Lori

 

 

My name is Lorianna Staneslovsky. I have no one. I was born in a trailer out in Texas to a mother who had no care in the world for anyone but herself and a father whose first love was and always will be the bottle. I have one younger sister, named Ulianna, and one brother, named Len, who I have not seen in about six years.

I left home just before I turned eighteen and danced in a strip club for two years before I got my real estate license and started my life as a real-life adult.

I never tell people that, because it doesn’t go down well with most folks, but it saved me from hunger and homelessness. Dancing was a good job most nights, my only real problem being those patrons who assumed that I was a hooker just because I took my top off.

I am not nor have I ever been a woman of loose morals. I went to Sunday school every Sunday as a kid and never missed church even when I was dancing.

I’ve got morals, so what does it say about me now that I hate a man so much I want him dead?

Wolf Wylder is everything I ever wanted in a guy, the ideal, and yet I now despise him because he broke my heart into tiny little pieces and left me alone and bleeding in the gutter.

Three months ago, I was clubbing with my friends, living a good life, when I was drugged and taken by a man named Noni. I woke up, naked and freezing, in a little cell in a warehouse on the docks.

At first I was terrified. What woman wouldn’t be terrified? But then they brought in another woman, Danny, and then I was just mad because it hit home that I wasn’t the only woman there, that we were all taken. Sex slave trafficking.

It was so cold in there I thought I was going to go crazy from the pain in my body. I think…I think I did go a little crazy, and then Danny woke up, and she was so scared that I forced myself to calm down.

She needed me. For the first time in my life, someone needed me, and I formed a bond with her in those moments as we huddled together for heat, skin to skin.

We didn’t escape, like people do in the movies. We weren’t that lucky. No, the door was opened when Danny freaked out because I passed out and would have died from hypothermia.

And then hell really began for me. I’m a strong woman, a woman used to struggling to survive and fighting for what I want. I can deal with fighting and hurting and clawing my way out of a pit. What killed me was that we were given to men named Wolf and Bear Wylder, gangsters, madmen, our saviors, because Danny recently confessed to me that Wolf and Bear didn’t have to take us when Noni offered us as gifts.

The truth is that Wolf could have left me there to be sold to some fat sheik or a South American brothel where I would have died. So, yeah, I am grateful. Mostly.

Bear took Danny to his home in New Orleans, and Wolf took me to his parents’ home just a few miles away. It was a massive plantation-style place near the river, and if I hadn’t been so freaking scared and angry, I would have loved it.

The place was huge and classy but still a home. Never my home though, I think, swiping angrily at a tear as it tracks down my cheek and hammers home just how messed up I still am months later.

It will never be my home, and the truth is that I wanted it to be. Once I stopped being scared and accepted Wolf’s reassurances that he wouldn’t hurt me, I was in this floaty space where I was happy.

Who wouldn’t be, ya know? I got to live in a nice place and have sex with a man hot enough to singe my privates with just one look. And his parents were great!

They were kind and loving and treated me with so much affection that I couldn’t for the life of me understand why my own parents were such assholes my whole life. I finally had something I had never had, people who seemed to care about me.

But I couldn’t keep it, and sometimes I hate myself for not being good enough to hang on to them.

I lean back on the sofa as Roseanne screams at the top of her lungs and stare at the ceiling as I have been doing for weeks. I haven’t stopped living since I got home. On the contrary, I haven’t ever been better at my job.

The heartache was horrible, but I channeled it into pulling my life back together and proving that I can live, and live well, without Wolf Wylder. So, I have. I go to work six days a week and kick ass.

I sell homes, lower-scale starter homes that don’t get me huge commissions but keep me in a steady paycheck, and I have been kicking ass on the rental properties Glen put me on when I demanded more work to keep me busy.

Professionally, my life has never been this good, and it’s so great Glen has been making noises about letting me handle high-end properties soon. So, yeah, I should be great, right?

I go out twice a week to connect with my friends and have a whale of a time doing dinners and sometimes the occasional drink—not that I drink at all anymore, nuhuh. I learned my lesson when I was too drunk to fight off those men.

