Lori

 

 

I’m ankle deep in mud when I hear a car coming down the road and look up to see…nothing. Huffing because I’m probably hearing things again—not easy to tell myself because we all know my paranoia is legendary—I keep on slopping through the mud that is now my vegetable garden and ask myself for the tenth time why I decided I could deal with planting a garden.

I know nothing about gardening, save for Grangran telling me only very special people can grow stuff. She was mostly saying that in relation to my mom crying over another dead tomato vine and the shriveled-up stalks that once upon a time were pumpkins—I think—but she’s right, because one look at the poor bushes or things I just planted tells me I do not have what it takes.

“Well, it was worth a try.”

Pushing back towards the cabin, I look down at my clothes and grimace. The ground here is either harder than granite or a swamp, two extremes that make doing anything green a show of endurance.

I do not have that endurance, but after the long talk I had with Jack two nights ago, I needed something to take my mind off things, and knitting was not getting the job done.

Wolf calls me at least three times a day now, just little chats that have me swinging between utter softness and irritation because the man seems to have a penchant for phone sex that just…makes me horny.

I hate that word. I really do, but it’s the only one that fully describes what I feel when he growls a goodbye at me and hangs up. I think he’s trying to make me wildly unrestrained or something, and at this rate, the next time I see him, I’ll attack him like an animal.

Going inside, I keep breathing because I just feel…weird, and dump my muddy clothes in the laundry room before stomping to my bedroom in my bra and panties.

The phone rings just before I get there, and I dive for it with a zeal that isn’t smart.

“No more phone sex!” I yell, giggling under my breath.

“Hey, babe. I’m coming over tonight whether you like it or not, and I’m staying the whole week. I don’t like you living all the way out there by yourself.”

“We’ve had this talk.”

Quite a few times, actually. I’m not committed to anything with Wolf, despite the phone sex and all the talking. Wolf hasn’t pushed me as of yet, and I appreciate that, but he’s got a lot of opinions about my place and the security issue it poses.

He’s been here once, one time, and he suddenly thinks he’s got a right to insult my home. Typical.

“And you never listen. It’s too remote for you out there all alone.”

“It’s just outside my town, on the outskirts. If I walk down the lane, I can see it in the distance,” I laugh, getting the creeps when his words make me think of the car I heard but didn’t see.

“It’s not safe for you, and your doors and windows aren’t safe either. Lyon and I are coming over to do some checks this afternoon, so leave a key when you go to the store so we can get in.”

Oh, the gall, I think, laughing into the phone.

“Don’t throw your orders at me, Wolf Wylder.”

“Please.”

Agh! The man has found the secret to every battle I wage, and I don’t know what to do with this new Wolf. I can’t win an argument with him if he stops it dead with one soft word. Please. Indeed.

“Fine, but you aren’t messing with anything, and if you paw through my drawers, I will kill you,” I warn, rolling my eyes at his chuckle.

“Just tell me what’s in there and I won’t look. What is it? Sexy lingerie?”

Er, no. I have something a little more than some sexy lingerie, but blame Dr. Morris for that! Therapy session after therapy session, I talked to her and then eventually confessed my physical needs.

I gotta love a sexually liberated shrink who believes in sex toys. Not that it worked all that well. I think I used it once, not even all the way, and then abandoned the attempt when I couldn’t do it without lube. Yuuuuuck.

“Lori?” he asks slowly, and I can hear the grin in his voice.

“Shut up, and do not paw through my things. Now, I’ll see you later, but just dinner! You aren’t staying over.”

“I’ll take the couch.”

“You’ll go home. You invited yourself over. It’s not a date, and, Wolf, don’t try the please thing with me again, because it will only work once or twice a day and your quota is up.”

I slam the phone down on his laughter and grab a shower before driving into town. The store is a new experience for me, and just walking into the place gives me a sense of pride that I can’t shake.

“Hey, Miz Lori.”

“Hey, Clyde, I’m not getting in your hair today, just need to go into the office and check on the paperwork before I leave you to it,” I promise.

“Sure thang, Miz Lori. I’ll get you some coffee from the pot!”

An hour later, I’m done and not at all sure what to do with myself. I should go home, but I do not want to be around when Wolf gets there, because I know I’d just end up in bed with him, and that is a no-go for right now.

The sex down in the basement may have led to me cutting poor Jack loose and accepting that we weren’t going anywhere, but it did not make me change my mind about where I’m going with Wolf.

The man wants me to just let go and try to be with him, which sounds reasonable to even me, but I’m not sure I can do this. The truth is that I shouldn’t have even slept with him that first time, if I’m honest, because I’ve had some time to think things through and, you know what, I am still pissed off about the way he got me to sleep with him that first time.

It was all seduction, I now realize. Ruthless. Unyielding lust that had him taking me while I was completely in love with him.

Ass.

“Miz Lori! Phone.”

