I stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around my body and securing it as I walked to my front door.
“Maverick!” I screamed, opening the door. “Jesus Christ! What are you doing here? You’re like a stray cat that won’t go away.”
Jacob’s hooded glare went from my face, down my body and back up again, leaving a trail of longing in its wake. The burning in his eyes immediately made my skin ache all over.
And then he fucked it up by talking.
“That’s how you answer the door?”
“Of course not. I wouldn’t have opened the door at all if I knew it was you standing behind it.”
“Who the fuck is Maverick, Lillian?”
I snickered. “The only man in my life. The only man I need. He’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Kid…” he warned with a certain edge to his tone. “I’m done playing games with you. Who. The. Fuck. Is. Maverick?”
I grinned and shrugged. “Why don’t you call him and find out?”
He looked out in the yard, his fists clenching at his sides and pushed past me, storming into my living room. “Maverick! Get your ass out here, you fucking pussy!” he called out.
“Interesting choice of words,” I said, giving him a devious smile.
As if on cue, Maverick heard his name and came running toward him, rubbing his body against his legs purring.
Traitor.
He peered down at the ground for a few seconds, smirking and shaking his head. “You, little shit, your cat’s name is Maverick. You lied to me,” he stated, looking at me.
“I learned from the best,” I replied, slamming the door closed. “Can’t you figure out you’re not wanted?”
Maverick meowed and ran under my legs toward his food bowl.
User. Typical Man.
“Once again you’re in my house uninvited! This is like bad deja vu. I’m going to call Dylan so he can arrest your sorry ass!”
He leaned against the wall, one leg over the other with his muscular arms placed over his solid chest. Once again devouring me with his eyes.
Bastard.
He looked sexy as sin and that’s exactly what he was…
My own personal hell.
“You need to go,” I ordered, my resolve breaking more as I took him in, every sexy inch.
He grinned, a mischievous gaze quickly replacing the heated one as if he could read my thoughts. I swallowed the saliva that had suddenly pooled in my mouth. My skin feeling flush all over and he wasn’t even touching me. He pushed off the wall and for a second I thought he was coming toward me, but instead he made his way into my kitchen. Opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer.
Unbelievable.
He twisted the cap off and placed it on my counter, not even bothering to throw it away. He took a few sips from the bottle and then made this deep exaggerated groan from deep within his chest. Normally this scenario would have turned me on. He looked good in my kitchen. My house was small, but Jacob made it appear much smaller. He looked huge in my tiny space.
“Since you made yourself at home, do you mind telling me the reason for this unpleasant surprise?”
The intensity that radiated off his demeanor had me weak in the knees and I found it hard to breathe. He slowly licked his lips with his predatory stare as he eyed me up and down, and I knew what ran through his mind. I should have moved, I should have left, but my feet were glued to the floor. I couldn’t move them even if I wanted to. And the sad part was…
I didn’t want to.
I did the only thing I could. I reminded myself of what he was, of who he was, and of what he did to me. “Hmm, I guess these days you’re using me for my booze?”
“I never used you, Lillian,” he simply stated, the words slipping past his lips effortlessly.
“So then what, Jacob? What did you do?”
“I loved you,” he paused to let the meaning of his words sink in. “I love you.”
I wanted to believe him. I swear to you I did, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t go down that road again.
I wouldn’t survive it.
“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much,” I argued, my eyes watering, but I blinked them away.
“No you don’t,” he confidently coaxed, stepping toward me but this time I didn’t step away. “You’ve loved me your entire life. I’m in your skin. I’m in your blood. I’m in your heart.” Before I knew it, he stood in front of me, pulling my hair away from my face, grazing his knuckles against my cheek, and wiping away my tears. It was only then that I realized I was crying.
“I’m a part of you, baby, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to lean into his embrace.
Into his comfort.
Into his touch.
Into his words.
“I promise you,” he whispered.
His words felt like a bucket of ice cold water fell on my scorching hot skin and I immediately opened my eyes, stepping away from him. It wasn’t enough. Nothing ever was. I needed to place an equator of distance between us.
“You’re a liar. That’s all you ever do. That’s all you’ve ever done. Actions, Jacob, actions always speak louder than words.”
“I fucked up. Don’t you think I know that? Do I look happy to you, baby?”
“Stop calling me that. I’m not your baby! I’m not your anything!” I yelled at him, wiping away the rest of my tears.
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re my everything.”
“Get. Out,” I gritted through clenched teeth.
“Stop fucking saying that. I’m here, Lillian. I’m right fucking here.”
“Yes, you are, for how long, though? You’re always here when it’s convenient for you. So what? You will be here for a few weeks? For a few months? Until I’m attached to you again? Until I’m in love with you again? And then what? Hmm? Where do you even live? Because I know it’s not here. So tell me… how long until you leave me again? We’ve done this dance before, Jacob. I have it memorized. I know you know it, you taught it to me,” I viscously spewed.
He jerked back, hurt evident all over his handsome face. It killed me seeing him hurt even if I was the one purposely inflicting it. I hated hurting him. I wasn’t that kind of person and I loathed him a little bit more because he was turning me into one.
“Now leave.”
And to my surprise…
He did.
I left.
It took everything inside me to leave, but I did. I did it for her. Exactly the same way I had three years ago. I thought I was getting through to her, I could see it in her eyes. I was finally breaking through the thick wall she built because of me, but I wasn’t getting anywhere with her tonight. I promised her an endless amount of things and the second it came out of my mouth I knew I fucked it up.
I sat in my car for I don’t know how long, staring aimlessly at her closed blinds.
Waiting.
My phone rang taking me away from my thoughts. “Yeah?” I answered without checking who it was.
“Hey,” Alex greeted. “Bad night?”
“You could say that.”
“Lily?”
“You could say that, too.” I threw my head back onto the headrest. “Am I fighting a losing battle, Half-Pint? Does she really hate me?”
“Hate is a really strong word. Lily couldn’t hate anyone. You hurt her, Jacob. Bad.”
“Like Lucas hurt you?”
“Comparable.”
“I’m fucked.”
She laughed. “But hey… I’m married to him now. Everything is possible, Jacob.”
“How bad, Alex?” I asked, needing to know.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”
“How bad?”
She sighed. “Which time?”
“Jesus…” I rubbed my forehead.
“Lily is resilient. She’s strong. She’s like her brother. It’s a Ryder trait.”
“I did it for her. You have to believe me. I did it for her. I was such a mess back then Alex. If I had stayed, I would have destroyed us,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry, Jacob, but she doesn’t see it like that. I understand because I was in a similar situation like you were. She’s not going to understand that, though. You betrayed her when all she wanted was you, ever since I can remember. You know that she would have given up everything for you. Plus you haven’t been completely honest with her. She might be more understanding if she knows everything.”
I banged my head against the headrest, but all I wanted to do was hurt someone.
Mostly me.
“What do I do, Half-Pint? She doesn’t believe me. It doesn’t matter what I say, she thinks I’m lying. I swear to God I’m not lying. I love her. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone before. She’s all I want. She’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
She sniffed. “You’re preaching to the wrong choir, Jacob. Words are just words, you have to prove it to her.”
“How?”
“Actions, Jacob, actions always speak louder than words.”
At that exact moment, I saw her delicate fingers peek through the blinds. I smiled when I saw her eyes show through. Our eyes locked in the distance, setting my soul on fire.
“Done,” I stated.
She.
Was.
Mine.