It had been two months that Jacob and I were together not counting the month that he wouldn’t leave me alone. If you asked him, he would tell you three months, or even tell you since the day I was born.
He could be cheesy as shit like that.
Things were good. Things were great actually. He never left my house even though he had a hotel room or at least he says he did, I never saw it. Every time I asked him when he was going home, he would reply with, “I am home, baby, or you’re my home, baby.”
See? Cheesy shit.
I loved it.
I loved him.
I still hadn’t said it to him, but I knew I didn’t need to. He already knew it. He was trying to make partner at a law firm in San Francisco, but he didn’t talk about it much. He was on the phone or his laptop a lot, so I knew he was still working. Jacob was always great at winning arguments, which I’m sure made him, an amazing lawyer. I don’t know any bosses who would let you take off like he did. We didn’t talk about what would happen after he left, how we would make it work. I guess we were enjoying playing house too much.
“Don’t go,” he murmured into the side of my neck from behind me. I giggled as he kissed along the nook.
“I have to go to work, Jacob.”
“No, you don’t.”
“How am I going to pay my bills?”
“Me.”
“How am I going to buy stuff?”
“Me.”
“How am I going to—”
He peered up into the mirror, looking at me through our reflections. “I’ll take care of everything. I’ll take care of you.”
I grinned. “Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Be with me,” he simply stated.
“I am with you.”
“Not when you’re at work.”
“Jacob…”
“I know this is important to you. I do. I know you love music and you’re finally using the guitar I bought you and I see you started writing lyrics again, but in all honesty where are you planning on going with this?”
My eyebrows lowered. “What?”
He turned me to face him, caging me in with his arms. “Hear me out.”
“I thought that’s what I was doing.”
“Lillian,” he warned.
“I’m all ears.”
“You’ve been working at the bar for three years. Almost four now.”
I nodded.
“Where is it going?”
“I just want to play and sing.”
“And I love that about you, sweet girl, but what about the future?”
“I’m just living a day at a time, Jacob.”
“You have an amazing talent. I’ve always known that. Do you think maybe you’re selling yourself short? Kid, you can’t work at a bar for the rest of your life.”
“I know.”
“Listen, I know some people. Why don’t you let—”
I jerked back. “You don’t think I could do it on my own?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Lily, I’m just trying to help.”
“By using your connections? For what exactly?”
“I don’t know. Maybe get your music on the radio or at least book you a session in a studio to cut a demo. You’re young. I mean right now it may seem okay, but it’s not going to be that way forever.”
I sighed. “I gotta go to work.”
“This isn’t over.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
He kissed the tip of my nose before moving away from me. I spent the entire drive to the bar thinking about what he said. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I didn’t see a future until Jacob came back into the picture and that scared me more than anything. I was jumping right back in. Head first into being dependent on him, and I had yet to figure out if it was a good or bad thing.
It was getting late, only an hour left until the bar closed. I played my last set and went straight to the bar. I needed a drink.
“Hey, little girl,” some random greeted with his two friends right alongside him.
“The name’s Kid.”
They were cute, if you liked the fraternity boy type.
“Kid,” he corrected. “I’m Felix, this is Ryan and Eric.”
“Howdy,” I replied.
“Can we buy you a drink?”
“Whiskey.”
“A girl after my own heart. A whiskey drinkin’ girl.”
“One and only.”
They grinned. Each of them taking a shot and handing me one. I raised my glass and they followed suit.
“Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.”
They busted out laughing. I downed my shot and so did they.
“Lookie here, she didn’t even cough,” Eric stated.
“I’m not a pussy. Can’t say the same for you.”
“Feisty… now I like that,” Felix chimed in.
I smiled, leaning back into my chair.
“How about another shot?” Ryan asked.
“By all means, boys.”
They handed me another and I once again lifted it in the air. “Here’s to girlfriends and wives, may they never meet.”
“Phew,” They breathed out, laughing.
“So are you a wife or a girlfriend?” Felix questioned.
“You first,” I sarcastically replied.
They laughed again.
“Another shot?” Eric asked.
“I’m fine.”
“That you are,” Ryan said, looking me up and down.
“Wow, I haven’t heard that one before.”
“Tell me, Kid, do you give it as good as your mouth does?” Felix questioned.
“I should teach you fuckers a lesson for talking to her like that,” Jacob chimed in, making all the color drain from my face, my heart immediately beating out of my chest and into my ears. It was as if he appeared out of thin air or something.
“You’re lucky I respect her and this establishment enough to walk away without beating you fucking senseless. Go home and thank your lucky stars that you’re not sleeping in the goddamn hospital tonight, assholes,” he threatened, looking at each of them with a glare I had never seen before. It shook me to my core.
“Kid, get your stuff, we’re leaving.”
“You can’t—” He grabbed Felix by the throat, pushing him back against the bar. My eyes widened and my breathing hitched.
