A couple days later, I was waiting for Kieran on his dresser when he came home.
I’d grown fond of that particular piece of furniture.
When he stepped into his room, his steps didn’t falter, but his expression showed all I needed to know. It fell into a mixture of pain and frustration before the corner of his mouth tilted up.
He moved toward me without making a sound.
If I hadn’t been looking at him, I wouldn’t have known he was in the room with me.
Grabbing my chin in his strong fingers, he pressed his lips to mine.
The kiss was rough and full of everything I’d just seen on his face, and lasted only a second before he released me to head toward his bathroom.
I could see the mirror from where I was sitting, and my chest heaved from the sudden ache there at his reflected expression. At the tortured look in his eyes that continued to break through his maddening mask of silent fury.
He didn’t once look at me as he turned on the shower and stripped, tossing at least a dozen knives onto the vanity. He didn’t look back as he stepped in.
He hadn’t said a word.
And it made my stomach knot.
I hated the feeling. I hated feeling like I’d done something wrong when I hadn’t. I hated being at the mercy of a man.
I told myself to leave. To get out before my heart could be more corrupted than it already was by this man. But I couldn’t make myself move from my spot as I waited for him to come back.
I belong to no man, I repeated to myself over and over again. But even in my own mind, the words now sounded weak. No longer held any weight behind them.
“He’ll only ruin you,” I whispered as the water shut off.
If he was surprised I was still there, he didn’t show it.
If he was trying to make me go insane by his unhurried movements in drying off and putting away his knives and old clothes, it was working.
He finally stepped in front of me to get dressed, and after a piercing look directed at me, I slowly lifted my legs to cross them on top of the dresser.
“Didn’t you miss me?” My voice wavered and sounded so defeated that it held none of the usual bite.
Damn my emotions. Damn my ruined heart.
He blew out a rough breath and slammed the drawer he’d just opened without grabbing a shirt. Raking his hands through his hair, he said, “Of course I fucking missed you, Jessica. I know I can’t stop you from leaving, but for you to leave after what you told me? I’ve been going out of my damn mind worrying about a girl who doesn’t want me to worry about her.”
“I was fine,” I lied.
“I know that. If anyone can take care of themselves, it’s you. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying. And then the worry turns into wondering. And it is torture thinking of what could be keeping you away. Of who is keeping you away.”
My chest was so tight it felt impossible to breathe when that look of torture filled his eyes. My fingers twitched with the need to calm him. With the need to show him he had it so wrong.
There was a who . . . but it wasn’t anything near what Kieran thought.
I’d barely made it back to the trailer after the meeting with AJ before I’d passed out. I’d managed to crack my eyes open a few times throughout the next day, only to have my pounding head force me back into unconsciousness. By the time I’d managed to wake and stay awake, it was dark again.
I’d sat on my bed the entire night, trying to force myself to go to my street before I’d finally showered and caught a ride here this morning.
There were so many things I needed to continue taking care of. And they would only get worse if I hid here with this devastating man and pretended they didn’t exist for the first time in my life. But I’d needed Kieran’s strength, if only for a little while.
“And now that you’re back?” He huffed and reached for me, his hands stopping inches from my body like he didn’t know how to touch me anymore. “I want to hold you. I want to lock you in here and give you every reason to want to stay. But I can’t stop thinking about why you left and what had you staying away.”
“I wasn’t . . .” I started to shake my head but stopped just as abruptly. “I haven’t been with anyone since that first night with you.”
The look he sent me said more than words could. He wanted to believe me. He couldn’t. He hated that he wasn’t able to.
For once, I didn’t want to laugh. I didn’t want to lash out.
I wanted to cry.
What had I done? It was never supposed to get to this point.
I needed to leave. To walk away before I never wanted this to end.
I had to.
Move, Jess. Run.
My eyes burned. I locked my jaw against the flood of emotions that made me feel so unbearably pathetic. I swallowed past the lump in my throat, wincing when it ached.
Kieran slowly reached for my throat, not caring or stopping when I attempted to move away from him.
His destructive hands were so gentle when they curled under my jaw and lifted.
His reaction was immediate.
The room felt impossibly still and silent. So silent it was deafening.
“Kieran,” I pleaded as I grabbed for his hand.
I was sure I wouldn’t have been able to move him, but his hand fell away easily. When I looked at him, his eyes were still glued to my neck. To the fading bruises.
