Kneeling on the cool green grass, I swat some grass clippings from the headstones in front of me while holding a fidgeting Rose in my lap.
“I miss you guys, so much.” I sigh and sit back down on my butt, letting Rose fuss with one of my hands.
“I can’t even begin to explain what’s happened. If you’re watching, I know you’re probably shaking your heads and laughing at what’s become of my life.”
I smile as the cool breeze stirs some brown tendrils from my face. Tucking some behind my ear, I close my eyes.
“You always told me that falling in love was easy. But that finding someone who lights up your soul is a whole other demon entirely.” At least, I think that’s what they said.
I huff and laugh quietly to myself. “Well, I’m really starting to see that now.” This kind of love burns you from the inside out. And it’s made so much worse by the fact that I can’t act on it when I’m still stuck in this tireless limbo of fear and longing. It felt wrong to walk away from Seb yesterday. It almost physically hurt to keep my feet moving in the opposite direction. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this. I don’t even want to keep doing this.
I hear sirens wail in the distance and look around at the leaves twirling through the stunning yet haunting beauty of the Riverside Cemetery. It straddles the border between our town and the next one over. I don’t come here very often. Another thing Gran always said was, “Love the living, don’t long for the dead.” But today, well, I can’t really explain it other than knowing I needed to come here. I thought that maybe it’d clear my head and help me to remember what’s important outside the fog I’ve been living in once again.
Other than an elderly couple far off by the trees, we’re the only ones here this afternoon. As we sit in the quiet for a little while longer, I start to feel a sense of long forgotten calm wash over me. Until Rose squirms, letting out a cry that seems to echo through the stillness of the headstones and beautifully manicured gardens. I shiver, thinking it’s probably time to go.
“I love you, Gran and Pa, forever.” I blow them each a kiss before standing and placing Rose on my hip; she quiets and looks around at the scenery. I’m almost back to the car when yet again, I hear more sirens wailing in the not too far distance. The noise makes me think of Seb, knowing he’s likely among the thick of it or on his way to whatever is going on. I hope whoever it is, is okay.
I place Rose in her car seat and make the short journey home. I’m just getting out of the car with Rose when I hear Mary hollering at me. Another day, another set of missing hearing aids. Sighing, I place Rose on my hip again and shut the car door.
“Hey, Mary,” I almost shout.
She cringes. “Oh, dear. Are your ears working okay? Lower your voice. Yeesh.” She bats her hand around and takes a small step backward.
What the hell? I honestly think I’m right in thinking she likes to mess with us. Or maybe it’s just me.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “How’re you doing? I saw Norman’s flier the other week in The Shed. That’s exciting, his own business.” I bite my tongue, trying not to laugh at the memory of Norman the third on the flier with his ancient lawn mower.
Mary cackles. “Oh! Yes, yes. Quite the idiot, isn’t he?” She shocks me. “I told him he looked ridiculous, and that I’d loan him the money for a new mower and fliers. But no, he’s a stubborn one. He says his buddy captured his good side. Do you believe that?” She places her hands on her hips and huffs in amusement. “As if the picture of him is more important than trying to actually get some poor schmuck to hire him.” She attempts to roll her eyes.
Oh, my God. I laugh, and she comes forward to take Rose from me.
“Hi, precious little thing.” She kisses her head. “Grandma Simmons has missed you.”
Lord, the poor girl is going to be so damn confused about the number of grandparents and fathers she has when she grows up. I mentally shrug; I know better than anyone that this is a case of the more, the merrier.
“Want to come in for a coffee?” I offer as I lock the car.
“Oh, no dear. I’m okay, thank you.”
She continues to babble nonsensically at Rose and ignore me. All righty then.
“Actually,” she pipes up. “That’s right; I came over to ask how your boyfriend situation is going.” Her keen eyes lit up with interest.
Oh, damn. “Um, what do you mean?” I lean back against my car.
She smirks. “Oh, pish posh! You know … Zeke, Seb … which one is it then?” She laughs lightly. “I’ve got my money on Seb. I’ve already told you not to take that nitwit back. Seb is a good egg. I know you’ll see reason and keep him.” She winks.
Another laugh bubbles up my throat and escapes. My God. The woman has no shame. If anything, she’s only getting worse with her nosiness as each year rolls by.
I clear my throat. “I hate to disappoint, but nothing has really changed in ah, that department.” I shrug as if to say “what can ya do?”
“Good to know, smart girl. It’s just that I saw Zeke coming around quite a bit, and well, I couldn’t help but wonder if your brain had run away from you.”
Of course, she did, probably with help from her binoculars.
I smirk. “No need to worry about that. Well, I’d better get inside. This one needs her afternoon nap.” I hold my hands out for Rose. She gives her exaggerated kisses on the forehead and hands her over.
“You’re a good mommy, Olive.”
I tuck Rose into my side as I shake my head and smile at her commonly used remark. I wonder if she really doubted me that much.
