Mika

 

 

I’m giggling as I tiptoe across the backyard leading to Lynx’s pool, the towel I grabbed from the bathroom clutched to my chest as I follow a buck-naked Hawk over the grass and see the clear blue waters beckoning us.

I should refuse to do this and go back inside, but after a great steak dinner and a movie that sucked balls, I’m ready to be adventurous and say screw the world and the consequences.

Hawk is just so…freeing to be with, and I know how weird that is since the man barks orders at me constantly, but it’s true. Take this little adventure for example. I would have never done this in a million years because I would have considered that Lynx will catch us and Teeny will laugh and tell the whole family or, God forbid, Tammy will see us frolicking in the pool.

Hawk just yelled at me to stop being such a repressed baby and pulled my shirt off, leaving me in my bra and jeans, his eyes daring me to back out of a promise I made on two tequilas and half a beer.

So, now, I am sneaking and giggling and dying of mortification when I drop the towel and quickly slide into the pool, hugging the wall just in case anyone comes out.

Hawk just dives in and comes back up with a grin when I gasp and keep glancing at the house. I’m terrified of being caught and thrilled because this is exciting and I have never done anything this daring in my life.

“Sssh! You’ll wake them up,” I hiss, gasping when he strokes my way and ends up right against me, his hands grasping the rim of the pool as he looks down at me and smiles darkly.

“And then what? They call the cops and have us sent down the river for skinny dipping like teenagers?” he chuckles, his voice deep and dark and mocking.

Oh lord, I’m supposed to be answering him, but all I can do right now is focus on the fact that his arms have me trapped and I can feel him touching me in places that make me tingle.

My nipples are hard buds of arousal against his own, his position against me deliberate, I think, when I feel his nipples scrape mine and let off a moan of longing.

My lower half clenches when he pushes closer, and I feel his sex brush mine, the head of his now obvious erection bumping my clit while all he does is look at me, daringly, expectantly.

“Hawk.”

“You scared, Mika?” he asks, grinning when I lick my lips and try to mash my backside against the wall to escape him.

He follows and quirks a brow, waiting for me to do something else. My heart is beating so hard now, and I’m nervous, so nervous because meeting his eyes has me knowing without a doubt that this is deliberate, that he’s playing with me and asking me to play too.

“What are you doing?”

His hips push closer, and I groan when his shaft slides through my lips, the feel of him in my slit making me pulse and push back without thought.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No,” I whisper, biting my lip and throwing my head back silently when he starts rubbing his head against me.

I need to stop him, but I don’t do anything but push my lower half closer when the feel of his bulbous crown slides over my clit repeatedly, setting off feelings and sensations that feel so good I can only gasp and clutch at his shoulders.

“I’m going to make love to you,” he whispers back, leaning forward to lick at my lower lip.

“Why?”

He doesn’t answer immediately but licks his tongue into my mouth before sealing our lips, the kiss he gives me a tangle of thrusting tongues and sucking lips. I’m panting and breathless when he pulls back, my body and mind non-responsive to what I know I should be doing.

“Why shouldn’t I, Mika? I want you. I’ve wanted you for a very long time now, and you want me. You may not want to want me, but you do.”

I can’t deny that. I’ve been attracted to him for months, an eternity, and I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about him as a lover many a time, especially with all that latent aggression he doesn’t always hide and the snarling honesty he employs at all times.

We may not be soul mates or even like each other all that much, but Hawk is one sexy man, and I do want him. Desperately.

“But—”

“But nothing. This is now, Meek. We’re in this moment, and it’s time to choose. Do you think about what others will say and feel if we do this, right here and right now, and let this one moment slip away forever? Or do we say damn the consequences and just live in the moment? If we do, we have amazing, once-in-a-lifetime sex in a pool for the first time. If we don’t, then you will never know what it would have felt like for me to push my fingers into your sex while I sucked your tongue and played with your clit. You’ll never know my cock, pushing in so deep you feel me in your womb. You’ll never have me grinding and hammering into you with the cool water caressing your skin or feel your orgasm suck the come from my balls and into you. These moments come and go. What you do with them is all you can control.”

