“I’M GLAD YOU decided to stay.” Joshua gazed at me from across the table. I tried not to meet his eyes, staring at the warm bread sitting in the center of the table.
But when my eyes were involuntarily drawn upward, I’m pretty sure my heart skipped an actual beat. He was handsome, that was obvious. But it was more than that. There was so much warmth in his eyes, almost too much to handle. I felt drawn to them, drawn to him.
“Me too.” I wished my words were a lie, but they weren’t. I wanted to be here, even though I knew I didn’t deserve to be. I knew this would be my ongoing dilemma for the rest of tonight.
“So, are you from around here?” He smiled, and took a drink of his sweet tea, placing the straw the waitress provided on the table.
“Um, no. I’m from Ohio.” I bit the inside of my cheek, my nerves going into overdrive, fear creeping up.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry. I just want to learn all about you, Ryan. I want to know you.” He lowered his head just enough to catch my eye, and I could see his intentions were genuine.
My saving grace was the waitress bringing our food over to the table. A ribeye steak with mashed potatoes for Joshua and a chicken salad for me. Part of me wanted to take advantage of being in a steakhouse, especially with the delicious scents wafting around me. But I needed to pay for myself and knew that a salad was the way to go.
“Y’all enjoy and let me know if you need anything else.” She smiled, tucking the round tray under her arm before making a swift exit.
I watched as Joshua removed the baseball cap from his head, placing it next to him and reaching his hand across the table. I simply stared at it, my eyes wide.
“I just want to pray.” He gave me a sideways grin.
“Oh, okay,” I muttered, and placed my hand in his, and once again, the electricity that began at my fingertips made their way up my arm, slamming into my chest. I continued to stare as he bowed his head and closed his eyes. I knew I should do the same, but it was hard to take my eyes off him.
“Thank you, Father, for this meal, let it nourish our bodies. Bless the hands that prepared it. Thank you for good company and promises kept. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” The words rolled off his lips and I knew he had spent plenty of time praying. I envied it. I envied his understanding of God and the trust he had in Him. The curious part of me wondered what he meant by ‘promises kept.’ But he lifted his head and caused all my previous thoughts to flee with just a look from those deep navy blues.
“Amen,” I repeated quietly.
“So, what made you decide to move to Texas? Do you have family here?” He cut his steak and dipped it into his potatoes before popping it into his mouth.
“Um...,” I stammered, unsure of what to say. I couldn’t tell him the truth, but I didn’t want to lie to him either.
“Sorry, I’m prying again,” he said. It was then I noticed just a hint of a southern drawl that I hadn’t before. “I’ll just be honest and tell you that Vicky isn’t much help in giving me information, so I figured I needed to go straight to the source.” He gave me a quick wink, throwing my stomach into butterfly flailing mode once again.
“You asked Vicky about me?” I made a mental note to call Vicky as soon as I got home.
“I did. But she’s pretty tight lipped.” He smiled, nonchalant and shoved another piece of steak into his mouth. I glanced down at my untouched salad and forced myself to stir it around, unsure if I would be physically able to eat.
“It’s just me and Gracie, no family or anything,” I replied in the safest way I knew how, just enough information without saying too much.
“She’s such a cute kid. How old is she?” he asked, and I was thankful that we switched to a more comfortable subject.
“She turns one in a couple of weeks. I can’t believe how big she’s getting.” My lips curled into a smile just thinking about how much she was growing and changing every day.
“You’re a proud mom. I think that’s awesome.” He gave me another wink and I felt like my body was about to melt and slide down the chair I sat in.
Does it bother you that I’m a single mom?
That question rolled through my mind and was very close to spilling from my lips. Part of me knew that question might be a deal breaker, and I wasn’t ready for it to be broken just yet. The other part of me thought the question was the right thing to bring up and end this before my feelings were too wrapped up in him. My inner turmoil was exhausting.
“I am,” I replied, and left it at that. “So, tell me about you.” I decided that turning the conversation away from me was the best thing at this moment, even if it were only temporary.
“Well, I run an auto body business; I opened a few years ago after I finished college. I’ve always been into cars. I also help my Uncle Jack out at the church when I can.”
“That’s right, Pastor Andrews is your uncle.” I shook my head, wanting more information about his upbringing, but refusing to bring it up.
“I see I’m not the only one asking around.” He gave me a huge grin, and I felt the heat rising onto my cheeks, realizing I just busted myself.
“I’m just kidding with ya.” He let out an infectious laugh, tilting his head, and I watched as his Adam’s apple moved up and down. I couldn’t help but giggle at the situation and trying not to swoon at the sound of his laugh. But it was impossible.
Swooning was in full force.
“Maybe I asked, just a little,” I admitted, giving him a bashful glance and then tilting my head downward.
“Well, I was getting a little nervous that this was completely one-sided, so it’s good to know.”
I wasn’t sure what this was or where this was going. And in the moment, I wasn’t prepared to think about it.
“So, tell me more about you,” I spoke up, determined to keep the conversation distracted away from me.
“So, um...yeah, Jack is my uncle. He and Kate took me in when I was a kid and adopted me. I had a rough childhood before they came along, and I’m really thankful for them. They gave me a shot at life, when I might not have had one otherwise. It was definitely a God-thing.”
“A God-thing?” I tilted my head in question.
“Yeah, you know, when you know that God definitely had his hand in a situation.”
“I see.” I nodded, realizing that maybe I did understand what he meant after all.