“Would you quit tugging at it? You look fine,” Millie hisses from beside me. I ignore her and continue tugging my off-the-shoulder, skintight gray dress down a bit further over my ass. I’ve lost almost all my baby weight, but I think these hips and thighs are here to stay, which is fine. I actually kind of like having the extra curves on my athletic build. But Christ, I’m going to have to remember next time Millie plans an impromptu night out that some of my clothes won’t fit as they used to pre-Rose.
And heels? God, I’m an idiot to think I’d be able to walk in these after months without wearing them. I honestly think I’ll burn them when I get home. I glance down at my black satin peep toe pumps. Okay. I kid, I kid; they’re too pretty.
We walk into Dusty’s, and the sound of tonight’s game and stale beer smacks into my senses.
After ordering two cosmopolitans, we look for somewhere to sit.
“Did you see the way Zeke-the-butt-cheek was checking you out before we left?” She shakes her head, slipping into a booth over on the side of the bar. I slide in beside her.
“Didn’t realize, don’t care.” I pick up the drink menu, though I don’t know why. I always stick to the same kind of drinks.
I glance up to find her disbelieving eyes pinned on me.
“What?”
“After six years together, a child, and all the firsts he took from you, you don’t care?”
Sighing, I place the menu down.
“I honestly didn’t realize, and okay, yeah, maybe if it weren’t for Seb”—I shrug—“I’d still care.”
“So you’re not soaking up the fact that the tables have turned on his stupid ass?” She smirks.
I smirk back at her. “At times, but mostly I’m just …” I trail off.
She waves her hand around. “Yeah, yeah. Seb’s sudden disappearing act has got you in too much of a funk.” She laughs. “Sucks to be Zeke, though.”
I laugh. “He’ll be fine. Maybe he’ll move on soon; he hasn’t tried to put any more moves on me, so hopefully.”
“And you’d seriously be okay with that?”
The waitress comes by with our drinks. I wait until she’s out of earshot before I respond.
“I don’t know. I think so. I guess I won’t know for sure until it happens. But I’ll have to be. Besides, he’s admitted to being with other people while he was gone. That hurt … pretty damn bad, actually.” I trail my finger through the condensation on my glass. “But it doesn’t compare to what I’m feeling right now.”
“So …” She takes a few gulps of her drink while I do the same. “You’d be more upset if it were Seb who moved on?” she says ever so casually. “What if he’s meeting some girl right this second?”
The thought has bile rising up my throat, and I instantly start choking on my drink. “What the fuck, Mil?” I croak.
My heart rate needs a minute to calm its shit down because just the thought of him touching another woman has me seeing every shade of red.
She snickers, wearing a huge shit-eating grin on her face. “Just testing the waters a bit.” She takes another sip. “You know, the difference in your reactions says it all. You’ve got it so bad, girl.”
I scowl at her, downing half my drink in an effort not to reach over and slap her for being so cruel. “Like you didn’t already know that.”
“Yeah, but with Seb gone and Zeke always making himself so readily available to you …” She shrugs. “Y’all have some serious history. He was your forever guy at one point. So I thought I’d see where your head was at.” She tips her drink back, swallowing it all before slamming the glass down. “Now, let’s get some more of this amazingness sent our way.”
We order more drinks then get dragged into an impromptu dance session with a couple of old folks when they take us hostage on the way back to our table from the bathroom. After our third round is delivered, we’re finally sitting back down, and I’m starting to feel warm all over.
“Mil, where the fuck is he?” I whine and throw my head into my hand. “I can’t keep feeling like this; it’s worse than the first time. If I could just explain to him, tell him what exactly happened …” I trail off
She leans forward on her elbows. “You’ll do nothing. Did he have a reason to be mad? Ah, that would be a definite yes. But you didn’t exactly do anything wrong. Aside from standing there like a shocked goober.”
“But I need to tell him that nothing would’ve happened. I would never. Even if I still felt that way for Zeke, I’d break it off with Seb before ever doing that shit.”
She gulps down some more of her drink. “Oh, I know. But still, dude’s got a reason to be mad. Just wait it out because he’s batshit crazy about you. He’ll be back; I know it.” She winks and polishes off the rest of her drink.
I do the same, hoping like hell she’s right. I can’t keep doing this, can’t shake this heartache by myself. No, he needs to help me again.
But fuck, what the hell was he thinking, running off like that?
“He said we were over then skipped town. So do you think I had a right to know he was leaving?” I feel the effects of the drink start to take hold and start to feel kind of angry. Yeah, I might’ve deserved him being hurt and upset from what he saw, but what the hell? He just took off without even hearing me out.
“If he supposedly”—I use air quotation marks like an idiot—“cared for me soo much, then why the hell wouldn’t he try to work it out? Or at least, at least, send me a text?”
She waves down the waitress, ordering a round of shots.
Oh, shit.
