“ARE YOU SURE you don’t mind?” Madi walked through my front door with a huge grin on her face.
“Are you kidding? Of course not!” She gave my shoulder a light shove and locked eyes with Gracie, who squealed at the sight of her.
“Your mom isn’t with you?” I looked out into the breezeway before turning back to Madi.
“Nah, my dad dropped me off. She had to run an errand and said she’ll meet you at the restaurant.” She swooped Gracie in her arms, who started showering her cheek with slobbery kisses.
“Okay.” I shrugged and looked around the living room, searching for my purse and keys. I noticed them sitting on the table next to the door, the closest place to drop them each day when I came in from a long day at work and a full load in my arms.
“Gracie, you be good for Madi.” I kissed her on the forehead and felt the light slap of her new favorite bear against my cheek.
“I won’t be out late. Call me if you need anything.”
“Will do!” She gave me a wave and Gracie followed suit.
“Love you!” I blew Gracie a kiss with a wave.
“Say love you, mama!” Madi waved.
“Oooo, mama!” Gracie murmured, and my heart swelled. I closed the door behind me before I changed my mind.
***
A short time later, I pulled into the parking lot of the steakhouse, thankful I decided to pair my jeans with a sweater and heels, instead of sneakers and t-shirt. This place seemed a little more upscale than I’d expected and was glad I made the right decision.
I hopped out of my car and decided to wait to text Vicky once I got inside. The wind decided to bring a brisk fall chill with it, and I began to shiver.
As soon as I walked into the welcoming warmth of the restaurant, I pulled my phone out to text Vicky, but a message came through from her before I had the chance.
Don’t kill me.
“What?” I whispered, to myself.
Are you running late? :)
I watched as the floating bubbles ran across the screen. I stared, waiting for the message to come through.
Just trust me on this. It’s for the best.
I stared at her message, completely confused, before responding.
What are you talking about? Have you been drinking? LOL
“Ryan?” I heard the deep voice behind me and I knew exactly who it was.
Joshua.
I slid my phone back into my purse and turned around slowly. He was dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, covered by a leather jacket. His scruff was a little darker today than when I saw him yesterday, his deep dimple buried beneath. His hair was covered with a dark baseball cap, and I was taken aback at how amazing he looked. Casual suited him well.
“Joshua. What are you doing here?” I asked, and immediately wanted to kick myself. “I mean, how are you? Sorry.” I shook my head, feeling the heat radiate onto my cheeks.
“I’m good. How about you?” His smile caused butterflies to begin flailing around in my stomach.
“Good. I’m supposed to meet Vicky for dinner, but I’m not sure if she’s coming.” I bit the inside of my cheek, nervously. I knew I should wait and find out if she would be here before I ran out the door, which was my usual instinct anytime I found myself close to Joshua.
“Ah.” He nodded in recognition, and I gave him a questioning look.
“Lee asked me to meet him about a project at the church, but he’s late. And didn’t answer my call.”
We both shook our heads and Joshua let out a quiet chuckle that made me smile as we came to the realization of what was going on.
“I think we’ve been set up.” He nodded, scratching his hand over his scruff, and I watched with admiration.
“I should go,” I blurted out before I gave myself the chance to think about it and change my mind, and began to turn around, heading back into the brisk air.
“Ryan, don’t,” his deep voice rumbled in the air. Although there was music and chatter in the background, his words were unmistakable, causing my feet to halt.
“Just...stay, please.” His voice was closer now, and I could feel his presence.
“I don’t know if I should.” I knew I needed to run, but my feet wouldn’t budge.
“It’s just dinner. No pressure.” He shuffled his feet around and stood in front of me. “Say yes.” He smiled and gave me a wink.
“Okay,” I whispered, knowing I shouldn’t, but feeling as if a boulder was holding me in place, forcing me not to dart out the door.
“Table for two, please.” He held up two fingers, looking over my shoulder.
“Right this way,” A high-pitched voice mumbled behind me as Ryan placed his hand on the small of my back, my body following his lead as we made our way to a table in the corner.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” his deep voice rumbled close to my ear as we walked.
“Thank you.” My voice was meek and shaky.
I knew I needed to leave. I had to get myself out of this situation before I reached the point of no return. I wasn’t good enough for someone like him, he just didn’t know it. And I would get hurt once he realized it and so would he. Probably sooner than later.
You are worthy.
I heard the words roll around in my mind once more, but I ignored them.
Because...
I wasn’t worthy. Not of him.