“Wow, so that’s what the big fuss is about, huh?” I asked as he hovered above me, looking down at me with so much love in his eyes that it made me weak in the knees.
“No, baby, that’s just with me.”
I smiled.
“Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head, loving the weight of him on top of me. “It hurt a little bit at first, but I knew that was going to happen. That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“To us, baby. To us.”
“There’s an us?”
“There’s always been an us.”
“Does this mean… I mean are we… do you—”
“I’m never leaving you again. I love you.”
My heart soared. It’s everything I ever wanted to hear coming from his lips.
“Do you mean that?” I needed to hear him say it.
“You’re mine, Lily.”
We stayed like that for I don’t know long, but the next thing I knew it was morning and I was wrapped in his arms, both of us still naked. I felt like I had run a fucking marathon. My body sore all over. I moved my leg a little higher, my eyes widening, but Jacob was already awake and staring down at me.
“How is my friend up already? I played with him last night.”
“He’s addicted to you like I am.”
I grinned.
“Are you sore?”
I nodded. “I am, but it’s the good kind of sore.”
He smiled, rubbing the back of my head.
“What time is it?”
He looked over at the clock. “Shit. Almost noon. What is it with you and me sleeping in all morning?”
“That’s what lobsters do,” I simply stated.
“I love you.”
I beamed, I couldn’t help it. My heart soared every time I heard it.
“I don’t want to leave,” I expressed, remembering that I’d leave in three days.
“I’m coming back with you.”
“You are?” I asked, sitting up, taking the sheet with me.
“Lily, I’ve stayed away all these years for a reason. I made both our lives miserable for a reason. I was not supposed to be with you like this, but now that I’ve had you… there’s no going back. I meant what I said last night. You’re fucking mine,” he stated, possession laced in his tone.
“So where do we go from here?”
“I have less than a year and I will be finished with law school. We will make it work. I’m coming back with you to talk to Lucas, talk to your dad. Let them know what’s going on. What’s been going on for years, Kid.”
“Really? You promise?”
“I won’t lie to you again. I can’t.”
I jumped on him so fast that if he weren’t sitting up against the headboard we would have fallen back. I straddled his lap, my entire body laying on him, hugging him so tight.
“You make me so happy!” I sat up, looking at him. “We’re really going to do this? For real this time? All of it?”
He nodded, gazing at me with adoration and love in his eyes.
“My dad probably already knows. My mom knew, there’s no way she didn’t tell my dad.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of you, baby.”
I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “My brother… Lucas is…”
“I’ll handle everything. Don’t worry about Lucas, don’t worry about anything. I promise, Lily, everything will be okay from now on. I'll make this right.”
“I really want to kiss you.” I grinned. “But I have to brush my teeth.”
He laughed, grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me anyway. We showered together for the first time. He did all sorts of incredible things with his tongue as he backed me up against the tile wall and then again in his bed. We spent the entire day in there, exploring our bodies in ways we never had before. I loved every second of it. Never wanting this moment to end.
The next three days went by entirely too fast. He showed me around a few places in San Francisco. He was adamant that we couldn’t stay in bed the entire time, even though that’s all I wanted to do. I had turned into a minx, as Jacob called me, but he definitely made up for lost time, spending most of his time inside me. We christened his entire apartment and then some, with him always making sure that I was okay after. It was the sweetest side I had ever seen of him, and it made me wonder how many things I still would learn about him.
The possibilities were endless.
I blinked and it was Sunday, but it didn’t matter because Jacob was coming back with me. He was going to drop me off at home first so I could spend some time with my dad and Lucas. He already texted Lucas telling him he wanted to meet up at Alex’s parents restaurant for breakfast the following morning. He wanted to talk to Lucas by himself first. He didn’t want me there. Same thing with my dad, he was going to stop by his office around lunchtime. Talk to both of them, let them know what was going on, and then hopefully by Monday night we would have their blessing.
We could move forward…
Together.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Not so much about my dad, but definitely about Lucas. This would probably be the hardest news to swallow. Jacob said he wanted to be completely honest with both of them, tell them what we had been doing on and off for the last several years. He was over all the lying, and I prayed the truth would set us free. I was prepared for the worst, though, I didn’t want to lose my brother, not after everything we just went through. Him and my dad were all I had left. I couldn’t lose them.
But for Jacob…
For Jacob I would.
I loved him that much.
I loved him more than anything.
He rented a car when we got to the airport, saying it would be easier for him to get around. He held my hand the whole ride back to my house, the anxiety and nervousness radiating off of me though Jacob was calm and collected. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world. If anything he looked happier than I had seen him in a long time. The burden of all of our lies about to disappear. It was like he had found peace.
By the time Jacob pulled into my driveway it was three pm.
“Everything will be okay, Kid. I promise. Relax. The next time I see you there will be no more secrets. Do you understand me?”