Oh God.

“Yes,” I moan, not caring about anything or anyone else but him, me, now.

Hawk growls his satisfaction and kisses me deeply, using his tongue in my mouth the way he’d use it inside my sex. Deep. Tight, flicking every part of me as I try to suck him back and devour him in the kiss.

His hands aren’t still either, and just as promised, I feel him push a finger into me, the insistent pressure eased by the slippery moisture he’s already brought forth.

I groan, pumping my hips, using his hand to take my pleasure, gasping and grunting when he thrusts hard and deep, hitting me inside, somewhere where a sharp stab of pleasure unfurls and spreads out, throbbing in my sheath and clit alike.

“You like this?”

“Oh, oh, yes.”

“Then show me, Mika. Touch, taste, take,” he grunts, snarling and throwing his head back when I push a hand down and grasp his cock, the heat and width stretching my hand as I pull and tighten, jacking him off even as I thrust my hips and ride his hand the way I would his shaft.

Everything about this is all wrong, but the thrill and threat of being caught doubles my arousal and makes it all the more pleasurable. Hawk isn’t still either, and I guess that having me pumping his shaft and grinding my clit against him on every downward thrust feels as good to him as his thick finger does inside my body.

“God, I love your nipples.”

He shows me by bending me back, my head thumping against the brick as he bites into one bud and then sucks the sting away, using enough pressure that when he releases it’s stretched and pops back with a plop. The other nipple does not go unloved, and it feels good, adding just the right amount of sensation that wings to my clit and has me going off with mini shocks that warn of a climax I won’t make it out of without screaming.

“Yeah. I feel you. Make your sheath pop off on my fingers, babe. Just like that,” he snarls, slamming his fingertips into the bead inside me just as I start coming, the extra sensation making me cry out and buck as pleasure hits.

I’m still gasping when he pushes my hand away and slams home, the aftershocks inside me making his entry painfully tight and so full I come again. And again. And again. While he glides in and out of me at a pace that is fast and hard and perfect.

“God, you’re so tight. Keep coming, babe. It feels so good, like warm fingers stroking my cock.”

I can’t help obeying because everything inside me is going on instinct. Whatever he’s touching inside me is the perfect spot, even better than having him rub my clit, so I clench and come again just as he goes deep and still, the kick of his shaft inside me a precursor to the snarl he releases when he pumps his come into me.

“Perfect.”

I totally agree, flopping my head to his shoulder and panting as aftershocks and tiny ripples continue to shoot through me, my whole body alive and focused on where we’re joined.

The water is cool and soft and caresses my still-tingling nerves as I come down and sigh, replete and amazed and shocked by what we just did.

“Oh God. I screamed.”

Hawk chuckles at my mortification and the way I try to push away to get out and dive for the towel on the grass, his hands pinning me, keeping me still and connected to him where he’s growing soft inside me.

“Yeah. You did.”

Smug. God, the man looks and sounds so smug I could slap him. I struggle again because, dammit, I will not be busted screwing in a pool.

“Hawk! We need to leave,” I hiss, casting a peek at the windows fearfully. “Lynx sleeps lightly and—”

“And they aren’t here,” he chuckles, shaking his head as I gape. “He took Teeny and Tammy to Mom and Pop’s. They’re staying over there for the next week in case Danny decides to go into labor soon. Relax.”

“You, you—”

“Sexy, hot, amazing god among men?” he teases, leaning down to suck my nipple, his growl making parts still attached clench and go a little wild.

“Liar. You let me think—”

“That we were gonna get caught fucking in my brother’s pool. Yes, I did. Was it hot, Mika, having no control over yourself and just living for what you feel right now? Did it make you wet thinking we were being naughty and dangerous?”