“Thanks, Mrs. Simmons.”
I watch her toddle off, her blue rinse perm bouncing to and fro as she hustles across the street in her two-inch heels.
I sigh. “Come on, little lady. Let’s get you fed.”
I’m just rising from the dining chair to put Rose, who’s now fed and half asleep, in her crib when I hear my phone buzzing on the counter. I snatch it up and place it between my ear and shoulder as I move down the hallway to Rose’s room.
“Hello?” I answer it without checking caller ID.
“Liv! Thank God,” Millie breathes. Something about her tone has my body stiffening and causing me to stop dead in my tracks. “It’s … Can you meet me at the hospital?” It sounds like she’s running and out of breath.
“Dude, are you okay? You’re kind of freaking me out.”
“I’m fine. Is Rose with you? Stupid question, doesn’t matter. Just get here as soon as you can.”
“Mil? Wait, what’s going on?” I ask, but all I get in response is three beeps, indicating she’s ended the call.
Shit.
Feeling confused and slightly terrified, I change course and head back down the hallway, snagging my bag and keys off the table and locking the door behind me.
I put Rose back in her car seat and climb in, taking a few deep breaths before I turn the ignition over. Millie sounded worried, so I need to stop dicking around. I put the car in reverse and get my ass moving.
I’m almost at the hospital when the memory of hearing all those sirens earlier invades my blurred, confused mind.
Seb?
Fuck.
No, no, no.
I pull over on the side of the road. My pulse pounding like a gong in my ears. It can’t be him.
Holy shit.
What if it’s him?
Or maybe even Zeke? Wilma or Ken? There aren’t many other people she’d sound that frantic over, really. It’d have to be someone who means a lot to me. Or maybe means a lot to her?
Jesus Christ. I’m getting nowhere fast. Literally. I blow out a breath and smooth my hair back behind my ears. I quickly check on Rose in the rearview mirror to find her sound asleep. After looking behind me and checking my mirrors, I turn back out onto the main road that leads to St. Margaret’s and try to block out the thousand questions and fears screaming to be heard.
I park like someone who should retake their driving test then unhook Rose’s car seat and haul ass to the sliding glass doors. Millie races up to me as soon as I’m approaching the triage desk, just as I was about to demand answers to something I have no idea about.
“Liv, here, let me take her.” She takes Rose’s car seat from me.
“Who is it? What’s going on?”
“It’s Seb.”
My heart plummets straight out of my chest to splatter on the bleach-streaked floor beneath us.
“No,” I whisper, feeling my knees quake as I start shaking my head.
“It’s okay, let me explain …” She takes my hand and leads me to a chair. “He was called out to a suspected heart attack patient on the outskirts of town. Turns out, that wasn’t the case at all. Some crazy woman shot her husband in a fit of rage and then lost her shit on the cops and paramedics who were at the scene to help.”
“Fucking hell,” I breathe. “So he’s okay?”
She nods, and my shoulders slump with so much relief my head tilts back toward the ceiling.
“A bullet grazed his thigh, and when he came in, it looked a lot worse than it was. I just didn’t know the details until after I called you. I’m sorry.” I look over at her as she winces. “I just knew you’d want to know asap, ya know?”
I nod and reach over to rub her arm. “When can I see him? Do you know?”
She hums and looks around. “He was in and out of consciousness when they brought him in due to some blood loss and heavy pain meds. But I should be able to get you in soon. We’ll just need to give the staff a little bit more time to get him fixed up.”
I nod, even though I’m gripping the plastic chair beneath my fingers like a vise, trying to keep myself seated and at least look more patient than I feel.
If something happened to him …
God. I’m an idiot—a straight-up, no doubts about it idiot.
What is wrong with me? I should’ve told him yesterday that I don’t want to live another second without him by my side, that he was right, that I know deep down he’d never betray my trust like that again. That I was just scared. I can’t believe I walked away, leaving a gigantic piece of my heart behind when I could’ve so very easily lost him.
Life is too short; I know that, damn it. And here I am, already having regrets. Regrets I shouldn’t have.
No more.
“Is everyone else okay?” I watch Millie. She’s looking down at Rose, who’s thankfully still sleeping.
She turns her gaze to me. “Only one other person was injured, and he’s in surgery already. A police officer, who was shot the stomach.” She shakes her head. “He’s in good hands, and they think he’ll pull through.”
“Did they get the woman?” I start to chew my nails as nerves take hold. I need to see him.
“Oh, yeah,” she says. “The crazy bitch is with Sheriff Stark as we speak. Apparently, even after being shot in the leg, she dropped the gun and took off running. Only to look over her shoulder at her pursuers and therefore didn’t see what she was about to run into. She got her face tangled up in an oversized pair of granny panties that were hanging on one of the neighbors’ clotheslines.” She snickers. “Dumbass.”
I shouldn’t, but I laugh anyway. “Jesus, that’s one for the history books.”