She turns back to me, nodding eagerly. “Right? Heck, he could even go all high school on your ass. Get someone else to tell you he’ll be out of town for a certain amount of time.”
“Yes!” I pause. “Hmmm, but what if he’s actually just done? Kaput, finite, finished, all over red rover?” I thank the waitress as she sets our lemon drops down in front of us.
“I mean … makes sense not to tell me shit then, doesn’t it?”
Millie grabs a shot. “Nuh-uh. No way. He’s so not done. As your best friend, it is my duty to be honest with you about this stuff. Zeke? Yes. That shit seemed final. Seb? He loves you in a way Zeke’s not even capable of.” Her eyes widen. “So no. He’ll be back. And when he does, what will you do then? ‘Cause he’s gonna have some serious groveling to do. Now, stop this mopey shit. Chin up, drink up.” She gestures to the shots.
I pick one up without answering her. I’ve been so lost in what has happened, in how I’m feeling, that I haven’t exactly taken the time to think about what I might do if he does come home. I honestly have no idea. If he does come back and still wants me, can I trust him not to do the same thing again?
I shrug off the suddenly terrifying thought and tip my shot back, wincing at the salty, sweet taste as it slides down my throat.
“Good God,” I mutter. “Okay, time to fess up about Beau already …”
She must be well on the way to drunk-ville. Her eyes light up in a way I don’t think she even realizes.
“Uh, let’s go dance again instead. Come on.” She moves to get up.
“Nope, sit your ass down.” I glance pointedly at the four shots still sitting in front of us. “We’ve got these little gems to finish anyway. So spill, please. Stop being so damn secretive about it.”
She slumps back in her seat. “I’m gonna need more alcohol for this.” We each take another shot, and I wait for her to finally tell me what the hell is going on.
“Okay, so … you know how we saw him last Halloween? At the festival?”
My eyes grow huge. “What? All this time?”
She quickly shakes her head. “No, no. But he started texting me and being more annoying in general after that.”
She scrubs her palms over her cheeks. “Oh, Lord. I’m in way over my head with this stupid man.”
I smile sympathetically. “Come on; it’s obvious to everyone that he’s more than into you.”
“That’s just it. He may be into me for now, but you know—hell, probably everyone knows—that I’ve loved him for years. It’s embarrassing and absolutely horrifying.” She looks down at the table. “Knowing that one day, he’ll probably get over me and drop me like a hot tamale, just like all his other floozies.”
I reach over and pat her hand. “Mil, you know better than anyone that Beau’s never chased anyone and has never gone on any dates. Hell, he probably bailed every time he even slept with a girl. He’s never been this determined, not about anything.”
She sighs. “But what if that’s it? What if once I admit defeat and stop all my bullshit, he doesn’t want me?”
I laugh. “You? Stop your bullshit? Please, that’ll never happen.”
That gets a smile out of her. “You’re probably right about that.”
“So when did you start sleeping with him?”
She glances around after shushing me. “Is it that freaking obvious?”
I grin and nod.
“Okay, um, I think it was not long after you had Rose. I ran into him at the store, and the next thing I know, he’s got me in the back seat of his truck after making out with me in the alleyway.”
I laugh. “You dirty, dirty girl,” I tease. “So is it everything you dreamed it’d be?” I waggle my brows at her.
She leans in. “Oh, my God, so much better. The man is a fucking machine.”
We laugh, finish our shots, and then order more cosmopolitans.
“Ugh, this table is all up in my chair.”
“Whad’ya mean?” I slur.
“It won’t lemme tuck the table under the chair.” Millie tilts … or maybe that’s me. I honestly don’t know at this point. “Duuuuuh,” she drawls and spins around then promptly sits her ass on the floor.
“Geddup,” I hiss. “Fuck knows what kind of stains you’re sitting on down there.”
She groans. “Ewwww, you’re right. Here.” She slaps at my legs with her hand. “Help me up, why don’tcha?”
I grab her hand and pull. I lose my balance when she tugs back and end up on the floor beside her. We take one look at each other and then lose our shit with laughter.
“Ladies, everything all right down there?”
We look up at Dusty himself and start howling all over again.
“Everything is just fucking lovely down here, Dust,” Mill informs him. “The carpet is about a century old but no biggie. A bit of steam cleaning would work wonders.”
Beau appears behind Dusty and slaps a hand on his shoulder. “I got it from here. Thanks, buddy.”
Dusty laughs and walks off, calling, “Good luck with it, man,” over his shoulder.
“You!” Millie yells. “You’re everywhere, aren’t you? Like flies to shit, I can’t seem to shake you.”
I’m still laughing as we’re both sprawled out on the floor.
“You’re so sweet, darlin’.” Beau grins down at her. “Now, come on; let’s get you home and then you can continue to whisper sweet nothings into my ear.”
She scoffs. “Keep dreaming, bay-bee.”
