“Are you ready?”
I glanced in the mirror and saw Kieran leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, watching me as I fixed my makeup, trying to make it so I didn’t look as crazy as everyone thought I was. His eyes raked over my body where I was bent over the vanity, his eyes heating. And my lips curled into a smile in response.
There wasn’t a sinking feeling inside.
I didn’t feel the need to scream or claw at myself.
I didn’t want to get clean.
I wanted him to do it again.
We’d spent the day together, doing nothing and everything that felt significant.
And terrifying.
He’d spent hours teaching me how to do different moves and throws with knives. We’d spent even longer relaxing on his bed . . . just talking and kissing.
Everything I’d never wanted. Everything I wasn’t sure I wanted still.
And everything I craved more of as soon as each kiss ended.
Significant and terrifying . . .
“Almost,” I mumbled.
“Why do you wear that shit?”
I lifted a brow, a low throaty laugh tumbling from my mouth. “Why do you go to The Jack every night?” When there wasn’t a response, I said, “Because you can. Because it makes you feel invincible.”
I straightened and twisted the top of my mascara onto the tube before letting it fall into my bag. I fluffed my hair then played with the shirt of his I’d taken since I didn’t want to wear mine out a second night in a row. I tied it in a knot on my hip to tighten and shorten it, and put my jeans and heels on.
“You don’t need that to be invincible,” Kieran said when I was looking at myself in the mirror.
My eyes darted to his in the reflection, my heart picking up.
Maybe not. But I need it to remain invisible to those who think they can see me.
“You don’t need your list,” I said, my voice sounding too breathy. When another minute went by without a response, I turned to face him. “I’m ready.”
He pushed from the doorframe and took two long steps toward me, his hands moving to curl around my face. The touch so gentle yet firm as he dipped his head to press his mouth to mine.
The kiss was slow and made my heart ache. Made me want for so much more than either of us had to offer.
And then he started shaking.
Three.
Tw—
He pushed away from me, his chest pitching as he took a few steps back that seemed too calculated for how calm he looked.
I waited where he’d left me until his chest was moving evenly, then hurried to his side. “My timing’s off,” I muttered when he wrapped his arm around my neck.
He glanced at me, his brows pinched together in unspoken question.
“Just figuring you out.”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask. Only met my stare every few seconds as we left his room and walked out of the mansion.
Like we could do exactly that without being seen.
And somehow, we weren’t.
Like we could just be two normal people leaving a normal house.
For a moment, with his arm around me . . . it was easy to forget life and pretend that we were.
But moments fade.
We couldn’t escape the truth that normal didn’t fit into either of our worlds. And it was impossible to forget the whys of our situation.
Why I was with him.
Why we were currently headed toward the bar.
Why hatred was the base of every emotion I had for him, and he had for me.
And why did it feel so damn easy and good to be tucked into his side when every man before him had made me nauseous and want to recoil? Why did it have to be him?
“Think we’ll see your brother tonight?” Kieran asked when we were almost to The Jack.
A pang hit my chest, but I quickly pushed the hurt away.
Be nothing.
“No.” I blew out a drawn-out breath. “If I had to put money on it, I’d say you wouldn’t see him for a while. He tends to avoid places if he thinks I’ll be there.”
Kieran made a sound somewhere between annoyance and amusement. “He seems nice.”
He used to be the best. “Yeah.” I managed a weak smile, then hurried to ask, “Do you think we’ll see Dare?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t have a pattern.”
“So, we’re just going to watch and wait.”
Kieran gave a slow nod.
“Because you still want to get your revenge even though you realized what Lily really was to you. And what she wasn’t.”
His arm tightened around my neck, like his entire body still reacted to hearing her name.
“Jessica,” he said in warning.
“Yeah. No, got it. Don’t say her name. Don’t talk about what you’re doing.” I dropped my voice to whisper, “Don’t remind you that you’re making a mistake.”
“I heard that.”
“I know.”
For the next couple minutes, we walked in silence.
When we reached the far corner of the building, Kieran pulled me to a stop and brushed his mouth along my ear. “You don’t have to come in. But I have to do this.”
Rejection sliced through my chest.
Funny. Its sting had never been so painful before.
A puff of a laugh fell from my lips. “Yeah, you don’t need me getting in the way of your plotting. I should get back to my street anyway.” I took a step away and was slammed back into his hardened body.
“That’s the last place I want you to go.” His voice was all rough and grit as his hand tightened on me possessively.
And damn him . . . I’d never craved a touch so much.
My legs threatened to give when his mouth passed across my neck and trailed below my ear.
“Go anywhere but there.”
I froze in his arms when his words triggered another’s. “Don’t let me catch you on the streets again.”
You don’t own me, I silently chanted. You don’t own me, you don’t own me. I belong to no man.
I pushed away from him and lifted a brow. “You have no more control over what I do than I have over what you’re trying to do.”
His face was impassive when I took a step away . . . and then another.
And it was infuriating.
I’d walked on solid ground for so long and this man had rocked it with little more than a thought.
I wanted him to care. I wanted him to be affected by me the way I was by him.
Not that it would change anything.
I turned and started back the way we’d come. If Beck was still on Holloway Estate, I’d slip into his car and wait for him to head to Raleigh for the night.
A weight rested low in my stomach, but I resisted the urge to curl my arms around my waist. Just as I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder to see if Kieran had gone inside.
It shouldn’t matter to me if he was going to ruin his life.
That’s what men did. They ruined things.
Head up.
Shoulders back.
I nearly stumbled when I saw that familiar SUV not far from where I was, idling at the curb. And in the driver’s seat, the silhouette of a man who haunted my thoughts.
Oh God.
How had I not felt that heaviness weighing down on me and crawling over my skin, warning me that someone was watching me? That he was watching me?
My next breath caught in my throat when my legs were knocked out from under me—an arm braced my shoulders just before my head could hit the ground. Before my mind could understand that my head wasn’t going to bounce off the earth, I was being swung up and over a lean, muscled shoulder.
The air rushed from my lungs like a pathetic scream. “Kieran!”
A full laugh sounded from the man carrying me toward The Jack, away from the SUV. The sound so beautiful and pure I willingly hung there limply on his shoulder, wishing it would happen again.
“Was that necessary?” I asked when he set me down outside the doors to the bar.
The corners of his lips twitched, like he was fighting back a smile. “It was worth it.”
I tried to narrow my eyes at him, but it was impossible when a man like Holloway’s assassin was so carefree. “I thought I could go anywhere,” I said instead.
His face fell and eyes searched mine. “I thought you could too.”
Curling his arm around my neck, he turned and led us into The Jack without another word.
And I let him, when all I wanted was to lead us in the opposite direction. Past the awaiting SUV.
Back to Holloway.
Back to safety.