I wrapped the towel around my hips as I walked into my bedroom and forced my gait to remain steady even though I felt the shift in the room.
I headed for my nightstand and opened it. Quickly grabbing one of my blades and trying not to react to the fact that one was missing.
Because I knew who would take one, and she was the last person on earth I wanted to see.
I flipped the blade in the air to test its weight and looked over my shoulder as I searched for her.
“Do you have a death wish?”
A wild laugh filled my bathroom before she came sauntering into my room wearing nothing but one of my shirts. “Not tonight, honey.”
Her hair was wet and makeup smeared. She looked so much like the first night I found her in my room, and it was taking all my strength not to react.
“Get out.”
She let her head tilt back, exposing her neck in a way that made me need her and hate her all at once. “You don’t want to see me?”
“Thought I made that clear.”
Another laugh.
That laugh.
It was wrong. It wasn’t her.
“Hmm . . . no. I’m not sure you did. In fact, I might need you to remind me.” She grabbed the bottom of the shirt and slowly lifted it over her thighs until her lace underwear was taunting me.
“Leave.”
“Don’t be like that, baby.”
My brow drew together in frustration. Frustration that she was here. That she was doing this to me. That she was calling me baby.
She dropped the shirt so it fell back over her thighs, her obsidian eyes brightening with excitement as she closed the distance between us. “Or maybe you need me to remind you what it’s like. What it feels like to live again. What it’s like to be something other than a mindless, killing machine. What it’s like to be with someone who knows what you need.”
Crazed laughter spilled from her lips when I shoved my hand into her chest to keep her from coming closer.
“What is it that had you thinking about Lily when you were deep inside me?” She gripped my hand and tried to force it lower, but I kept it firmly in place. “I wonder if you would see me if you fucked her again.”
My teeth clenched and my breathing slowed. “Jessica. Leave.”
“Ooo. Someone’s getting angry.” She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and let it slowly pop free. “I like it when you’re angry.”
“Jessica.”
“Tell me what it’s like when you slip into that place.”
I dropped my hand and took a step back.
“Tell me what it’s like to give yourself over to that darkness inside you.” She was so excited she was practically vibrating.
And I was so close to losing my hold on staying myself. “Jessica,” I said again, my voice strained.
“Tell me what it’s like to lose everything because of it.” She gripped my arm, her nails digging in and leaving their mark. “Make it go away.”
My head jerked back and my chest heaved at her rushed plea. It was a desperate cry filled with so much ache and longing. Nothing like her previous taunts.
I’d never heard anything so tortured. So devastating.
“What?”
But when she opened her mouth again, it was as if nothing had happened. Her eyes were bright and her lips were stretched in that taunting grin. “Tell me what it’s like to steal lives and lose yours in return.”
“Make what go away?” I asked calmly.
It felt like a jolt went through her body at the question.
Her eyes widened then fell to the floor as she took trembling steps away. She shook her head, her face twisted like she couldn’t figure out what I’d said.
“Jessica.”
“I’m . . . I have to go.” She turned for the window, her body stiff.
“Tell me what you said.” I grabbed for her, but she jerked away from my touch.
“What, now you want to talk?” she scoffed. “Like you said, you made yourself clear.”
I raked my hands through my hair and let out a groan when she snatched her arm from me again. “At least put some damn clothes on.”
She huffed but continued moving toward the window.
Without a word, she opened it and slipped out and away.
And I didn’t try to stop her.
I couldn’t.
As much as I couldn’t get that tortured plea out of my head, my heart wouldn’t let her try to destroy it more than she had in such a short time.
After staring at the open window for a couple minutes, I turned away and went to my dresser.
I was reaching for a pair of sleep pants when my phone lit up with a text from Beck asking where I was.
I went to my messages to respond, but before I could, I noticed I had three others. All from Conor. All blank.
Skipping the texts, I went to call him and noticed I’d missed calls from both brothers. One from Conor and four from Beck.
My breaths came slower and my muscles tensed as I tapped on one of their names and prepared for the reasons for their persistence.