I jump at Clyde’s voice barking through the closed door and realize the phone has been ringing for a while without me hearing it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby, we just got here, so don’t freak out if you come down the road and see a strange car. It’s Lyon’s.”

“Er, okay, but I was just going to stay at the store for a bit and get paperwork done.”

“Coward.”

I want to gasp and deny the soft drawl, but it’s true! Damn him. I’m afraid of what will happen if I go home and see him, which is why I haven’t seen him for days.

“Not a coward, just not ready! You said you’d give me time. This isn’t you giving me time, Wolf. This is you pushing the issue three days after the fact. You got me to drop Jack, great, even I have to accept that I was lying to myself about that relationship. But I’m not jumping into shit with you without first protecting myself.”

Silence falls for a bit, and I’m just about ready to apologize for my outburst when he speaks.

“You’re right and I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you, babe, and I also don’t want to lose you before I’ve even gotten you back. I just worry, is all. I’ve seen the worst society has to offer, and everyone in that backwater knows you live alone.”

Damn. You see how reasonable he is lately? It drives me crazy. There’s no fighting his will, because he doesn’t fight, just makes a point and leaves me to be the crazy person.

“Dammit, fine, but we’re not in a relationship!”

“Okay, see you later. We’ll get some things done here, and I’ll go home to get my truck and come back out. I’m bringing dinner. Ma’s cooking us something good.”

“Okay, don’t wreck my house,” I snarl.

He hangs up with a chuckle, and I work for the next few hours on a few promotions that Clyde has planned to get business booming, and go home when the sun is just high enough still to fool me that I have a while to plonk around.

It’s back to the garden when I get there and need another distraction, and by the time I repeat this morning’s mess and walk back to my room in panties and bra, I feel less stressed.

I know something now that I haven’t thought of before, and it makes me nervous and happy at the same time. I need to try. I’ve been pushing Wolf away for a while, ignoring what’s right in front of me, but no more. If I’m going to be happy, I need to fight for that happiness.

He may never love me, and you know, that’s okay because everyone gets their hearts broken searching for that one special person. I’ll never get anywhere if I don’t commit myself to this and look at it with a positive attitude.

Wolf may not love me, but he will! I can’t expect it to happen overnight, but I’ll fight for him, like he’s fighting for me.

“Babe?”

I hear his call just as I pull on a soft housedress that’s not showy but is clean and relatively pretty, and walk out of the room when he strolls in carrying a hamper, and I smile.

My kiss shocks him, and I smile against his mouth when he drops the hamper and pulls me close, unconcerned for the food or the dinnerware I hear clanking around in there.

“Hey.”

“Hey right back at you, Wylder,” I breathe, suddenly ravenous for him.

“Babe?”

“Hush,” I murmur when he falls back onto the couch with a push, his face a comical show of lustful hope and confusion. “Take your pants off.”

It’s accomplished in under a minute, and I laugh under my breath when I see his sex poking straight up, already hard from just one kiss and the suggestion of sex.

I said I was gonna try, and I am, so, in that vein, I got myself all ready for him and I’m dripping as I throw a leg over his hips and straddle him, enjoying his groan when the wet slit of my sex settles firmly over his shaft.

I use him like that for a while, teasing us both as I glide him through my folds, groaning loudly every time the head makes contact with my button.

“Lori.”

“Sssshhh, just feel,” I croon, sliding my hips in a circle to let him feel me all over.

As sexual situations go, I’m not exactly as adventurous as Wolf, but just having this control while he tries to sit quietly and not take over is heady. I feel every ridge and vein as I coat him with my pleasure and use him, driving myself closer and closer to orgasm with every twitch and slide, loving the way he grips the cushions of the couch and leans his head back, closing his eyes on a groan.

We’re not touching anywhere else, and it’s so…erotic.

“God, you’re so wet and warm, baby. Your juices are burning me alive. I want in you so badly,” he grunts, his hips jerking when I slide up and settle him at my core, the opening contracting around the bulbous head like a suckling mouth.

I’m so turned on all I want to do is slam down on him and feel his strength fill me. But not yet, I think. I want him to know everything as I take him. I want him to know that this is our fresh start and that I am equal in this relationship.

“I still love you. Shh, let me finish,” I whisper, finding it hard to talk when he twitches up and just the head lodges inside me.

Oh God, it’s so good I have to stop and drop my head to his, just breathing until the need to have him passes a little.

“I still love you. I don’t think I will ever not love you, and I want to try with you, Wolf, really try. So, this is me giving myself to you this time, no more taking. We’ll be equals and get through it all together, but, Wolf, I expect you to love me someday. You got me?” I ask vulnerably, keeping myself completely still to look down at him.

Wolf’s eyes are blazing with the light of his joy, and I feel it like a physical blanket surrounding me when he smiles slowly and palms my ass, not pulling, just squeezing me softly and playing with the crack of my ass.

“I got you, baby.”

