You Don’t Know

When I look down, he’s chewing on his tiny mitten covered fist while staring up at me. I grin at the little guy. He’s awfully quiet but I’m not going to complain. I look to my right to see what the other weight is, only to find Kaye snuggled into my side.

All of her hair is brushed back away from her face into a ponytail. Her full lips are parted, a peaceful expression covers her features. She looks so beautiful in her sleep.

Her lips are only inches away, all I have to do is lean in and have a taste. I lightly brush my lips against her forehead instead. When I pull away my eyes drop to her lips again. I wonder if she’s every felt the charge I feel whenever she’s close to me or when I touch her.

A tiny whimper breaks me from my thoughts. I look back at Dashawn. His face is tightening up, ready to start wailing.

“Hold on, little guy,” I coo at him, rubbing my hand on his back.

I gently pry my body from underneath Kaye’s, trying not to wake her. I feel the loss of her warmth immediately. Dashawn starts to whine in my hold, causing me to get up and start away from Kaye. I want her to sleep as long as she likes.

“Hungry, little guy?” I ask the baby.

Looking at the clock, I’ve been here about three hours. I hadn’t fallen asleep for that long. I make my way into the kitchen to learn the lay of the land. I freeze as I see the empty bottles on the counter.

Oh shit, she could be breastfeeding. I’ll have to wake her if there’s no milk in the refrigerator. I open the door and almost sag in relief to found more bottles with milk. I take one out and look round.

I’ll need to heat this in that pot. Cool.

I move over to the pot of water sitting on the stove. I dump it and refill it, not sure why I take the extra step. This little guy is starting to squirm, he’ll be screaming soon if I don’t hurry up.

I’m running on autopilot as I get the bottle warmed. I don’t know where I come up with all this knowledge of caring for babies, but I have the bottle tested for temperature and the little guy sucking the bottle down before I know it.

Don’t leave him gassy.

Nodding at my own thoughts, I remove the half-finished bottle and start to pat his little back. Not getting any results, I try a little harder. He lets out a big belch that has me looking down at him in awe. I start to smell something foul.

“Aw, come on. I thought we were becoming friends,” I groan.

Sticking a finger in the back of the diaper that’s swallowing his little ass, I peek inside pulling a face immediately. This little dude has some real shit with him. I look back at the living room longing for Kaye to get up, but knowing I’m not going to wake her.

“Come on,” I huff.

I start out of the kitchen to find the bedroom and his diapers. I pass by one room. It’s dark with the door half open. I note that it’s another bedroom and there’s a bed inside. I go to the room with the open door and the lights on.

I look around and the place is a mess. Baby things everywhere. This is so unlike Kaye. She’s a neat freak. Her room has always been spotless. Danny used to pay her to clean his room so he wouldn’t be placed on punishment.

“Looks like I got here just in time,” I murmur to the baby. “Let’s clean your stinky little ass and then we’ll get to this room.”

Kaye

I breathe out a relieved breath when I find Dashawn safe in his bouncer that’s sitting in the center of the kitchenette table. He’s fast asleep without a care in the world. Felix has his t-shirt back on, while standing at the stove flipping a piece of what looks like French toast. My stomach growls at the same time Felix turns towards me.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he croons, a hint of a sexy rasp in his voice.

I love it when his voice does that. It happens when you catch him coming out of deep thought. Just a whisper of roughness to his already deep voice. My nipples tighten just from the sound brushing against my ears.

“Hey,” I say, dipping my head and placing my arms across my chest.

“He’ll be up again soon. We should probably eat fast. I’m on this last bottle, not sure how to make more or if you’re pumping or planning to just breastfeed,” he says, his eyes dropping to my arms over my breasts.

“How would I do that?” I blurt out.

His brows mirror mine as they draw in. He walks me over to the table as he places a plate down. I inch past him in the small space to sit in the chair he has pulled out. He goes to cut off the burner and fix his own plate, before sitting across from me.

