We were home on Christmas break from Ohio State, Dylan, Lucas, and I all got accepted. It was our freshman year and it proved to be challenging and different. We were all nineteen and grew up in the small town of Oak Island, North Carolina. Moving to a big city like Columbus was a drastic change for us, but I think it was one we all needed. Although dealing with Lucas’s and Dylan’s sour fucking faces every day made me question my decision to move in with them on a daily basis.
We lived off campus in a three-bedroom apartment, finally being on our own away from home, I thought this would be the time of our lives. But Dylan was miserable and he made the rest of us miserable, too. He missed the shit out of Aubrey, his girlfriend of three years. She was still back home finishing her senior year of high school along with Austin, who got accepted to Ohio State a few weeks ago too. I couldn’t tell if he was excited or not. I never understood what was up with him, other than the fact that he fucked anything that had a hole and two legs. Always trying to be a rebel in a way. Dylan spent most of his time trying to talk to Aubrey, who happened to be busy more often than not. I think we all saw it coming, except maybe him.
Now Lucas… fuck, all the shit that had been going on between him and Alex throughout the years. He thought that no one knew, they both did. They thought we were oblivious to it all.
We weren’t.
Especially me.
It made me sick to my fucking stomach just thinking about them in that way, she was like our little sister, always had been and always would be. Fucking following us around since she could crawl. We all loved her. Lucas wasn’t good enough for her and I had to remind him constantly, making me sound like a goddamn broken record. I was just as exhausted from repeating the same shit over and over as I imagined he was sick of hearing it. I did everything I could to keep them apart. He needed to get his fucking head out of his ass and start seeing her the way we all did.
The way he was supposed to.
We were all sitting in Lucas’s living room, arguing about what to watch on TV. Dylan and Aubrey cuddling in the armchair while Alex lay on the floor with a blanket and pillow, Lucas not far from her. Austin sprawled out on the love seat and I sprawled out on the other sofa.
“Whatcha guys watchin’?” Lily asked, walking into the room with her guitar around her neck. She was thirteen but appeared much younger, sweet and innocent, like Alex.
I smiled. “About to watch Freddy vs. Jason.”
“What’s that?” she replied, moving my legs to sit down beside me.
“A scary movie, Lily, you can’t watch this. You won’t sleep. Mom and Dad will kick my ass when they get home,” Lucas called out from the floor, looking back at her.
Her face flushed, it was quick, but I saw it. She peered down at her lap before I gave it any more thought.
“Yes I will,” she softly whispered, strumming a few strings on her guitar.
“Lily, you hate scary sh—”
“I’m fine,” she argued, looking at him with wide eyes.
Lucas sighed and shook his head. “Whatever. Jacob’s crashing here tonight so you won’t be able to sneak into my room.”
“I won’t.” She looked over at me from the corner of her eye, and I moved my stare back to the TV.
I assumed she was embarrassed since we were all so much older than her. Lucas turned back and lay down, scooting a little closer to Alex. I shook my head in disappointment. Lily placed her guitar on the ground next to the couch. I pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and handed it to her. She smiled, taking it from me and laying it over both our bodies. The movie started and it didn’t take long for her to curl up into a little ball, biting her fingernails and hiding her face in the blanket.
She screamed and jumped a few times throughout the movie, completely mortified every time it happened. When the movie was over Lucas offered to take Half-Pint home, Austin left saying he was meeting up with a girl, and Dylan and Aubrey left shortly after, too. I stayed on the couch channel surfing with a nervous Lily sitting beside me.
“Why are you so jittery?” I asked, looking at her.
She bit her lip before whispering, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
I chuckled, “So go to the bathroom.”
She bit her lip again. “I’m scared,” she said loud enough for me to hear.
“Lillian.”
She immediately turned toward me at the sound of her name, like she needed to hear me say it.
“It’s fake. It’s not real. It’s just a movie.”
She nodded and looked back at the TV. A few minutes later she still hadn’t gotten up. The house was dark, the only light coming off the television screen. I stood up.
“Where are you going?” she questioned, trying to hide the panic in her voice.
“To the kitchen. I’ll be right back. Do you want anything?”
“No,” she replied uneasily.
I walked over to the light switch and turned on all the lights in the living room. I also turned on every light on my way to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way to the bathroom, even though I didn’t have to go. I made sure to turn on every light that led to it as well as the bathroom itself. I made my way back to the couch, not saying one word to her, taking off my ball cap, and lying back down in the same position I was in for the last few hours.
Not thinking twice about what I had just done.
I tried to hide the surge of emotions that I felt for him at that moment. I knew he turned on every light for me. He didn’t have to admit it or say it. He did it because he loved me. I left before he could see it written all over my face, grabbing his ball cap from the coffee table and placing it on my head. On my way to the bathroom, I made sure to check all around me once I was out of his sight. I also left the bathroom door open just in case. I left all the lights on when I went back to the couch, and it didn’t take long for Jacob to get up pretending once again that he was going to the kitchen in order to turn them all back off.
We sat in comfortable silence until Lucas came back home, followed by my parents shortly after him. Everyone was getting ready to turn in, and I dreaded the fact that I had to sleep by myself. I was mentally kicking myself for watching that stupid movie.
Why would I watch a movie where the scary dude could get you while you were sleeping?
Lucas was about to shut off the TV and I started to internally panic.
Maybe I could sleep outside his door and they wouldn’t notice?
“Lucas,” Jacob said out of nowhere, making us both look at him.
“Let’s sleep out here tonight. It’s fucking hot in your room.”
He shrugged. “I don’t care.”
I bolted off the couch before he changed his mind.
“I’ll get the blankets.”
I made each of us our own little beds. Lucas on the love seat, Jacob on the sofa, and me on the armchair since I was the smallest. Lucas passed out a little while later as my eyes started shutting with exhaustion. I heard the TV click off and shortly after Jacob said, “Night, Kid.”
I smiled into my blanket half asleep, with his ball cap still on top of my head, knowing he slept in the living room…
For. Me.