Lori

 

 

You know what’s absolutely fabulous about an awkward flight spent avoiding a certain asshole’s glares and pretending to be enthused about talk of babies and everything to do with them?

It distracts your mind, and that is exactly what I needed, I think as I settle back into the soft leather seat and shoot Lyon a grin. Bear sent a limo to get us all from the airstrip, his way of making good on the pampering I insisted on the first time I was supposed to fly out.

That distraction is gone though when Wolf slides in right beside me and sits so close I feel his thigh meet the length of mine.

Don’t freak out, I tell myself, brutally forcing down a shiver when his heat penetrates the fabric of my cotton slacks.

“Oh Lord am I glad to be back here. Texas is all fine and well, but the air there is just so dry. No offense, Lori, honey, but how you people live with all that dry heat is beyond me,” Rain chatters, looking between me and Wolf with a frown.

I pretend not to notice and shift incrementally when the cologne he wears starts wrapping itself in my senses, doing unwelcome things to my body.

“None taken. The first few days I was here, I thought I was suffocating before I acclimatized. I guess it’s just a matter of preference,” I say, shrugging into a curl when the stupid man moves with me, taking up way more space than his lummoxing body needs.

That might not be the right word. Is it even a word…whatever, the man is a beast, and I hope he catches the dick boils from one of his sex buddies.

“Well, you should be comfortable here, and then tomorrow we’ll make arrangements to see the doctor that was recommended,” Alric says, his forthright attitude and lack of care for my privacy both a kindness and a hardship, when I feel Wolf stiffen beside me.

“What? What doctor? I thought she fainted.”

Huh! Oh Lord, thank you, I crow silently, catching Rain’s narrow-eyed stare at her husband and the smirk Lyon can’t hide. No one told him. They’re on my side. I feel like I just hit the jackpot, and the feeling grows when Alric glares at Wolf and Lyon throws me a heavy-lidded stare that has him grinding his teeth.

Oh, so the great Wolf doesn’t like not being part of the action? Well, he can suck on my fumes, because I am not saying a word, and from the closed-lipped looks his family have adopted, they’re respecting my privacy.

“I did. Been working too hard, and your mom decided I need to take it easy.”

“Why are you seeing a doctor?!”

“Oh, ya know, just the usual check-ups and whatnot,” I say airily, waving him off without difficulty because Rain hasn’t let up on her glare and Wolf is squirming as he fights the need to interrogate me against the wrath of his mom.

“You’re lying.”

“Wolf Jameson Wylder! You apologize to Lori right now for your rudeness, and mind your own business! Her body is not yours to rule, and as such, you have no place cross-questioning her.”

Oh, oh, the unadulterated glee I feel when he stills and starts breathing deeply, as if searching for an answer to combat the truth of his mom’s words.

Nope, buster, this body ain’t got nothing to do with you, I think, smug because I know Wolf and he’s so used to being in control all the time it must piss him off not to have a reason to control me.

That’s the problem with men like him. They don’t want you, but God help me, they want to have a say in what you do at all times. Well, not this time, buddy. This time what I feel, what I’m thinking, it’s all about me, and there isn’t one thing he can do to get his sticky fingers in this pie.

“I was concerned. That’s all,” he mutters when Rain keeps up her stare. “Sorry.”

“Good boy.”

Oh, oh God, I think I just had a phantagasm or something!

Wolf blushes at her crowing, and I see Lyon’s shoulders shaking as he looks out the window, laughing silently at the way a little slip of a woman just put Wolf firmly in his place.

I myself am finding it hard not to crow and slap her a high-five, my enjoyment at his expense colored only by the way my body continues to tingle where he’s pressed up against my right side.

“Lori?” Rain prompts, pulling me out of my head and giving me a pointed look.

Oh, for the love of…

“Apology accepted,” I mutter ungratefully, turning to look out the window at the passing scenery.

“Well, good! This is good. We can all put the past behind us and be a family. Now, Lori, honey, Bear mentioned that he wants you to stay with him and Danny.”

“Great!”

“But I told him that you were with us. Danny is still sick in the mornings, and besides, you need Mama Rain’s care. I’ll fatten you up nicely before you’re ready to leave.”

My insides chill and go even colder when her next words penetrate the fog in my brain.

“And it’s about time that you and Wolf talked about your ordeal and you forgave him for keeping you locked up in that cell. We’re family. He should be like a brother to you.”

I won’t even touch on that, I think, throwing Lyon a panicked look that he ignores like the coward he is.

“She’s not my sister, and she is not family,” Wolf snarls.

Heart. Hurting. A lot.

“Well, I don’t want to be your sister either, you overinflated bag of fart! And as for family, it will be a cold day in hell when I want anyone to think we’re related,” I sneer, feeling his satisfaction when Rain gasps and gives me a chiding look.

“Why, Lorianna dear, that wasn’t very nice.”

