Austin took off. Dropped out of college, and no one had heard from him since.
Lucas was adapting to fatherhood with his son Mason, and the co-parenting situation was working great for them.
Dylan was looking into the police academy. He wanted to join Special Ops.
Alex was officially with Cole and for the most part, seemed really happy.
Me? Well, I was in fucking hell.
It had been three months since I last saw or spoke to Lily. Not from lack of trying. She wouldn’t answer my calls or return any of my text messages.
Nothing.
It was like she fell off the face of the earth. The only reason I knew what was going on with her was because of Lucas. He kept me somewhat updated without even knowing that he was doing so. This was not what I wanted, but definitely what I needed…
I hated that more than anything.
I drowned myself in school and applications for law school. I even tried to go on countless dates that never led to anything, other than me counting down the minutes till I could go home. At least there I could wallow in my own personal misery that I had no one to blame but myself.
I was fucking miserable.
I missed her ridiculously contagious laugh. I missed her metaphors that I barely ever understood. I missed her made up words that only made sense in her head. I missed her infectious smile. I missed her dark brown eyes that held more expression than any other person I knew.
I. Missed. Her. All of her.
The list was endless.
I listened to every song that reminded me of her on my iPod. I had listened to them so damn much I was starting to memorize every word. You'd think I was a goddamn girl with a broken heart, not a fucking grown ass man.
Damn, I sounded like a pussy.
I grabbed the picture I hid in my drawer, looking at it as I lay on my bed. It was the one I took of her at the zoo when we were in Ohio. She was holding the lion cub in her arms, looking at him with so much happiness and love. It was my favorite part of our weekend together. She didn’t stop talking about that aquarium for the rest of the day. I impulsively reached for my phone to text her, hoping like hell she would finally answer.
Jacob: You can’t ignore me forever, Kid.
I threw my phone on the bed and went to take a shower. I didn’t expect her to text me back, Lily was a stubborn little shit. I threw my towel on my desk, putting on a pair of gym shorts when my phone pinged with a text message. My eyebrows lowered as I grabbed it off the bed still not expecting it to be Lily.
Lily: Watch me.
I chuckled, I couldn’t help it. I was thrilled she actually answered me. I wouldn’t have cared if she replied telling me to go fuck myself. The point was that she finally responded.
Jacob: I miss you.
Lily: Good for you.
I sighed.
Jacob: Kid…
Lily: Jacob…
I shook my head.
Jacob: What are you doing?
Lily: I’m on a date.
My head jerked back. I had to read the text several times before I processed what the fuck she said.
Lily: With this guy I’m seeing and we’re about to watch 91/2 Weeks. Peace out.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I roared out loud to myself.
Jacob: Where are you?
I waited for what felt like forever with no response.
Jacob: Do not fuck with me. Where. Are. You?”
Still no answer.
I paced around my room, raking my hands through my hair, wanting to rip it out of my damn head. I looked at her picture one last time, changed my clothes, grabbed my phone and keys and took the next flight out. I was lucky enough to find an immediate flight and arrive three hours later. It was almost eleven pm when I paid the cab driver at the end of her driveway. As I walked up to the porch steps, I tried to come up with an excuse to tell her parents as to why I was there in the first place.
Her head jerked back and her eyes widened when she opened the front door.
“What are you doing here?”
I barged inside ready to lay the motherfucker out.
“Where is he?” I gritted out low enough to where her parents couldn’t hear me.
She cocked her head to the side and looked at me like I was crazy. “Where’s who?”
I leaned in toward her face. “Don’t fuck with me, Lillian,” I warned. “Where. Is. He?”
“If you’re referring to my date… you just missed him. Or are you referring to my brother that you love so much?” she spewed. “Because he doesn’t live here anymore as you probably know.”
I took a deep breath, stepping away from her, finally being able to relax. “Where are your parents?”
“My mom has another round of chemo this weekend. They’re staying at the hospital.”
“Did your parents know that fucker was here?” I asked, trying to ignore all the images of them being alone together.
“Do my parents know you’re here?” she sarcastically stated with a wide smile, shutting the door and walking away from me.
It was then that I realized what I had just done. It was like I had been moving on autopilot for the last few hours, losing all sense of reason. Exactly the way it always was when it came to her.
Shit.
I followed her into her bedroom, standing by the door as I watched her sit on the bed with the rumpled sheets all around her. She looked at me with a confused expression and then quickly realized where my intense glare focused.
She grinned.
“What exactly went down in here, Lily?”
“Oh, what ever do you mean, Jacob?” she mocked in a condescending tone. “I’m a kid remember? We just watched a movie. I was as good as I was when you and I watched the same movie.” She winked and then smiled.
