Danny

 

 

The sand squishing between my toes is a good feeling as I stand at the shoreline and watch the sun rise, setting the ocean ablaze in a way that reminds me of the faith I hardly ever practice anymore.

When I was a little girl, my mom had all these Christian songs on tape that she played and sang along to while she baked cookies, and she’d read me Bible stories and teach me the Christian way, as she would call it.

I was little, just learning to be a person myself, but some of it stuck, even after she died, because no matter what, I always remember her telling me that God has a plan for every soul he created.

I haven’t thought about that in a while, but as I watch the sun and feel the early morning breeze stroke over me, I hope to hell that it’s true and that God’s plan for me does not include torture and mutilation.

Wylder has been okay since the morning when he went all ruthless gangster on me. I was a little freaked out, of course I was, but I got through the waxing an hour later, clutching his hand, not even caring that he was looking at my vagina.

His support at that moment when I was sure I wanted to die from pain was something I couldn’t have done without. He was so kind and sweet when he ordered the woman to put something on me for the pain, and that in itself helped me relax and not shy away from him every time he touched me.

Little touches all throughout the day as he walked the garden with me, ate lunch, and took me into the entertainment room where we watched Thelma and Louise.

I hardly paid attention, but he laughed the whole time, saying those women reminded him of me and Lori. His mood change was weird, but he remained genial all day, and I hardly flinched when he crawled into bed with me, naked as a jay bird, and told me to sleep.

I did. I think it was like a crash, you know, after an adrenalin rush, but I slept all night and woke at three in the morning when he shook me awake, feeling better than I had in days. We flew out not long after that, and I told myself to enjoy it.

Who wouldn’t, right? I’ve never been to Hawaii, and as a vacation destination, I have got to say that it rocks. It’s hot and sultry, and the ocean is so clear where we’re renting a private house that I swam in it for the first time yesterday, my natural fear of the ocean diminished by the absolute beauty and tranquility.

We spent the day snorkeling, eating, and talking. It was a perfect day, and if I don’t remind myself often that he’s crazy, I’d be totally in love with the man.

It’s galling, but Bear Wylder is the exact man I would have chosen if we weren’t in this weird place. He is thoughtful, doing stuff like pulling out my chair for me, and last night…last night he was hard when I walked out of the bathroom in one of the skimpy nightgowns he made me pack.

But he didn’t once touch me. No, he said I still needed another night to heal before he came near me. That respect for me, for my well-being, slammed a nail in the coffin of my sensibility, and I think I totally had a mini O for him.

I want him. There, I said it, and you know what, I don’t care how messed up that is. I want Wylder with a ferocity that is chilling because wanting him this much is a step too close to feelings, and I know it.

But none of that seems to matter, I think desolately, walking in to my ankles to enjoy the soft tickle of the surf against my skin. I don’t care that I am, for all intents, a prisoner. I just don’t care.

Wylder is right. I have to accept what is, not think about what can never be, and for now, I am ready to go into the unknown and take what I want. I want him. I want to live, and if being what he needs me to be is what it takes, for whatever reason he keeps insisting he has, I will do it.

Arms surround my waist, and I relax when I smell him, melting into his naked chest with a sigh.

“You’re so sexy I don’t think I can stand another minute of looking at you without touching,” he murmurs, his mouth opening over the pulse at my throat.

I should resist, but it feels so good when he licks at my skin. So, I don’t. I moan and tilt my head, giving a harsh pant when his hands come up to cup my breasts and squeeze through the soft silk.

My nipples go to hard points, and I tighten my sex, aching as desire pours over me. His mouth is still sucking at my neck, one hand still playing with my nipple. One skates down, and I gasp when he flicks the hem up, shoves my panties down, and thrusts a finger into me. Deep.

“When I saw you that first day, I got hard. The others laughed at me because I told them it was your hair that caught my eye, but the truth is much baser. I saw your ass and I wanted it.”

I moan, pushing my ass closer to him, wiggling against his steely erection, and huff when he starts to thrust his finger in and out of me, bringing forth moisture with a satisfied grunt.

“I jerked off last night right next to you while you slept. I couldn’t help myself. Your nightgown rode up, your legs were spread, and I could see you through your panties. I got so hard it hurt not to take you. I came so hard I almost passed out.”

The words turn me on even more, and I pull at his hair and turn my head to capture his mouth with mine, kissing him with no finesse, just heat and a passion inspired by his words.

I’m on fire between my legs, desperate for him to get me off and so close to orgasm I yell a protest into his mouth when he stops and pulls his hand out.

I almost die when he sucks his finger and smiles darkly.

“We have a breakfast meeting. Hold that thought.”