He leans down and grabs my hands, getting me on my feet before turning and lifting Millie up from under her arms. She sends a dopey smile up at him. “You’re so pretty, Mr. Daniels.”
He tucks some hair behind her ear while I check to see if the room is in fact spinning or if it’s just me.
Okay, I think it’s a combination of both. Awesome.
“Let’s roll; I think I have an appointment with my toilet in approximately T minus ten minutes if my calculations are correct.” I swing my hand around. “Shit, where’s my purse?”
Beau laughs. “I’ve got it, Einstein.”
He wraps an arm around each of our waists as we make our way outside.
“Hey! Nice going, Daniels! Double the trouble tonight.”
Beau chuckles. “You just keep drinking that rat piss you call beer and don’t worry about what I’m doing, Timmo.”
I ignore Timmo and his buddies; we keep walking down the street until we leave the town square and end up on my street.
“I need to take off my shoes,” I whine. Fuck, my feet are killing me.
“Almost there, sweetheart.” Beau doesn’t let me go.
I suck it up for the remainder of the walk, knowing my inebriated state is dulling what I’m sure is one hell of a blister forming on my heel.
When we reach the porch, I plonk down onto the steps and remove the offending heels.
I hear Millie whisper to Beau, but thanks to her being just as drunk as me, it’s not really a whisper. “I want you.”
“Not yet, baby. Wait till we get you home and make sure you’re not gonna puke all over me.”
I get up and grab the railing to keep upright, seeing Millie pout as she latches onto his shirt.
“All righty, love birds.” I stumble past them to the door. “I’m out.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow,” Millie says.
Beau sees me inside to a waiting Zeke who’s standing outside the entry to the kitchen.
“Later, guys.” Beau closes the door behind him.
“Hey.” I smile like a loon and chuck my heels by the door.
He grins then frowns. “You realize your dress is all kinds of twisted up and I can practically see the bottom of your ass.”
Damn it; I tug it down. Again. “I may be a wee bit tipsy,” I lie, holding my fingers close together to demonstrate.
“Ya think?” He smirks. “Go take a shower and I’ll make you something to eat.”
I stare at him for a minute as something registers in my drunk brain. “Don’t be playing super nice to try to win me back, Zeke Walters.” I point a finger at him.
“Liv, go take a shower. I’m offering you food, not marriage.”
I balk at that. The Zeke I used to know could barely utter the word marriage in any sentence, such was his fear of it. I shrug; I could go for a sandwich. “Peanut butter, no crusts,” I holler over my shoulder as I head to my bedroom.
Stumbling about the room, I grab the first pair of clean pajamas and panties my hands fall on in my drawers and lock myself in the bathroom. I don’t know how long I stand underneath the water, but the steam and hot water seem to help sober me up some.
Tying my hair into a top knot as I walk into the kitchen, I find Zeke drinking a glass of water.
I plonk down at the counter and start to inhale my sandwich, stopping mid-chew to mumble out, “How was Rose?”
I continue chewing as Zeke watches me with that stupid smirk still on his face. He scratches at his jaw and leans back against the sink.
“Perfect, been asleep since around eight. I’ve checked on her twice but haven’t heard a sound.”
I finish my sandwich, and down the glass of water he hands me.
“Thanks.” I wipe my chin. “Ugh, I hope this stays down. I now remember why I don’t do this shit anymore.”
He chuckles. “You’ll survive. You need to let your hair down once in a while. You’re a mom, not a nun.”
“Har, har.” I snicker, which is cut off by a yawn. “All right, I’m going to bed. Thanks again.” I don’t know why I do it, but I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist, holding him tightly. He still smells like Zeke, all man with a slight hint of aftershave. But it doesn’t elicit the same feelings in me that it once used to. It still smells familiar, though, and reinforces the fact that this man will probably always be an important part of my life. He’s one of the only people who knows me inside and out, and as much as I felt he never let me all the way in behind those walls he once held so high, I know I’m one of the rare few who know him in the same way.
His arms squeeze me to him. “I miss you, Liv.” He sighs. “Every time I see you, it feels like coming home.”
I squeeze him back before letting go and stepping away, smiling weakly up at him. “I’m sorry, Z.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize; I get it. It’s not what I want, but I’m dealing with it.”
I nod. “If you wanna stay, you’re welcome to sleep in the spare room or on the couch.” I point a finger at him. “But no funny business. Don’t come creeping in on me in the early hours of the morning.”
He chuckles. “All right. It’s late, so I’ll probably stay.” He holds his hands up. “Promise to keep my hands to myself. Unless you change your mind, of course.” He winks.
I shake my head. “Good night.” I smile and walk to my bedroom.
My head spins as soon as it hits the pillow, but despite the feeling of queasiness in my belly and knowing I’ll likely wake up feeling like shit, I fall asleep easily for the first time in almost two weeks.