Time can be both your worst enemy and your sole companion when you’re just barely holding on. Some would say that it gets better and to hang in there. I would usually wholeheartedly agree with that statement, especially after everything this heart of mine has already been subjected to. That is, if it weren’t for this ever-present hurt and fear that only grows worse with every minute, hour, and day that passes.
“So, fess up. How much chocolate did you buy for Rose only to binge eat it yourself?” Mil asks as we walk down the street.
I adjust my hold on Rose’s stroller handle, feeling a sense of trepidation wash over me the closer we get to the town square. I just want to stay home and continue hoping like hell that Seb shows up.
Only, if he did, what would I even do?
“None,” I reply.
I see her head snap toward me out of the corner of my eye. “I’m sorry, did I seriously just hear you, the self-professed chocolate lover, admit to eating no chocolate? On Easter freaking Sunday?”
I nod. “You heard right.”
“Fuck me. All right. It’s time to stage an intervention.”
I don’t reply as I see Zeke jump the curb to the sidewalk and jog toward us.
“Good Lord, why?” Millie looks up at the sky. She’s still not totally on board with anything to do with Zeke. Even if he has been a huge help by coming over to help with Rose or taking her out for walks so I can take a nap or wallow in solitude over the past week.
“Ladies.” He greets us before bending in front of Rose’s stroller to say hello to her. Zeke unclips her and brings her up to his chest. Her hand meets his face as she starts smacking at his stubbled jaw. He takes her hand in his and kisses her cheek loudly. I’m happy for them, that Rose gets moments like these with her father. But he’s not the man I’m longing to see holding her anymore.
“Ugh, keep your asshole germs off her. We don’t know if it’s catching,” Millie mutters.
Zeke smirks and meets my gaze. “Coming?”
Despite wanting to be anywhere but at the town’s annual Easter fair, I sigh and keep moving. We round the corner to see the square decorated in bright pastel colors. Streamers and decorations hang from the trees and storefronts. Crossing the road into the park, I see the kids getting ready for the egg and spoon race. I can’t wait for Rose to be big enough to enjoy all this tiny town has to offer.
Zeke nudges my shoulder when we stop for coffee at one of the booths.
“You okay?”
The fact that my ex is asking how I’m doing after having my heart pulverized by the man who fixed what said ex did to it in the first place definitely isn’t lost on me. I give my order to Frank, the town librarian’s husband, before answering. “Yeah.”
Because I am okay, for the most part. I’ve survived this kind of torture before, and I’ll do it again. I just don’t feel all too confident about it this time around. But once again, I don’t seem to have a choice. It’s been eleven days, and no one has heard from Seb, least of all me. Not that I was expecting to, but I was hoping. I have no idea if he’s coming back. I thought about calling Grace, but the thought of calling to ask where her son is and telling her what happened … yeah, I can’t. I love that woman, and hearing any kind of disappointment or pity over what happened between me and her son would only crush me even more. Not to mention feeling upset at the thought of never seeing her again.
We grab our drinks and head over to a table. Zeke props Rose on his lap, which has her eager eyes dancing as she looks around at all the noise and people.
“Seeing as you’re here, we may as well make good use of you,” Millie says to Zeke, which has my head turning to her.
“Oh, really. Do tell,” he says dryly after taking a sip from his Styrofoam cup.
“I’m staging an intervention, and you’re gonna help me.” She jerks her head at me. “Sad sack over here needs a night out, stat. You’re on Rose duty.” She dares him to object, but I already know he won’t.
Me, on the other hand?
“Mil, I really don’t feel—” I’m cut off by her finger against my lips.
“I know what’s good for you, mama. So shut it.”
I blink at her for a beat then shrug. Let her try. She can’t make it any worse, now can she?
Zeke grins at me. “She’s right; it’s probably a good idea. It’ll help take your mind off things. I’ve got Rose.” He glances over at Millie. “Just tell me when.” He lifts his cup to his mouth.
“Tonight,” she states.
I watch as Zeke almost chokes on his next sip of coffee.
He coughs a few times. “Tonight?” he rasps.
“Yeah, got a problem with that? Besides, tomorrow’s my only day off for the rest of the week.”
He shakes his head. “No, no problem.”
“Hey.” Beau bends down to kiss Millie’s cheek as he comes up behind us. Her hand darts up to grab his cheeks, squishing them together as she glares at him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she hisses at him.
He tries to grin, but it’s a little hard, being that his face resembles a fish at the moment.
“Gonna kish ew,” he manages to get out.
“Oh no, you aren’t.” She releases him, giving him the stink eye before looking over at me. “What?” She glares.
I shake my head. “You’re so on my shit list if you think you can get away with not explaining all this, once and for all.” I gesture between her and Beau, who’s taken a seat next to Zeke.