I pause, letting him float us around the pool, my mind going a mile a minute as I consider what he’s saying. And asking. Yes. Yes, it did feel hot. And bad. And like I was so alive nothing else mattered around me.

The realization of what he’s done makes my eyes burn, and I smile tremulously at him, understanding and, I think, a little in love as I take in his unrepentant grin.

“It felt very good,” I whisper, kissing him again because I can.

Because I can and I want to and I can do whatever I want without having to consider anyone else or what they think about me.

“That’s right. It felt good. It made you happy. Is there anything else you feel besides happy?”

“Free,” I say, keeping my eyes on his, letting him see me and loving that he accepts and enjoys what he’s looking at.

“Free. You can be free, Mika. It’s all up to you. You just have to choose what you want, now, tomorrow, next week. It doesn’t matter what’s going to happen. We can’t control everything, but you can control how you make it fit into your life.”

“Does anyone else know you have a heart, Hawk Wylder?” I ask, sniffing a little when the urge to cry for joy hits me.

He scowls and pins me to the wall, pushing his hips into mine and grating out a curse.

“No, and you can keep that shit to yourself.”

********************************************************************

I haven’t seen Hawk in a week, and I feel bereft and lonely and pathetically needy as I walk into the training center with Tiffany and witness the porn show her and Callum put on when she spots him and leaps up, plastering herself to his body.

He kisses her back, and I want to feel happy that she’s having a hot love affair with a man who will probably put a ring on her from the way he lights up when he sees her.

But I feel snarky and jealous and a lot annoyed that I have to watch them suck face while I’ve spent a week missing Hawk and expecting a call that hasn’t come.

What?! Is it too much to expect that the man call me after making dirty sex with me all weekend? I hardly think so, but true to Hawk, the man disappeared to some foreign country Monday afternoon and hasn’t called me once.

I excused that as him not having a means to contact me and immediately wanted to plan his murder when Lyon called Leila while I was visiting her and spent an hour having what amounts to phone sex while I listened to her giggle and watched her blush and heard her trying to be proper and still get it on with him while I was in the room.

That peeved me off a lot because, I mean, come on! What the hell? If Lyon can spend an hour being gross on the phone with my sister, Hawk can take five minutes to call me and give me a what’s up.

Not a lot to expect, seeing as we were inseparable all weekend, so much so that I forgot to call Leila on Saturday and spent forever on the phone with her explaining that I don’t have to check in with her like a child.

She started crying then, and I felt so bad I almost went over until Hawk attached his mouth to my sex and made me fully aware of his displeasure at the thought of me leaving.

I got with it really fast and told her to get over herself and slammed the phone down just as I orgasmed and screamed myself hoarse.

The man came up from between my noodles, grinning and licking his lips. And then he took me so hard and brutally I would have hurt if not for the way he bathed me after making me come again.

So, yeah! Call a woman, I think morosely, snapping out of it when Harlan ambles over with a grin and throws an arm around me.

“Hey, Mika. You still not ready to date me yet?”

“Nope, sorry, I don’t double play, dude,” I say gently, hating it when his eyes flit away and he drops his arm from around my shoulder.

“Ah, um, I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

I feel awful because I wasn’t and I was not exactly putting off taken vibes last week. In fact, I think I may have been flirting with the guy. Consciously.

“I’m sorry. I, uh, I wasn’t, but there’s this guy I’ve been crushing on, and he finally gave me the signal,” I mumble, snorting silently at that misrepresentation.

Hawk doesn’t give off signals of any kind. He’s unreadable and cold and gruff, and he doesn’t flirt or mess around. Signal? I didn’t need a signal. The man slammed into me like a tidal wave and pulled me under with nothing more than some heated words and the temptation of being bad with him.