Hold it. I practically strangle the thing to death after changing into a sundress and sandals only to come up short when I walk into the dining room where an older man and woman are sitting.

Wylder smiles and rises from his seat to come over and kiss me. The guests chuckle at the force of his greeting, and I’m starry-eyed and blushing when he seats me to his right and introduces them.

“Danny, I’d like you to meet Noni and Annah, two very good friends of mine.”

The name registers immediately, and my eyes fly to Wylder, who just looks back at me implacably while the little man grins and winks at me conspiratorially.

“He want you so bad I couldn’t deny him the gift. But it work out for you, no.”

He doesn’t even phrase it as a question, as if I should be thankful that he gave me to the great Wylder. I want to spit in his face and tell him what a disgusting asshole he is, but Wylder lays a hand on my thigh and squeezes in warning, his eyes flat blue.

“Danny knows her place, Noni.”

“Good, good. It gets so tedious when we kill the runners. Such a waste of profit.”

Breakfast takes forever, and the anger I felt at the arousal he left me with morphs into a bewildered rage that he’s subjecting me to this. I want to cry and slap them all, even Annah, who looks sweet and homey but is actually quite cold.

I want to run. I want to demand that Wylder tell me what the hell he is playing. I do none of those things though because I fully understand that I have to put on an act.

So, I eat, choking down a fruit salad and bagel while they discuss business with not a care in the world that I am the product of their trafficking. They don’t seem to care at all that the laughter over a runaway that’s being hunted is pissing me off.

I don’t smile or frown, just carry on a meaningless conversation with Annah about shoes and her fur coats until they finally leave, Noni kissing my cheeks with a whispered warning to behave or be hunted.

I fall apart the moment they’re gone, shaking and panting as I sink back into the chair. Wylder just sits calmly and watches me, face and eyes blank.

“How could you?”

“Baby, I know you think I’m a monster, and I get it, but I wanted to show you a real monster, one who won’t ever consider your feelings, and let you see exactly what you are up against without my protection. You heard the way he joked about one of the girls he snatched?”

I shiver and nod, shuddering in revulsion because the man is a monster. He finds it hilarious that a young girl they stole from college got out of her cell and ran.

Unfortunately for her, it was dark and she fell off the dock. She drowned before anyone could fish her out and take her back to her room. I don’t know how I sat and listened to that without reacting. I was so close to freaking out it was only Wylder’s grip on my thigh that kept me grounded enough to save me.

“Danny.”

“I heard, okay. I get it, Wylder.”

“Good, because we’re here for five more days, and then we’re going to Washington on business. I’m expected to bring you with me as a sign of faith and my power. You need to behave and obey me at all times or this could go bad.”

“I don’t know if I can get through any more of this, Wylder. I almost snapped when he laughed about that girl drowning. I’m not like Annah, who doesn’t seem to hear him talking. I can’t just shut myself off and pretend that it’s okay. And you…”

You, who I want, the man who almost made love to me this morning, I am so confused it hurts just to look at you.

“I am not what you seem to think I am, Danny. Yes, I conduct business with these men, and yes, I will sell you down the river if you jeopardize my family, but if you give me a chance, a real chance to make you happy, I will never let anything hurt you. Just do what I need you to do and we’ll be okay.”

My eyes are dry at his appeal, but I feel it deep inside me. I do trust him. I don’t know how or why this has happened, but even when Noni was here, I was okay because I knew he’d protect me if I needed him to.

So, I do trust him, and God willing, he’ll deserve the faith I am blindly putting in him.

“I’ll try.”

His smile at my capitulation is blinding, and he kisses me again, making my confusion take wing.

“That bikini needs wearing, and I want to lounge on the beach and watch your ass in it.”

So, that is what we do. I spend hours out on the sand, letting Wylder spread sunscreen all over me while we drink fruity drinks and frolic in the surf.

I drop it all, the shyness I feel at the interest he shows for my body, the anger, everything, and just pretend that it’s all exactly as I want it to be. In my fantasy story, the one I am living, Wylder is my guy, a good guy with a normal job and no ties to crime.

He loves me and adores my body, and I feel the same way. That helps. Surprisingly, it helps a lot, and by the time I amble outside to the patio for dinner, I am back to blushing at his heated looks and smiling shyly when he feeds me from his fork.

“You’re beautiful.”

Pleasure wings through me at the compliment, the first one I’ve had in a long time, and I blush, smiling timidly up at him. I know I’m not all that and a bag of french fries. Well, I am in the ass area, but you know what I mean.

I’m pretty, not gorgeous or beautiful, and I will never be runway material. But hearing this from a man who is gorgeous in every way and could probably have any woman he wants is a thrill that I accept and hold close to my heart.

