“Oooh, you should totally try on this blue one,” Millie says as she flips through the sale items outside one of our favorite clothing boutiques.
I glance down at the four bags already stuffed in the basket of Rose’s stroller. “Tempting, but I think I’ve got enough.” I cringe just thinking about looking at my next bank statement. I’m not one to be so overindulgent with spending, but life has thrown me some seriously rotten lemons, and when you can’t make any damn lemonade, the only thing left to do is shop. The reminder of money has me mentally making a note to contact Wilma after I saw the three missed calls from her when I woke up this morning. I’m sure she’s heard the news by now and is about to have a conniption if I don’t get in touch with her soon.
Millie oohs and ahhs before she finally tears herself away from the rack. She glances back at it a few times, so I start moving along in hopes that it will get her moving, too.
“Let’s roll; I need coffee, stat.” I march forward because I’m a woman on a mission. She catches up and links her arm through mine as we move through the automatic doors of the mall out into the muggy spring air; the sky is overcast, but I can’t find it in me to feel too annoyed about it. It rather fits my mood. That would be tired, confused, and anxious as all hell.
“You got that right. I need it after all that damn exercise.”
I laugh. “Agreed.”
We continue out to the sidewalk and down the street to The Shed. Millie grabs the door for me as I maneuver Rose inside to our booth in the back, feeling relieved when I see it’s not taken. I hit the brake on the stroller and glance at a now thankfully sleeping Rose before sitting down with a dramatic sigh.
Millie climbs in on the other side. “I need carbs, dude. Wanna grab a double chocolate muffin or three?” She eyes the menu.
“Sounds good.” I pull my phone out, hoping to find a text from Seb. We’ve barely talked since Zeke left my place yesterday. He needed to sleep before his shift, but at least he did so at my place.
Maple sidles up to our booth and smiles at Rose. “Hey, chickadees! The usual?” We both return the greeting and nod in agreement
“So—” Maple starts.
“Yeah, yeah, Zeke’s back, and no, I still haven’t had a chance to tear him a new nostril,” Millie cuts her off.
Maple laughs, assuming she’s joking. She’s not, so I’m kind of glad she hasn’t seen him. Hopefully, that anger will ebb some by the time she does.
“Give him a nut punch from me while you’re at it,” Maple adds. Jesus Christ, my eyes widen at both girls, who completely ignore me. Even though I’m the one who should probably want to do the most damage of all.
“Gladly,” Mil high fives her in solidarity
“How’s that going, Liv?” Maples tone turns softer.
I shrug, not knowing how to answer. “It’s going,” I settle on saying.
“You’ve got tall, dark, and delicious now. There’s no way in hell I’d be giving up all that for that scumbag.”
I quirk a brow at her. “I wasn’t planning on it. Don’t worry.”
She eyes me for a minute, hopefully seeing the seriousness on my face and that I won’t be getting generous with any other juicy details right now. “All righty, back in a few.”
“Oh, and two double choc muffins!” Mil hollers at Maple who flicks her hand up in response.
I slump down onto my forearms, groaning. “Let’s stay in a small town, I said; it’ll always be fun and cozy, I said.”
Millie laughs, bopping me on the head with a pamphlet.
“Here, on the bright side, you can get your yard trimmed by Norman Junior himself.”
I sit up. “No stinkin’ way.” I laugh as I see a picture of Norman Simmons, guns out, posing behind his ancient lawn mower on the pamphlet in front of me.
Mil snatches it back. “That’s one for the Ivy Falls scrapbook.”
“Oh, hey ladies.”
Ugh, come on. Now?
I look over at Keira, who is on her own, for once.
“What’s up, tits for days?” Mil drawls, eyeing Keira’s very exposed chest in a low-cut hot pink tank.
Keira does the same for a second before shrugging. As if she doesn’t see a problem with her nipples almost hanging out for the whole town to see. Maybe she really doesn’t. Whatever floats her skanky boat.
“Oh, nothing much. Just thought I’d check in, you know, in light of recent events and all that.” She waves a manicured hand around.
“Hmm, such as what?” I ask
She rolls her eyes before letting them land on me. “Zeke, duh. I heard he’s back.”
“You and the rest of the world,” I mutter. “What of it?”
She looks stunned for a beat but quickly tries to gather herself.
“How’s that working out for you and that hottie EMT?” She smirks.
I don’t bother answering and watch as Maple approaches with our drinks and muffins instead.
“Beat it, Keira,” Maple quips as she places our drinks down.
