Chapter 11

Jenna

I PULLED UP BRAD’S NAME IN my phone contacts while thoughts of Ethan raced through my mind. What had happened to him to cause him to be so despondent with life? He’d opened up about his childhood to me, but I knew that wasn’t the cause of his current state of mind. Something had happened to him recently. Something really bad. His heart was still beating, regardless of how he felt. He still had empathy and kindness to give. He’d proven that today when he took me to the sunflower field and the other night when I’d twisted my ankle. He just needed to get to a place where he was able to stop beating himself up and move on from whatever it was he was running from.

One minute, I’d be deep in conversation with him and the next he’d be off in his own little world. The same went with his moods. His rare smile would fade away as quickly as it formed. Today had been the most he’d ever opened up to me and it was painful, not only for him to tell me, but for me to listen to as well. The look in his eyes, he was so lost, so tortured. He appeared to push everyone away, but I knew deep down inside he was screaming for help, and as long as he’d let me be there for him, I would.

It was so odd to think he was a mere stranger just a few days ago, but something had changed in just those few days. Something I had no understanding over. I truly believed in the old saying that people came into our lives for a reason, and I knew there was definitely some purpose for this mysterious man who’d entered mine. Whether it was to just have someone to talk my problems over with or to save him from himself, I wasn’t sure, but there was no doubt I felt some strange connection to him.

I tried my best to ward off any more thoughts of Ethan and focus on my phone call with Brad as I waited for him to answer.

“Hey, Jenna,” he greeted, as if he was surprised to hear from me.

“Whatcha doin’?” I asked, deciding to put our past quarrel behind us and move forward.

“I was just falling asleep.”

“Oh…sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I was hoping to hear from you.”

“So…how was your weekend?” I didn’t want to know. The last thing I wanted to hear was how great the show was. The show I was supposed to take him to for his birthday.

“It was okay. Wish you were here to spend it with.” He always knew exactly what to say to make me forget. “Can you…can you, please, just come home one night this week, so we can spend some time together? Go out to dinner and talk?”

This week was going to be tough for me with the plumber and electrician coming and the guys to replace the windows, but I couldn’t tell him no. He was making an effort, so I needed to as well. I needed to head into the bridal shop anyway to try on my dress after she’d done some alterations, so I could get that out of the way as well.

“Okay, what night is good for you?”

“I’ve got a late night tomorrow and then Wednesday I have that benefit. Is Tuesday night good?”

“Umm…yeah, sure.” I closed my eyes, trying to figure out how I was going to make this work, since Tuesday and Wednesday were probably going to be the two craziest days here. But I’d figure out a way. I had to.

“Okay, I’ll give you a call tomorrow some time. I’m gonna be in and out of court all day, so it might not be until later.”

“Sounds good.”

“Good night, Jenna.”

“Good night.” We hung up, minus any I love you once again. I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much, but it did. Was he starting to drift away from me the same way I’d felt myself drifting from him?

***

Monday had been a complete waste of a day. The plumber had an emergency, the electrician was sick, and the relentless rain made it impossible for them to work on the windows. Just my luck on Tuesday the plumber was on time, the electrician had made a miraculous recovery, and the sun was shining. I didn’t want to burden Ethan by asking him if he could keep an eye on things while I was gone, but I was out of options. He agreed without hesitation, putting my mind at ease a bit.

“I cannot thank you enough for doing this for me. I’ll be back early tomorrow afternoon, and if you have any problems please just call me…or I’ll call to make sure everything is okay…unless—”

“Jenna, just go. I promise everything will be okay.”

“Thanks.” I smiled. “I owe ya big-time…I’ll cook you whatever—”

He shook his head and smiled. “Will you just leave!”

I nodded and smiled back before walking out the door and heading on my way.

I was thankful for the light traffic, making it home in less time than I’d planned. I stopped off at my apartment to check on things and then headed to the bridal shop where I was meeting my mother and aunt. I jumped when my phone beeped with a text message, praying it wasn’t Ethan having a problem at the house, but instead it was Brad.