“Right?” She laughs. “Okay, hang tight. I’ll go see where they’re at with your guy.”
I thank her and watch as she disappears behind the doors that lead through to the ER.
Not even ten minutes later, Millie’s opening the doors and waving me in. I get up and almost forget poor Rose in my hurry to get through those barricades between Seb and me.
I follow her through the doors and down a brightly lit corridor. The sounds of machines, murmurs, and random shouting invade my ears along the way. I keep my eyes pinned forward; determination and this burning need to set my eyes on him, to see that he’s okay for myself, keeps me moving with purpose.
Millie glances back at me as we move through yet another set of double doors. “They’ve just moved him to the ward. He’s gonna be in overnight, at least.”
I nod. “Okay. How much farther?”
She laughs. “Just around here.”
We turn a corner after passing a nurse’s station, and she peeks into the small window on a door. “Okay, the coast is clear. He looks like he’s asleep, though. If anyone asks, you’re his fiancée, wife. Whatever.” She waves a hand. “I have my phone on me. Text me if you need anything. I gotta check on a few patients, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I loop my arm around her neck, squeezing her to me as I kiss the side of her head. “Thanks.”
“Don’t even mention it, mama.” I watch her walk off before turning back to the door. Now that I’m finally here, I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll find on the other side. But the desire to see him wins out over the fear and has me pushing the door open, softly closing it behind me before I take my first look at him.
As she said, he’s asleep, and looking a little pale, but otherwise, he’s the same Seb I know and love. I creep closer, placing Rose’s car seat down on the floor by the wall. I pick up a chair and quietly place it next to the bed. Sitting down, I watch his chest rise and fall evenly under the hospital gown. A white hospital sheet half covers his body. Feeling reassured, I gently stroke my finger over his large hand, wrapping mine around it to warm it when I feel how cool his skin is. He mumbles something, and my eyes flick to his face, thinking I’ve woken him up. But his stunning lashes stay resting upon the tops of his cheeks as he sleeps.
“You’re staring at my eyelashes again, aren’t you?” His raspy voice scares the crap out of me.
“Um, busted,” I croak.
He smirks, and his eyes flash open. He blinks at me a couple of times. “I must’ve legit died and gone to heaven.”
I choke on a laugh. “Oh, my God. No.” I put my finger to his lips. “Don’t get all cheeseball on me. You’re alive, and you’re going to be just fine. Thank God.” I smile as tears sting my eyes.
He kisses my finger, and I gently run it over his lips as we just stare at each other.
“I love the absolute shit out of you, Sebastian Mathews,” I whisper.
He grins then grabs my hand to tug me closer until I’m practically leaning over him. “I love the shit out of you way more, Olive Sawyer.”
I roll my eyes then beam down at him. He reaches up to tuck some hair behind my ear. “Does this mean …?” He frowns as he trails off.
I nod eagerly. “You didn’t need to scare twenty years off my life by almost dying though, you know. I was already on my way back to you. Just taking my own stubborn time, is all,” I joke, even as my breath hitches as I think again about what could have happened to him.
“I know,” he whispers against my lips as he pulls my chin down the meet his. I kiss him softly before tucking my head into his neck. Setting the fear and sorrow free, I start to cry.
“Hey.” His hand gently strokes the back of my head. “I’m okay. It’d take a lot more than a crazy lady wielding a gun she has no idea how to use to take me away from you.”
I laugh and sniff. Raising my head, I glare down at him.
“Don’t. You could’ve been seriously hurt. Show me your leg?” I climb off him.
“Liv, you can’t see anything anyway. It’s bandaged.”
“Does it hurt crazy bad?” I stare at his sheet covered legs.
“Nah, they’ve given me some good drugs. Ask me once they start to wear off, though.” He chuckles. “I just can’t believe I had to be carted off in my own damn ambulance. Christ, what are the odds?” He shakes his head.
I grab his hand and bring it to my lips. He watches as I kiss each of his fingers. “Well, I, for one, don’t give a damn about how you got here. Just that you did.”
He grins again, his eyes flashing as he spots Rose in the corner.
“Is she asleep?” he asks.
I nod. “You want her?”
He nods. “Let her sleep a bit longer. But I’m gonna need to hold her soon.”
It’s then I notice his black framed glasses sitting on the bedside table. I grab them and wipe them clean with the hem of my dress then inspect them and slide them onto his smiling face.
We’re interrupted by the door opening as a wide-eyed Millie comes in. “Y’all! Oh, my dear God, you’ll never believe who got brought into the ER. And don’t worry, they’re awake and look like they’ll pull through.”
I look at Seb, who shrugs, then turn back to Millie.
“Who?” We both ask.
“Mr. fucking Donaldson! It seems like the poor guy has had an actual heart attack.”
She shouldn’t be standing there looking like she’s about to keel over with laughter at any second, just like we shouldn’t be sitting here, trying our hardest not to do the same. But we can’t help it; it escapes anyway. It’s the icing on top of an already crazy day.