Lynx

 

 

“That’s it, Tam. Kick harder,” I yell, laughing when she kicks her legs out and launches into the shallows, her armbands keeping her afloat while she tries to swim around me.

The kid is adorable, and as averse to family as I am, I feel a sense of pride knowing that I’m helping to raise her, just for a little while, and by being here I give her a sense of security that every child deserves.

Teeny laughs from her place on the steps and claps her hands when Tammy kicks all the way to her, her little legs kicking up water as she goes.

“Good girl, TamTam! You’re doing so good,” she says, kissing her hair before Tammy wiggles away and starts back to me.

“She’s a champ, this one,” I laugh, throwing Teeny another hot look because, damn, the woman does good things to me in a bikini that shows off a body I still can’t get enough of.

We make love every night, and I thank the medical gods for creating the pill, because they regulate Teeny’s period to only three days and I get to have her a lot. And without the condoms that were driving me nuts.

It’s been a full week with Tammy invading our lives, and I haven’t been this happy in…ever, now that I think of it, watching the chubby little cherub kick around, squealing in delight.

No, I haven’t ever been this happy, and against all expectations, I don’t feel one bit of resentment for coming home at five thirty and having to navigate toys in the hall or the fact that Tammy only lets me read her bedtime stories.

In fact, I can’t wait to leave work most days, and I take a lot of shit off Pop for the way I practically run out when the clock hits the half hour, my mind focused on getting home and seeing my girls.

They are mine, I realize, stilling and looking at Teeny where she’s got her eagle eye focused on Tammy. Her face is glowing and a little rounder now that I feed her like a madman, and she’s filled out around her hips too, something my cock likes a lot because she looks like a goddess naked in my bed, her lush curves spread out just for me.

Tammy squeals again, and I feel my chest expand with love because, it’s true, I love them. And not as a friend and pseudo uncle to Tammy but as a man who wants his family and will do anything to keep them safe, happy, and loved.

“So, I told you that Ally stopped by last week.”

I nod because I get pissed just thinking about that day, the day I first brought them home and left them here alone thinking they’d be safe. Teeny probably wouldn’t have said a thing to me about that visit, but it’s a little hard to hide the fact that the right side of her face was swollen.

I eventually dragged it out of her, though I suspect she’s keeping some of what was said to herself, a fact that annoys me, but I understand because I remember keeping Sparrow’s confidences sometimes, and I know that Teeny doesn’t want to hurt Ally.

I do. I want to make her and that fat fuck boyfriend of hers suffer for daring to come anywhere near my girls. Hawk’s coming by tomorrow to help me take measurements for the wall I intend to install.

I don’t care if Teeny keeps raging at me that it’s ridiculous, and that woman from the neighborhood committee can kiss my ass if she thinks I give a damn about their rules and regulations.

I’m keeping my family safe even if I have to have Bear’s senator friend come down here to do something about it.

“Lynx?”

“Sorry, Teeny, I’m listening,” I say, catching Tammy before she can swim to the deep end, gently nudging her back towards the shallows.

Maybe she’ll tell me everything now and trust me to be there for her, I think, watching her bite her lip and look away, her eyes not meeting mine.

“I think I hate her, Lynx. Like really hate her,” she whispers, her eyes wet when she looks back at me.

“Aw, honey, that’s just not true. You’re too loving to hate anyone.”

“Yeah, it is. It is. I hate Ally. If Tammy wasn’t there, I’d have beat the tar out of her for the things she said. You know what the last thing was, the last words she said that really killed anything I feel for her? She said the only reason she wants Tam back is because she won’t let me have her. She’s trying to take Tammy because she hates me so much that she can’t stand the thought of me having her, even if I’m a better option for her.”

My jaw grinds when the words come out of her in a choked whisper of raw pain, and I gather Tammy up and walk towards Teeny, needing to hold her because, goddammit, who says that kind of shit about their kid and sister?

“Swim!” Tammy yells, kicking and yelling to get out of my arms.

Teeny sighs and gets up to go get the barrier net I had made. She attaches it in the rings on the side of the pool and throws me the other end to attach on the opposite side, the weights on the bottom sinking to the floor to keep Tam from going under it.