“Sorry.”

I’m not one bit sorry because while I get that he and I can’t be all brother and sisterly after some of the truly depraved things we did together—gross—it’s not very nice of him to react as if I’m a freaking leper he’d rather die than claim as a family member.

“Wolf!”

“Yeah, sorry,” he sneers, shifting away from me as fast as he plastered himself to my side.

The loss of contact and heat chills me, but I shove the feeling aside and spend the rest of the drive making conversation with Lyon, who looks ready to rip Wolf apart when I can’t effectively hide my hurt pride.

The house looms large what feels like hours later, and by the time the car draws to a stop on the drive, I’m ready to throw myself from it, needing space from the brooding Wolf and the way he avoids looking at me at all.

“Lori!”

I laugh and catch Danny when she throws herself at me, sharing a strangely understanding smirk with Bear, who just sidles over and grunts a greeting, his eyes only for his wife.

“Hey, girl.”

“Oh my God, I told Wylder that if you didn’t come down soon, I would go down to that God forsaken place and drag you back here kicking and screaming. I missed you.”

Her hug is all sweet and warm and what I thought I would need, but the longer she chatters and keeps hold of me, the more I start feeling panicked and trapped.

My skin cools drastically, the warning tingle making my heart thud as I try to breathe and wrestle with the sensations hitting me. I love Danny. She’s like a sister to me! Why the hell am I on the verge of an attack from just a hug, I yell silently, stiffening when a cold sweat pops out on my brow.

“And you can come over and swim with me and help me with the nursery and pick a color scheme because Wylder is being an ass with the white and blue when we all know it could be a girl…”

Breathe. Breathe, Lori. I don’t hear much of what Danny’s saying, my sole focus on the need to stay aware and fight off the overwhelming sense of terror that starts invading my very blood.

Cold chills, gooseflesh, the slow slide of sweat between my breasts. Thump, thump, BANG as my chest goes tight and my heart beats hard enough to be heard.

For just the briefest second, I don’t see Danny, don’t see the Wylders, and I don’t see the open splendor of nature around me. Her tight hug becomes the harsh, painful grip of the man who dragged me to the bathroom.

The breath against my neck becomes the fetid stench of his tobacco and gin tainted mouth, and the smell becomes the sour tang of male sweat instead of Danny’s flowery scent.

It’s not real! It’s not real, Lori. Just close your eyes and breathe, I tell myself, clinging onto her even when the body I feel isn’t hers but the hard-packed male wall of flesh I was trapped against.

Somehow, somehow, I breathe, keep my lungs pumping and don’t go numb. I don’t know how I manage it but I do, and when I feel a hand at my hip, the strong warmth a familiar caress, I find the strength to stop the images in my head and force my eyes to focus on everything around me.

My heart is still pumping in my ears though, a steady, loud wump, wump that has me feeling off-balance, but it’s easier to breathe, and I realize why when the smell of earth and clean sweat fills my nose. Wolf.

Goddammit. No, I think, denying the thoughts that bombard me with a need that is frightening. Please don’t let him be what I need, I beg even as I settle down and find the will to hug Danny back and push her at arm’s length.

“Geez Louise! You look as white as a sheet, girl. Are you feeling okay? It’s this heat. I just knew you wouldn’t feel well after you landed. Wylder, Lori doesn’t look like she can do the whole big lunch thing you have planned.”

The way she talks to her husband is enough to make me giggle despite the slight fuzziness I still feel, and I shake my head in wonder. Lord, this bossy little thing would just go and fall for the scariest man alive.

“I’m okay, just a little unsteady from the humidity.”

“You think this is humid? You obviously don’t remember what it’s like here when a storm is coming in.”

Oh, but I do, I think, pulling away from the hand at my hip and pretending a calm I don’t feel. I remember exactly what it’s like when a storm approaches in these parts, because it was exactly on a day like that, the air muggy and cloying, sweat-slicked skin, hair plastered to the pillow, when Wolf kissed me and made me his.

I remember the storms, even more so after the memories I can’t let go of were made down in that little basement cell. I hardly noticed the storm after the first kiss, didn’t hear the thunder because my heart was pounding so hard when he touched me it was a boom in my ears.

I don’t recall the static electricity in the air as lightning struck, because the power and heat coming off us as Wolf thrust himself into my body was hotter than any strike.

Oh, I remember the storms, and I remember the heat. Only, not the storm outside in the elements. No, the storm I will never forget happened when a man made love to me and truly took everything I had to give, holding me so tightly I knew I didn’t want to ever have him let go.

“Wylder!”

“Yes ma’am?” he chuckles when Danny snaps out his name like a command, her small stature so at odds with the way he jumps to attention with an amused quirk of his lips.

“We should get everything inside so Lori can have some sweet tea and put her feet up. Hey, Mom!”

Danny flings herself at Rain, her enthusiasm and lack of coherence making us all laugh when Rain has to double step to catch herself under Danny’s weight.

