I take a seat at my usual booth in the back. It’s Saturday, and Zeke has Rose. I actually dropped her off at his place before coming to The Shed. He seems to be prepared and even has a crib, so I guess it’s time to take that trust a little bit further. Besides, I don’t think it’s ideal to have him over every weekend anyway. I meant what I said when I agreed to be friends. But given our history, I think it’s best not to get too close or make it too weird for either of us by having him hang out with us every weekend.
“Hey, Liv. Usual?” Maple snaps me out of my daze.
I nod and order for Wilma, too. She should be here any minute, hopefully. It’s not like her to be late even if it is the weekend.
“How’s that gorgeous hunk of man meat doing?” Maple pretends to fan herself with her notepad.
I laugh, assuming she’s talking about Seb before I remember that I wouldn’t actually know. It’s been a few days since he was over at my place.
I settle on shrugging. “Uh, yeah … Good.” I force a smile.
“You’re so fucking lucky, my God.” She tucks her notepad in her apron and turns on her heel. “If you ever get done with that, I also don’t give a damn about sloppy seconds. Just sayin’,” she hollers over her shoulder as she walks away.
I snicker and shake my head. Though I don’t think I’ll ever truly be done with him. He’s cemented himself as a permanent part of me, leaving me unable to eradicate him even if I wanted to. He made me love him. He made me fall harder than I ever thought I could. So hard that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back up again. I need him, but I just don’t know how to let go of this hurt.
“Oh, lovely. I’m sorry.” Wilma sits down across from me. “That Herbie Rutherford and his merry gang of idiots cut me off at the only stop sign in town. Spouting some crap about car pollution and yada, yada.” She puts her bag down and gently swipes some hair back off her face. Then she laughs. “They should already know I’m all too happy to argue their asses into a corner anywhere, anytime.”
I grin. “I can’t believe they’d even waste their time.”
She shrugs. “To be honest, I don’t think they thought it was me. My Lexus is at home. Ken parked me in, so I took his Range Rover. Serves him right.”
I gasp. “He’ll have a shit fit when he realizes.”
She grins wickedly. “Don’t I know it. Anyway, where’s this coffee?”
“Right here, ladies,” Maple says as she approaches and places our mugs down. We thank her and get busy prepping our drinks.
Wilma takes a sip. “Ah, perfection in a mug.”
I nod, taking a sip of my own. “Right?”
“Now, tell me everything.” She eyes me pointedly. Okay, so I’m guessing we aren’t going to be talking about work.
And I do. I tell her what’s happened since Seb came back to town and how confused I am.
“Darling …” She grabs my hand. “Can I be frank?”
I frown. “Since when do you ask first?”
She laughs, the sound causing the few onlookers milling about the cafe to glance over. “You’re so right. Anyway … how do I say it …”
She lets go of my hand and taps her chin for a second. “Get over it.”
I start choking on my last sip of coffee. Fuck, what a waste.
“Excuse me?” I croak and pat my chest.
She hands me a napkin to dab under my watery eyes.
“Build a bridge and climb the shit out of it. Make it your bitch, and simply get over it.”
Someone coughs from nearby. “Oh, mind your business, Paul.” She points at him. “Turn around and drink that ridiculous green sludge you call a hot beverage. Oh, and don’t think we’ve forgotten about the money you still owe on your account, either.” She turns back to me, shaking her head. “Waste of space, that one.” Paul looks startled then quickly averts his gaze back to his trademark herbal tea.
My eyes are still hanging wide open. I’m unsure whether to laugh or be angry.
“You think I should just forgive him? Just like that?” I whisper-hiss.
“Well, I wouldn’t say it was just like that.” She raises a brow at me. “It sounds like you’ve been giving him a little hell since he got home.” She shrugs. “He’s probably suffered enough.”
I don’t respond. I’m more than a little shocked because I thought for sure she’d take my side. Unreasonable is the last thing I thought I was being …
“Look.” She leans forward on her elbows. “I’m not saying you need to go chase him down and simply ignore what happened. But it’s complicated. He had a few reasons for doing what he did. And most importantly, he never planned on staying away.”
She’s got a point there, so why can’t I just let go of this feeling of betrayal?
“I don’t know, Wilma …” I sigh. “I can’t risk him doing something like that again. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
She just glares at me.
“What?” I ask
“Because one would assume you’re handling not being with him at all so spectacularly well.” She smirks.
It’s my turn to glare at her. She’s right, again, and damn it, I kind of hate it.
I huff. “Can we change the subject?”
She reluctantly humors me, and we discuss work and what they’ll need from me when I start working from home next week followed by Ken’s new obsession with NASA before saying our goodbyes and exiting into the late April sunshine.