And it is bad. So, so bad. He’s addictive. He’s difficult to be with unless we’re having sex, because while I don’t feel unwanted, he doesn’t pander to me the way Lyon does with Leila, and the whole PDA thing is not in the picture. Not even when we stayed in and watched TV on his couch.

“Yeah, uh, that’s okay. We can be friends,” he mumbles, walking off before I can say another word.

The rest of the class is awkward this time around, and I’m almost desperate to get out of there when I look up to see Hawk in the doorway, watching me with narrowed eyes when Harlan grabs me from behind in a lock.

I struggle for a few seconds, my eyes never leaving Hawk’s, and scramble to think what I should do. I’m sorta panicked and a whole lot conscious of Harlan’s body pressed into mine when Hawk smiles and mouths one word at me.

Balls.

Oh Lord. I obey and push a hand back, tapping Harlan’s crotch very lightly to let him know I have him. He releases me with a huff, and I’m still trying to catch my balance when arms come around me and a mouth touches mine.

Ooooh.

Hawk doesn’t kiss me softly, or peck me, or even really kiss me, I think dazedly, moaning into his mouth. He ravages me with his mouth and glares over my shoulder.

Okay, so pissing contest, I think, pulling away reluctantly to glare at him. Honest to goodness, it may feel good having him all caveman and staking his claim, but it is not on, after the way he just forgot me for an entire week.

“What are you doing?”

Hawk keeps glaring at Harlan, but he hears me, and I see his lips curl.

“Making things clear.”

“Oh? And what are you making clear?” I ask conversationally, feeling my hackles rise when his hand goes to my ass, the move a territorial show of ownership I do not appreciate right now.

“That you’re with me,” he snarls, loudly enough that everyone stops to look at us.

“Stop it,” I hiss, blushing and trying to shift away.

He doesn’t let me and goes further by licking his lips, taking my taste into his mouth with a challenging glare at anyone who dares gainsay his claim.

“Stop what? Being honest?”

“Yes. And stop assuming,” I muter, pushing away to storm out, throwing a greeting over my shoulder because I need to get the heck out of here like now before Hawk starts pissing a circle around me.

Men. Christ. What is it with men? They get sex, ignore you for days, and then start going Neanderthal when someone sniffs on you. It is flattering to have him beating his chest, but I am none too pleased with him as I grab my bag and stalk out of the building, my anger reaching its peak when he spins me around and pulls me into his chest, trapping me between his body and the door of his black truck that’s parked right behind my car.

“Mika.”

“We’re together?” I yell, losing my temper because he doesn’t even blink, just stares at me as if I’m crazy.

“Yes.”

“Really, because, you know, you took me home and I didn’t hear from you for a whole week, so excuse me if I thought it was just a weekend fuck fest!”

He scowls darkly at my use of words, and those eyes narrow, blazing down at me while his jaw ticks.

“Don’t talk like that. I don’t like you saying those things as if what we did was nothing!”

“But it was nothing. It had to have been nothing because if it was something I would have heard from you before now. A week, Hawk! You went off without even saying goodbye and didn’t bother to talk to me for a week,” I yell, shoving at his chest though it’s futile because the man doesn’t so much as budge an inch.

“I was working, Mika.”

“Yeah? Me too! Leila, Lynx, Bear, Wolf, Lyon,” I sneer, letting him know I am fully aware that his excuse is bullshit and I do not appreciate him yelling it at me as if it holds water.

Hawk winces, and I know I have him there when he looks away and huffs, muttering something beneath his breath about Lyon and his useless hide.

“Fine. I didn’t want to call you.”

“Oh, great! Well, I sort of guessed that from your MIA, no greetings attitude, you ass. And I got the message. So, what the hell do you want?”

“You.”

He says it so simply all I can do is stare at him, not quite getting what the heck is going on here. So we had sex all weekend and he left. I get that. It sorta drives home the whole ‘it was just sex’ message loud and clear. So, what the hell is this now? Showing up here and kissing me as if he has a right.