“Let’s try this again. What the fuck happened here?”
She put her finger up to her lips and peered up at the ceiling. “Hmm… well. Steve is my age, he’s not my brother’s best friend, and he has no relationship with my parents… so it doesn’t really matter what happened because it’s not illegal and it’s not wrong, right? Plus he’s perfectly okay with being with me in public,” she sassed, nodding. “Oh, and it’s none of your damn business.”
“What. Happened?” I gritted out, giving her one last chance to come clean. My fists clenched at my sides to the point of pain.
“Nothing that hasn’t happened before.”
And then…
I lost my shit.
Again.
He was over to me in three strides, laying me back on my bed, his huge, muscular frame looming over me.
“And what exactly has happened before, Lillian?” he asked in a tone I didn’t recognize, scaring me and thrilling me in ways that I found it hard to breathe.
I didn’t cower. “I experienced things. You know? The way you wanted me to,” I spitefully answered. “I can show you all the new stuff I’ve learned, see if it’s up to your standards.” I reached up to touch him, but he intercepted my hands, locking my wrists together with one hand, pushing them above my head. I never saw it coming, it happened so fast. He wouldn’t ever let me touch him, and I didn’t understand why.
“Don’t,” he ordered on his last thread.
I didn’t falter. “I can’t tell you how amazing it is to finally know what everyone is talking about. I thought I would never be able to get rid of this ache. Unlike you… he actually gives me what I’m begging for.”
He jerked back like I had slapped him across the face. “Did he fuck you?”
“You don’t have to have sex to have an orgasm, Jacob. His fingers and mouth do just fine.”
I saw it.
The. String. Snapped.
It was as clear as day. His eyes glazed over like a possessed man. His jaw clenched. His appearance hardened in a way that will forever be embedded in my mind. His strong grip suddenly tightened on my wrists, as his body tensed. Before I could process what was happening, he cocked his arm back and slammed his fist on the bed near my head, making me jolt.
“Is that right?” He lifted my dress, exposing my legs and stomach.
“Tell me, baby?” He brushed his fingers around my belly button. “Did he make your eyes roll to the back of your head?” They moved down to my panties. “Did your back arch off the bed?” He gently touched along the edges, swiping his fingers into the elastic and making it snap.
I shuddered.
“Did your thighs clench like they do with me?” Slowly pulling them down, inch by inch, leaving a trail of desire in its wake. The predatory stare in his eyes as he looked at my most sacred area was a memory I’ll take to my grave.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lillian, so goddamn beautiful,” he groaned on the side of my neck as he placed soft kisses down to my cleavage, removing my strapless bra and dress in one swift movement. He tossed it aside, leaving me much more exposed than before. His mouth sucked on my nipple as his hand caressed my other breast. I writhed beneath him, trying to break loose from the grip he still had on my wrists, but I couldn’t.
He was so strong.
So consuming.
So empowering.
I felt him everywhere, every inch of my skin tingling from his touch, all overwhelming and all at once.
I was done for. No one would ever be able to make me feel like this.
Just Jacob.
Only him.
I could feel his erection on my wet core, and he purposely moved his hips, creating a delicious sensation that sent shivers all over my body.
He looked up at me with hooded eyes. “I want to taste you, baby, I want to taste you so fucking bad.”
I moaned in response, sucking in my bottom lip and arching my back for him to do exactly what he was pleading.
“Do not move your arms. Do you understand me?” he ordered against my dry lips.
I nodded, not being able to find words to reply. He let go of my wrists and kissed his way down my body, leaning forward when he was where I wanted him the most. He inhaled my scent and I almost died of embarrassment, but it was quickly replaced by an ache he created when he licked all along my heat.
“Fuck…” he breathed out before taking my bundle of nerves into his mouth and sucking in a forceful yet tender back and forth motion.
I had never felt anything like it before. My breathing became heavy, feeling my chest rise and fall. My legs started to shake, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had no idea what to do with my hands. I felt like I was going to explode. When I felt his fingers at my opening, I almost died right then and there.
“You’re so fucking tight. Jesus Christ, Lily, what are you doing to me?” he growled in ecstasy.
I couldn’t take it anymore. The way his mouth devoured me and his fingers made love to me was too much for me to control. The room started to spin and my breathing faltered.
I exhaled.
I panted.
I clenched.
I felt like I was coming apart and being ripped open. I couldn’t control my movements let alone my breathing. I made all sorts of noises that seemed foreign coming out of my mouth. The room caved in on me, as spasms consumed my body then constricted, squeezing Jacob’s head so hard that I felt his facial hair in my bones. The sounds that were dripping from his mouth were enough to push me over the edge.
