Chapter 4

Ethan

MY EYES PEELED OPEN TO darkness. Where am I and how did I get here? I eased myself up and reached for my phone that was sitting on the nightstand. My memory triggered when I knocked over the open bottle of pills. I’d failed at my attempt, but I’d felt Darrah’s presence earlier. I’d seen her so clearly, touched her soft skin, wanting to take her in my arms, but my festering anger wouldn’t allow it. I was truly losing my mind. I rubbed my hands down the sides of my face and got out of bed on wobbly legs. Drawing the curtain open, I rested my head on the cool glass of the window, peering down at the street below. This tiny seaside town was in a time warp, maintaining the authentic feel of a time gone by while the rest of the world around it lived in the twenty-first century. The gaslit lampposts were just beginning to dim. A new day was dawning, and here I was still trapped in darkness. My stomach panged with hunger. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten, but my need for caffeine overpowered my desire for food.

After jumping in the shower and getting dressed, I made my way down the stairs, hoping to score some coffee and head back to my room unseen. I reached the bottom of the stairs and was greeted by silence. Obviously, 5 a.m. was too early, even by bed-and-breakfast standards. Deciding to trade off caffeine for some fresh air, I stepped outside for a walk before the rest of the world awakened. The cool autumn air that greeted me was a welcoming change from the heat and humidity just a few weeks ago. I loved taking long hikes through the woods at the peak of fall, always my favorite time of year. Something about the shorter days, the changing leaves, and the cool crisp air would always get my creative juices flowing. It was like the calm before the storm. Mother Nature was at the height of her beauty, decked out in fiery shades of orange and red, but like everything in life, it was only temporary. Just around the corner, winter reared its ugly head, sneaking up on her to strip her of all her majesty.

This quaint little town was a far cry from the desolation of the twenty-acre wooded parcel in the middle of nowhere where I’d normally spend this time of year, tucked away in my one-bedroom fishing cabin, consumed with people who only existed in my head and in my laptop. I’d go for days without eating or sleeping, bringing them to life for my readers. I held power inside my mind, controlling their destiny and deciding if they lived or died. That was what I once existed for, creating different worlds to escape to when reality was too much too bear. I was at the top of my game, shooting for the New York Times bestseller list with my last three releases, one of them already made into a movie and another movie deal on the table. But just like the exquisite autumn leaves that would fade away to winter’s calling, so did everything I thought mattered the most to me. Now I wasn’t sure if I could even create a coherent sentence. The ghosts and villains that once filled the pages of my books now only filled every aspect of my mind.

I walked down the street, studying the architecture of the grandiose Victorian-era dwellings that were commonplace for this town. Jonathan Reed would have researched the history of each of these homes and turned them into a haunting page-turner—Ethan Banks couldn’t care less. So much had changed in this past year. My mind didn’t even remember how my legs had led me to the place I’d been avoiding the most, but as I stood on the beach, staring at the powerful force of nature I detested with all my being, I had two choices—run away and bury it deep inside or face the pain that was right in front of me.

The sun was in a battle with the fog as it began to rise from the water, and to most people it would have been the perfect photo op—but I wasn’t most people. My chest tightened when the sun finally won out, clearing the fog and bringing her into plain view, standing at the ocean’s edge. Maybe I’d succeeded in my attempt and I really was dead, or maybe it was a cruel joke my mind was playing on me. Whatever it was, I needed to see her. I steadied my shaky legs and tried my best to calm my rapid heartbeat. As I cautiously approached her, I wondered if she’d just disappear before my eyes. When I finally reached her, I stood a few feet behind her, taking in everything about her. Her long, dark, wavy hair blew in the breeze as she stared out at the water, unaware of my presence over the roaring thunder of the ocean. I tried to speak, but words failed me.

“Darrah,” I finally managed. The few seconds it took her to turn around was like an eternity. Her widened eyes set upon me—only they weren’t the familiar shade of blue I’d gazed into so many times. Instead, they were a deep brown. Taking a moment to recover, I took a step back, trying to recall where I’d seen this familiar stranger before.

“Excuse me?” she replied with a warmth to her voice that conveyed the same familiarity I was feeling.

“I-I...I thought you were someone else.”

She gazed at me in silence, turning her mouth up into a small, sympathetic smile.

“Sorry,” I muttered, giving her a curt nod and getting on my way.

“Are you feeling better?” she shouted once I’d gotten a few feet away.

What the fuck? Who’s this woman and why the hell is she speaking to me as if she knows me? “Excuse me?” I snapped.

She swallowed hard as I approached her. “I-I...you just seemed upset yesterday.” Her voice wavered.

It suddenly dawned on me where I’d seen her before. She was the brunette who’d been eyeing me up when I’d checked in yesterday. “How I’m feeling is none of your concern. I don’t know you, and you certainly don’t know me.”

Her jaw lowered, and a loud gasp escaped her. “Well, sorry for even giving a damn!” she retorted. She shook her head and glared at me before turning around and marching off in the other direction.

I remained in place, gazing out at the water. I was turning into my father more and more each day, and I hated it. But what right did she have to question my feelings? She knew nothing at all about me. This was why I closed myself off to the rest of the world. I didn’t want people caring about how I was feeling, and I certainly didn’t care about how other people felt. My heart was a vital organ in my body. It served no other purpose. Love didn’t exist to me, and I was a fool for thinking at one time it did. I turned my head and watched her in the distance as she walked off the beach, questioning exactly why I was so angry with her. Was it really because she was prying into my business or was it because she reminded me so much of Darrah that it scared me beyond words?