I wave at Wilma as she climbs into Ken’s Range Rover and adjust my bag over my shoulder. I turn to start the walk back to Linda’s house only to smack right into a warm chest. Arms wrap around me to steady me on my feet.
“I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, man.” Seb’s deep baritone rumbles over my head. I look up into his eyes and gulp. Of course. Of course, I run right into him now. After Wilma’s words have left me in a state of confusion that has my resolve unraveling until it’s just a mere wisp of a thread. I feel it there, just waiting for me to let go, to let it snap and break loose so that I can take what I want, what my heart and soul keeping crying out for. Him.
“Seb …” I try to take a step back, but his arms only tighten.
“Don’t, just … come with me.” He grabs my hand and tugs me along until we’re entering the door outside Mariel’s bakery. I pause at the bottom of the stairs leading up to his apartment, hearing the door close behind me.
I tug my hand back when he turns around.
“What are we doing here? I have to go. I need to pick up Rose soon.”
He comes down the few steps he’d walked up until he’s standing right in front of me. He moves forward, crowding me until my back is against the wall at the bottom of the stairs.
“I don’t know. I just saw you there and knew I couldn’t walk away. I can’t walk away from you, from this any more than you can, Liv. Admit it.”
I start to tremble at the look in his brown eyes. Heat and yearning are reflected back at me. Caught up in feeling the heat emanating from his body, in everything he makes me feel, I grab his work shirt and yank him closer.
“I miss you,” I whisper.
That’s all he needs. His lips crash down on mine, and my bag slides down to the floor beneath us as I wrap my arms around him. I need him closer, all over me, inside me. I’m so utterly consumed by this need for him that heat gathers low in my stomach, and the ache between my thighs becomes painful.
I let out a moan as his tongue finds mine.
“I need you, please,” I rasp breathlessly against his lips.
He doesn’t hesitate. He lifts me and takes me upstairs. I wrap my legs around his waist and start unbuttoning his shirt as my lips stay fused to his. We stumble on the steps a few times before we make it to his bed. He lowers me to it as he strips out of his shirt and unzips his pants. Kicking his boots off, he watches as I yank my dress over my head and unclasp my bra.
His nostrils flare when I rise up to my knees to lower my panties slowly down my thighs. They’ve barely hit the bed beneath me when he abandons stripping and lunges for me, his lips going straight to mine as we stay on our knees in the center of his bed. I bite his lip and am rewarded with a curse as my nails run down the smooth ridges and indents of his chest and abs. I tuck my hand inside his boxers and wrap it around him, finding him hard as steel and heavy in my palm. I grip and squeeze gently, hearing his breath hitch in his throat as he ducks his head to my neck and palms my breasts. My head tilts back as he licks and sucks while his thumbs softly trace a path around the stiff peaks of my nipples until a hand leaves my breast to travel down my stomach, stopping between my legs. He raises his head to rest it against mine as he gently strokes a finger over my slit a few times. The air leaves my lungs as his eyes flare and his finger parts me, trailing up and down my wet flesh.
“Still mine,” he growls heatedly.
At a loss for words due to the gentle stroking of his finger, I just stare, utterly transfixed by sensation.
“Say it. Say you’re still mine.” He nudges his nose against mine.
I swallow, whispering the words that hold more truth than I’ve let myself believe. “Always … always yours.”
He groans again and takes my lips at the same time he inserts a finger. Sliding inside and torturing me slowly while his teeth sink into my bottom lip. I pant into his mouth. Needing more, needing everything I dared to think I could live without.
I feel myself creep closer to the edge with every thrust of his finger and gentle thumbing of my clit. I’m nearly there when he withdraws and lowers me to my back, causing me to whine and let go of the firm hold I had on his length.
He doesn’t bother removing his pants, just lowers his boxer briefs over his ass then drags my panties off and leaves them lying somewhere on the bed behind him.
He climbs on top of me. “Never again. I’ll never be so stupid again. I promise you.”
I don’t answer; I just grab his face to bring his mouth to mine. I stroke my tongue along his lips, drowning in the heady taste of him when I feel him aligned at my entrance, gently rocking forward. I suck in a breath and exhale shakily, wrapping my legs around him as he sinks deeper.
He tucks his head into my neck.
“Fucking hell.” He groans once he’s all the way in.
I try to lower my heart rate as I adjust to him stretching me so completely, the burn igniting to boiling point the longer we lie here. His arms are wrapped underneath my shoulders, his fingers tangled in my hair. My hands run up and down the smooth expanse of his broad back, feeling the muscles bunch under my touch. His breathing evens out, and he starts kissing my neck, murmuring, “I love you. I love you so fucking much that it physically hurts to be away from you.”
