“YOU CAN DO this,” I repeated to myself for the tenth time in the last five minutes, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, putting the finishing touches on my makeup.
Gracie was cooperating fantastically this morning. I’d fed her breakfast and got her dressed. Now she was playing in her crib as I finished getting ready. It’s almost like she knew I had things to do, not to mention being a nervous wreck, and wanted to help her mama out.
I heard a light knock on our bedroom door and automatically jumped. I scolded myself for allowing it and shook my head as I headed to the door.
“Hey.” Alana stood on the other side of the door, grinning, when I opened it a little wider for her.
“Hey.” I gave her a nervous smile as she walked into my room. She bounced on her heels, wearing a new set of scrubs, her hair pulled into a tight ponytail. She had just started her own job at a nursing home and was working on getting her Certified Nurses Aide license. She came to Safe Haven a few weeks before me, and we seemed to click almost instantly. She had two boys, both under the age of five, and she’d dealt with many of the same problems I had. We had a lot in common, and I was thankful to have made a friend.
“Don’t be nervous. You’re going to do great.” She smiled as I ran my shaky hands down my employer provided khaki pants and polo shirt with the company logo on it.
“Thanks. I better get going, though. I double checked the bus route this morning and I don’t want to miss it.” I let out another shaky breath and looked around the room for my purse.
“No way, I’ve got wheels now. I’m taking you.” She jingled a set of keys in front of me and opened her mouth excitedly.
“Oh no, I couldn’t ask you do to that. The city bus is totally fine.” That was a lie. The truth is that I was scared to take a bus. I’d never done anything like that before. But I knew I had to do what needed to be done.
“Ryan, our jobs are like a quarter of a mile apart. And our schedules almost match up perfectly. It’s like God worked it out; it’s meant to be. Come on!” She nudged my arm with her elbow and brushed past me, scooping Gracie from her crib.
“I don’t want to be a burden, or any trouble.”
“Listen, it’ll be girl time. We can listen to music and talk. It’ll be fun!” she coaxed me, and I realized a little girl time actually sounded great. I hadn’t had that in years. I hadn’t even had friends in so long.
“Are you sure?” I cocked my brow, needing an honest answer from her.
“Totally sure. Besides, you’ll have your own car in no time, so let’s do this.” She did a little dance, bouncing Gracie on her hip, who replied with a giggle.
I knew that saving up for a car was the first thing on my agenda once I got a job. Plus, I was already on the list for apartment assistance from the shelter. Suddenly, it felt like things were starting to fall into place.
Maybe I could do this.
Just maybe.
***
A short time later, Alana pulled into the parking lot of the large warehouse. I glanced down at the lanyard around my neck, trying to suppress the urge to vomit.
“Relax, chica. You got this.” Alana smiled as she bobbed her head around to the beat of the song on the radio.
I smiled at the difference I had noticed in her over the past few weeks. She seemed so happy now, compared to the day I watched her break down in our first meeting together. I cried with her as she spoke about her soon to be ex-husband kicking her and those boys out on the street in the middle of the night, deciding that his family was getting in the way of his drug habit and party life. She didn’t have anyone to turn to, and that’s how she ended up at Safe Haven. I knew that feeling oh so well. Like me, she’d lived a life of solitude, with her boys being her only companions. She’d never been able to work, fearing that something would happen to her children if she weren’t there to protect them. But she escaped that life, it just happened to have been forced upon her. It didn’t take her long to realize that it was for the best.
“Okay, wish me luck.” I opened the car door and stared at the large building in front of me.
“Good luck!” She waved as I exited the car, trying to keep my knees from knocking as I made my way to the front door. My nerves kicked up a notch as others scurried around me, filing into the door.
I stared straight ahead and looked for the scanning department. I saw the large white sign with the red arrow pointing me in the right direction. I headed for my destination, giving the cordial nod to those who gave it to me first.
“Morning.” A large man with a toothy grin looked down at me, raking his eyes over my body, which began to tremble with fear. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with, and I hoped that he didn’t work in my department. I didn’t respond, instead forced my attention straight ahead.
I was thankful when I was far enough away from the stranger to let out a breath, one I didn’t even realize I had been holding.
“Hey, there. You must be Ryan.” An older woman, wearing the same style of khaki pants as me, but with a red polo, gave me a smile and held out her hand in my direction. “I’m Sandy. I’m the department manager. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Hi, nice to meet you.” I shook her hand, her grip firm. Then she pulled her hand away and stared at the clipboard in front of her.
“Welcome to the madhouse.” She chuckled as she flipped through the pages, “Follow me.” I did as she requested and tried to take in my surroundings. The sounds of machines and beeping filled my ears, the smell of cardboard wafting through the air.
We came upon a dark-haired woman, busy scanning boxes and making notes, then pushing the packages down the assembly line.
“This is Vicky, she’s going to train you.” The woman stopped and gave me a friendly smile.
“Hey there. Ryan, right? It’s nice to meet you.” She took her eyes off her hand-held scanning machine and placed it on the table.
“Hello, nice to meet you, also.” My voice was quieter than I intended, and I knew it was my nerves getting the best of me.
Just relax, you can do this. I repeated the familiar mantra to myself for the next few minutes as Vicky began to show me around.