Tammy seems happy enough to do her own thing, and I sit on the step and pull Teeny between my legs, holding her close while we watch Tammy swim and shriek her joy.

“I’m sorry, Teeny. That must have hurt.”

“Yeah. It did, but not for me, Lynx, because I was so mad at her for coming here already that I realized I don’t…want her in my life. I feel nothing but contempt for my own sister, Lynx. I used to love her, but now I just want her to leave us alone. What she said hurt me for Tammy. That kid’s gonna ask me about her momma one day, and what do I tell her? Oh, sorry, but she didn’t really give a shit about you but for making me suffer? Do I tell her that her mom didn’t take care of her, feed her, bathe her? Take her to the doctor when she was sick and that I took her because she never gave a shit about her own kid?” she asks, looking away as if seeing Tammy is just too much for her right now.

No, that’s not the kind of thing you tell a kid but neither is lying about their parents. Or parent. No kid needs to know that the only reason their mom wanted them was because she’s so spiteful she was willing to raise them in poverty rather than let her sister have some happiness. It’s just wrong, and I can’t even begin to imagine it because my mom would have killed for her kids.

“Hey, what happened to Tam’s dad?” I ask, shocked that I haven’t ever wondered.

I wonder now because I will make sure we get to keep our kid, and I don’t want any surprises coming down the road trying to lay claim to her. No way will I stand for some idiot coming in to take our baby. But it does pose a problem because if we adopt Tammy, then we’ll need the father to sign off, if he’s around, and I don’t want to risk some stranger coming to take her from us when he belatedly realizes he should give a damn about his kid.

“I don’t know. I met him once when Ally brought him over to the house. He was this sweet African American kid with a bright future. He got a scholarship to NYU, as far as I can remember. Ally didn’t stay with him for long because he wasn’t into her crowd and he wasn’t flush enough to support her little habit.”

“Did he know? About Tammy?” I ask.

Teeny sighs and shakes her head ruefully.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t like he had any trust after he caught her fooling around with his best friend. They broke up, and Ally just laughed and told him she didn’t give a damn what some poor boy from the projects thought of her. Like she had any room to talk. We lived in the projects too. I found out that he gave her money to get rid of Tammy before he left for college, and she’d probably have done it if she hadn’t lost it at the dice tables. I thought I’d kill her when I found out she was actually considering it. Thank God abortions aren’t cheap, because if those things were free, I wouldn’t have Tam, I can tell you that.”

“Christ. She’s a real piece of work, that one,” I snarl, trying not to get mad, because Tammy is here now and that’s all that matters.

“Yeah. You don’t even know the half of it. I thank God she had a tough delivery with Tam and they had to do a hysterectomy when she started bleeding badly. I’d have cut her myself if I thought she could do this to another kid. She’s not very smart or choosy with her boyfriends as she should be, and if she could have kids, I’d have another one or she’d be best pals with the doctors at the clinic on Sixth,” she says darkly, forcing a smile and wave when Tammy yells at her to watch.

“I’m watching, TamTam. You’re doing so good, baby.”

“Teeny, what’s bugging you?” I ask softly, hugging my arms around her to keep her from pulling away. “I know it upset you that she came here, and I get that you’re hurt, but you’ve been off lately, and I need to know why. I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

And I don’t, I think, closing my eyes because, dammit, the woman has me so whipped that her moods have me hopping. I guess Pop was right. When you love, it’s life changing.

She doesn’t answer for the longest time, and I’m about to ask again when she leans her head back and turns her face into my neck as if seeking comfort.

“When we were little, my dad would go drinking all weekend and come home in a bad mood because he’d spent all the money he had at the bar and they wouldn’t start a tab for him. Even though he was a seat warmer every night. I used to think that one day he’d stop drinking so much and he wouldn’t be such a mean old bastard, but it never happened. He’d leave, and then mom would take the grocery money she saved using coupons and go out. She’d cook and make us cookies, and then she’d sit me and Ally in front of the television and lock the kitchen door so we couldn’t get out before she left for whatever illegal dive she was frequenting at the time.”