“Thank you, Wylder.”

He nods and takes my hand, sending tingles racing up my spine when he draws circles on my palm and stares at me silently for long minutes as if making a decision.

“When I was eighteen, I enlisted in the Army.”

My mouth drops open so hard he grins and shakes his head on a snort. It’s the last thing I ever imagined he’d say and so shocking, and freaking ironic, I roll my eyes up at the sky and groan.

“Goooood, Daddy is never gonna let me forget this,” I moan, making him stop and tilt his head quizzically.

I can’t help but giggle and sigh huffily.

“When I was eighteen, we’d been in Fort Lauderdale for two months. I never made friends or got close to people, because we moved so much, but this time I thought we’d be there just little longer because he was training some super-secret team and it was supposed to take a lot longer. So, I agreed to go to prom with Drew Newman.”

Wylder makes a shuddering noise, letting me know he does not like the sound of that or the dreamy expression I get thinking of the super-sexy jock with the kind brown eyes and naughty smile.

Well, too bad! Drew is still my masturbation buddy when I’m alone and needy, so Wylder can just suck it.

“Titillating.”

“You! Do you wanna hear this or not, mobster?”

“Fiiiine. So, you were going to prom with some dolt named Drew. How sexy,” he snarks.

I snort a laugh and continue, staring out at the waves as the memory tilts my lips.

“He was the first boy to ask me out, and he was smokin’ hot. So, I said yes and even bought the dress and shoes. Only, Daddy got transferred out early and he came home to tell me.”

His lips twitch at my disgruntled tone.

“We left two days later, after a major argument in which I informed my father I would never ever fall for a man in uniform or even give one the time of day.”

He booms with laughter as I mumble the words, and I redden and peek up at him through my lashes, giving him a look that is not at all complimentary.

“Well, sorry, puddin’, but it seems you ended up with a roughneck,” he crows, chuckling at my grunt.

“You joined the Army?”

“Don’t look so surprised, sweet thing. I happen to be a really great individual.”

Snorting loudly, I lick at the spoon he dipped in his cake before deciding he didn’t want it and focus on him fully. It’s surprising alright, because I’ve just assumed that Bear crawled out of his mama with a cigar and Tommy gun in his possession. He was in the Army?

That makes me pause and look at him as more than just a criminal. And I don’t…well, it’s good, I guess, because I have decided that I’m not going to focus on that side of him anymore.

“Okay. So, you enlisted and then…”

His eyes go hard, and I feel a chill go through me when he looks away at the water, not meeting my eyes or even touching me anymore.

“It wasn’t something I had the luxury of pursuing after my first deployment. I had to come home and build a life.”

“Why?”

“There were six Wylder kids in all. I am the second boy of five, but then there was Sparrow, the baby of the bunch.”

He says it so slowly I feel my heart still, and I suddenly do not want to hear another word because his tone is dead, flat, ominous.

“She died. She was murdered, and my parents…fell apart. Wolf was here taking care of shit, but he couldn’t do it forever with the way Pop started drinking and almost lost everything. Mom, she was wrecked, and we still had the other boys to care for. I had to choose between a career I could live without and my family.”

“You chose your family.”

I am not at all surprised by this because, as he’s already made very clear to me, there is nothing Bear Wylder would not do for his family. His story saddens me, puts everything into perspective, and I find myself swallowing a lump of grief for him and his people because I know what death feels like, and it fucking sucks.

I was young when Mom died, but I won’t ever forget how broken Daddy was for months after, his only impetus being his promise to look after me and not let his wife down.

For a while there it was touch and go because, while I was fed, clothed, and never went without anything, I felt like I was living with a zombie. Daddy was hollow. I’d hear him crying late at night, and it brought home the fact that a man I’d seen as superhuman was just a man. A man who loved his wife and was broken over her passing.

I was sad too, but like children are wont to do, I picked myself up much faster.

So, yeah, I understand death, and it’s not easy, not when you’re grown and someone is taken from you in this way. Murder.

I shouldn’t push this, but I can’t keep myself quiet when he finally looks back at me and I see sorrow.

“How did she die?”

“She was beaten to death. Cops found her body behind a dumpster the next morning. She’d gone out with some guy she met and swore she was in love with.”

Oh gosh.

“Wylder—”

“She was eighteen years old and she was in love. In my family, it was a thing that love wasn’t to be trifled with. My dad’s people believed that if you found your one, you stuck with them, so when she told them she’d found her guy, my parents could just stand back and let her go, ya know?”

