer’s body, over a grey t-shirt. A pair of blue jeans clinging to his long legs and black boots on his feet that tell me there’s a chance he rode a bike here.

It’s not fair that he always looks so good. I mean seriously. He must roll out of bed in the morning singing and dancing like he’s the star in a movie.

Yes, “Grease” pops into my tired head. I need sleep my thoughts are a random mess. I don’t know whether to be relieved or panicked. I settle on being able to take a shower.

“Come in,” I whisper when I find my voice.

Felix

I step into the apartment and close the door behind me. I look around the place. It’s not the greatest, but it’s not horrible. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe. At any moment someone is going to tell me this is all a joke.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

The words are out of my mouth before I can think better of it. Kaye looks too tired to think, least of all have a conversation about anything. She could probably use a good shower too from the looks of the stained up t-shirt she has on.

“It’s a long story. Not everything looks as it seems,” she says tiredly. “Right now, I need you to hold Dashawn while I take a shower and maybe a brief nap.”

With those words she places the tiny baby in my arms and turns for the back of the apartment. She just had a baby. My best friend’s baby. I should feel like a total perv for staring at her sexy brown legs and the swell of her ass beneath her t-shirt.

I should but I don’t. I can’t take my eyes away. The little dude lets me know he doesn’t appreciate it, as he gets louder, demanding my attention.

I tear my eyes from Kaye to look down at the little baby in my arms. He’s cute. Of course he would be with a gorgeous mother like Kaye. He has her nose and lips, with a head full of jet-black hair.

His little face is starting to turn red with his loud cries. I think, trying to remember how mom shut my younger brothers up when they would scream down the house. I actually remember something from dad, not mom.

I move over to the couch and start to shrug out of my leather. Sitting down with the little guy still wailing in my arms, I lay him down on the couch. Moving fast to make quick work of tearing off my t-shirt, before he can roll off the cushion or something.

It’s warm in here. I unwrap him from the little blanket he’s in and get him out of his tiny shirt thing. I fumble with the snaps for a second before pulling it free and getting it off of him.

I think I start to sweat from the fear of hurting him while trying to undress him. I’m as gentle as I can be, careful of his head. All while he shouts at me like I’m the world’s biggest idiot.

I have no idea how such a tiny human has reduced me to feeling completely incompetent. I decide to leave his little mittens on. I think they have a purpose. Scooping the crying baby back up, I lie him on my chest and lean back on the couch’s back rest. He quiets down a little. His cute little face still screwed up. I start to rub his small back to see if that helps.

This is working. You got this, Black.

He gives a little yawn, his lids close and the crying stops. His small back starts to rise and fall with his sleeping breaths. I’m pretty pleased with myself.

Round one, win goes to Felix.

I brush a finger across his little cheek. It’s so soft and he is so adorable. My eyes move to his little ear, it’s two toned, dark at the top. He’s not as dark as Kaye, but not as light as Alberto.

Dashawn.

He smells really good. I touch his tiny covered hand that is resting on my bare chest. It flexes a little within the mitten under my light caress.

I touch a lock of his hair. It’s silky to the touch. I can’t help scanning his face to find traits of Alberto. A jealous ping hits me in the chest. I think Kaye and I would make beautiful babies.

I close my eyes as that thought floats through my head. I shouldn’t be jealous of a dead friend, but I am. He left a great woman and a beautiful baby boy behind.

I think back to the last time I saw Kaye. She was pregnant then. She had to be. It hurts that she didn’t say anything at the time. I can’t believe I read into her words so poorly.

It goes to show how off my game I am when she’s around. Kaye turns my thoughts into mush. I’ve been trying to relive that day over and over to see how I got things so wrong.

I wonder if Danny found out about her being pregnant and freaked out. Maybe that was why she didn’t want me to come along. That could also be the reason he never answered my calls that day.

I’m still trying to gather the details in my head that will make this all make sense. I wish I could turn back time and be there for her while she went through her pregnancy. The little guy on my chest makes a sighing sound as if he agrees with me.

“Don’t worry. Uncle Felix is here for you now. I’ll make sure you and your mommy are always safe and okay,” I murmur to the sleeping baby.

His body snuggles down into mine, causing my lips to curl into a smile. I can do this. I can help Kaye. I guess now I know why Danny asked me to look after her.

Kaye

I need to make sure Dashawn hasn’t eaten Felix and teethed on his bones. Oh God, he’s going to teethe someday. I groan internally. I don’t know if I’m built for this.

Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus.

I skid to a halt. My heart feels like it might burst from my chest. My panties are definitely useless. I rethink being built for motherhood. My ovaries are pulsing as my eyes soak in the sight before me.

Felix is on my couch shirtless, the baby is out of his onesies covered in only his diaper and one of Felix’s palms. They are both fast asleep. I feel my face melt into a warm smile as I try not to coo out loud.

I feel the tears on my cheeks before I can ward them off. I haven’t had time to break down since Dashawn was born. I’ve wanted to, but I haven’t had the luxury. Lifting my t-shirt, I wipe the tears from my face.

When I drop my shirt, something catches my attention. I move closer to get a better look. I lick my lips when those abs and that tight v come into view. Felix has the words Brothers Black tattooed up his right side, running over his ribs.

My fingers itch to touch the ink. I wonder when he got it. The last time we surfed together it wasn’t there. I would know. I’ve studied that body enough to tell you the number of freckles he has on his back.

I look at his muscled arm lying limply beside his body and long to have it wrapped around me. I could use a hug so badly. I’m just on the verge of falling apart. I probably would have within the next few hours if he hadn’t shown up.

I can’t help myself. I need human adult contact before I crumble. I climb quietly onto the couch and snuggle into his right side. He stirs a bit, but doesn’t wake. Placing my head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and silently cry myself to sleep.