Yeah, I get how good it must feel to have unconditional hugs, and I wish like heck I could bring myself to just throw my body at her, demanding comfort, but I’m still shaking and hanging on to control by a thread.

Wolf, I notice, is staring at me with a frown, his eyes narrowed as if he’s aware that something is wrong. That look makes me yearn, and yet I clench my teeth against the feeling and remind myself that he doesn’t see me and so I shouldn’t feel all warm and tingly that he’s the only one not buying my smiles.

He doesn’t see me because all I am right now is a guest in his family home while I battle with the claustrophobia that’s crashing down on me.

“You okay?” he asks softly when everyone starts walking into the house, his voice a soft breath against the shell of my ear.

“Like you care,” I grunt, putting another inch of space between us and plastering on a smile when Alric tells me to sit and goes to get the tea.

“I do care, Lori.”

Yeah? Where was all that caring months ago when I begged?

I don’t believe him, and more, I don’t care if it’s true, because all it would be is some human concern for another, nothing more. Not even close to what I once prayed he would feel.

“I’m fine, Wolf. Now, why don’t you go away and go entertain yourself with some other poor loser who’ll fall for the soft words and fake concern, because I am not interested.”

“It isn’t fake!”

“Keep your voice down.”

“Only if you tell me you know that I care,” he hisses under his breath, ignoring my displeasure when he sits beside me, throwing Lyon a nasty look when he comes my way.

The traitor turns on his heel and leaves me at Wolf’s mercy while I try to tune in to the women’s chatter and the comments Bear throws in every once in a while.

“Go away, Wolf. I only came here because I wanted to see your parents and Danny, so as far as I am concerned, you don’t need to stick around and make nice. Go play with one of your other little dolls, because I have your number. You made sure of that.”

His frustration is palpable, but he doesn’t so much as show it by a movement or an inflection when he leans closer and looks at me.

Oh, there’s the expression I’ve been waiting for. There’s the softness in his usually cold green eyes. I remember that look because it’s the exact one he used on me for days, seducing me, lulling me with a soft look here and there and the words that every woman wants to hear from a man; I want you.

I can see it all so clearly now, how he broke me down slowly to get what he wanted, and then once he’d won, I guess I lost my irresistible charm. Well, I’ve given the milk away, as Grangran used to say, so there ain’t no use in advertising the cow for sale if the product is already out there.

Yeah, sometimes I hate the little pieces of wisdom I remember Grangran peppering my mind with, but you know, as weird as some of it is, I totally get it now.

I gave him what he wanted, what he thought he couldn’t have, and after he tasted it, he realized he could move on to other flavors. Of course, I now know that part of his attraction for me was all about the chase, the hunt.

Ironic because I never thought of him as the predator he’s named for until after he discarded my carcass.

“Lori, I never meant—”

“Yes, you did,” I cut in quietly, pinning a smile to my face when Danny glances at me. “You meant to make me understand exactly how you felt, and I do. You made it all very clear. So, do me a favor, Wolf, and don’t sit here pretending just because you know it’s the right response. It just makes me sick having you ask if I’m okay when the truth is you’d have preferred to forget all about me.”

“I could never forget about you, Lori. You were so strong and so…so good even under all the fear and the pressure I put on you. I won’t ever forget you, no matter where I go or what I do,” he whispers.

I suppose he won’t, and I guess that, being his first virgin, he’ll always remember me. Until the second just falls into his lap and gives up the cherry.

The thought is not funny, but I chuckle darkly because I have to laugh or I may just cry. Or cause a scene.

“I really wish you would, because my only intention after I go home is to forget you.”

He doesn’t like that at all, I think when he stiffens beside me and lets out a strangled breath in a hiss of sound. And no, I don’t suppose he would like having a woman tell him that he’ll just be a distant memory. The ego on this guy.

“I’m your first love. You won’t ever forget me,” he says after getting himself under control.

Oh ho, how smug and convenient, I muse, turning to look at him for the first time since we left my house. No, Wolf isn’t the kind of man who would appreciate being treated with the same cavalier casualness that I’m showing him, but you know, even if it isn’t true, I really like the look of hurt on his face when I meet his eyes and shake my head with a tsk.

“I will, because while I was fool enough to look at you and fall in love, I now know that the man I fell in love with isn’t real. He was just an act, a figment of my imagination. The worst part of it—” I cut myself off because I swore I wouldn’t do this if I don’t have to.

I won’t bare myself to Wolf and give him another part of me. I probably will cry at some point, and odds are I’ll make an ass of myself too. Like I said, I’m a crier with too much emotion to keep it all in.

What I won’t do is let him see inside the woman I am now, because he’s too…wily to pass up an opportunity. And I just waved a red flag at him by telling him that he no longer means anything to me.

Stupid, but the satisfaction is too good to pass up.