This is Real

Today reached well beyond my expectations. I love that he took his time with me. Teaching me along the way. I felt so powerful watching his pleasure as I took control of my own.

Somehow, I know it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. All of the feelings I had swirling around in me made every touch worth gold to me.

My face hurts from smiling so hard and my throat is raw from screaming. I caught on after a while that all the screaming turns him on. I’ll admit his moans and groans are pretty sexy as well.

“He’s eating a burger and fries with Brooklyn, Jamie, and Dylan. No time to talk to Lix. He’s with his boys,” Felix says as he enters the bathroom chuckling and shaking his head.

He stands over me, cupping the back of my neck to bend and kiss my lips. The kiss is much too quick. After all of the sex we’ve had, my belly and girly parts are still clenching in anticipation. I shouldn’t be thinking about him touching me again.

My legs wouldn’t even work after we were done. He had to draw my bath and carry me into the bathroom to set me into it. Seriously, I stood and my legs gave out from under me.

“Are we going to go pick him up?” I ask.

“Nope, the little dude is going to have a sleepover with Jamie. He’ll bring him back in the morning,” he replies.

“He didn’t want to talk to me?” I pout.

“He said to tell you not to worry about him. ‘See Mama later,’ were his words before hanging up.”

“I think he’s growing up too fast,” I mumble.

“Just moving out of the way for brothers and sisters,” Felix says with a smile on his lips.

My mouth falls open. I blink at him to see if he’s teasing. I’m still not entirely sure that he is.

“You do know that I’m on the pill, right?” I say.

“That’s fine for now. Once my family is back home with me, I’ll let you know when I think it’s time you stop,” he says so matter-of-factly.

“When you think?” I lift a brow.

He scoops me off the edge of the tub and starts back into the bedroom. He climbs on the bed, settling me between his legs as he puts his back to the headboard. He kisses the back of my head, while linking our fingers together. He lifts our hands before us, playing with my fingertips.

“You do know this can’t go on like this forever?” he murmurs. “I get there are questions that are going to be tough to answer and you have every right to be angry with your parents. Two years is a long time to ignore having a daughter and grandchild.

“But how long do you plan to hide here. Push comes to shove, I’ll figure out a way to be here, but our lives are back home. We need to have a plan,” he says.

“I don’t know. I’ve been focused on Dae-Dae being safe and happy. I’m still so pissed off at them…my dad. Now, I’m writing again and that will only add fuel to the fire.

“I think I have a chance to do something with my writing. It will be a chance to show my father that God is in everything. To me, it all will be worth it if I make this happen. Raising Dae-Dae right and making a go of publishing.

“I feel like I need to do this before I go back. You know my dad. If I show up with nothing, he’ll get on his soapbox and preach about it,” I huff.

He’s quiet for a moment still playing with my fingers. When he stops, he wraps our locked together limbs around me. His face buries into my neck and he inhales deeply. I giggle when his tosses his legs over mine caging me in.

“I think I did this all wrong. I know you better than to cage you in. I’ve been taking care of everything and never thought about how it would look if you went back home to your family with no career or anything,” he pauses and huffs before he continues.

“Fuck, you gave up everything for Danny and Dashawn. You never finished your last year in college. Shit, baby,” he groans.

“Actually, I did finish. I just never made a big deal about it and I’ve been saving to pay off my balance to get the degree I finished,” I say quietly and shrug my shoulders.

“You were so excited to walk for graduation. Danny was so happy for you,” his voice is laced with pain.

“Things change. The one person that would have meant the most to have there wouldn’t have been anyway.”

“You and your mom were so close,” he replies.

“Yeah, but you weren’t there that night. She sat there and listened to him hurl all those hurtful words at me. You know she was the one to take me to get on the pill,” I scoff.

“Not because I was sexually active, but because I used to be in such pain during that time of the month. I mean, sure, the pill isn’t one hundred percent or anything. But she knew and she never stopped Daddy to question me or what happened.”

“Your dad is a hard man to rein in. I’m sure she wanted to. Maybe if she had time to. You guys took off—”

I shake my head cutting his words off. I’ve thought all of this over so many times. I’ve played that day over and over.

“My dad may seem like he runs things, but mom is no wall flower. I’ve seen her step up for Danny over the years without hesitation. Sometimes, I wonder if she knew I was taking the bullet for Danny,” I clamp my mouth shut.

After the day we had, this is the last thing I want to talk about. I snuggle back against his chest, taking comfort in his embrace. His silence tells me two things. He is thinking of a way to make this all right again and as always he knows me well enough to know I need a change in topic.

“You’re not going to let me do this for you, are you?” he grumbles.

“No,” I reply.

“One phone call and I can get your book in the right hands. It would be nothing,” he breathes into my neck.

“And nothing is what I would feel like. I wouldn’t have done it on my own. I want to know I did this. Think about it, Felix. You just said it yourself.

“I gave up everything. I’ve been doing for everyone else. I want to do this for me. I need to know I did this. Something to call all mine,” I say pleadingly.

“I totally understand. It’s been a long time coming. I know you’ll do it.”

“Thank you.”

“Kaye.”

“Yeah.”

“The goal is to be together. To get you back home. You’re amazing. Write the book and shut shit down like I know you can. Show your dad what we know,” he replies kissing my neck. “I’ll be waiting.”

My stomach flips. I suddenly feel like I have so much on the line, but I’m hungry for it. I have a reward awaiting me at the finish line.

“I need you to know one more thing,” he says next to my ear, sending warmth and tingles shooting through my body. “You can call me all yours.”