“Teeny—”

“So, one weekend, Friday night, Dad splits and then so does Mom, and we’ve got snacks on the coffee table, and we’re watching Sabrina, and Ally looks at me and she says, ‘Mom and Dad love me more coz I’m like them.’ I was like eight or nine at the time, and I was so hurt, but only because I knew it was true. Anyway, that weekend they both stayed away all weekend. I had to bathe Ally and get her to bed and make sure she didn’t use the phone to make prank calls because Mom and Dad would skin me if the phone bill was high. By Saturday afternoon, we’d run through our food, Ally wasn’t feeling well, and I was starting to worry because it was hot and I couldn’t open the windows Mom had nailed shut to keep us in.”

I’m horrified by it, and I want to say something, but what the hell is there to say? I had a wonderful childhood with parents who loved me and wouldn’t have left us alone for anything in the world. Hell, I don’t think Mom and Dad started going out on dates again until after all us kids turned seven.

“By Saturday night, Ally was puking everywhere and she had a fever. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do, and all the medicine was in the kitchen. I bathed her in a tepid bath because I’d seen Mom do it once when she had tonsillitis, but she kept screaming and crying, and then she just got real quiet and sleepy and wouldn’t listen when I told her not to go to sleep. I panicked. I tried to use Dad’s hammer to break into the kitchen, but all I ended up doing was ruining the door. Mom warned me not to tell anyone if she left, but I was afraid and young, and I panicked. I tried to break the lock on the front door so I could go call my neighbor to help, but all I did was hit the handle off. I called Gran when Ally started puking again, and she came and picked us up, used her spare key to unlock the door.

“She took us both to her house, the one I’m living in now, and we ended up in the emergency room at one in the morning because Ally was just so sick. Turns out she ate one of those tablet things Mom put down to kill roaches when I wasn’t looking. Because she was hungry and all the food was locked away. When Mom and Dad finally came home, they were livid. I thought it was at each other, ya know? Because they were feeling bad for having left us for so long. But as soon as we got home, he hit me. Because I didn’t watch Ally, their favorite kid, and I told Gran, and I made trouble for them, and there was puke all over the carpet. That was life for me until I was ten and Dad finally split. Mom went on a bender, used the welfare checks, and just left us alone for almost a week. This time, I didn’t have to call Gran. Ally did. Because I was afraid and I just wanted them to love me.”

I can hardly breathe now, and all that’s keeping me from crushing her to me is the need to watch Tammy and the way she seems to pull away a little, needing space.

“I don’t want that for Tammy. And I don’t get why…why Ally can’t be better. Gran taught us both to love others and be kind. She raised us after Mom and Dad left. Ally knows better, Lynx. She chooses not to be better. And it makes me so mad. So, so mad,” She whispers, looking back at Tammy with a soft smile that’s at odds with her anger.

“You’re gonna be a great mom to her, Teeny. You’ll give her what she needs even if you have to sacrifice, and you’ll love her and keep her safe because that’s what you do when you love someone. Love, Teeny. That’s all that counts.”

“I know, and I wanted you to know that I will never forget what you’ve done for us, Lynx. You saved us, saved my little girl, and I won’t ever forget that,” she whispers, kissing me softly, her eyes so sad it hurts to look at her.

I kiss her before she can say another word, because I can’t hear any more without crying like a baby. She’s so sad and yet strong and kind and everything I want in a woman.

I love Teeny Hughs, and I’ll tell her that, show her that, for the rest of my life. For now, I just hold her and kiss the tears that fall to her lips, planning something big and worthy of her as we pull away to watch our kid be a kid.

They’re mine, and I’m keeping them.

 

 

Teeny

 

I pack two bags just after eight the next morning, my heart breaking as I cry silently and try not to think about what I’m doing. My time is up and I know it. I have to get out of here before that judge calls us all in tomorrow, before I risk everything I have on the chance that…

I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about because there’s no chance, no choice here. If he gives Tammy back, I’m done, finished. If he gives her to me and Lynx, then I could be a sitting duck for a madman.

Shoving Tammy’s stuffed bear into the pack, I grab the last few items and look down at what I’ve done. I’ve only taken a few changes of clothes, the money Lynx refuses to take back—about seven hundred dollars in cash—and the little picture album of Gran’s that I just can’t leave behind.