No, I don’t know, because my dad would have torn the globe apart doing a background on any guy who so much as sniffed my toe. This is sounding worse by the minute because I have the suspicion that this Prince Charming either left his sister alone and didn’t protect her or was involved in her murder.

God no. If that’s the case…

“I came back two months after they put her in the ground, and things had gotten so bad we were all gonna be out on the streets. It wasn’t easy finding work at that point. The economy was screwed, and the only experience I had was as a soldier.”

Ah, so he went out to the streets. I get it, and frankly, after some of the shit I have seen vets put up with in the civilian world, I can’t really blame him.

It pisses me off that the men and women who fight and could die for us come back home to nothing and have to suffer menial jobs just to survive.

“How old were you? You said you enlisted for one deployment, but Sparrow was eighteen…”

Which doesn’t add up.

He smiles at me, his eyes shining at me, and inclines his head.

“It was only one deployment, and then I was drafted into a program that took me out of the normal units. I was twenty-two when I left. And no, that’s not a lie. Wolf came first, I came ten months after he was born, and my other brothers are triplets, so there’s almost no age difference between us all. Mom and Dad had six kids in the space of four years before Mom got her tubes tied.” He laughs, shaking his head at my look of horror.

That poor woman’s vag—

“Gosh, that must have been rough on her.”

“Eh, to hear her tell it, she was happy to have her family so fast. Pop was delighted when they finally got the girl he’d been nagging Mom about, and we all grew up together, getting into shit as a team.”

I smile because his face is so soft as he talks about his family. It humanizes him and dissolves the hard knot I had in my stomach earlier. No, it’s not all easy sitting here with a man who is dangerous, but you know, he’s been nothing but good to me so far, and with this softness I see, I think things will be okay.

Because the more time I spend with him, the more I fall for my gangster. Not great, but at least I can comfort myself with the knowledge that he’s just a man, a family man who I can eventually be happy with. Maybe.

No! Not maybe. I will be happy with him because we have a lot to build on. Besides the fact that I need him to protect me and keep me alive, he’s hot, nice, kind, funny, sexy, and I want him with a fire that is threatening to burn me alive.

“I’m so sorry,” I say quietly after a lengthy silence. “My mom died when I was little, and it tore my whole life apart. It may not be the same thing—”

“It isn’t. Not at all, because you went on to have a great fucking life with a dad who adores you while my entire family was torn apart and still hasn’t recovered,” he snarls, his tenderness vanishing instantly.

“I just mean—”

“You meant to soothe me with platitudes and soft little words that don’t mean shit in this instance. Look, I appreciate the effort, but don’t try to compare your mom dying of cancer to my sister being murdered and left in a dirty alley like a dog.”

“Wylder, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted to say that I get grief, okay! I know what that feels like even if it’s not the same,” I gasp, my throat tightening with hurt.

He doesn’t say anything, just watches me as I struggle not to cry because, dammit, my feelings are really hurt. Here I was, thinking we’re sharing some tender moment, and the man goes and pulls a switch on me, the change so fast I feel dizzy.

And that soft look as he spoke about people he loves is gone, replaced by that cold, blank stare that lets me know that I am not a part of his circle. And I want to be. I want to be a part of the circle that has his undying loyalty and affection.

I still at the realization and close my eyes in defeat because, there ya go, people, I think I’ve done the worst and gone and let a criminal mastermind into my heart.

It scares me, and I avoid his eyes after that, even when he starts talking again.

“I told you all of this because I want you to know why things are what they are. You’re going to be mine for a long time, Danny, and you deserve to know. I am a product of what life has made me. I had to pick up the pieces after what they did to my little sister and find a way to survive, and I did. Wolf and I have worked very hard for a long time to ensure that we all survived, and I won’t let anyone take that away from me. Those cops who were bribed to let Sparrow’s killers walk? They taught me that rules and decency don’t mean shit in this life, and that’s a lesson I have taken to heart.”

“No! That’s a shitty way of living, Wylder. To always see others as untrustworthy unless you love them? How can you be happy that way?” I burst out.

He grimaces and gives me a look of pity.

“Happiness is a myth. Love, that shit Sparrow was feeling before her boyfriend held her down and let his friends tear her apart, it was what got her killed. It’s a weakness that I don’t allow myself to feel, so don’t sit there making soft eyes at me and expect anything. We’ll be good together as long as you know the score.”

Right. No love, just sex and imprisonment, and by the way, everything I believe in has no place in my new life. Got it.

“I don’t think I’m in the mood for sex right now,” I say softly, getting a smirk for the flinch I can’t hide when he laughs at me.

“You will be, baby, trust me. Now go get yourself ready and do whatever you women do. I’ll be in in a bit.”