Chapter 10

Ethan

I ROLLED FROM MY BED AND peered out the window at the bright sunshine outside. For the first time in a long time, I was starting to notice the change in weather, instead of it being the eternal storm that filled my mind. I shook my head and couldn’t help but smile as I watched Jenna wrestling with two large cornstalks as she tried to get them from the back seat of her car. Was it crazy to think that maybe she was the reason I was starting to notice things for the first time in a long time, like the sun shining outside my window or the fact I was learning to form some semblance of a smile again? Of course it was. I’d only known her for a few days, but there was something about her that made me feel like it was so much longer. She was open and honest. She wore her heart on her sleeve and didn’t have a hidden agenda. She accepted me for who I was and didn’t try to press for more than I was willing to give. Yeah, she was a little naïve and somewhat indecisive, which normally drove me insane, but it didn’t bother me with her. She didn’t know Jonathan Reed, but given her former profession, I was certain she’d heard of him. She accepted me as Ethan Banks, and that was hard to come by these days. Most people wanted to know me because of the fame that came along with me, but Jenna didn’t know that side of me, yet she still wanted to be around me.

I threw on some clothes, brushed my teeth, and headed outside to her.

“Honestly, they weren’t this hard to get in,” she said when I moved her out of the way and pulled out one of the cornstalks she’d been fighting with for the past ten minutes. By the time I got all of them from the car, it looked like a cornfield exploded in the back of her car.

“Wow…you really went crazy with the cornstalks.”

She shrugged. “I was just thinking…” She stared up at her front porch deep in thought. “You’re right! I really don’t know what I was thinking. What in the world am I going to do with all of them?”

“Don’t know…make a scarecrow?”

“Hey, that’s actually a good idea!” There was something about her smile that always made me want to smile in return. It was genuine and just like her—adorable.

“I think your cornstalks killed your sunflowers.” I pulled out what was left of her decapitated sunflowers from the back seat.

“Oh, damn it!” She sighed heavily. “Oh well. The guy at the farmers’ market told me they were the last of the season too.”

I stood there deep in thought when an idea crossed my mind. “What are your plans today?”

“Nothing much other than trying to find a home for all these cornstalks.” She shook her head and laughed.

“I want to show you something, but it’s a few hours away, so it’s gonna take up most of the day.”

“Umm...okay, but can you tell me what it is?”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Fine.” She raised an eyebrow, up for the challenge. “What time?”

“Can you be ready in a half hour?”

“Perfect.” She grinned, my eyes studying her for a little longer than they should have. “I’ll see you in a bit.” She broke my gaze, and I was able to think clearly again.

I headed back to my room to shower, wondering what I’d just done. The last thing I needed was a friend, so why did I just offer her the invitation? But the more I was around her, the more I found myself acting in ways that were so out of character not only for the man I was now, but for the man I once was.

***

Jenna filled the long car ride with nonstop conversation. Normally constant chattering annoyed me, but just like all her other quirks, I was okay with it, and in a way, enjoyed it. By the time we reached our destination, I’d learned everything I needed to know and more about her mother, her father, her sister, and her nieces. Unlike the other times, she hadn’t mentioned her fiancé, and I didn’t feel it was my place to bring it up.

She finally stopped to take a breath when we pulled into the parking lot. Lifting her sunglasses on top of her head, her big brown eyes widened and a slow, beautiful smile etched into her face, more beautiful than the enormous sunflower field in front of us. “How did you find this place?” She turned her head toward me after finally managing to take her eyes from the bright yellow display.

“I’d read about it online a while ago.” The truth was I’d been here before, researching it thoroughly for the setting of one of my books. The only difference being, in the pages of my novel this whimsical little sunflower maze was a demonic labyrinth of terror.

“This is seriously the best thing ever!”

It didn’t take much to please her. We got out of the car and she was like a little kid going to the playground for the very first time as we made our way in. After walking around for some time and wondering if we’d ever find our way out, we stopped to take a break. She looked up at the bright sunshine and back at me.

“I know this is going to sound really corny, but this is how I envision heaven.”

She waited for my reply, but I was at a loss for words. The only heaven I imagined was one where I’d see him again, and I was highly doubtful that it even existed. If there really was some higher being who loved all things unconditionally then how could he have allowed something so horrible to happen to an innocent who’d barely begun to live?

“Do you not believe in heaven?” she asked as we started to walk once again.

“No,” I responded.

She gazed up at me with sadness. “Well, that’s okay. We’re all allowed to believe in what we want.”

What was with this girl? If I’d voiced those beliefs to anyone else, they would’ve lectured me on the importance of believing in God or shun me as some kind of Satanist, but she validated my feelings and didn’t judge me because of it. We continued in silence for some time.

“So how long are you staying at the inn?”

I put my hands in my pockets and jingled some loose change, continuing to stare straight ahead as we kept walking. “A few more weeks.”

“Are you there on business?”

I shook my head.

“Just a little getaway?” she continued.

“No,” I blurted out. “I need…” I cleared my throat. “I just need to work through some things.”

“Got ya!” She nodded as if she totally understood. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-three.”

“Wow, you seem so much older. I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just most guys your age are still so childish. You seem so mature. It’s like you’re wise beyond your years.”

Little did she know, but I was one of those immature guys up until a year ago when I’d aged about one hundred years. Grief forces you to grow up in the hardest way imaginable.