When Conor didn’t answer, I called Beck.
“Jesus fuck, dude. Where have you been?”
“Showering,” I bit out. “What’s happening?”
“Good fucking question.” Beck sounded more worried than I’d ever heard him, and it made that part of me I hated roar to life.
I shook my head and folded my free arm across my chest to keep from picking up the knife I’d just set down. To feel its comfort again.
“I’m dealing and Conor keeps calling,” he continued. “Every time I answer, he hangs up. He’s supposed to be on the estate. Go fucking find him.”
“Done.”
“Kieran, if my brother’s dead . . .”
“He’s not.” He couldn’t be.
“I swear to God, man.”
“I’ll find him,” I promised before ending the call.
I hurried into some clothes and my boots, and armed myself with a handful of blades closest to me before I rushed down the halls of the Holloway mansion without making a sound.
When I didn’t find him in his room in the mansion, I slipped out to head to Soldier’s Row on the other side of the property where most members lived.
But I didn’t make it there.
I didn’t make it far at all.
Because where Lily and I had lived for four years with Beck was lit up like a beacon. The guesthouse. And it’d been a ghost town since she left, as if everyone on this estate wanted to forget the girl who’d lived there. Abandoned us.
I started in that direction, but stopped halfway when I saw him on the porch.
Conor. As he had for four years. Standing guard.
Déjà vu flooded me. For a moment, I wondered if I would walk through the front door to find Lily asleep in our bed.
When I continued, my steps were unsure for the first time in my life. It felt like I was walking into the biggest trap and I couldn’t make myself stop.
Because I needed my life to be what it had been.
I needed Lily to be back. I needed her to be mine. I needed my world to feel right again. I need to fulfill my purpose.
But even as those thoughts entered my mind, they felt wrong.
My whole life had felt wrong for as long as I could remember because it hadn’t been mine.
Then I’d had right for a little while. But that ended up being a lie.
When I got close enough to Conor, he shook his head. It was subtle, but it was enough to make me come to a stop.
After a glance at his watch, he gave me a pointed look then started walking off the porch.
When he rounded the corner of the house, I realized he was checking the perimeter, and I hurried to meet him at the side.
Not making a sound.
Sticking to the shadows.
“Mickey put eyes and ears on the front porch,” he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. “And I think he’s watching my phone.”
“Wordless texts aren’t suspicious?” I gave him a dry look, then hurried on, “Why are you here?”
“Mickey brought a girl here about an hour ago. Young. Probably my age.” Conor dipped his head and dropped his voice even lower. “She was dragged in here, yelling the whole time. He said he owned her. I’m supposed to guard her. It’s like that meeting you made me check out last year. The human trafficking. I don’t think he actually stopped.”
“Shit.”
“There was a guy with him. He was the one dragging her. I’ve never seen him before. He’s not Holloway. Do you think he could be the ghost?”
I stopped walking and looked from Conor to the house.
He couldn’t, because the ghost was Jessica. I jogged to catch up with him. “Are they still in there?”
“The girl is, yeah. Mickey and the guy left.”
I blew out a calming breath and clapped Conor’s back. “Keep doing what you’re doing. Stop texting me blank texts. I’ll call Beck and fill him in. Did you get a name on the guy?”
Conor was already shaking his head. “No, and he didn’t say a word. But Mickey has some fucked-up plans. He wants to have kids with the girl to keep O’Sullivan blood in Holloway.”
I ground my jaw, trying to keep my shaking at bay. “I need to get the other guy’s name to see what I can find out about him.”
“Do it fast, man. I don’t want to die.” He tried to make his tone teasing, but I could hear the underlying fear there.
We rounded the last corner of the house, so I dropped back to stay hidden in the shadows and nodded toward the house. “I’m going to talk to the girl to see if she knows who he is.”
Conor looked over his shoulder to whisper, “Her name’s Jessica.”
Shock and dread hit me so fast I nearly fell to my knees.
It had to be a coincidence.
Had to.
I forced myself to turn and go to the back of the house, but each step felt weighted. Impossible.
