Laid to Rest

At first, I thought maybe she was in the restroom or something, trying to pull it together. When we loaded the casket into the back of the hearse and there was still no sign of Kaye, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I started to panic and think that something happened to her.

I was only able to relax after overhearing Pastor Porter telling someone that Kaye was devastated that she wouldn’t make it in time. Still, something isn’t fitting together. You don’t grow up in a family’s home without learning a whole lot about that family.

There is a quiet anger beneath it all. Pastor Porter is holding so much in, I think he is going to bust soon. Granted, finding out that Alberto’s blood alcohol level was enough to keep him from behind the wheel is enough to consume anyone with rage. However, I see something else. Something beyond what he’s dealing with on the surface.

“You alright?” Wyatt asks beside me as others start to leave the grave site. “You want to head out?”

“I’m okay,” I murmur. “Can you guys give me a minute? I’ll be right there.”

“Yeah, you got it, man. Anything you need,” Noah replies.

I give my family a weak smile. I’m grateful that they all took the time to be here with me. My mother steps forward and I bend so she can kiss my cheek. This has been hard for her. Danny has run through our home hundreds of times over the years. He was another one of the kids she took in for her own.

“I love ye,” she whispers.

“I love you too, Mom,” I reply.

She and my brothers turn to leave. I turn to look at the Porter family. Mrs. Porter and Grandma Reid look wrecked. I think about turning away to let them have this time. I’ll catch them at the house.

Just as I go to turn, Pastor Porter turns. He sees me and waves me over. I nod and move to join them around the hole their son has just been lowered into.

“Good to see you, son,” Pastor Porter says.

“Tanks Felix. I know Danny would’ve wanted you to be one of em pallbearers,” Grandma Reid says with her thick Jamaican accent.

“Yes, he would have really—”

Mrs. Porter can’t finish her words. I feel my own tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I hate seeing her in so much pain. She’s been like another mother to me.

“I’m here for anything you all need. Don’t hesitate to ask,” I say.

“You can go get my granddaughter and bring her back home,” Grandpa Reid grumbles.

“Daddy,” Mrs. Porter snaps.

Grandpa Reid rolls his eyes and grumbles something under his breath. I don’t miss the daggers he shoots in Pastor Porter’s direction. My warning bells go off.

“Is everything okay with Kaye?” I ask.

“She’s been doing some mission work. She wouldn’t have made it back in time for the services,” Pastor Porter replies.

“So the good Pastor is a bold face liar now, ay?” Grandma Reid says.

“Mama,” Mrs. Porter hisses.

Grandma Reid sucks her teeth long and slow. Her body language tells me a whole lot. Grandpa Reid looks like he’s restraining himself. I’ve never seen this kind of tension between those four.

“Gyal, mi held mi tongue for months. Now, yuh ave one pickney in the ground and the other yuh drove from ar home,” Grandma Reid snaps.

“No one drove her from her home. She chose to be fast and where has that gotten her. A dead—”

“Don’t you do this here,” Mrs. Porter snarls. “Not at my son’s grave. You will not do this here!”

“We’ll see you at the house,” Pastor Porter nods at me and turns, ushering a broken Mrs. Porter away.

Her pissed off looking parents follow behind them. Again, all of their body language telling a story. I read what I can as I stand watching them walk away. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know for sure I am going to find out.

Where the hell are you, Kaye? What’s going on?

Kaye

I give a weak smile when a memory of my brother and Felix giving me birthday hugs fills my head. I lived for those hugs when I was younger. What I would give for one now.

Instead of rushing out of the shadows, I wait. Felix stands there for about ten minutes more before all of his brothers return to surround him. My heart breaks into tiny pieces on top of the already shattered pieces, when they have to support Felix to walk away.

He has always been such a good friend to Danny. Bitter rage builds when I think of my brother’s other so-called friend. I don’t know if I will ever forgive Alberto for this.

I drag my body over to the open grave of my brother. I drop to my knees beside it, wiping a hand under my nose. I can’t stop the tears from falling.

“You didn’t think I wouldn’t show up, did you?” I give a tearful laugh.

My lips tremble as I stare down at the casket inside the dirt. I can’t believe this is where my brother will rest his head forever. This is so unfair and wrong.

“What happened, Danny?” I sob. “Why’d you get in the car with him? You had to know he had been drinking. What were you thinking?”

I punch the tops of my thighs in frustration. This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be here saying goodbye to my brother.

I lie on my side and let the tears flow. I wish there were something I could do to change this. I’d give anything to make it right.

“You deserved better than this, Danny. I don’t ever want to love someone if this is where it lands me. You deserved so much more than this,” I cry out.