I made reservations for 8 at Dewards. Be at my house at 7:30.

I was hoping for something casual like pizza and then a movie at his place, but leave it to Brad to make reservations at one of the fanciest restaurants around. Which would require me to wear something much fancier than the jeans and sweatshirt I had on.

“There she is! Our beautiful bride-to-be!” my mother shouted as I walked through the door of the bridal shop.

“Hey.” I brushed her cheek with my lips.

“Hey, Aunt Louise.” I greeted her with a kiss as well.

“Jenna, you’re getting too skinny!” my aunt reprimanded.

“I’m no skinnier than the last time you saw me.”

“So, how’s Aunt Liza’s house coming along?” My aunt asked the question my mother had yet to ask, even with her thousand phone calls she’d bombarded me within the last three days.

“It’s going great, Aunt Louise! Thank you so much for asking!” I pursed my lips and glared at my mother, who looked away, avoiding any confrontation.

“Hello, Jenna,” Carol, the bridal shop owner, greeted. “Your dress is waiting for you in the fitting room.”

A deep knot formed in my stomach as I followed behind her, not quite the reaction I’d hoped for at the prospect of seeing myself in my wedding gown. I stepped into the sheath-style dress and waited for her to zip me up. She came around in front of me with a broad smile plastered across her face.

“You look like you belong in a bridal magazine. This dress was made for you. Have a look,” she coaxed.

An instant sweat overtook me, and my heart was beating out of my chest. I tried my hardest to steady my shaking legs and find the courage to turn around and look in the mirror. Taking a few deep breaths, I slowly moved my body and lifted my head, staring at the reflection in front of me, only I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. Who was this girl?

“I’m going to get your mother and your aunt. They’re going to flip when they see you.”

Tears welled in my eyes. Each breath I took was getting harder. I closed my eyes, imaging myself walking down the aisle to Brad, committing myself to him for the rest of my life, and my stomach clenched. I tried desperately to regain my composure before my mother and aunt came in.

“Jenna!” my mother exclaimed as she entered, tears instantly forming in her eyes.

“Oh, Jenna, Brad is going to go crazy when he sees you in that dress! I can’t wait to see the look on his face,” my aunt chimed in as tears rolled down my face.

I didn’t try and stop them, knowing they would think it was because I was overcome with emotion over seeing myself in my dress.

“Oh, they are going to look so beautiful together,” my aunt continued. “He is movie-star handsome,” she said to the bridal shop owner.

They continued to talk amongst themselves, and I zoned out completely. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be staring at myself in a gown I didn’t want to be wearing—ever. I closed my eyes and saw Ethan’s face. His beautiful smile that he seldom displayed, sitting on the beach with him and laughing in the middle of the night, walking through the sunflowers on the perfect fall day. Then it occurred to me, in the few days I’d known him, he’d given me more happy memories than Brad had given me in the few years we’d been together. It was crazy, but true. I deserved to be with someone who made me happy, and maybe that someone wasn’t Ethan, but with each passing day, I knew it wasn’t Brad either.

Don’t let anyone take away your autumn. Ethan’s voice rang in my head.

“I-I have to go,” I finally spoke. “Unzip me!” I demanded.

“Jenna! What’s the matter?” my mother griped.

“Please just unzip this dress. I have to go.”

The bridal shop owner rushed to my side and abided by my wishes. I couldn’t step out of that dress fast enough. Once it was off, I could breathe again.

“Jenna, what’s going on? Are you feeling okay?” my mother asked as I threw my clothes on.

“Yeah…I mean, no. I have to see Brad.”

“Jenna!” she shouted as I grabbed my purse and darted out the door.

I didn’t even remember the drive to Brad’s office. I knew this wasn’t the time or place to do this, but I had to talk to him before I lost my nerve. I sat in my car for some time, trembling before finally mustering the courage to get out. I slammed my car door shut and was frozen when a white SUV pulled into the parking lot and Brad got out. I remained still, watching him walk to the other side. He stuck his head in the open window, kissing the person in the driver’s seat on the lips.