“Is that any way to talk to a paying customer?” Keira retorts.
Maple shrugs. “I ain’t seen any dollar bills or an order come my way. So either get a coffee and some carbs for that underfed body or scamper off, ‘kay?” She places a hand on her aproned hip, waiting.
Kiera flicks her hair over her shoulder. “Whatever. If you’re finally done with Zeke, tell him he knows where to find me. Or the new guy. I’m not picky.” She winks and turns to stalk off.
“I didn’t think sloppy seconds was exactly your style,” I say to her retreating back.
She turns and shrugs her bony shoulders. “Oh, honey,” she says as if I lack brain cells, “with men who look like that? I’d take sloppy thirds and fourths.” I blink about twenty times as she exits the cafe.
“Holy guacamole, the girl needs to know when to give it up already. Sheesh.” Millie rolls her eyes before bringing her coffee to her mouth and taking a hearty sip. I do the same, savoring the taste before swallowing.
“Speaking of … When do you have to see dick for brains again?” She cuts her muffin in half before bringing one half to her mouth for a bite.
“He sent me a text last night, asking to let him know when he could see Rose again.” I pick at my own muffin, suddenly not very hungry.
She hums. “Okay, so it’s going to be a regular thing?”
I sit back against my seat, wrapping my hands around my mug.
“Well, yeah. He’s her dad. If he’s serious about staying, it’s probably best we work something out.” I take a sip of my coffee. “I don’t know. It’s something we’ll have to discuss, I guess.”
She rolls her eyes. “The last thing you need is to spend any more time with that asshole than necessary.”
I glare at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She raises both her brows at me. When I remain clueless, she elaborates. “It means that man is bad for your health, your heart, and your relationship with Seb.”
I scoff. “I know what I want, Mil. You know that already, too, and it’s not him. Not anymore.” My shoulders slump with my sigh. “Even if I didn’t feel the way I do about Seb, I couldn’t take him back. Not after what he’s done.”
Her blue eyes narrow as if she’s assessing the validity of my words.
“Okay.” She takes another sip from her coffee. “Just making sure.”
“Besides, Zeke knows where I stand and how I feel. I’ve made it clear that there’s no chance.”
“You sure about that?” She goes back to eating her muffin.
I don’t answer, mainly because even though I should be sure he knows—I mean I’ve told him and he’s seen it for himself—I know Zeke Walters.
Feeling like my brain is going to explode, I return to picking at my muffin as we drink our coffee in silence for a little while.
“What do I do, though? I mean really? Should we sit down and discuss visitation or something? Or do I just see how things go for a little while?”
Again, I need to get my research on. I’m completely baffled by this whole sharing thing. A part of me just wants to keep my baby girl for myself, but I know that’s not fair to her.
Millie shrugs. “Hell if I know. If I were him, I’d be grateful for any crumbs you leave out for his dumb ass.”
“Not helping,” I grumble
She sighs. “Look, even though I hate his stupid, cowardly guts, I think just do whatever you can handle for right now. Yes, he hasn’t had much of a chance to get to know his daughter, but no, that’s not your problem to fix right away for him.” She looks over at the stroller. “Just … talk to Seb and make sure he’s on board with whatever you decide. As much as he’s not her biological dad, he’s been the only one she’s had and deserves to be treated like his opinions matter.”
Well, shit, I thought I’d been doing that already. Seb knows practically everything that’s been going on. But have I been including him or just running my thoughts by him? I don’t know, and I suddenly start to feel sick to my stomach about it.
“Liv.” Mil tries to get my attention, so I meet her eyes again. “Don’t overthink it, okay? He may already know how you feel about him. I’m just saying to tread carefully. Make sure he knows that whatever decision you make, you’ve factored him into it, too, ya know?”
I nod, looking over at Rose. She’s starting to wake up, judging by the stretching of her tiny little limbs.
I tuck my hair behind my ears. “Let’s skedaddle before little miss diva enters a stage-four feed me meltdown,” I mutter as I quickly polish off my coffee and climb out of the booth.
“I’ll walk you home, but I’ve gotta jet once we get there.”
I nod, kicking up the brake on the stroller and waving goodbye to Maple who’s behind the ginormous, old coffee machine. Millie grabs the door for me, glancing at her phone once we’re back out on the street. “Shit, let’s move it. I need to be at work at three.”
We spend the short walk back to my place in relative silence.
I can’t help but wonder if even though I feel like I’m already being torn in half, trying to cater to everyone’s needs, I’m still doing it all wrong.