Tears sting my eyes. I can’t do this right now … I just need to feel him. “Fuck me, please.”
His head rears back, his arms flexing as he rises, and I watch his brows furrow as he gazes down at me. I avert my eyes to his bedside table, finding a picture of Rose and me sitting there against his lamp. I choke on a sob. Not able to comprehend how we could mean so much to this man, yet he still left us. I forgive him—I do. I just don’t know how to forget. This nagging pain in my chest and fear just won’t let me.
He turns my chin his way. “Liv, I’m sorry. So god damn sorry. But how long are you going to keep punishing me? Punishing yourself?”
I shake my head. “I know you are. But I just … I don’t know.”
He stares at me a beat then blows out a breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t …”
I let out a watery laugh. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? Besides”—I meet his gaze—“I want this. I need it, and I know you do, too.”
He continues to stare down at me before relenting and lowering himself to his forearms, his face hovering just above mine. “I’ll make you believe one more time, beautiful. One more time is all you’re gonna need.”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, just takes my lips in a kiss that sends my heart pumping in an almost bruising rhythm. I whimper when he finally starts to slowly rock in and out of me.
I open my eyes, finding his on mine. “I love you. I love the shit out of you, Olive Sawyer.”
He kisses a tear that escapes as I answer him. “I love you, too.”
He buries himself to the hilt and starts grinding in a way that has me seeing stars. My eyes close again as I start to breathe heavily. “Seb …”
He chuckles against my lips. “Feel good?”
I nod. Oh, my fucking God, does it feel good. His pelvic bone is rubbing against my clit with just the right amount of friction.
He drags his cock out then slams back in to grind and rock against me again then repeats the process over and over. Driving me fucking crazy with pleasure.
“Seb, I need to come,” I pant. He gets me so insanely close only to withdraw and start the process all over again.
“You will.” He kisses my chin. “Fuck, I’ve missed your tight pussy.”
“Seb!” I yell loudly as he thrusts speed up.
I’m getting delirious, dizzy, and drunk on this deliciously slow, repetitive build toward the edge of climax.
“Wanna come, beautiful?” He nips my earlobe before meeting my gaze.
“Yes,” I rasp. “Please.”
He grins, his chest heaving up and down, then groans as I score my nails down his back.
“Keep your eyes on me. I want to watch you fall apart on my cock,” he demands then speeds his pace up. Withdrawing slowly and slamming back into me until he loses himself and starts pounding fast and hard. I come with him sucking my tongue and lips while his hooded eyes watch me. I almost scream from the force of it, feeling my legs spasm violently around his waist before his thrusts start to slow. I watch as his dark eyes flare wide; he releases my mouth and then groans long and deep in his throat as he empties himself inside me.
Catching our breath, we simply just stare at each other for a while. This feels so right, so perfect. But I still don’t know whether I should trust this feeling or if I really am just overthinking it. So when he gets up and goes to the bathroom, I’m already dressed and waiting nervously for him when he comes back into the room.
The smile falls off his face when he sees me standing by his bedroom door.
“I really do need to get to Rose,” I say quietly, looking at his bare chest instead of his face.
He walks over to me and wraps me up in his arms. I can’t help it; I let myself sink into the embrace, needing another fix. I hate this. I just want to stay or take him with me wherever I go. I want him with me. Always. I just can’t quite get this fear to quiet enough to let the words out.
He kisses my hair. “Don’t run away from us. You’re wasting your time. I’ll only follow you … to the ends of the earth if I have to.”
He releases me, and I give him a weak smile before turning to the door. I’m almost there when he grabs my arm and spins me around, backing me up against the wall as his lips crash down on mine one more time. I willingly submit and take what I need, knowing it’ll never be enough. He releases them, and I open my eyes to see his close as he swallows.
“When will I see you again?” I hear his own fear, the uncertainty as he braces himself for my answer.
I honestly don’t know what to tell him. Do I tell him that he can see me whenever he wants? For the rest of our lives like I truly want to? Or do I admit to feeling unsure and scared out of my brain that he’ll hurt me once again?
But isn’t it already hurting enough?
I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to shut off my thoughts in order to escape his apartment with some ration of sanity.
I open them and say the only thing I can think of. “I don’t know. I’ll call you?”
He opens his eyes, and I’m mesmerized by the movement of his lashes as he stares down at me. I know it’s not what he wanted to hear, but it’s the best I can do right now.
He sighs then nods and steps back. I let my eyes rake over his half-naked form before ducking my head and walking out the door. I fix my hair as I walk down the stairs, grab my handbag from the bottom, and step out onto the street. Feeling like a thousand stares are piercing my vulnerable skin the whole way to Linda’s house.