“Yes, he’s been great, actually,” I tell Linda.
“Good, you let me know if I need to give him a good tongue lashing,” she quips.
I laugh. “It’s okay. I’ll let you know, though.”
I reach down and pass Rose her rattle, watching as she shoves it straight into her mouth.
“So how are things going with Seb now that Zeke’s back?” Her tone is curious, which is fair enough. But I really don’t want to get into it all on the phone with her. As lovely as she is, I think it’d be a little weird to talk to her about what’s happened with Seb—being that she’s Zeke’s mother and all.
“Um, yeah. It’s fine,” I lie.
My phone beeps, and I pull it away from my ear to see who it is. It would seem I’m saved by an incoming call from Millie.
“Hey, Linda, I’ll have to catch up with you later. Got a call coming through. I’ll send some recent photos soon, though.”
I hear her shuffling things around on her end of the line. “Okay, that would be wonderful. I’m planning on coming home for a week soon. As soon as this account is settled here sometime next month. I’ll let you know anyway.”
“Okay, sounds great.”
We hang up, and I call Millie back.
“Holy hell, Liv. I honestly think your life is nearing dangerous soap opera territory.”
I fight the temptation to roll my eyes, knowing she’s got a point.
“I know. Thanks for calling me back, by the way … a whole freaking day later,” I mutter sarcastically.
She guffaws. “Girl, I had the hangover from hell yesterday. I knew those shots were a bad idea, but nooo, you wouldn’t listen, would you? I felt like roadkill that wasn’t actually dead before it got hit by the mother of all trucks and then still wasn’t quite dead.”
I burst out laughing. “Shut up! They were your idea.”
I lean forward to gently roll Rose onto her tummy and watch as she lifts her head to give me a gummy smile.
“Whatever. Anyway, I got your message. I actually bumped into Seb not long ago at work.”
My heart kickstarts and gathers speed at just the sound of his name. I still can’t believe he’s back. But I also still can’t believe he actually left. Taking off the way he did not only killed me, but it was also so unlike anything I ever thought he’d do.
“Yeah?” I ask blandly. As if I don’t care. As if the mere mention of his name doesn’t send my emotions into utter turmoil.
She scoffs. “Don’t ‘yeah’ me. You might be able to fool yourself, but you can’t fool me, chickadee.” Her voice turns softer. “What are you doing? I thought this was what you wanted … For him to come home?”
“It was, is … Ugh, it’s complicated, okay?” I sigh.
“So un-complicate it. I don’t know what all happened on account of being eighty-nine thousand shades of fucked up yesterday. But lemme just say that the man I saw today looked like someone not only pissed in his Cheerios but was slowly digging a knife into that sexy ass chest of his at the same time.”
My eyes well up with tears. Not knowing what to say, I don’t bother saying anything.
“Liv,” she continues softly, “I know. I get it, okay? Taking off the way he did has probably fucked with your head. But you don’t wanna throw away what you guys have because of it. That’s dumb, and something you might always regret.”
I take a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can trust him, Mil,” I whisper then lean forward again to gather Rose in my arms, placing her in my lap.
Millie’s quiet for a beat until I hear her sigh. “I don’t think he’d do something like this again, Liv. I really don’t. It’s different; what he did was so different than what Zeke did to you. I don’t think you should even compare the two.”
Anger bubbles to a steady simmer in my gut. I’m about to answer her when my phone beeps once again.
“Christ, what is this shit?” I mutter as I pull my phone away from my ear to see who it is. My eyes widen a fraction when I see Seb’s name flashing back at me.
“Liv?” I hear Millie call.
I put the phone back to my ear. “Sorry, Seb’s trying to call.”
She hums. “Then you should answer it. I gotta go anyway, being that I’m technically on a bathroom break. Call ya later, mama.”
“Bye.” I put the phone down on the coffee table and look at the missed call notification for God knows how long. I can’t bring myself to call him back, and I can’t tear my eyes away from it either. I don’t even know what I’d say to him. I think, even in my awful state yesterday morning, I pretty much said all I could right now.
I turn Rose around and lift her to my hip as I stand. Walking to the nursery, I change her and kiss her tiny head as I put her in the crib while I go prepare her bottle.
Walking back into her room, I pick her up and go sit in the living room. I’m staring vacantly at the blank TV screen while Rose guzzles her milk when a knock sounds on the door. Putting the bottle down, I lift her to my shoulder and stand, patting her back gently on the way to the door.
I open it just after she lets out a burp to find Seb on the other side. His jaw set yet his eyes soft as they land on me and then Rose. His tense stance seems to deflate as his eyes remain on her, and I can’t help but sympathize with that look of longing on his face. It was his choice to leave town, but even if it was only for a couple weeks, he’s bound to have missed her.
He clears his throat. “Hey, uh, you didn’t answer my call.”
I avert my gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I was on the phone with Millie.” I kind of lie. I was, but I could’ve called him back. And he knows it, too.
He nods as I meet his eyes, his dark eyes surrounded by those long lashes I’m obsessed with. The urge to keep staring at them is almost overwhelming, but I adjust Rose in my arm and look at his red t-shirt covered chest instead.