“They didn’t give you classes or something? They should have helped you get him to latch or whatever. We can get you one of those pumps. Maybe YouTube or google how they work,” he says once seated.

My own brows crease deeper. I tilt my head at him, searching his face. My head snaps back when understanding hits. My shoulders sag. He’s just like my father, making assumptions.

“How did you find me?” I ask.

His jaw tightens a bit. He places his fork down, sitting back in his seat to cross his arms over his chest. I know that look. He’s pissed.

“The question is…why the hell did I have to find you? What’s going on with you, Kaye? Why would you run off and not tell me what was going on with you?

“Why weren’t you there for the funeral? Why is there no name on the birth certificate for his father? I get being mad at Alberto for what he did, but the Perez family should be helping you—”

“Wait, how do you know there isn’t a father listed on the birth certificate? Oh, wow! That’s how you find me. Shoot,” I rub my temple.

“Seriously, that’s what you have to say to all of that,” he growls.

I lift my hands up to halt his anger. He has this all wrong. Maybe he didn’t jump to conclusions like my father. He assumed based on that document that led him to me.

I lick my dry lips and get ready to spill the truth to the only person I think I’ll ever be willing to tell. Felix is known for keeping other’s secrets. I’ve trusted him with my own. Now, I’ll trust him with my brother’s.

“It’s not what it looks like. Dashawn is not my son. Well, I didn’t give birth to him. We just made it look that way. His mother used my name and information to use my insurance. My dad is pissed at me, but he hasn’t cut my employee benefits from the church. Not yet anyway,” I explain.

Confusion takes over his face. I chew my lips nervously. If anyone were to find out what we’ve done, we could be in big trouble. Yet another reason I can’t go home and tell the truth. My father would have a coronary.

“Kaye,” Felix drags out on a groan, rubbing the back of his neck. “What the hell have you gotten yourself into? Hold on…he looks just like you.”

“Yeah, he would. He’s my brother’s son,” I reply.

Felix unfolds his arms and drags a hand down his face. I can see the stunned look in his eyes. All of this is nuts. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and I’m the one living through it.

“Tell me what the heck I’m missing. You’re clearly in over your head. I have a feeling Danny wouldn’t want you to be living like this,” he says, holding a hand up to gesture at the apartment I now call home.

“I wasn’t supposed to be here. After the baby was born, I was supposed to moving into a nicer place. Danny was going to take care of everything. Alberto was going to cover the bills,” I say to my hands in my lap.

“Wait, Alberto knew about this?” Felix asks, clearly in shock.

“Yeah, there’s a lot more to the story,” I respond. “Alberto and I were never a real couple. I…one summer, you guys were like fifteen. I wanted to be wherever you guys were. I rode to the beach house hoping to find you guys.

“When I got there, I got the surprise of my life. I didn’t know what to do or think. I just stood there with my mouth open. I mean—”

I shake my head at the memory. My young innocent mind couldn’t put the pieces together back then. I was confused and freaked out.

“When Alberto’s eyes lifted to find me, he looked like he would be sick. Danny was the next one to look up. My brother looked like his world was about to crumble. The girl was the last one to notice me. She just giggled, pushed them off and tossed her clothes on,” I pause to look up at Felix.

He’s watching me intently. No expression on his face to reveal what he’s thinking. I bite my lip feeling like I’m about to betray my brother.

“For months, I couldn’t get the image out of my head. Danny on top of that girl and Alberto on top of Danny,” I shake my head trying to clear the image even now. “Danny sat me down and tried to explain. He told me he wasn’t gay, but my father wouldn’t understand him being Bi. He and Alberto had been a thing for awhile. They found girls that would agree to sleep with both of them.

“Alberto freaked out. He thought I was going to run and tell. He kept saying his dad would kill him. I don’t know what made me do it. I had just gotten into it with my dad over something really stupid. My idea to get back at him was just as dumb.

“I knew me dating Alberto would piss Daddy off. I told them I’d be quiet about it if Alberto helped me to push my father’s buttons. They were all for it.