I went home yesterday to get it and almost cried when I walked into my house and saw it, felt the cool air, and laughed at the sight of Hawk’s porn sitting on the coffee table. Men. What can I say?

The place was exactly perfect. It’s cool and clean but for the dirty dishes in the sink. Hawk moved in a week ago, as per Bear’s instructions, and he’s been living it up from the looks of a beer-filled fridge and the television that’s tuned to the sports channels.

I like that someone is living there when I can’t. Love that he seems taken with the place now that it’s not hell hot in there. And now I have to say goodbye to it because I have to leave before some madman comes looking for me.

Not that I don’t trust Lynx to protect us. I do. I just don’t want to put that on him. People have already taken everything from him, made him make choices no one should be asked to make. I won’t do that to him, nor will I stick around here and ask him to give me something I shouldn’t want.

The hardest truth I have had to face is that I can count on Lynx and he’d probably stick with me if I told him I love him. He’s like that, and it’s one of the things I love most about him. He’s self-sacrificing and kind and brave and loving.

Too loving for a girl with too many problems to count on one hand. I have a hearing tomorrow that could take my kid away. I have nothing but Lynx standing between me and starvation. I have a madman coming for me if things don’t go Ally’s way. Mostly, I have a child who is depending on me to be the adult and make the hard decisions.

So, I will. I’ll leave my guy, hoping that he can forgive me and find love eventually. I’ll leave a family that I love so much just thinking about leaving makes me cry.

Here I have safety and security and friends. What I don’t have is that will to tell Lynx that I need him to kill someone. Because it will happen. Xavier will come, and Lynx will kill him. I don’t want to be another person he has to kill for. I want to be the one who makes him happy without taking anything from him.

“Lynx?” Tammy asks when I gather her up and cuddle her close, the bags over my shoulder a heavy weight that makes me want to ball.

“Lynx is at work, baby. Teeny already told you that.”

“Want Lynx!” she yells, almost making me fall as I set the letter down beside his bed and walk out the door without a backward glance.

“I know, honey. Just shhh for me, okay?” I beg, going out the back because I don’t want the neighbors seeing me leaving with bags. Nat would just call Lynx, and I wouldn’t get very far at all.

“Wanna swim.”

“Tammy Lee, hush. You can’t swim now, and Teeny needs you to be quiet,” I hiss, checking the back to make sure Hawk’s already left for work.

The guy drinks coffee on the porch for an hour usually, so if he’s not out there, then he’s gone. I make my way to the trees that line the edge of the property and go towards the neighbor to my left, leaving the houses behind us.

This stretch of the river’s edge is full of trees, and the further I walk, the denser the wood, because the houses further down are further from the water as the river curves, a safety precaution that a lot of natives have taken since the flooding years ago.

It is super-creepy walking through the trees after all the ghost stories Gran told me about this place, and I only feel more nervous when Tammy starts cooing and talking, making her baby chatter to fill the silence.

“Need potty, Teeny.”

Oh God in heaven, why did I insist on potty training her this week of all times, I snarl inside, bending my knees to set her down because she’s not wearing a diaper—refuses to, actually, now that she knows the wonders of a urine-free ass—and look around for a good spot to let her heed the call.

I gotta. This kid tells you one time only that she’s gotta go, and then she releases the floodgates. Just ask Lynx’s expensive rug in the den.

“Come on over here, honey,” I say, helping her squat against a tree.

She takes care of business, and it’s as I’m pulling her little panties up that I hear the snap of a branch and turn, freezing on the spot while trying to keep Tammy behind me.

Xavier is smiling, a gun pointed right at me while Ally looks straight at me and smiles.

“You thought I wouldn’t expect you to do something like this, Teeny? You think I’d be stupid enough to threaten you and just walk away? I know you, and I knew the only way to get you out of that house with my daughter was to make you run.”

I can’t close my eyes right now, but if I could, I’d be doing it while kicking myself in the ass. Oh fuck, I just played right into her hands, and I could scream right now for being so stupid, if not for the gun pointed at me.

“Tammy, come here!”

Ally’s yell and the tone of her voice have her whimpering behind me and clinging to my back, her little head buried against me as if seeking shelter.