I go to yoga in the park and run three miles in the mornings to stay fit. Physically and financially. I am at my peak. It’s the emotional stuff that is kicking my ass, and I feel…lost. I guess you could say.

I’m lost. I do all these things and smile all the time and pretend I am happy, but the truth is that I am miserable and I have been since I fell in love with Wolf, the man who pushed me away and told me never to come near him again.

I’m lost because I want him and need him. I miss him, and he feels nothing for me. Not a damn thing.

It’s so bad. I thought the man was some freaking heavy involved in organized crime, and I didn’t care. I just wanted him and loved him enough not to pay it any mind.

Most normal people would be horrified if the man they were with said, “Hey, honey, so, I make my living as a criminal and kill people.”

Not me. I didn’t care. It turns out though that the Wylder boys only started their outfit and got in deep with criminals because they were going after the guy who had their younger sister killed when she was just eighteen.

They planned the whole thing and spent eight years of their lives carrying out an operation with military precision. Bear is currently dismantling the organization and giving information on all his underworld contacts while the others have all bugged out to rejoin their team, people who have been with them all this time, running the covert op.

Danny calls me at least once a week and whispers into the phone about how our guys are like super-sexy military guys who know how to kill a man with their pinkies.

So, Bear is dismantling stuff. Well, sorta. Here’s the thing, the powers that be were so happy about the busts they made and the fat cats they managed to bring in that they want the Wylder outfit to keep things up.

So, Bear is still some great freaking head of organized crime, and people fear him and love him alike. He’s dismantled the sex trafficking ring he set up to take the fall.

For that, I am eternally grateful because, while I was lucky and I got Wolf Wylder as a ‘master,’ I know that other women aren’t that lucky, that some women go to men who hurt and rape and beat them for their pleasure.

Yeah, I was lucky, and I’m glad that Bear is serious about saving women from men like Noni, who Danny killed, and that rat who killed his sister. But that makes problems for me because where before I was okay about Wolf because I thought he was going off to some war zone, he’s actually going to stay in New Orleans with his family and continue the way they have been.

Danny is okay with that, and why wouldn’t she be? The woman married her man and is now expecting a baby with him, and they’re just peachy keen and happy all the time.

The only one in this equation who got a bum deal is me. I got nothing to show for my time with Wolf except the loss of my hymen and the knowledge that I will never have a normal life like other people.

I’ll always be alone because I fell in love with a man I can’t have and I refuse to settle.

Bullshit, girl! You stop being such a damn baby right now and go on out there and mingle. You don’t have to settle for a damn thing, Lori Staneslovsky, but sitting around here moping and watching Roseanne ain’t gonna get you nowhere but lonesome, and that just won’t do.

I chuckle at my inner voice, at her defiance and total lack of morals when she sends me visions of sleeping with a passel of men, and shake my head, groaning as I roll to my feet to go to my bedroom.

I will go out, tomorrow. And I will make the effort to go on dates like I did before my world was ripped apart. I will go out and meet people and drown out the voice in my head that tells me how sad I am.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe if I just pretend that I don’t feel anything, I can move on from this ache I feel and not hate him for it, but the memory of that first night…

I’m trembling when I hear the door swing open and the footsteps that herald Wolf’s arrival. I’ve been stuck in this basement for a week now with nothing to do but think and plot ways to escape.

I’ve tried picking the lock with the little piece of hair clip I found in my hair when I washed it. The decal was gone, but I had enough clip to bend it the way I’ve seen people do in the movies.

It did not work.

I also tried tying my sheet to the handle and twisting it between a leg I ripped off the little table in the corner, but all I ended up doing was ruining the handle and hurting my arms.

After that, it was just pounding on the door with death threats spewing from my mouth every time I thought I heard someone close.

I don’t even want to escape anymore, honest. Wolf spends hours down here with me, sitting outside my cell, talking about his family, his sister, and the reason they’re doing what they’re doing.