She scoffs. “That’s because there’s nothing to tell,” she whispers.
I eye her with my brow raised. “Really?” A thought occurs to me. “Okay, forget going out tonight then. I’m not up for it anyway.” And as appealing as drowning my sorrows may sound, I’m really not.
Her eyes widen comically. “You can’t bribe me, skank face.”
I laugh. “Oh, I think I just did. Take it or leave it, camel toe.”
Her head rears back. “Too far! That was one time.”
I shrug and look away, acting as if I don’t care. Even though I’ve been dying to know about whatever the hell is going on with them—for freaking months now.
“Oh, okay, fine! You’re buying the first round, though. Be ready by eight.” She turns her glare to Beau. “This is all your damn fault.”
He looks up from Rose, who’s now sitting in his lap.
“If by my fault you mean that I’m the reason you come multiple times, then yes,” he muses with a shit-eating grin, “I take full responsibility.”
Millie’s face turns red so quickly; I’m waiting for the smoke to start billowing from her nostrils and ears.
“You’re both going out tonight?” Beau’s brows pull in as he looks at Millie.
She nods. “Yep, not that it’s any of your business.”
“Oh, it’s my business, all right. I’ll pick you ladies up and make sure you get home okay.”
Millie rolls her eyes. “It’s a five-minute walk. We’ll be fine.”
“I’ll pick you up.” He looks over at me. “Text me when y’all are ready.” The look on his face leaves no room for argument. I nod and return to drinking my coffee.
“Thanks, man. I’ll be at Liv’s with Rose,” Zeke says.
“Hey, weren’t you coming over to my place to watch the … never mind,” he trails off as he sees the look on his face.
“You had plans?” I ask, my eyes darting back and forth between them.
Zeke shakes his head. “Not really. We were just going to watch the game.” He shrugs and finishes off his coffee.
I look at Beau. “Just watch it at my place. As long as you both aren’t too rowdy, I don’t care.”
He raises his brows. “Yeah? Awesome. Thanks, Liv.”
We all sit in silence for a minute, and I try to ignore how familiar it feels to hang out like this with the three of them. I’m also relieved that nobody seems to be throwing curious glances our way anymore. I guess we’re not entertaining enough for them—what with Zeke and I getting along amicably and all that.
“Beau! Zeke!” Herbie Rutherford stops by our table, panting and glaring over at Norman Junior who’s slowly walking over behind him. “Sometime today, Norman. Not like it’s an emergency or anything.” He shakes his head, and I’m entranced by his wobbling chins once again.
Beau and Zeke turn to Norman and Herbie, their brows pulling in. “What’s up?” Beau asks.
“The ladder outside the chicken coop has fallen down on top of the mock-up fencing, and baby chickens are starting to run around everywhere.” He takes a breath. “I’m worried Glenda and Robert’s fat Shetland pony is going to trample them. It’s in the pen next to them.” His eyes widen in horror.
I smirk, knowing that their pony is so docile, she wouldn’t so much as bat an eye at them or even notice their presence. But still, I hope they catch the chicks before someone else tramples them.
Both men stand, and Beau hands Rose over to me.
“Lead the way, gentlemen …” Zeke rolls an arm out.
We watch as they start to walk away. “What is this, let’s take a stroll day?” Herbie barks. “Move it, men. Those chicks are depending on us to save their tiny souls!”
Millie and I fall into fits of laughter.
“Darling!” A hand lands on my back as Wilma arrives at our table with Ken looking bored behind her. I stop howling and wipe under my eyes, smiling at them.
They take a seat where Beau and Zeke were just sitting moments ago.
“Another emergency?” Ken raises a brow as he looks over toward the three men jogging away with Herbie stumbling behind them.
“Baby chickens fighting for their freedom,” Millie informs him. His brows rise as he nods then holds his arms out for Rose. I pass her over to him and watch as he smiles down at her, smoothing a hand over her tiny head. “Hey, precious girl.”
Wilma smiles at them before turning to me.
“How’s it been going with you know who being back?”
I fidget with my cup. “It’s actually going okay.” I shrug. “He’s great with her.”
She rakes that all-knowing gaze over my face. “And Sebastian … is he back yet?”
I shake my head in confusion. “Back from where? Do you know something?”
She glances at Millie. “Just that he left town.”
Oh. So everyone knows. Lovely.
Olive gets left behind again.
“He’s not back, no,” I admit.
“He’ll be getting a piece of my mind once he is, though. Don’t you worry,” Millie declares.
Ken snorts while Wilma looks concerned. “I can’t believe this has happened to you again. Why would he, of all people, just take off like this?”
I sigh. “A misunderstanding, an argument, trust issues, I guess …” I trail off. “He said it was over, and I haven’t seen him since.” I try to keep it simple even though it’s anything but simple. But I’m not about to drudge up all the upsetting details, especially right now.