“So, I just realized, I was rambling on so much about myself and my family, I didn’t give you a chance to tell me anything about yours.”

“Not much to tell. My father was an alcoholic who functioned during the day to make a more than decent living as an attorney, so that made my mother happy. She was able to have the fancy cars, the big house, and keep up with the Joneses.” I shook my head, my face heating with rage just thinking about it. “And she overlooked when he’d get drunk off his ass almost every night and get angrier and angrier with each sip of scotch he’d take, and in turn take that anger out on her and then on me.”

She stopped walking and placed her hand on my arm in support. “Oh, Ethan, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. My mother passed away a few years ago and my father doesn’t even exist to me anymore.”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“An older sister. I still keep in touch with her.” I picked a petal from one of the sunflowers and threw it on the ground. “But my father is dead to me.” I sensed her discomfort over the topic, and when I realized I’d spilled my guts about a topic I never shared with anyone, it made me a little uncomfortable as well.

“Hey, I didn’t take any pictures!” She whipped out her phone and started snapping pictures of the sunflowers. It was a welcoming distraction for both of us. I’d let my guard down and bared a little bit too much of myself to her. “Can you take a picture of me?” she asked, handing me her phone. She stood in front of the flowers and I snapped the picture.

I looked down at the photo, wishing I didn’t find her so unbelievably beautiful.

“Would you like me to take a picture of the two of you?” the older woman who was passing by with her husband asked.

Before I could even respond, Jenna answered, “That would be great! Give her the phone, Ethan.”

I reluctantly handed over the phone and moved next to Jenna. I always loathed having my picture taken even when I had to do it for press events. It was always a chore for me.

“Don’t be shy and get closer to your honey,” the woman requested of me.

I was waiting for Jenna to correct her, but instead she looked over at me and giggled.

“Come here, Ethan, sweetie.” She smirked.

I couldn’t help but smile back, inching closer to her until we were touching. My body tensed when she wrapped her arm around my waist and leaned into me. She was so close. Close enough to smell her floral-scented shampoo. Close enough to feel the warmth coming from her body. Close enough to awaken something deep inside of me that had been dormant for so long.

“Okay, smile!” the woman directed before snapping the picture. “Just beautiful,” she said, handing Jenna’s phone back to her.

“Thanks so much!” Jenna was still grinning from ear to ear.

“My pleasure. I hope you enjoyed your afternoon.”

“Oh, very much!” Jenna replied.

“That’s what I like to hear. My husband and I have owned this farm for over thirty years, and I love seeing the joy this maze brings to people every year. You’re such a beautiful couple.” She stared deeply into Jenna’s eyes. “Do you mind if I do something?”

“Oh…umm. I guess not,” Jenna responded with unease.

She took Jenna’s hand and caught me off guard when she took mine in her other hand. Jenna gazed up at me and creased her eyebrows in confusion when the woman closed her eyes, appearing to be deep in thought. Her eyes peeled open and a huge smile was plastered across her face. “Two boys and many years of happiness.”

“Excuse me?” Jenna asked.

“She hasn’t been wrong in thirty years,” her husband chimed in.

“Well, I hate to break your streak, but we’re not even a couple,” Jenna fessed up.

“Yes, you are, dear. You just don’t know it yet,” the woman responded calmly. “Take care of each other and love those sweet little boys.” She flashed us both a warm smile before her husband took her hand and they walked off to greet other guests.

Jenna waited until they were out of earshot before busting with laughter. “Wow! That was crazy.” She shook her head, but I could sense she was a little rattled by the old woman’s prediction. Lucky for me, I didn’t believe in any of that shit.

We walked around for a little while longer, finally finding our way out of the maze. Jenna gripped tightly to the bunch of sunflowers she’d picked as we headed to the car.

“That was so cool. I can’t thank you enough for taking me.” She gazed over at me as she put on her seatbelt.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“It was for me. I don’t usually get to do fun stuff like this. My weekends were always used to go over manuscripts that I didn’t have time to finish during the week. Now they’re just filled with spending it with stuffy old lawyers and their uppity wives while Brad tries to impress them. He’d never dream of coming to a place like this, no matter how much I loved it.” Letting out a deep sigh, she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes. “So, thank you for giving me this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

I shifted back to park just as I was about to back out. “So that’s it. Once you get married, you’re never going do the things you want to do again?”

“Well, I-I didn’t say—”

It wasn’t my business, and I was totally overstepping the boundaries of whatever type of bizarre relationship we had, but it was like she totally let this guy control her. “Why does this place have to be a once in a lifetime for you?”

“I just meant, I’ll probably never make it back here again.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“I don’t know…geez!” She let out a nervous laugh.

“Don’t let anyone take away your autumn.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Look at the trees around you. What do you see?”

She moved her sunglasses back to the top of her head and looked out the window. “An explosion of reds, oranges, and yellows. It’s beautiful,” she whispered, focusing her attention back to me.

“Don’t let anyone strip that beauty away from you and fill it with the cold barren days of winter. Because once they do, it will never come back again.”

Her deep-brown eyes burned into mine, holding all the power as if they were exploring the deepest depth of my soul. “You can still get it back, you know.” Her voice wavered.

Breaking her gaze, I stared straight ahead, and whispered, “I don’t want it back.”