“SO, HE’S GOING to know where I am?” My voice cracked as I stared at Molly, familiar paranoia running through my veins, watching intently as she tucked the paperwork into the large envelope.
“The return address is from the lawyer’s office in Dallas. Honey, you’re safe,” she repeated, the words she’d been telling me for the last month. I tried my best to believe her, but that wasn’t easy to do.
“But he has money; Dallas isn’t that far from here. He will use his resources to find me.” My bottom lip began to quiver, but I tried to hold the tears back when I noticed Gracie staring up at me.
Just breathe.
“Ryan, listen to me.” She rolled her chair closer to me, her knees touching mine as she forced me to look into her eyes.
“I know. I know,” I mumbled. We’d gone over this plan multiple times. I knew this was our next step. The fearful part of me wanted to stay in this shelter, day and night, live in my anonymous bubble, behind locked doors. But I knew the day I walked in here that it was only temporary. I had to move forward. For Gracie.
“You’ve taken all the necessary steps. You have the protective order, and the judge granted temporary full custody to you. Now we send the divorce papers and the form to release his parental rights. Then you wait. If he contests, then yes, you will have to see him in court. But again, you’ll be protected. You have to trust the system we have in place.”
I nodded in agreement, knowing I didn’t have any other choice. I couldn’t stay here forever. I needed to get a job and support my child. I had an interview set up and it was time.
I kept repeating all the things I’d learned the last month over and over in my mind. I knew that men who beat women were cowards. I knew that I had to stand up for myself and take our lives back.
I knew all these things.
But I also knew how powerful Aaron was. Or how he claimed to be. He had money to fight me. My greatest fear was that he would try and take Gracie from me. The attorney that the shelter had on hand assured me that wouldn’t happen. But I’d spent so many years allowing everything to be Aaron’s way, any other was hard to fathom. Even if I had taken the first step in doing what was best for us, and that was anything but his way.
Trust the system.
It was my only choice.
“So, when is your interview?” Molly placed my future in the outgoing mail basket, then turned her attention back to me.
“This afternoon.” I gave her a nervous grin and bit the inside of my cheek, while Gracie slid down my legs and began to crawl around on the floor. This was another worry. I couldn’t exactly take my baby to work with me, or even the interview. But I didn’t know how to leave her. Fear and paranoia rose up inside me once again.
“Gracie will be just fine. She loves the playroom, and Cheryl is here today.” Sometimes, I could swear that Molly could read my mind. She always seemed to know my worries before I expressed them out loud. But, I took comfort in knowing that Cheryl would keep a good eye on Gracie. Plus, those two had really taken to each other over the last month. Gracie squealed and clapped each time she saw her.
“Okay. I can do this.” I let out a deep sigh before repeating, “I can do this.”
“Yes, you can, my dear. You are so much stronger than you realize.”
I only hoped that one day I would believe all the nice things she said about me.
“Thank you.” I nodded and stood, swooping Gracie into my arms, knowing that I had to get prepared for the rest of my day.
“Remember, we have the clothing closet that you are more than welcome to look through.” Her smile was infectious, and I found myself mirroring it, trying to put my nerves on the back burner, if only for a few minutes.
“Cheryl helped me find a nice outfit from there. And I met with Mrs. Thomas yesterday. She helped prep me with interview questions.” For a split second, I felt like maybe I could actually do this. The job was in an online shipping factory. It was an entry level position, but I was okay with that. Although I had a business degree, I’d never even used it. I quit working my part time waitressing job in college and hadn’t had a job since. I was just thankful someone would even give me an interview, when my only work experience was being a stay-at-home mom and housewife.
“Well, it sounds like you’re well prepared. You’ve got this, Ryan. I believe in you.” She gave me a huge grin as I walked closer to the door.
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”