I slam down on the last word and we both shout when he’s fully lodged, so deep I feel a slight pop inside before he reaches so deep I whimper and fall into his chest, holding still to let the feeling subside.

The sex, when I can move again, is a roaring blaze of wet, slippery kisses and hard breathing. He lets me set the rhythm, but I have no doubt that I only have control because he lets me take it.

I ride him hard, slamming down so thoroughly my ass cheeks slap with every down stroke.

“Yes, yes, yes.”

“Aaaah, baby, hell, your sex is so fucking good. Tighten on me, sweetness. Let me feel you come all over my cock.”

I climax on command, shocked but so overtaken with the feeling all I can do is scream and seize above him, my yells absorbed by his sucking mouth.

I feel him let go inside me moments later, the heat of his release filling me with spurt after spurt of his seed. It’s dripping out of me by the time we can move, and I look up at him with a soft smile.

“I will love you, Lori. It’s impossible for me not to,” he murmurs against my lips, his eyes solemn and filled with sincere caring.

For now, it’s all I need, and I snuggle into him with a sigh, secure and strangely comforted even with the future uncertainties looming ahead.

 

 

Wolf

 

The last few weeks have been everything to me. I spend most nights with my woman, making love, eating dinner out on the porch, talking for hours about myself and what I’ve been through in life.

She listens quietly and gives me the comfort I need in the telling. It’s been…good. It’s new, and I’m not always easy to be with as I let the memories in and give them life.

But she never judges me or complains when my mood gets dark and I brood about it. We’re practically living together at this point, which is nice.

Hell, it’s more than nice. It’s fucking great. Fantastic. Eye opening.

And she gives to me. Herself. Her time. Her love. I don’t think Lori fully understands what having her unconditional love means to me. I could try to explain it, but I don’t think words can do it justice.

I feel…just that. I feel. For the first time in years, I wake up in the morning and feel more than ambivalence to life. I look forward to my days, and slowly, it’s starting to dawn on me that I haven’t been living for a long time.

It’s not always good. Sometimes the feelings that I don’t understand sneak up on me with too much force and I can’t process them. Sparrow is always there though, and I finally understood last night, while lying sleepless with Lori’s naked body in my arms, that I need to say goodbye to Sparrow.

I never did, and that in and of itself is a major issue.

“Hey, man, you ready for this?” Bear asks when he comes out of the house to join me on the porch.

“No, but I need to do it anyway,” I say quietly, flicking away the one cigarette I’ve allowed myself.

I used to smoke a long time ago but quit when I realized I didn’t need them. I need them today. Need a good drink too, and I’ll probably get drunk sometime in the day with the way I feel.

We leave together, Bear quiet and introspective as the car eats up the road and finally stops in a place I haven’t been but once since we laid Sparrow to rest.

Or should I say I laid Sparrow to rest. The day of her funeral was terrible, and I had to have Mom sedated and let the boys take her and my inebriated pop home.

So, I was alone when she went into the ground, the only one who was here when she ceased to be a person and officially became a body. Walking slowly because my feet just don’t want to work, I make it to her grave and feel…pain. I feel pain unlike anything I have ever known, and it has my knees buckling even as my eyes remain dry.

I feel, but it’s trapped, my natural need to keep myself together winning over the ache and sorrow inside me.

“You were all alone when she went into the ground,” Lyon says, startling me when he comes out from behind another tomb, followed by Lynx and Hawk.

“What—”

“We all should have been here, together, my son.”

I see Mom when Hawk goes to stand beside Lyon, and Pop emerges too, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Guys, I—”

“Now we do it together, and maybe we can lay her to rest finally,” Pop says, taking Mom’s hand just as Hawk helps me up.

I see Danny come forward too to take Bear’s hand and feel…a small hand slip into mine. I know it’s her before I look down to see her smiling up at me, her eyes filled with tears as she squeezes my hand and nods.

“Say goodbye to her, but never forget what she meant to you.”

And that’s it, exactly it, I think as I feel my eyes burn and watch my family gather around me, giving me the strength to face something I never have.

“She looked like she was asleep when they laid her out. The people at the funeral home did a great job putting her back together.”

Because Sparrow looked like someone had taken a bat to her beautiful face, and even her eyes were open when I went to identify her in the morgue. It was…ugly. The whole thing was ugly, but I remember the way she looked before they buried her.

Like a young, sleeping child, safe in her bed.

I say nothing else, and I’m grateful when the family remains silent, all of us thinking back to times when she was with us, laughing and smiling and getting up to mischief.

We lay her to rest, not for her, because I accept that wherever she is, it’s better than the fucked-up world we live in.

“Love you, little bird,” I mumble, Lori giving me her strength to turn and walk away, free of the burden I once carried.

I still have anger to work through, anger about being alone at that time, about Mom and Pop and even my brothers abandoning me, but I feel lighter as we go home together, my woman right by my side where I need her to be.