When I was finally slipping into my old bathroom, I knew it wasn’t a coincidence.
Because with each heavy step closer to the bedroom, I could feel her. Her wild energy that felt close to exploding.
I found her on my old bed, staring at the ceiling.
And somehow, with my steps that seemed so loud to my own ears, she didn’t notice me until I asked, “Make what go away?”
Her soft gasp filled the space between us and her body flinched, but she didn’t look at me.
I wanted to lie beside her. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and pull her close. But I didn’t know how to be in a room with her without hating her. I’d been certain I’d spent my days and nights with the real Jessica, but now I didn’t know how to convince myself that any of it was real.
For what seemed like a lifetime, she didn’t answer. She just stayed still, staring.
“Everything.”
Everything was a tall order . . . even for me. “Let’s start with why you’re here.”
“Don’t you know?” she asked, bitterness filling her voice. “How would you know where I was if you didn’t know the why?”
“I can guess,” I said softly. “And I need it to be wrong.”
“He wants me for . . . his uses,” she murmured after nearly a minute.
I wasn’t wrong.
It took everything to stay still when I wanted to go hunt Mickey down for taking what was supposed to be mine. But if the ghost was real, then the order to kill Conor was too.
“Mickey?” I asked, his name coming out as a growl when I was struggling so hard to stay calm.
“Who else?”
“Conor said there was another man. I need to know who that is.”
“His errand boy. His driver.” She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know; don’t you all know each other?”
“He doesn’t have a driver, Jessica. I need to know everything about him because he’s not Holloway, and he’s somehow slipped past me.”
She gave me a look like she wanted to apologize, but nothing left her lips. And just as quickly, the look faded. “I know nothing. He’s never spoken a word to me. He stalks me for Mickey. Anywhere I am, he’s there in a black SUV. I told my brother and he ran the plates. Came back to some woman.” Her eyes searched mine when my breathing slowed. “So angry, Nightshade.”
I tried to force my breathing to quicken, but everything went so dark when I realized two truths.
Mickey had been stalking her. Mickey thought he owned her.
“How long has Mickey been following you?”
“You and your timelines.”
“How long, Jessica?”
Her gaze drifted back to the ceiling. “He doesn’t. The driver does everything for him.”
I bit back a groan. I didn’t have time for this. “How long has the driver been following you?”
“I’m not sure. A few weeks before Mickey hired me. So, a few weeks before I met you.”
“About the time Mickey’s been out of jail. And he was here while Mickey was hiding,” I mumbled to myself.
“Yes,” she said slowly, drawing the word out as her eyes drifted to me.
“Does he?”
She lifted a brow, but it looked like that slight movement drained her.
“Does he own you?”
“I belong to no man.”
I was a fool for thinking you would ever belong to me.
I nodded and started to step into the bathroom but rocked back and turned to look at her when something she once told me flashed through my mind.
I struggled with every word she’d uttered to me. Wondering if they were all lies when they’d felt real. But I remembered her anger that night. Her fierceness. Her blatant disgust at me because I worked for Mickey.
“You told me once that you wouldn’t do anything for Mickey if your life depended on it.”
Her lip curled in disdain. “I wouldn’t.”
That look and those two words told me more than anything else had since she first left.
Her mom.
Jessica would do anything for her.
Including work with the devil himself.
She had the chance to tell Mickey about Beck and me. To tell him that we were the ones who betrayed him. To prove her worth. And she hadn’t.
“I hate that I miss you when you’re not around. I hate that I feel so weak without you . . . and so vulnerable with you.”
Idiot. I was a fucking idiot.
For not realizing what was happening sooner.
For thinking I didn’t know Jessica.
For doubting that she was mine.
With a few steps, I was on the bed and my mouth was on hers.
The tips of her fingers traced my neck as she let me devour her mouth for those few seconds. When I pulled away, my name slipped from her on a sigh. “Nightshade.”
“I’ll be back for you.” I nipped at her full bottom lip and grinned when she tried to follow me. “Good night, Chaos.”