I can’t run with her, because I’m on my knees. There’s absolutely nothing I can do, I realize, when Ally takes a step forward, her face turning ugly with anger.

“Tammy Lee! Come here.”

“Stop it! You’re scaring her,” I say, trying to pull her into my back with one arm and comfort her.

Ally doesn’t seem to care, just starts yelling curses at me before Xavier slaps her.

“Shut up! You want people coming out here to see what’s going on? Just get the kid already and take her to the car so I can do this,” he hisses, ignoring her look and turning to point the gun at me again.

Oh my God, they’re going to kill me, I think, panicking because I can’t let them take Tammy, even if I die, but how do I get her away from here?

“Just shoot her already! I’ll get Tammy when she’s too dead to fight me off,” Ally mutters, smiling darkly.

“Bitch I am not shooting her with my kid standing behind her. The bullet could hit her,” Xavier snarls, making me blink and shoot Ally a glance.

“Yep, you got it, Teeny. You thought I’d keep the brat if she was that loser’s kid? Not a chance.”

“But—”

“But nothing! She’s mine. I only had her so Xavier’s mother would shut the hell up about us being together, and now that she finally wants Tammy, I won’t let you keep her.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Agh! Is this really the time, Teeny?” she laughs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Fine, let’s make this your last request, shall we? Xavier’s parents are traditional folks. They don’t like me and him being together, so I had Tammy, but they wouldn’t even see her. It’s taken two years, but they’re finally ready, and they will never forgive Xavier if we lose our kid because we didn’t look after her.”

“I…but why are you going to kill me? I’m your sister.”

Weak, but you gotta forgive me, okay? I’m this close to pissing myself as it is, and Tammy’s starting to wail behind me because she knows something isn’t right.

I’m quite frankly floored to know that Xavier is Tammy’s dad, but right now, I don’t have the time to think about it at all past respecting him a little for not shooting with Tammy behind me.

“Sister? You’ve only ever stood in my way! You drove Mom away with your constant tattling to Gran. You always lectured me about what I was doing, and then you refused to sell the house to help me out. Don’t you get it, Teeny? I want that house, and I want you gone so I can have my happily ever after with Xavier and his family and my money!”

I really don’t think that’s happening, not after the way he just slapped her so hard her nose is bleeding. I don’t say that though, not with that gun still pointed at me and Tammy screaming behind me.

“I didn’t drive Mom away. She left,” I say, stalling for time because I’m out of options right now. “And the house? You won’t get it, Ally. I have a will. Gran made sure I was set and ready before she died. I changed it last year. If I die, the house gets sold and the money gets put in a trust for Tammy. She’ll only get it when she’s eighteen and ready to go to college.”

That’s the truth.

Ally doesn’t like that at all, and I flinch when she walks right up to me and slaps me, rocking me back so that Tammy and I both fall into the tree trunk.

“You stupid bitch! You always take everything. First the house and now Tammy. What the hell do you even want her for, huh? You’re with some rich guy. You don’t need a kid or that stupid house.”

Well, I do, but I refrain from pointing that out because she goes back to Xavier while I twist and try to calm Tammy, who is all-out screaming by now.

“She’s so pathetic. You could have stayed with him in that house and lived a good life. I knew you wouldn’t though, knew you wouldn’t tell him what I said and that you’d run. Why?” she asks, as if genuinely curious.

“Why what?”

“Why not tell him and let him fix your problems? Xavier was convinced he and those scary-ass brothers of his would come looking for us, but I knew better. At least I thought you’d keep it quiet. So, why not tell him?”

I manage to calm Tammy enough that she’s only hiccupping now and turn to Ally, smiling sadly.

“Because I love him enough not to ask him to make that choice. He’s had enough sadness and death in his life. I won’t bring any more to his door,” I say, cringing when she laughs hysterically and Xavier rolls his eyes.

“Well, bravo! All that love just got you killed. Do it, Xavier!”

I hear a noise right before Xavier does and see him flinch and go down with Hawk standing over him. Lynx is there too, grabbing Ally, and just like that…it’s done.

My eyes are filled with tears as I clutch at Tammy and look up at Lynx, meeting burning blue eyes hard with emotion.