“Oh my God, Jacob,” I wept with tears falling down my face. “That’s why you left?”
He nodded. There were no more words left for him to say.
“I can’t… holy shit. Does anyone know?”
“Alex.”
My eyes widened. “You told Alex and not me?”
“Not because I wanted to. Fuck, after I left, I knew I broke your heart. I knew there was no coming back from that. I couldn’t lie to you again. If there was one promise I was going to keep it was that one. I wasn’t ready to be honest with you either. So I shut you out. It took me almost two years to admit it to myself, Lily. Two fucking years of my life I spent trying to figure shit out. Trying to figure out who I was. I didn’t know who to fucking believe. My parents were both in the wrong. Both of them fucked up. I couldn’t talk about it with my sisters because they didn’t even know. Do you have any idea what it felt like finding out that the man you thought was your father… isn’t? And not even being able to contact the man who is, because your mother doesn’t even remember his name?” he asked, trying to keep his composure calm as he sat in front of me in the living room.
“I was so mentally fucked up. You didn’t deserve that. After everything I put you through, and with your mom’s passing being so recent, I just couldn’t put more on your shoulders. I didn’t want you to have to deal with this too. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even admit it, Lily. I pretended my parents were getting a divorce because my dad had an affair, that’s the only way I could look my mom in the face. I hated both of them. That’s what killed me the most. I was in therapy up until a year ago. I threw myself into work. When Lucas and Alex got married, I was so fucking happy for them. Me, Kid.” He placed his hand on his chest. “The same guy who kept them apart for years. I thought… no, I hoped that if they could find their way back to each other then so could we. After every obstacle they conquered, their love so consuming, it was that fucking powerful.”
I took in everything he was saying, my heart breaking for him.
“I knew I was going to see you at their wedding, and it had only been less than a year since I found out the truth. I still couldn’t face you. I waited, Kid. I waited on the curb until I saw you leave. You looked so fucking beautiful dressed in that soft pink dress, it was the first time I ever saw your hair curled. I almost got out of the damn car, but I couldn’t get my legs to move. I was paralyzed. When I watched your car leave, I sat there for probably another hour just thinking about how fucked up everything was. I made up some excuse that my plane was delayed and that’s why I was late, but when Alex told me that you had to leave early… I knew it was because of me. I knew you left because you didn’t want to see me. Which helped me.”
My face frowned, confused.
“It made me feel better that you didn’t want to see me. Made me feel like maybe you weren’t hurting as bad anymore. That maybe you found some peace. I hated my goddamn self for making you hate me. I wasn’t the man you needed at that point. You leaving proved that to me.” He took a deep breath, grabbing my hand to place gentle kisses on it.
“Alex showed up at my apartment a few weeks after I left you, I was drunk as shit. I think I spent the first six months in a haze, just moving on autopilot, trying my best to finish school. Alex called me every name in the book, told me that you were devastated. She tried to make me see that what I was doing was killing you inside. That you told her everything that had happened, that you bawled your eyes out until you passed out from the exhaustion. She asked how I could do that to you… I had never seen her so fucking livid before.” He shook his head, ashamed. “I broke down, she caught me in a moment of weakness. I told her everything. She told me I needed to tell you. That you were moving away, going to Nashville. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. Alex knew it, too. She didn’t pressure me or anything. She just listened. Stayed with me all night. We never talked about it again, not until recently. She’s been telling me to tell you the truth since the third time you kicked me out, and I actually listened this time.”
I smiled. “You kept count?”
He faintly grinned. “I never told the boys. They all had perfect families. The last thing I wanted was for them to feel sorry for me, when I already felt sorry for myself. I wanted to win you back first. On my own. Not because you felt bad for me. I didn’t want you to take pity on me. I wanted you with me because you loved me. That we were finally together for the right reasons, I know it’s wrong what we’ve been doing behind everyone’s backs, but I just needed you to be mine again before we told anyone.”
“So your mom really knew that your dad was having an affair? Why did they stay together all those years? I remember some of their fights, you used to talk to the boys about it.”
“Yes and no. She suspected it, but I confirmed it. I think it was his way of punishing her.”
I nodded not wanting to ask any more questions about it, sensing it might be opening old wounds.
“I stopped going to therapy a year ago because I finally believed her. My mom would never hurt our family like that. It’s not in her. I’m her son and I knew that. My dad has known her for most of his life. He knows the truth in his heart. They got married after they found out she was pregnant, they had only been together three months at that point. Which is why my grandfather gave them the store, he was getting old and they took over everything. My mom says my dad has always felt like he could have done something more with his life, he was never happy. He did the paternity test when I was eleven, and that’s when they’re marriage went to shit. I think he used it as an excuse to get what he wanted, and that’s why I can’t forgive him. He will always be my father, Lily. Blood’s not going to change that for me, but as of right now… I don’t want anything to do with that bastard. Who’s to say that won’t change down the road but for right now, I’m okay. I’m finally fucking okay.”
He smiled lovingly at me, kissing my hand again.
“My colleagues were all starting to get married. All I did was work. I was exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. One day I woke up calling your name. I rolled over searching for you. It was the weirdest fucking thing that’s ever happened to me. I hadn’t been with you in three years, and I woke up thinking you were there, beside me. I immediately sat up in bed disoriented, looking for you, and then I remembered you weren’t there. You hadn’t been there in a long time. I called my boss that same morning and told him I needed to go. I knew that I couldn’t fucking fight it anymore. I explained I had some personal shit going on and that I would work from where I was. We were able to hit common ground, and I booked my flight out for the next day. As I was packing, Mark called me and told me that he was opening up a firm in Nashville and asked me if I was interested. Everything came together, you, Mark’s call, Nashville. It was fate. It was the right time. I firmly believe that.”