“Gonna let me in?” he asks.
“Um, yeah. Come in,” I mumble. Not sure why I’m letting him in at the same time I’m wondering why I wouldn’t. I’m so fucking confused.
He shuts the door behind him, and after standing there awkwardly for a moment, I start moving back toward the living room.
He follows, and Rose starts fussing as I take a seat again.
“Can I?” He stands in front of me and gestures to her. I hate that he feels like he has to ask, but after how we left things, I’m not really sure what to say or how to act. I guess he feels the same.
I hand her over, and he instantly cradles her to his chest and kisses her head. Her fussing stops as she rests her head on him and sucks on her little hand, her eyes slowly fluttering closed.
I hear him murmur what sounds like, “Missed you, my sweet girl,” against her head as he wanders around the living room and rubs her back. I remain sitting here, not knowing what to do with myself, and stare blankly at the coffee table. A whole rainbow of emotions takes hold as I watch them leave the room out of my peripheral vision.
He returns a few minutes later and places the baby monitor on the coffee table. Then to my heart’s horror, he sits down beside me.
“She’s out,” he mutters.
I clear my throat. “What are you doing here, Seb?”
He ignores my question. “What was this doing on the bathroom floor?” He holds up the charm bracelet I tossed at the wall after I’d found out he’d left. I don’t answer him. He can figure that out on his own.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
“Honestly?” He shakes his head. “I’m here because it’s the only thing that feels right; the only thing I can do. You can’t ignore me, Liv.”
I frown, knowing all too well I can’t ignore him. He’s embedded deep.
He continues, “I can’t let you give up on us, not when you’ve become the very air I breathe.” He leans closer. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. I know I fucked up, but I’m not going anywhere again.” His resoluteness is both annoying and insanely sexy. It doesn’t erase what happened or how I feel, though.
“I told you I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” I whisper and avert my gaze to the couch cushion between us. He moves until there’s no space left between our legs, his hand gently finding its way to the side of my face as his fingers delve into my hair. I raise my gaze to his, my heart tripping over every beat as I get lost in the brown sea of remorse and determination in his eyes.
“You can,” he breathes “I just needed time. I can honestly tell you right now that I’d never do something so stupid ever again.”
I laugh darkly at that, sniffing as traitorous tears run down my cheeks. He swipes at some with his thumbs.
“I promise you. You know Zeke showing up threw me, but him trying to take something that’s become the reason my heart fucking beats? That messed with me so much that I could barely keep my shit together, Liv.” He exhales heavily. “I know he has no plans on leaving. That he’ll be a part of our lives whether I like it or not. I didn’t know how to handle that before, but please believe me now, when I say that I’ve made peace with it, as best I can anyway. I’ve had to, in order to keep you two girls in my life.”
“Oh, you’ve made peace with it?” I ask sarcastically.
He frowns. “Yeah, I know it’s not going to be easy going forward. But I’m committed to this, to us. Nothing he tries to do from here on out will make me doubt us again.”
I pull back, causing his hands fall from my face. I stand and start pacing my living room floor, unable to believe the words coming from his mouth. Not after his actions tore my heart in two so easily.
He rises and comes toward me. “No!” I step back and fling my hands up. “Don’t.” My voice hitches.
He ignores me and gathers me in his arms as I halfheartedly push and slap at him. I need distance, but I also know that I need him more than anything.
“Why? How could you believe I’d do that to us?” I croak as the tears run freely. “I was just stunned. I wouldn’t have … what you saw—”
“Shhhh, I know.” He cuts me off. “I know that now. It was just the final nail, so to speak.” He holds my head to his chest, and I feel his lips at the top of my head. “I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.”
I shove him away and turn to run my shaky hands through my hair.
“Liv,” he pleads from behind me.
I look back at him. “No, okay? Just … no.” My voice is harsh and full of all the hurt he’s caused. “You’ve promised already. You fucking made me believe again.”
His face visibly pales as he stares at me, at a loss for words.
I laugh. “That’s right. You said you’d make me believe again.” I throw a hand out. “Well, well done, Sebastian. Mission accomplished. But please, tell me, was it part of your plan to crush me all over again? Even worse than the first time?”
“Liv,” he rasps angrily. “No.” He shakes his head and comes to me once more.
I stop him with a raise of my hand. “Don’t. Just leave, please Seb. Go already.” I draw in a much-needed breath.
“I’ll give you time.” He ignores my outstretched hand, grabbing both sides of my face as he lowers his head to mine. “But like I told you already. This isn’t fucking over. You trust me; you know you do.” His lips touch mine, and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I had more strength to resist a connection of this magnitude.
“You just need to dig deep and find it again. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be right here, waiting. I’m so far in love with you that I really have no other choice. Look at me,” he says firmly. My eyes open involuntarily. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t still love me, too.”
I try to blink the tears away. “Love isn’t the problem, Seb,” I whisper.
His shoulders drop, and he stares into my eyes for a minute then kisses my forehead before striding out of the room. My sobs overtake me, and I collapse on the floor as the front door closes behind him.
Leaving me with his words echoing in my ears and causing my thoughts to tumble over themselves so fast I can hardly breathe.