I learn that Wolf is actually some high-ranking army dude who is an explosives expert and that all of his other brothers are involved in the military as well.

I learn that he’s been living a lie for eight years and that he is so close to being done with this life he can taste it. He tells me about Sparrow, and I cry every single time because she sounded like a really good person and died in a brutal way that makes me want to kill the people responsible.

Slowly, day by day, he’s worn me down to the point that I won’t run even if a gun is pointed straight at me. I wouldn’t do that to him or his family, because I know that if his associates find out I got away, they’d come after them.

No loose ends. Apparently, even criminals have a code, and they have to live by it or experience their own brand of justice.

So, I sit here in this cell and wait. For him. Because I’ve gone soft over my captor, and all I want is for him to trust me enough to let me out of here.

The door scrapes, and I shoot to my feet instantly, scuttling over to the door just as I hear the lock and it swings open. Wolf.

God, the man is breathtaking, I think as I take in his longish blond hair, those hard green eyes, and the body that is so tight I bet I could bounce a coin off him like a bouncing ball.

He smiles when he sees me, and my heart does a flip in my chest like it has since I first saw him. I may not have been happy with him at first, but my eyes work, and what I saw was a hot man. Hot, hot man.

“Good morning, Lorianna,” he drawls, setting the tray of eggs and bacon down on the table I sort of fixed, his eyes never leaving me.

I roll mine when I notice that, once again, I have no utensils. Distrustful man.

“Hey, asshole,” I mumble, going over to eat because I am starved and pride playeth no part when I am hungry.

The bacon is easy to handle, just a few strips of fried meat, but the eggs I am forced to scoop up between my fingers, eating like a child with no manners.

It’s messy, and I blush every single time because Wolf doesn’t take his eyes off me, watches me eat as if I’m not making a huge, disgusting mess all over myself.

When I’m done, he hands me the coffee and takes a step back to sit on the bed—after locking the door, of course—watching me groan when I get the first hit of caffeine.

God, I could live on coffee alone if I had to.

“You’ve been quiet the last two days.”

I shrug at his words and keep savoring my coffee, the one cup I get a day, because Mr. Know-It-All says I’d be bouncing off the walls if he gives me more.

“Lori—”

“What? You yelled at me to stop stressing your mom out, and I listened. You should thank me, Wolf, not sit there and eye me suspiciously just because I happen to have consideration for others,” I mutter, refusing to take his point about not trusting me.

I may or may not have tried to kill him the first time he came down here after shoving me in here. I was not in a good place, okay, and I was scared. I had all these thoughts about how his mom was like that crazoid in the Hills with the Eyes movie and that they were going to cook me up. Whatever.

Fear makes your imagination go wild, trust me.

But I’m calm now, and after his talking, mostly him trying to make me not hate him, I get it. I do.

I just don’t understand why he won’t let me out of this place. It’s got no windows, and while he’s got an air filtration system or what-fucking-ever he calls it, I need some fresh air and the feel of grass beneath my feet.

“I want to let you out. I do.”

“Then, do it! I told you I won’t try to run, Wolf. You have my word, and that means a lot to me. I don’t give it lightly,” I say solemnly, willing him to see the truth in my words.

I lived with an alcoholic father and a mother who wasn’t much of anything but selfish, so I don’t make promises I can’t keep. If I don’t want to or can’t do something, then I say it, but I never promise something I can’t deliver.

Promising not to run is huge for me, and I just wish he’d understand that.

Wolf sighs loudly and scrubs at his head, a habit I’ve seen many times before and is actually really endearing. I’ve noticed a lot about him since he put me down here.

Like, okay, and this is gonna sound weird, but he’s actually a good person. I yelled at him the first time I had the thought, because, well, I thought I was being driven nuts, but it’s true.

He’s sweet. He does nice things, like lug down huge buckets of water for me to fill the tub in the corner so I can bathe every day. There’s no real plumbing down here, but the tub can be filled, and I have an outlet to drain it, so it’s really quite nice.