I nodded because I couldn’t find the words to express how I really felt and it didn’t matter, he already knew.
He kissed me deeply, grabbing the sides of my face the way I loved.
“I love you, Lillian. Don’t ever forget that. I’ll call you later, and I’ll see you tomorrow night.
“Okay.” I bit my lip and got out of the car. Jacob helped me with my bag, kissed me one more time and stepped back into the car.
“Jacob!” I enthusiastically shouted before he took off.
He stopped, cocking his head to the side.
“I love you, too.”
He smiled. “Bye, sweet girl.”
I watched him leave and went inside, counting down the hours till tomorrow night.
I wasn’t nervous.
For years I thought I would be. It was different now. I had her mom’s blessing and as cheesy as that sounded it made me feel better. I knew her dad had to know something, maybe not to the extent her mom did, but enough to where he wouldn’t be surprised to see me standing in his office. Lucas on the other hand would be a fucking time bomb. There was no question about that, and I didn’t even want to guess how he would react. It didn’t matter. I would take every blow, verbal or physical. I would be coming back for her, with or without his consent.
I was praying he would understand.
My parents’ cars weren’t in the driveway. It was still fairly early, so I assumed they were at the farm in town like they were every Sunday since I was a kid. I wanted to surprise them, I hadn’t seen them since the funeral and I knew they were taking it just as hard as everyone else. They were all best friends. I unlocked the door and walked inside my house, leaving my luggage by the door and going into the kitchen. I grabbed a glass of water and made my way up to my parents’ bedroom, needing to grab my social security card and my birth certificate from the safe for some internship applications.
I opened the door and stopped dead in my tracks. Instantly, the glass fell from my hand, shattering on the floor with glass shards and water spilling by my feet. Everything suddenly happened in slow motion.
“Fuck!” Dad shouted, pulling out of her and yanking up his pants. She shrieked, jumping off the bed, running around to grab her scattered clothes.
The fucking bastard doing the same.
I. Stopped. Breathing.
All I could see was my father as he fucked her from behind, her tits bouncing, gripping her hips as he slammed into her, both of them covered in sweat.
A woman…
A woman who wasn’t my mother.
I recognized her as she ran past me and out of the room. She’d been working at the store for years. My mom…
Fuck, my mom.
That’s when I lunged for him, shoving him up against the wall. “How could you do this to my mom? You piece of shit!”
“Jacob,” he roughly gritted out, gripping my hands that were on his collared shirt.
“Answer me, goddamn it,” I demanded through clenched teeth.
“Let. Go. Now,” he ordered in a tone that I could never respect again.
I did, but not because I wanted to. I did it for my mom.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this." My hand gesturing to the bed. "In the house she made you a fucking home! In your goddamn bedroom! You’re such a fucking bastard,” I roared, ready to go at him again.
He put his hand out in front of him, knowing what I was thinking. “It’s not what you think.”
“It’s not? I didn’t just walk in on you fucking another woman?”
“Jacob… your mother and I. Jesus Christ.” He rubbed his forehead. “It’s been years. Years since we’ve been happy.”
“So that excuses you having an affair? You can’t be fucking serious?”
“She knows.”
I jerked back like he had hit me with a goddamn sledgehammer.
“Your mother betrayed me.”
“I don’t understand. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You wouldn’t. I didn’t want to tell you like this. I never wanted you to find out like this. I swear to you.”
“What?”
He shook his head like he didn’t want to say it.
“WHAT!” I yelled so fucking loud, pushing over the lamp and making him jump.
“A few years ago. Fuck… Jacob. Oh, God.” He looked up at the ceiling.
“Just fucking say it!” I yelled at him, trying to keep my fists at my sides.
He looked deep into my eyes and spoke with conviction,
“I’m not your father.”
“NO!” Mom screamed from behind me, making us both look back at her.
“How could you do this, Lee? How could you fucking do this to me? You said you would never tell him! You promised me he would never know! How could you betray me like that!” she shouted not moving from the door.
“Betrayal? Oh, come on, Ginger, you want to start talking about fucking betrayal?” Dad replied, both of them lost in their own conversation as my whole world came tumbling down.
“That’s not what happened. I told you—”
“I don’t fucking believe you! I’ve never fucking believed you! Why do you think I got a DNA test? How many times did I have to fucking hear from people that he looks nothing like me? From our friends, from our families, from goddamn strangers at the fucking park! Tell me! How many fucking times is it okay to hear that until you start to question it yourself?”
I sat down on the edge of the bed, I had to. Bile rising in my throat, my body giving out on me. I had heard that I didn’t look anything like my father ever since I could remember, the boys, Alex, fuck… even Lily telling me we looked nothing alike.
Some kids don’t look like their parents? Right? Isn’t that normal?
“I never betrayed you, Lee. Never.”