He leaned into the side of his face. “What can’t I do, motherfucker?” he gritted out, loud enough for me to hear.
“What was that? I can’t hear you?” he mocked, Felix’s face turning bright ass red.
“Jacob,” I whispered, choosing my words carefully.
He turned and looked me up and down and then let go of his neck. Felix gasped for air as his friends went right to him, holding him up.
“You may want to consider getting new friends. One’s that aren’t such goddamn pussies,” he snarled, gripping my arm, rushing us out of the bar. I tried hard to keep up, his stride being too much for me.
“You’re going too fast,” I pleaded as he forcefully pushed open the door, slamming it back against the wall.
“Can’t we talk—”
“Not. Here.”
“Jacob—”
He turned to face me. “I said I’m not doing this here. We will talk when we get home.”
He opened my truck door and pretty much carried me into my seat, shutting the door before I could even say thank you and walked to his car. I was a nervous wreck the entire drive to my house, silently praying that he cooled off on the drive back by himself. His car was already in my driveway when I got home and the blinds were shut. It made my already nervous stomach more anxious. When I walked in, Jacob was sitting at the dining room table with a drink in his hands.
I rushed to him.
“So tell me, Kid…”
I stopped dead in my tracks a few feet away from him.
“Last time I checked you were my girlfriend, so is there a reason when that random asshole asked you if you were a girlfriend you didn’t fucking bother to say yes?” he stated in an eerie tone not looking up from brushing the rim of his glass.
“Jacob—”
“By the way, you do give it as good as your mouth does, in case you’re wondering,” he sneered.
“You’re not being fair.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes. It’s my place of employment. It’s where I work. Why were you there?”
“Do I need a reason to come see you?”
I sighed, taking a deep breath. “They’re stupid boys. It comes with the job, Jacob, since when do you act so insecure, mister high and mighty?”
He was over to me in three strides, making me gasp and backing me up into the wall.
“Watch it,” he coaxed his eyes dark and daunting.
It was all in fun. Flirting was part of my job, it always had been, but from the look on Jacob’s face there was nothing fun about it.
“Do I not give you enough attention, Lillian? Am I not inside you enough? Is that the goddamn problem?”
“I’m the entertainment—”
“In more ways than one?”
“Of course not, I’ve never…”
I narrowed my eyes at her, arching an eyebrow, trying to keep my temper at bay.
“I didn’t know you were there.”
“That was pretty damn clear.”
“I was just flirting. It’s not a big deal. You’re making it out—”
“Don’t even fucking try me, Lily.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
I snidely smiled. “Which part is unreasonable, Lily? The part that I drive to surprise my girlfriend at her job? Or the part that I find her flirting with three cocksuckers who are trying to get into her fucking pants? Or maybe it’s the part that she downs the shots without even watching the glass to make sure they didn’t drug it? Or how about the part where she denies being with me? Which fucking part of that is me being unreasonable?”
She bit her lip, contemplating what to say. “I didn’t deny you. I just… I mean… we’re taking things slow, Jacob. We’re seeing each other. We haven’t talked about anything else.”
“Sticks and stones, Kid.”
“No, don’t be like that.”
“Seeing each other?” I repeated in disbelief. “I fucking love you. I love you so much it hurts. I’m here because I can’t leave you, forgoing everything for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that!”
“You didn’t have to!” I roared.
“What do you want from me? I can’t just forget about what you did to me! I can’t just let it go like you expect me to! It’s so fucking easy for you! I didn’t leave you behind! I didn’t fuck you over like you did me! I did nothing but love you! I’m trying, okay! I’m trying as hard as I can! I don’t trust you with my heart. I’m terrified I’m going to wake up one day and you will have your bags packed at the door with one foot already outside.”
I shuddered, feeling like the ceiling was caving in on me.
“Jacob…” she stepped toward me, causing me to step back.
“Don’t,” I said with a finger out in front of me. “Don’t come near me right now.”
She didn’t listen, stepping toward me again. “Jacob…”
"No, Lily... just stop."
“I didn’t mean—”
“You meant everything.”
“Jacob…” she pleaded, but it was too late. The damage was done.
“What more do you want from me? I can’t apologize any more than I have. I know I fucked up! But I lost you, too! Do you not realize that? Do you not think that it fucking killed me to walk away from you? To leave you! Do you think I’m that much of a heartless bastard! You let me back in between your legs and your goddamn bed, but that’s it. Is this payback, Lily? Is this your way of punishing me for my mistakes?”
“You know that’s not true.”
“I know nothing. Not one damn thing. I thought… I thought you were mine because I’ve never fucking stopped being yours.”
She grimaced.
“I need a break.”
“What?” she replied, taken aback.
“You heard me.” I walked to the door and opened it.
“You’re leaving me again?” she whispered.
“No, I’m leaving before I say something I regret.”
I slammed the door…
And left.