Wolf brings me water every day, no matter what a hassle I know it must be for him. And he even got me my favorite shampoo and conditioner and bought me a brand of face cream that costs an arm and a leg because I mentioned that I use it.

I felt horrible after that because while I do use that stuff, it’s only when the department store is giving out tiny free samples. One of my friends, Lindi, works there, so I get a few extra packets.

But see, sweet. The man is sweet and nice and so…it had me off-kilter for a while until I finally accepted that he wasn’t going to rape me and kill me so his mom could cook me up for family dinner.

Once I knew that, it was all downhill. Now I am just stuck in here and a little smitten with Wolf Wylder. Great.

“I can’t trust you after you tried to dive out the second-story window. You scared the shit out of me, babe. You could have been seriously hurt doing that, and Mom would have had my ass if that happened.”

I giggle because it’s true. Rain Wylder may be a tiny little scrap of a woman, but she is fierce. I’ve talked to her a bit, when she can manage to sneak down here when Wolf goes over to Bear’s house, and I really like her.

She talks to me about her heritage, being half Lakota and growing up in the white world after her mom married a white dude. I talk to her and tell her how messed up my family is and how I hate my mom.

She cried at that, and I felt like hell because I know she lost her daughter and she’d do anything to get her back.

I guess I don’t hate Mom so much anymore after hearing Rain tell me that no matter how shitty my mom is, a mother’s love never runs dry.

“That was one time, and you can’t hold it against me, because you’d have done the same thing if you were in my shoes,” I say, watching him over the rim of my cup.

His eyes close for a split second, and I hear his sigh before he leans back to get comfortable and keeps up that weird-ass staring. Wolf is like that. He can be a chatterbox one minute and then spend a good solid hour just staring at you.

It’s creepy. And hot. Because I know that no matter how at odds we are or how much he tells me he won’t touch me, he wants to.

I see it when he glances at my boobs and licks his lips. I feel it like a caress when he zeroes in on my thighs and bites into his mouth to stop a groan.

And I want him. I have never wanted anything as much as I want Wolf Wylder, even knowing it’s insane.

I’ve never had sex. Not ever. I am twenty-five years old, almost twenty-six, and yep, I still have my hymen because I refuse to give it to someone who won’t cherish it.

But God, I would give it to Wolf if he’d let me, because I have the feeling that, whether we’re committed or not, this man will make the experience something I will treasure for the rest of my life.

“Bear’s going nuts with Danny, you know. I think the fool might have fallen in love with her and doesn’t even know it,” he chuckles, making me tense because haven’t I almost gone and done the same thing?

Would he look at me and laugh too? Will he call me an idiot, a fool, a misguided dupe if I look at him and say words I haven’t said in my whole life?

The thought hurts me, and I shove at it desperately, focusing instead on the way he’s lazing back with ease, no longer afraid of me or what I can do to him.

“Good for him. Love doesn’t always find us in a neat and sensible manner, Wolf.”

He grunts and keeps watching me with eyes that give nothing away. I have the urge to go over there and crawl all over him just to see what he’d do. I don’t, but that’s only because I’d die if he shoved me away.

“Bear won’t go down easy though, so, no, I don’t know if I’m down with this shit. I like Danny. She’s sweet and has a soft heart under her bluster. She’ll get hurt if she falls for Bear’s charms.”

True. I don’t know Danny all that well, only having spent a few hours with her, but I saw a softness in her that I immediately wanted to shield and protect from the world.

If Danny feels anything for Bear, then I pray to God that man feels it back. Not that I think it’s possible, because Bear Wylder is, hands down, the coldest man I have ever met.

His eyes are empty when you look into them, and that cruel smirk he gave Danny on the plane made even me shudder, and you know I am no stranger to the nasty things in life.

No, I think Bear Wylder is stone cold inside, but I also sense something brewing beneath that icy façade, and I pray for Danny’s sake that what is there will be enough to make him see her.

I’m not one who ascribes to the whole true love shit others seems to swallow like it’s magic, but I am a Christian, and I have strong beliefs, so I do believe that with love, anything is possible.

I hope it is for her.