“What the fuck is going on? Someone needs to tell me before I lose it,” I murmured loud enough for them to hear.
My mom watched me with an expression that will forever haunt me as if she was dying right in front of me.
Fuck… I couldn’t go through this again.
“Tell him, Ginger, lie to your son like you have to me.”
I looked at her with pleading eyes, and she bowed her head not being able to meet my gaze. “Jacob, you know your father and I had been friends for years before we got together. We all have… he had been pursuing me for months and I…I… I don’t know. I was young. We both were. We were graduating from high school. Lily’s mom and I… we went to a college party one night and we had been drinking. I met this guy, he was nice, God… I don’t even remember his name. I barely remember what he looks like. It was all one big blur, it was over before it even started.” Tears slid down her face, her body shaking.
“I’m so ashamed… I swear, Jacob, I wasn’t like that… that’s not who I was.”
“Right, Ginger? Because you didn’t spread your fucking legs for me three days later. You fucking trapped me, I was your ticket out of being a single mother.”
I snapped.
I charged him. I rammed my body as hard as I could into the man who raised me like I was his own. To the man who I thought was my father for the last twenty-six years. To the man who I loved and respected. To the man who I know as nothing but my father.
“YOU DO NOT TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!” I yelled loud enough to break glass. His back hitting the wall with so much force that he broke through the drywall. I moved away from him, hunching over and dry heaving from the adrenaline on the floor. My mom immediately came toward me, rubbing my back, apologizing profusely.
“I swear, Jacob, I swear on your life that I didn’t know. I never knew. I wouldn’t do that to you or to your father. I swear on everything I didn’t know. We used a condom. I didn’t with your dad. Please, believe me…” she sobbed into my back.
My dad stumbled from the wall, shaking drywall off his body from the impact of my blow. I stood and we locked eyes.
“If you believe her, Jacob, you’re a very stupid man.”
I didn’t falter, the emotion taking over. “It still doesn’t excuse you fucking someone in our house. In the home you built a family. In the bed you have shared with my mother, your wife, for the past twenty-six years. This is your kid’s home. This is the only house I’ve ever known. Now when I think of this place all it’s going to make me feel is fucking sick. So no, Dad, it doesn’t fucking excuse that. You tainted everything.”
“Jacob, I—”
“Leave.”
“Jacob—”
“Leave. I won’t ask you again.” I stepped toward him in a menacing way.
He shook his head, looking at me with disappointment in his eyes before he turned around and left. I walked to the bed, needing to sit down. My legs giving out on me, I didn’t know anything anymore. I was in a daze where I couldn’t feel, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t even fucking think.
My mom sat in front of me on the balls of her feet. “Baby, please tell me you believe me.”
I shook my head. Was I crying? How long had I been crying?
“Mom, I can’t. I can’t right now. Please don’t ask me anything. Please…not now.”
She nodded in understanding. I fell into her lap and cried like a fucking baby. I bawled for hours while she held onto me so tightly. Whispering soothing words of comfort and rocking me back and forth.
I didn’t think about Mr. Ryder.
I didn’t think about Lucas.
I didn’t think about Lily.
All I thought about…
That I had no clue who I was.
They ripped me of my identity…
And they didn’t even know it.
Jacob didn’t call me last night and I figured it was because he was spending time with his parents. I left him alone the next day because I knew he was going to be with Lucas in the morning and then my dad after that. I didn’t need to burden him with my worries, he was confident that everything was going to be okay and I didn’t want to burst his bubble.
I trusted him.
I woke up early that morning, feeling like I hadn't slept the entire night. I watched the clock, counting down the hours until my dad got home, or till Lucas walked through the door. I watched for Jacob’s car to pull up into my driveway. I waited for it all. When I heard my dad parking his car in the garage, I sat on the couch patiently waiting for him to walk inside and tell me everything was okay.
He walked inside like it was any other day. He kissed my head, asked how my day was, not mentioning Jacob at all. Not a word about his afternoon, or their talk, nothing. I immediately called my brother, mentally preparing myself for the wrath of Lucas. It never came. It was the same with him as my dad. I didn’t mention the breakfast because I didn’t know about it as far as Lucas was concerned. It didn’t matter anyways, he didn’t say a word about it either. He talked to me like he always did, nothing had changed. When I got off the phone with him, it was near eight o’clock.
What the fuck was going on?
I hadn’t heard from Jacob, which was really unlike him. I told myself I was just being paranoid, but panic was creeping up on me. I couldn't shake this awful feeling. Maybe I was reading too much into it. He would never hurt me again. He wouldn’t lie to me again.
He promised.
He loved me. He told me he loved me.
I waited…
I waited all night. Finally, my phone pinged with a text message and Jacob’s name appeared on my screen. I smiled, for the first time that day, finally able to breathe again. My anxiety easing. I swiped over the screen and all it said was…
I’m sorry. I can’t.