The woman laughed and as my eyes focused in on her, I realized why she looked so familiar. She was the mother of Sophie’s friend. The same one he’d gone to New York with, the same one I had my suspicions about for a while. He’d made my choice a lot easier now. I knew this was a sign that I was doing the right thing. I got back in my car, not wanting to get into it with him in the middle of the parking lot of his work. I’d at least spare him that humiliation. I was no longer nervous. I was no longer feeling guilty. Oddly enough, Brad’s little indiscretion took a huge weight off my shoulders. I was going to do what I should have a while ago instead of letting things get this far.

I went to my apartment, grabbed some more things, and stopped in the rental office to pay my rent. Two more months of writing out that check. My lease would be up and I should’ve been moving into Brad’s house, but instead I’d be moving into my new home permanently. I gazed at the clock, wondering if he’d be home from work yet. I shook my head as I drove down the street of his pretentious neighborhood, thankful I was no longer a future resident here. I pulled up to his house and saw his Land Rover in the driveway. I got out of my car, this time on firm legs and with much more confidence. I knocked on the door when, normally, I’d just walk in.

“Jenna, what are doing here so early, and why are you knocking?” Brad opened the door wider and let me inside as he loosened his tie. He leaned in to kiss me and I backed away.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“How long have you been fucking her?”

“What? Who?” A nervous laugh escaped him.

“Andrea’s mother.”

He shook his head and looked in every direction but mine. “Jenna, I’m not—”

“Don’t lie to me, Brad!” I shouted. “I saw you getting out of her SUV today.”

“What! Jenna, really! I went to an awards ceremony at the school with her…that’s it.”

“Stop! Just stop! I don’t care. I really don’t. I just know I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t marry you.”

“What?” His eyes narrowed. “Jenna, you can’t be fuckin’ serious! You’re calling off our wedding because I attended a school function with—”

“You kissed her, Brad.”

He shook his head in defeat.

“I’m not even mad. Really, I’m not. We’ve been going in two different directions for a while now.”

“You can’t do this, Jenna. She’s nothing to me, and you’re everything.”

“I’m sorry, Brad. It’s not what I want.” I slid the ring from my finger and placed it in his hand. He looked down at the sparkling diamond and then back up at me. I searched for some sadness in his eyes, but all there seemed to be was pure and utter disdain.

He lifted his hand and hurled the ring into the wall. “You fuckin’ stupid bitch. How could you humiliate me like this?”

“Humiliate you? Really? God, Brad, everything is all about you, isn’t it?” I turned around to exit and he grabbed my wrist. Spinning me around, he clutched tightly to my wrists and slammed me so hard against the wall it took my breath away.

“Get the hell off me!” I shouted, but that only intensified his anger as he tightened the grip on my wrists.

“You’re gonna fuckin’ use this as an excuse to everyone for calling off our wedding. Make me the bad guy because you’re a neurotic bitch who can’t make up her mind?”

I turned my head to look away when his face came closer to mine. He let go of my left wrist just long enough to jerk my head in his direction.

“Look at me!” he shouted, banging my head against the wall, with a rage to his voice I’d never heard before. He grabbed my left wrist once again as I stood there pinned up against the wall with no other choice than to listen to what he said.

“You can blame it on me, Brad. I don’t care anymore. Appearances were never my thing. I always left that up to you.” He loosened his grip and backed away, never taking his eyes off me. I knew this was my opportunity to get out of here and never look back, and I was going to take it.

“I don’t give second chances, Jenna.”

“And I promise I won’t ask for one.” I started to inch my way closer to the door.

“Do you really want to know how long I’ve been fucking her?” he shouted just as I was about to leave. “Three months. For the past three months, we’ve been laughing behind your back at how naïve you are.”

I nodded and remained calm. “Well, lucky for me, I’m not naïve anymore.”