I wouldn’t say I was a nosey child, more like a curious one. I loved to read and watch documentaries that would make my older brother Lucas fall asleep. We were six, almost seven years apart. I was ten years old and he was sixteen. My mom used to say that I was a happy surprise, but I’m not stupid, I knew I was an accident. Lucas was never mean to me. He wasn’t like most of my friend’s brothers. He never picked on me or called me names. He never made me feel like I wasn’t wanted.
We were always close.
He loved and protected me, often letting me hang out with him and his best friends, who were also like brothers to me. Dylan McGraw was almost seventeen and had hazel eyes with long blonde hair that went past his ears. I loved to tease him, telling him he had a girl’s hairstyle. His girlfriend Aubrey didn’t seem to care, I guess that’s all that mattered. Austin Taylor was the youngest of the bunch. He was fifteen and had red hair, bright green eyes, and freckles all over his body. He used to let me connect the dots on his arms with a pen. I made all sorts of designs, and later in life he actually got one tattooed on his body.
Then there was Jacob Foster. The thought of him alone made my belly flutter. He was the oldest, already seventeen, but I didn’t care… he was my lobster. I loved him. He had called me Kid since the day I was born or so I was told. I used to hate it because I never wanted him to see me as a kid, but there would come a time where I would long to hear him call me just that. He had vibrant green eyes that spoke for themselves. I think he got that from his mom. He didn’t have any resemblance to his dad, not even a little bit. His two younger sisters were a mixture of both of them, but Jacob was like his own person, just carrying a few of his mom’s features. I could always tell his mood through his eyes, they would change to all different shades of green depending on his feelings. His eyes were like a living mood ring. He was tall, way taller than me, but it didn’t matter. I knew one day I would grow up and he wouldn’t be the giant that towered over me anymore. He was also much broader than the other boys with defined facial features. I think he was born with a ball cap on his head, he never took it off. The only time he ever did was when I would steal it off his head and put it on mine. It made me feel safe, like no one could hurt me when his hat was on my head.
My friends were all in love with my brother, which naturally I thought was disgusting. His dark hair and bright blue eyes had girls falling all over him since the day he was born, but it didn’t matter. He already had his lobster and her name was Half-Pint, well not really, that’s just what everyone called her. Her actual name was Alexandra, Alex for short. She was fourteen with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes like me. Lucas told me all the time that I reminded him of her. I didn’t think so. I loved her. They loved each other. You would be a fool not to notice.
The boys didn’t.
So I learned early on in life that boys were stupid.
Alex put up with way too much crap, from Lucas, from the boys, and from our families. I marched to the strings of my own guitar. If you didn’t like it, too bad. You know where you could go…
Well, I don’t want to brag or anything but I could sing and play the guitar like nobody’s business. My mom used to say that I came out singing. That I sang before I could even talk. It was my God-given talent. Music had always been an outlet for me, I could always express myself through lyrics. It was therapeutic for me to get lost in the symmetry of words and rhythm. I showed enough natural talent with a guitar that my parents put me in lessons by the time I was six. Now my guitar never left my side.
You could usually find me hanging out in my room playing and singing at any time of the day, especially during the summer.
“Hey, Kid.”
Jacob…
I beamed, looking up at him from my bed with my guitar in my lap.
“New tunes?”
I enthusiastically nodded. He always noticed when I played new songs, which is why I often tried to learn new ones.
“I like it.”
I smiled, big and wide, sweeping my hair behind my ears so he could see my face light up for him. He walked over to my desk and pulled out my chair to sit. I knew what he wanted. Jacob loved the classics like Jimmy Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Santana, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Rolling Stones, and Aerosmith. I had no idea who those people were, but I looked them up on my computer. I even bought music sheets with my allowance so I could play for him, begging my instructor to teach me how to play Jacob’s favorites. Some of them were complicated songs, but to his astonishment I picked them up quickly. It only motivated him to teach me faster.
He called me a prodigy.
This would help me tremendously in my future. I guess in a way Jacob shaped and molded me for the success I would have in the years to come, although I never thanked him for it. I played Black Magic Woman on my guitar, my fingers gliding over the strings as if they were an extension of my own body. Strumming the precise high and low pitched tones effortlessly, with the skill of an experienced guitarist way beyond my years, the intensity vibrating against my core. I lost myself in the music, exactly how I always did.
Becoming one with my guitar. Hitting the last verse, making the chord amplify into the slow progression of the ending of the song. I closed my eyes and swayed my head along with the rhythm, biting my lip when it was over and opening my eyes.
His eyes were dilated and his mouth wide open. “Damn... Lillian. You are so talented,” he breathed out when I finished.
I smiled again, big and wide. He called me Lillian!
“Hey, dickwad, what are you doing in here?” Lucas interrupted, much to my disappointment.
“Getting front row seats to the show of a lifetime.”
I love him.