“I’d unknowingly offered to be Alberto’s beard. I found out later that Alberto’s father had been getting suspicious. They were already afraid and needed to figure something out.

“As the years went by, I saw and heard some of the things Alberto’s father said and did to him. I kept up the ruse as much to make my Daddy angry as I did for Alberto’s sake. I noticed his dad was a little easier on him as long as we were ‘dating’,” I make air quotes as I say the last word.

“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” Felix grumbles.

“You can say that again. We had tried to call it off once. His father berated him in front of a bunch of guests at a dinner party. Danny and I had only been there because Alberto asked us to come. I made the mistake of saying we broke up and all hell broke loose. I was in near tears for Alberto by the end of the night.

“Then there’s my father. Danny was so scared Daddy would lose it on him. He and Alberto were in a relationship for years. They had a few steady girlfriends from time to time, but they remained a couple or whatever, forever. I say whatever because they swear they weren’t boyfriends,” I stop to rub my forehead.

“I can’t for the life of me tell you what they were thinking. Christa was one of their steady partners. She and her family are members at Daddy’s church—”

“Yeah, I know her,” he replies. “I’ve seen her with Danny a time or two.”

“She’s Dashawn’s mother. Those idiots weren’t using protection. She got pregnant and started to threaten to expose them both. She knows Alberto’s dad is a big time producer and his mom is an actress. She wanted money for the abortion and to keep quiet.”

“She was blackmailing them? Why didn’t they come to me?” Felix asks, pain lacing his words.

“Danny wanted to. Alberto didn’t want you to know. He gave her the money, but Danny couldn’t live with her killing the baby. That’s when they dragged me in. Christa said she would be quiet about everything if no one ever found out she had the baby.

“The last time I saw you was when Danny asked me to do this. To pretend to be the baby’s mother until he could figure something out. Christa and I would stay out of view while she was pregnant. Danny said he’d take care of everything afterward.

“I know how crazy this all sounds. It was crazy when Danny asked me to do it. At first, I told him no. I’d gone to the house with him so he could come clean with everything. Things just didn’t turn out as planned,” I scoff.

“What happened?” he coaxes.

“We got to the house and you know Daddy. He can sniff out when something is wrong. He pounced on me before we could get a word in. Called me irresponsible. He knew I’d let that boy get me pregnant one of these days.

“I’ve never seen a penis other than that day I walked in on Danny and Alberto. How the heck could I be pregnant and irresponsible? I’ve done everything my father has asked me to do all my life. Even when I try to be bad it falls flat.

“The one thing I love to do, I’m too afraid to do because I know he wouldn’t approve and there I sat being berated and thrown under the bus for something I didn’t do.

“I snapped. If I was going to be blamed, I might as well protect my brother. I got into it so bad with my father, he threw me out. Told me go stay with my spoiled baby’s daddy.

“Alberto wanted Christa as far away from them as he could get her so we flew here that night. I was so mad. Danny knew I didn’t want to go back, that’s when he promised me a nicer place once the baby was born,” I say, wiping at my tears. “That never happened.”

“I walked in on one of their threesomes before. Not like you did. They were both having sex with the girl. I was so pissed. I thought Alberto was cheating on you. Danny covered for him…”

His words trail off and he stares into thin air. Knowing Felix he’s thinking of all the ways he could have helped if he’d known. He takes his beanie off to run his hand through his hair then replaces it.

“I—”

My words are cutoff by my nephew’s little cries. I go to get up to get his bottle, but Felix places a hand on my arm. That hum seems to be stronger as it zaps up my limb. I lift my eyes to his, but once again he’s masking all of his emotions.

“Sit and eat. Let’s get you guys fed, then we’ll figure all this out. I have family here in New York. We’ll be calling in a few favors,” he says.

“Thank you,” I say softly.

He leans in to kiss my forehead.

“Anything for you,” he murmurs.

I chide the butterflies in my belly. He means that as a big brother. Nothing more, nothing less.