“SO, THIS IS the breakroom. There’re vending machines over there.” She pointed her finger to the left corner of the large room, the smell of microwave meals filtering through the air. “I usually brown bag it, though.” She held up her lunch bag with a friendly smile. I hadn’t even thought about lunch time, although the rumbling in my stomach was a stark reminder. The morning had gone by so fast, I didn’t have time to think about it, but the scents filling the air let me know how hungry I was. I knew I had cash on me, but I had saved almost every penny since I left Aaron and I didn’t even like the idea of spending a couple of dollars on vending machine snacks. But my stomach was going to fight me for the next thirty minutes if I didn’t fill it with a little something.
“I’m going to grab something; do you mind if I sit with you?” I asked nervously, glancing around at the small groups gathered throughout the room. I suddenly felt like the new kid in school who considered eating in the bathroom to avoid the crowd. It was silly, but I didn’t have much experience with new people, not since college anyway. And that seemed like a lifetime ago. The years that Aaron had kept me confined to the house had taken a toll on me that I hadn’t realized.
“Of course not.” Her laugh gave me a little comfort as she took a seat at an almost empty table. I walked to the vending machines and grabbed a Diet Coke and a bag of pretzels. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to hold me over.
I took a seat across from Vicky and cracked the can open, taking a gulp, and then popping a pretzel in my mouth.
“So, is this your first time working in a factory? You seemed to catch on really quick.” She popped a square of cheese in her mouth, while shaking a bottle of grape juice.
“Um, yeah. I’ve been a stay at home mom for a while.” The thought of Gracie made my body physically ache for my little girl and hoped her first day without me was going smoothly. I hated not having a cell phone, but the shelter had my work number and promised to call me if there were any problems.
I tried not to dwell on all the things I didn’t have at this moment.
No home.
No car.
No cell phone.
I needed to focus on the things I did have.
My baby.
My freedom.
My life.
This was a fresh start and I knew I would get all the things I needed, it just took time. And I was doing the best I could right now. As long as Aaron just did what I needed him to do. But the thought of that scared me, he never did what was easy for me. I couldn’t expect it from him now. I had to push those thoughts away, before fear controlled my next move and I ran out of this building straight for Gracie.
“You okay, there?” Vicky was waving her hand in front of my face, drawing my attention from my own thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing my fears down, temporarily anyway.
“No, don’t apologize. Is everything okay?” I could tell from the look on her face she was genuinely concerned, and the words started to fall from my lips before I could stop them.
“I’ve just never been away from my Gracie before. It’s hard.”
“Oh, I’ve been there. I understand.” She patted my hand with hers. “But I’m sure she’s okay. Is she with family or in daycare?”
“I don’t have any family. She’s in a daycare. Sort of.” I bit the inside of my cheek and watched the look of confusion cover Vicky’s face. And I started to spill my truth before my brain gave my mouth a chance to shut it down.
“My husband was abusive. I left him. I’m living in a women’s shelter right now until I can get on my feet.”
Why did I just say that out loud?
But I couldn’t stop talking.
“The shelter has a daycare of sorts, to help us get on our feet, so we can work. And get a place of our own. I just want to take care of my baby. And keep her safe. I knew I had to get her away from him. My husband. Soon to be ex-husband. Hopefully."
I looked up from the bag of pretzels I had been staring at and found Vicky staring at me, her eyes wide and full of tears.
This isn’t what I wanted.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I just laid all that out there. That was dumb. I’m sorry.” I shook my head, scolding myself for what I’d just done.
“Ryan, stop apologizing. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“You didn’t ask for all my baggage to be thrust upon you.” My shoulders slumped from embarrassment.
“I’ve been told I’m a good listener. It’s okay.” She smiled and crunched on a carrot stick. She wasn’t staring at me with judgement or disgust in her eyes. It was just...concern.
“I’m just embarrassed,” I admitted, taking another drink from the can.
“Don’t be. Not at all. I think what you’re doing is really brave.”
“You do?” I glanced at her once again, and she nodded her head.
“Absolutely.”
“You don’t think it’s pathetic that I live in a shelter?” I whispered, glancing around, hoping no one else could hear our conversation.
“I don’t. Not at all. I think you’re stronger than you realize. It took a lot of guts to get away.”
“We left when he went to work. I was so scared. We hopped on a bus, and it took almost twenty-four hours to get here.” My stomach began to leap into my chest, just remembering the fear that covered me that whole morning. But again, I couldn’t explain the need to give her the details. I felt this strange sense of comfort talking to her. It was odd, really.
“I can’t even imagine.” She shook her head in disbelief.
“It’s been hard, but I know it was the right thing to do.”
“It was. I believe that too.” She was virtually a stranger, but her confidence in my decision felt nice.
“Thank you.”
“Listen, I’ve been ignoring this little nudge I’ve had since this morning, but I can’t anymore so I’m just going to say it.” She waved her hand, next to her ear, confusing me just a little. I wasn’t sure what kind of nudge she was talking about.
“Say what?” I asked.
“Have you found a church since you’ve been here?” she asked, seeming a little nervous about her question. But strangely, it wasn’t a question I’d ever been asked. Ever.
“Um, no.” I wasn’t sure how to tell her I’d never stepped foot in a church.
“I go to a really great church. And I know they have a single mother’s group. You might find it helpful. I don’t know. I’m not trying to be some pushy religious lady, but I just feel like I should extend the offer. Ya know, if you’re interested.” She crinkled her nose as she spoke, and it made me smile.
“Um, thank you.” It was the only reply I knew to give.
“Don’t feel obligated. But it’s a really great place to be when you feel like you need peace in your life. If I’m being honest, it saved me. In every way.” Her giggle at her own inside joke made me laugh.
“Really?” Suddenly, I had a lot of questions.
“Yeah, definitely. I also feel like everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s not a coincidence that you came to my department. Maybe God led you to me.” She laughed before continuing, “I hope that doesn’t make me sound crazy.”
“No, not at all.” It made me curious, more than anything. I didn’t really know much about God, but for some reason I was hearing his name a lot lately.
“Okay, good.” Her cackle gave me the giggles, and it was the first time I’d laughed out loud in quite a while. That feeling alone gave me comfort.
“I have a card at home with information and service times, stuff like that. I’ll bring it tomorrow, if ya want?”
“That’d be great, thanks.” I smiled, devouring the rest of my pretzels, just before a high-pitched beeping sound filled the room.
Back to work.