I gasped and screamed out, “Oh my God, Jacob!”
“You are mine. Do you hear me, Lillian? Mine!”
Watching…
Tasting…
Feeling…
Smelling…
Hearing…
Lily came apart, and knowing that I was the cause of it had pre-come dripping down my cock. I rested my forehead on her lower abdomen, both of us desperately trying to catch our bearings. It was just as intense for me as it was for her, the throbbing in my jeans only proving my point, and she didn’t even touch me. I couldn’t have her hands on me. I wouldn’t be able to hold back.
“Shhh…” I whispered, trying to help Lily even out her breathing. I could hear and feel her heart pounding out of her chest. “Shhh… baby…” I repeated, mentally preparing myself for what was to come.
“Jacob,” she coaxed, knowing I needed her encouragement to look at her. I took a deep breath and moved to lie by her side, wiping off her come from my lips and beard.
She was glowing.
I had never seen her look more beautiful than I did at that very moment and it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.
I was blinded by her.
Consumed by her.
Wrecked by her.
She owned each and every part of me, right down to my soul.
I. Loved. Her.
We stared at each other for I don’t know how long, knowing that as soon as one of us opened our mouths to say something, anything, we would forever lose this moment. Everything would change again and not knowing if it would be good or bad was the hardest pill to swallow.
“Don’t get mad, okay?” she said, breaking the silence between us with a shaky voice.
“Words every man loves to hear, Kid.”
She nervously laughed. “I love you.”
I wanted to say it so fucking bad, it was right there on the tip of my tongue, dying and pleading to come out.
I couldn’t.
It would only make things worse, if it were even possible at that point.
“I lied to you.”
“Excuse me?” I replied, confused.
She hesitated for a few seconds before saying, “I wanted it to be you, Jacob. I just wanted it to be you.”
My eyes widened and my jaw dropped, feeling like a bucket of ice-cold water was poured down my body. I closed my eyes, I had to, but it didn’t make it any less real.
“Please, Lily, please tell me it’s not what I’m thinking,” I begged, already knowing the answer.
“I’m sorry, Jacob. I love you!” she justified.
I immediately stood, my hand over my mouth, feeling like I was going to throw up. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just done? I would have never… Fuck me…” I breathed out. “I would have never…” I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t even look at her. The shame engulfing me in ways that I couldn’t even fucking see straight. “Lily, put some goddamn clothes on. I can’t look at you like that right now.”
She did as she was told, barely making any noise. I paced around the room, tugging at my hair, trying to keep my composure from breaking and saying something I would regret.
“How could you do this to me? After everything I’ve told you. After everything I’ve expressed. After everything I’ve shared. After all of it!” The bile raised in my throat. “Do you think this is a game? What the fuck, Lily?” I yelled at her, finally looking at her. She still looked so damn stunning that it took my breath away, physically killing me. I was suffocating in her afterglow, the smell of her all around me. Taking me under and consuming me in ways that I didn’t think I could ever recover from.
“I don’t regret it,” she simply stated, sitting on the edge of her bed.
I took in her disheveled hair, her rosy cheeks, her swollen bottom lip that I knew she had been biting, the way her dress hung off her shoulder, exposing her neck and collarbone. Her stomach was showing and her thighs were bare, my scent, my touch, my love was all over her.
That’s when I realized…
I. Didn’t. Either.
Not one fucking second of it.
And that…
Scared me more than anything.
“Why would you lie to me, Kid?”
She shrugged. “You wouldn’t touch me. What choice did I have? I know it’s not right, but I love you. I have no other excuse, it’s my only reason.”
I sighed, calming down. “So there’s no Steve?”
“There’s a Steve. I went on a few dates with him. He kissed me once, but it didn’t feel right. I felt nothing, no spark, no butterflies... not like I do with you...” She bowed her head. “Something special happened between us, Jacob, and I really wish you could see that.”
I bent down, sitting on the balls of my feet in front of her. Her eyes watered and it nearly broke my heart. I took off my hat and placed it on her head.
“You left this behind.”
She instantly smiled and it warmed my heart. The damage was done. There was no going back…
“What am I going to do with you, Kid?” I shook my head, hugging her tiny frame.
“Will you stay with me?”
I chuckled. “Try and make me leave.”
I scooted her up on the bed, took off my shirt, and jeans to sleep in my boxer briefs. She pulled off her dress, threw it on the floor and put on the shirt I was just wearing. I grinned, turned off the light, and lay next to her. Tugging her against my body, she fit perfectly. She slept wrapped up in my arms for the rest of the night, and we spent whatever was left of the weekend together and I flew back home Sunday night…
Except this time,
Lily was embedded in my heart.