“I know, she’s been playing that song for the last week. She’s getting good. Come on, the boys are in my room.”
“Where’s Half-pint?”
“Studying.”
He nodded and Lucas left.
“Want to come?” Jacob asked.
“Nah. I’m going to practice some more.”
“Okay, play loud so I can hear from over there.”
I grinned. “Okay.”
He stood and rustled up my hair with his fingers, making me giggle before he left. I continued playing for a while, once again getting lost in the music, but the laughter from my brother’s room started to get the best of me. The curiosity to know what they were talking about had my feet moving of their own accord. Before I knew it, I stood outside Lucas’s door.
“Jesus Christ, you have no idea how fucking amazing it tastes, Lucas. Why haven’t you tried it with Stacey? You’ve already had sex with her,” Jacob questioned, as I hid further behind the wall to eavesdrop.
“There are no words to explain it. You’re just going to have to try it,” Austin added.
I chewed on my thumbnail, waiting for them to say what they ate. Maybe I could eat it, too?
“Shut the fuck up. I’m done having this conversation,” Lucas answered with agitation in his tone. It’s because he wanted to eat it with Alex. Stacey was a cover up, like Ken with Barbie.
“Eat her pussy already!” Jacob yelled out and everyone laughed though I didn’t think there was anything funny about it.
“Just fucking do it. You can thank me later. Trust me, the way she will reciprocate will be enough for you to want to eat it again.”
I shook my head and left. Disgusted with their conversation.
“Kid!” Jacob yelled out a while later.
I jumped from my bed. “Yeah?” I shouted back.
“Come downstairs. I’m in the kitchen.”
I took a deep breath and went downstairs, walking into the kitchen. “What?”
“What do you mean what?” He laughed. “Come try this. It’s my favorite food.”
I glared at the plate of food in front of him and shook my head no.
“You’ll like it. Come eat.”
I grabbed the fork, picking up a piece of meat.
“I brought this over especially for you, Kid,” he informed me and I immediately dropped my fork on the plate, making a loud noise against the glass.
“What’s your problem?” he immediately asked.
“Nothin’.”
“Then why aren’t you looking at me? Did I do something?”
“No.”
“Lillian,” he coaxed.
Dang it, again with the Lillian. I took another deep breath and raised my eyes.
Concern and confusion spread all over his handsome face. “What’s up, Kid?”
I folded my arms over my chest and whispered, “Are you eating cat?”
He jerked his head back looking at me like I was crazy.
“I may have overheard some stuff today.”
“What stuff?” he followed, taking a sip of his drink.
“You said.” I bit my lip and his eyebrows lowered.
“You said… you love to eat pussy.”
He instantly spit out his drink and started coughing and choking. I ran behind him to grab some paper towels.
“Are you okay?” I patted his back to help.
He cleared his throat and coughed a few more times. “Yes, I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“Well, at least you understand where I’m coming from then. I don’t want to eat cat, Jacob. I don’t even think that’s legal. You could get in a lot of trouble. I don’t want you guys to get in trouble. I thought you loved cats?” I was freaking out and rambling, throwing out as many questions as I could as I watched him clean up the mess with nervous movements. He finished. His eyes averted every which way before looking at me again.
It was now or never. “What’s sex?”
“For fucks sake,” I roared, my hand rubbing the back of my neck. “Fuck, I mean shit, I mean damn, Jesus,” I rambled, making her giggle.
I took off my hat, placing it on the counter. Lily smiled and immediately grabbed it, placing it on her head. I never understood why she did that, but a sense of calm almost instantaneously came over her.
I ran both my hands through my hair and pulled it back in a frustrated gesture, rubbing at my temples for good measure.
“I don’t think I’m the right person you should be talking to about this.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Who am I suppose to ask then?”
“Your mom.”
“She tried to talk to me about it, but it didn’t really make sense. She mumbled mostly. I don’t think she really knows,” she reasoned and now it was my turn to laugh.
“What do you want to know?”
“Do you love her?”
“Who?”
“The girl.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Exactly how much do you know?”
“My mom says you’re supposed to love that person. That it doesn’t mean anything unless you love them.” A sad expression fell over her face. “So, do you love her?”
I shook my head. “Not quite. Although, your mom’s right, fuc… I mean making love… should be between two people that love each other. It should mean something.”
“Oh,” she breathed out. “Is that what you do?”
“Let’s not talk about me. I’m talking about what applies to you, which is all that matters.”
She nodded. “Well, maybe. Maybe one day… when I’m older. I mean… never mind.”
I smiled. “One day, Lillian, you’re going to have guys waiting in line for you. Trust me on that one.”
She bit her lip like she wanted to say something.
“And I’m going to kick each one of their fucking asses if they hurt you.”
She beamed again. I loved that I was able to ease her emotional turmoil.
She was a kid.
A sweet kid.
I wanted to keep her innocent for as long as I could.