I may be a teeny weeny little tiny bit in love with the asshole, but that in no way means I’m going to take crap from him and let him run roughshod over me.

“Me? See, that I don’t get, because you had me and you dropped me like I meant nothing. What the heck do you expect from me, Hawk? You can’t just breeze in and out of my life this way and expect me to be okay with it.”

“I’m not breezing in and out of your life, Mika. Fuck! We spent the weekend together, and then I had to leave to go work. You know what my life is like. Weeks away and then I could be home again for a month. I leave at the drop of a hat.”

I know. I know this, and it’s not exactly making me do cartwheels thinking about what he does for a living, but you see, I accept these things and I roll with it.

He just uses it as an excuse, and I won’t eat this pie, fella.

“Yeah? So, a little call saying ciao, I’ll catch you later, would have killed you? I only found out you left because Leila called me after she stopped sulking,” I grate, sneering at him because I feel as if he’s playing with me and I don’t like it.

“I didn’t think,” he mumbles, pushing away to scrub at his hair.

It’s grown longer on top over the last week, and it looks good. He looks good, I think miserably, while I look like I haven’t slept and have been pining for days.

His words come back to me, and I wince, realizing that, for Hawk, one simple call doesn’t cross his mind because he lives in the moment and doesn’t think beyond right now.

That doesn’t bode well for me, not at all, because it suggests that I’m a momentary thing, just here and there when he finally looks up and realizes I’m available.

I don’t want to be his momentary woman, but I also don’t think I’d be okay with not being with him again. I’ve spent a week thinking about it all, and yeah, I have a thing for musicals, so in my sappier moments, I may or may not have had him dancing Indian style to Justin Bieber singing Girlfriend.

But I’ve also imagined this talk, and it’s pathetic that it never once involved this line of thought, this unwillingness to see exactly why I would be upset.

“No, you didn’t. You just leapt again, the way you always do, and that’s fine, Hawk. You live in the moment, do what makes you happy, and you never apologize for the way you affect other people. I get that, and I learned that it’s not always a bad thing. Just that I don’t think I can be the girl who lives in the moment with you all the time. Or, really, when you’re ready to notice me,” I say, sighing and looking away.

“What?”

I roll my eyes because for all his honesty and observant ways, the man can be a total idiot sometimes.

“I don’t want to be with you if all I am is the woman you remember after you’ve done what makes you happy. I’m an afterthought to you, and it’s okay. It’s not like you love me or anything. So, I get that this”—I wave between us—“is just some fun. I don’t want to do fun now, Hawk. I have a lot of stuff on my plate, and I don’t have the energy to play these games. If it’s just sex, then I’m moving on because I don’t do just sex with guys.”

I really don’t.

“But you—”

“Date a lot and go out and do things a normal woman my age does? That doesn’t mean I’m promiscuous or that I sleep with every guy who buys me dinner. Was that it, Hawk? You think I’m so lonely and desperate right now that I’ll cling to whatever morsels you’ll throw my way?” I ask, laughing when he flushes and pulls at his ear.

I know that habit. I’ve seen him use it when Rain starts in on him about getting married and settling down. I don’t think Hawk will be ready to settle down for a long time, and if he is, it isn’t with me. I just don’t have the goods to deliver on the Wylder family baby pool.

“It’s not like that! We like each other. Why can’t we just be together and have something fun and light?”

“Because my fucking life isn’t fun and light!” I yell, sucking in a breath so I don’t get weepy.

Stupid period.

“My life isn’t easy right now, and you know what, it’s not fair for me to be with you and drag you into the mess of it. You’re right. I shouldn’t have wanted anything else, because I can’t deal with it right now. Don’t call me,” I say, shoving him when he least expects it.

He doesn’t move when I slip by him, and I almost laugh when I get into the car and see him standing, looking at me from the rearview mirror.

I guess that’s it, then, I think, driving off before I can get out and scream at him for not coming after me.

Men.