We’re all silent for a beat until Wilma decides to change the subject. “Okay, well Ken the dummy messed up our software system, so we’ve had some setbacks with some cases at work.”
Ken glares at her. “I didn’t mess up anything, woman. The damn thing just broke.”
She raises a brow pointedly at him. “Really? It broke?”
He shrugs and looks down at Rose, who’s starting to look sleepy.
“Anyway, it’s up and running again. But we’ll need you soon if that’s still okay?”
I nod, eager for some distraction and income.
“Oh, thank God, I’ll call you later this coming week and get you started on some things.”
“What are you two doing here anyway?” Mil asks. “Didn’t think this was exactly your scene.”
Wilma laughs. “Oh, it’s absolutely not. But Ken has a fetish for those artery clogging things … what are they called again …?” She looks off into the distance as she ponders.
“Corn dogs,” Ken supplies resolutely.
“Yeah? They are pretty damn amazing.” Millie nods her head.
“Right?” Ken agrees before tilting his head around, clearly searching out the food cart.
Wilma rolls her eyes. “Honestly, you’re a walking heart attack waiting to happen if you keep up your ridiculous addiction to junk food.”
Ken scoffs. “What? Can’t a man indulge every once in a while? Get off my case, devil woman.”
“Every once in a while? Okay, so we won’t mention the bag of cheese puffs and the diet soda can you left out on the coffee table last night, will we then?” She gasps. “Oh, whoops. Guess I just did.”
Ken’s eyes widen. “I was wondering where those went this morning,” he mutters.
Wilma grins. “Your ability to fall asleep anywhere is uncanny. One of your rare talents.”
“Oh, put a moldy sock in it already, would you?” He shakes his head. “Oh, by the way, we actually bumped into Zeke the other day,” he whispers conspiratorially as his gaze lands on me.
Millie snickers. “How’d that go?”
Ken grins. “Well, let’s just say … I still have it.”
Wilma looks confused. “Have what, exactly?”
He shrugs. “You know, the stare down.”
Wilma legitimately cackles. “The only thing you’re capable of giving a good stare down to is a fly when it lands on your lunch.”
He scowls at her. “Not everyone is able to so easily wear evil in their eyes twenty-four seven like you.”
She cackles even harder at that, wiping tears from underneath her eyes. I smirk at Millie, who’s practically banging her head against the table as she giggles quietly. Rose starts crying at all the noise, so I get up and take her from Ken. She settles as I sit back down.
“Even your hyena laugh makes babies cry.” He shakes his head.
“Oh, stop!” Millie wheezes out. “Please, I need to pee now.”
Wilma and Ken both look mildly disgusted by the comment, which makes me laugh again. “Okay, so I’m assuming you saw Zeke and gave him the stink eye, yes?” I ask.
Ken seems to remember what we were talking about and grins. “Oh, yes, if that’s what you’re calling it these days. I swear I even saw him flinch.”
Wilma scoffs. “He was probably wondering if you were unwell or had something in your eye. You likely made him give us a wider berth due to him wondering if your weirdness was contagious.”
Ken looks positively affronted. “Really? You don’t think it worked any?” He looks down at the table wearing a baffled expression on his face.
Wilma pats his back. “There, there. My devil stare was probably more than satisfactory.”
He pipes up a bit at that.
Zeke jogs back over to the table. “Hey, sorry. I’m going to be a while because two chickens are still unaccounted for.” He looks over at Wilma and Ken, giving them a stiff, “Hello,” which isn’t returned, before turning back to me. “If you wanna go home, I’ll just catch up with you there later this afternoon.”
I nod. “Okay, that’s fine. I hope you find them.”
“Want some help?” Millie offers, and I nod in agreement.
“Nah, half the town is keeping a lookout. We’ll find the little escape artists.”
He gives Rose’s head a kiss then runs back off toward the petting zoo and disappears from sight.
“Is it just me, or is one young man getting a little too cozy in Sebastian’s absence?” Wilma murmurs.
Ken frowns. “I think you need to mind your business, wife.”
I scoff. “Come on. He’s behaving, yes, but he knows our days together are long gone.” I sigh, adjusting Rose on my lap. “He’d want to, after all that’s happened.”
Wilma and Millie exchange glances.
“What?” I snap
“Oh, nothing. But if you think Zeke is finished chasing your tail, you’re clearly more lost in this breakup with Seb than we thought,” Millie says.
I flinch at the word ‘breakup’ and glare at her.
Zeke knows. I’ve made it crystal fucking clear how I feel.
But a small part of me is now wondering if he really is being overly helpful, or if he’s just biding his time. Maybe it’s both.
Jesus, the more I think about it, the more I think I really have been locked inside my own depressing thoughts and feelings.