Chapter 17

Jenna

I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK AT the time. I knew I’d slept in much too late, but I didn’t want to leave the safety of Ethan’s arms that were wrapped around me either. I pulled the covers and gently lifted his arm, carefully crawling out of bed to not disturb him. I slipped my clothes on and stared down at the perfect, naked man lying in my bed. He looked so at peace, so happy, and I was hoping what we’d shared together had something to do with it. My heart sank, knowing he’d be leaving in a few hours. I appreciated his honesty in making it clear to not expect anything from him after this, and I was okay with that…at least I thought maybe I could be. But the truth was, I was going to miss him, and after what we’d shared, it was going to make it even harder to watch him go. How stupid was I to believe I could think like a guy and dismiss all feelings after being intimate? But I knew from the beginning he was different. His heart was guarded, and he’d never relinquish it that easy, especially not to someone like me. As much as I wanted to think of him as only Ethan Banks, there was a whole different side to him, one that came with fame and success. Even though he never revealed that part of his life to me, I knew he was only here to recharge and maybe find his writing mojo once again. Once he left, he’d more than likely go back to being Jonathan Reed, bestselling author, and Ethan Banks and everything associated with him would become a distant memory.

I didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wasn’t even gone yet, and I was missing him already. I went into the bathroom, threw some water on my face, and brushed my teeth before heading down to the kitchen for a little therapy. The delightful aroma of vanilla and sweet cinnamon soon overtook the kitchen. I smiled as I fixed my creation on the plate. My French toast would definitely be on the breakfast menu once I was open for business.

“Hey, perfect timing!” I couldn’t hold back my smile as Ethan stood in the kitchen doorway, his hair all disheveled, still looking half asleep, but absolutely adorable. “Have a seat and be my guinea pig.”

“Jenna, you didn’t have to—”

“Sit!” I took his hand and led him to the kitchen table. He took a seat, and I placed a cup of coffee in front of him and then the French toast. “Good?” I asked once he took a bite.

“Very,” he replied.

“Now, I can say you were my first unofficial guest.” I sat down across from him and took a sip of my coffee. His eyes met mine with sadness. “I’ll never regret last night, so please don’t think we did anything wrong. It was…perfect.”

He nodded and took another bite of his food. I studied him carefully, wanting to remember every detail of his beautiful face, my heart breaking a little more with each passing glance. A deep burn invaded my stomach when he got up and carried his plate to the sink. This was it. No more waiting in anticipation to see him each day, no more two-hour trips to the hardware store while he’d patiently sit with me as I tried to make a decision, and no more deep conversations that were normally one-sided—me spewing my problems to him. Funny how in just a few weeks’ time, he’d become such a big part of my life.

“Since I really hate goodbyes,” I said once we reached the door, “I’m just going to leave it like this. It was an absolute pleasure to have met you, Ethan Banks, and I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me out.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you, Jenna.”

“Thanking me? I didn’t even do anything.”

He pressed his lips on my forehead. “You did more for me than you’ll ever know,” he whispered.

I swallowed the baseball-sized lump in my throat, frantically fighting with the stinging in my eyes. I couldn’t cry in front of him. I wouldn’t. I wanted him to leave without any guilt about what had happened between us. I gave his hand one last gentle squeeze before kissing him softly on the cheek, then he walked out the door, leaving a permanent mark in my heart.

***

The next few days spent painting proved futile in my attempt to cease any more thoughts of Ethan. Taking a much-needed break, I decided on a walk on the beach to try and settle my mind. The gray sky and the brisk wind matched my mood perfectly. It was starting to feel like winter even though there was still a little more than a month of autumn left. I zipped up my jacket and buried my hands deep inside my pockets as I stared out at the ocean, my heart feeling a lot like the shoreline as the fierce waves battered it over and over again. It was crazy to be feeling this way. Ethan was just a rebound to help me move on to the next serious relationship in my life, the same way I’m sure I was to him. But every time I closed my eyes, I’d feel his lips all over my body and the warmth of him inside me. My heart raced and my stomach tingled when I replayed what we’d shared in my head. I walked a little farther down the beach before deciding to head back. I froze when I turned around, certain that my mind was playing tricks on me. That man standing just a few feet from me with his hands in his pockets, staring at me so intently couldn’t have been Ethan—but it was.

We approached each other in matching steps, neither one of us saying a word. We were finally a few inches apart, and I couldn’t resist looping my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground and our lips meshed together.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered once he put me down.

He gazed out at the ocean. “I forgot something.” He finally set his attention on me.

“What did you forget?” I creased my eyebrows in confusion.

“I-umm…I have this thing tomorrow night.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “And I was wondering if you’d like to go with me.”

My heart soared from my chest and my stomach danced. “I-I would love to go with you, but you could have just called and asked instead of driving all the way back.”

“Yeah, well, I spent the past few days trying to get my head together. And I realized I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

My eyes widened. This was the most he’d ever expressed his feelings since I’d met him, and it was huge. “Really?” I whispered.

He nodded and looked away.

“Well, Ethan Banks, I’d love to go to this thing with you.” I moved my hands and placed them on his freezing cold cheeks. “And, just to let you know…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either.”

A slow, reassured smile spread across his face. I smiled back and brushed my lips to his. His tongue slipped into my mouth, turning my sweet little kiss into so much more.

“I think it’s a little too late for you to head back now, don’t you?” I asked, with our foreheads pressed together once our kiss had ended.

He nodded. “There’s just one problem.”

“What’s that?” I asked, moving his hair from his face.

“I don’t have any place to stay.” He grinned.

I laughed. “I think I know the perfect place. Come on, I’ll show you.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we walked off the beach. It all seemed like a dream to me—a dream from which I never wanted to awaken.