“Wow,” I breathed out. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry all that happened, Jacob. If I would have known… you know what? I don’t want to talk about that. It’s in the past. We’re together now. I’m so happy to finally know the truth.”
“Do you understand why now? Can you forgive me?”
“I had already forgiven you before you told me.”
“I want to tell Lucas. I want to tell everyone. I don’t want to hide anymore. It’s wrong and there’s nothing wrong about us.”
I was taken aback, never expecting him to say that.
“I want to handle it all. The way I was supposed to. I swear, Lily, I had every intention of doing this three years ago. I want to make it right. I don’t want you involved.”
“When?” I simply stated.
“As soon as possible. We could take a flight out tomorrow.”
I hesitantly nodded.
“What? You don’t—”
“No,” I interrupted. “Of course I want him to know. It’s just that Alex is pregnant. Don’t get me wrong us being together is amazing, but it’s not going to be for Lucas. I don’t want to take away from Alex’s pregnancy. They’ve waited so long for this. It took them three years to get pregnant.”
“Kid, we’ve waited a long time, too.”
I nervously bit my nail on my thumb. “I know that, trust me. More than you… but that’s my nephew in there and this is going to cause stress on Alex, she will have to deal with Lucas. She could… I just wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him. You know?”
He nodded, but I could tell he wasn’t happy.
“You can tell them as soon as he’s born. I promise.”
“Lily, you know you’re not going to want to do it then either. You’re not going to want to take away from his birth. I know you. You’re going to be excited, so is everyone else, and you’re not going to want to take away from their happiness.”
I bit my lip. He was right.
He sighed. “I love you. We can wait. We will wait a bit until after he’s born, let things calm down. As much as I hate this idea, I will do what you want.”
I smiled, reaching for his pants to show him just how appreciative I was.
It had been a little over five months. We flew in for the birth of Bo. He was six pounds, seven ounces and looked exactly like Lucas. Which made Alex very happy, all she wanted was a baby Bo.
Time just seemed to fly by…
I had moved in with Lily within those months. Our shit was everywhere. The house was not big enough for the both of us, but we made it work. We opened up the law firm, hired some amazing employees, and the office sort of ran itself. I worked fewer hours, wanting to be home before Lily left for work. It was hard to adjust. Our schedules were completely opposite. We spent as much time together as we could on the weekends. I even went to work with her just to be able to have more time together. I didn’t mind it, though. I loved seeing her perform. That being said, I was over her fucking working there, she didn’t need to. I made more than enough money to support us both. She could do whatever she wanted. The world was her oyster, but I knew all she wanted to do was perform, and any place she would work would be those types of hours. It was pointless to tell her how I felt when I didn’t have any solutions.
She would Skype with Alex nonstop, wanting to see Bo, fearing that if he didn’t see her then he wouldn’t know who she was. If that kid cried when Lily picked him up it was going to break her heart. I could tell she missed home, she had been running from it for so long, I guess we both were. Our lives were complete. We were together. I think she was waiting for the rest to fall into place.
When I walked in from work, she was cooking in the kitchen. It smelled amazing, but not nearly as good as her. I came up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing all over her neck.
“Mmm,” I groaned and she sniffled, immediately making me turn her. She had been crying.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Bo rolled over today and I missed it. Then Alex tried to make him do it on Skype and he wouldn’t,” she wept.
I laughed at her. I couldn’t help it.
“It’s not funny. I never missed anything with Mason, and now I’m missing everything with Bo.”
“Kid, you’ve been here for the last four and a half years,” I stated, trying to keep the smile off my face.
“Yes. But I didn’t leave until Mason was three, so at least he knew me. He knows who I am when I come home.”
“I understand.”
“No you don’t…” She playfully tried to push me away, and I spanked her ass.
“Come here.” I grabbed her hand.
“Jacob, dinner is going to burn.”
I turned off the stove. “I’ll order your disgusting pizza,” I said, trying to make her smile.
It worked.
I sat her next to me on the couch, both of us sitting sideways with my arm placed on the backrest. “What do you want, sweet girl? What are you not asking for?” I asked, rubbing my fingers across my lips.
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Try me.”
“I miss home. I miss my family. I have you now. We’re together and… I guess I don’t want to run away anymore.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, grinning.
“What?”
“I knew that’s what you were going to say.”
She mischievously smirked. “Then why are you asking, old man?”
“Watch it.”
She giggled, leaning into my arm. I caressed the side of her cheek and said, “Then it’s a good thing we’re going home.”
She instantly pulled away, sitting back up. “What?”
“This isn’t working, baby. This house is too fucking small, I hate lying in bed without you at night, I worry about you constantly when you’re at the bar, do you need me to keep going?”
She shook her head no, completely confused.
“Good. I talked to Mark and the firm is doing amazing, he can run it on his own. I’m going to open a new branch in Oak Island. You can do whatever the fuck you want, but I do know this Half-Pint girl that owns a restaurant there. I’m pretty sure I could put in a good word for you, but it’s going to cost you.”
She beamed. “You’re being serious?”
“I don’t lie to you.”
“Jacob, you are seriously moving twice for me?”
I grabbed the nook of her neck, bringing her to my mouth.
“I told you, baby, my home is where you are.”