“I’m fine,” I said softly and reached for his arm.
“Someone does that to you,” he finally said, his voice low and terrifying. “That’s what keeps you away?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“No?” His hands slowly curled then relaxed. Then again. And again. “Then tell me what to think.”
“I told you it’s not something I’ll ever tell you.”
“Jessica, you—” The calm mask of rage abruptly fell. “This wasn’t a client,” he said, remembering our conversation. Wrath swirled in his eyes as seconds dragged by. “Who do you owe?”
“I’ve got it handled.”
“Jessica, who do you owe?”
“I said I’ve got it.”
“I’m going to kill whoever fucking touched you,” he roared, his deep voice echoing off the walls. “Who is he?”
I stared into his outraged eyes and calmly said, “Not someone I’ll ever talk to you about.”
He raked his hands through his hair, his jaw popping with the pressure he was putting on it.
I uncrossed my legs and slid off the dresser, pressing my hand to his chest to push him back so I could slip past him.
“Where are you going?” he demanded when I headed toward the window where I’d left my bag.
I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. “It was a mistake to come here.”
I didn’t get halfway before I was turned and brought face to face with the most beautiful, destructive man. “Say that again.”
“You know my life, Kieran. You know this is something I refuse to tell you about. So don’t demand to know about it now.”
“Have you seen yourself?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Jesus, Jessica.”
Kieran’s mouth came down on mine, hard and furious and full of passion.
And it was everything I’d needed since I’d set foot in that godforsaken warehouse.
“Do you have any idea what you mean to me?” he asked against my lips. “What I would do for you?”
Give me control.
Abandon his list.
Fight my demons.
Kill AJ.
But would he let me go?
When the time came, would he make it all go away?
I nearly crumbled under the wave of emotions that crashed through me from our next kiss.
“What if I want to belong to you?” The words were out before I realized I was thinking them.
They were effortless. And they were so, so wrong.
Kieran stilled against me and slowly pulled back.
I belong to no man.
I belong to no man.
I belong—
My heart skipped painfully when his stunned eyes met mine, and I knew without a doubt I didn’t want to belong to him.
I already did.
And that thought terrified me more than falling in love with him did.
More than AJ ever could.
But then his mouth was back on mine and his hands were searching and pulling at my clothes. And every fear disappeared into nothing.
It was only Kieran. Only me.
Only the darkness between us that pushed and pulled.
Only a need for him that would never be satisfied.
Once my underwear fell to the floor with the rest of my clothes, he picked me up in his arms and walked me toward the bed. His body trembled in that familiar way as he laid me down on the bed and dropped to his knees.
My eyes widened when he pulled me closer so I was nearly hanging off the bed. “Kieran,” I whispered when a wicked spark lit his eyes.
I sucked in a sharp breath and nearly arched off the bed when he leaned forward and licked me from entrance to clit. I twisted, not used to what he was doing to me. “Oh God,” I breathed when he did it again.
He devoured me with his tongue. He loved me with his fingers. He ravaged me. And it was more than I could’ve ever wanted and not enough.
I needed to get closer to him and needed to get away as he licked and sucked and fucked me.
And then he pulled his fingers from me and slowly trailed them down, down, down.
“Kieran, no—oh God.”
My legs tightened around his head when he hooked his finger inside that tight, forbidden hole and that intense shaking I’d become so accustomed to with him started deep in my core, expanding through my body to my fingers and toes.
But even when the shaking stopped, he didn’t let up.
He slowly moved his finger in and out as he devoured and consumed me until I was gripping his hair and trying not to scream his name as another orgasm rocked through me.
And then his massive length was inside me and his mouth was on mine, moving and begging for me to give him everything.
There was nothing left to give.
He owned me.
Body. Heart. Soul.
Damn him.
He pulled out and flipped me on my stomach, his strong hands going to my hips to lift me up so I was on my hands and knees as he pushed back into me and moved at a relentless pace that had my body aching for another release.
The bed beneath me blurred and shifted.
The light of the room turned dark.
His clean scent became disgusting and suffocating.
No. No, no, no.
His comforting weight was suddenly heavy.
“You’re mine, whore.”
I gripped at the comforter and blinked. Then again and again.
No!
I opened my mouth to scream when I was abruptly pulled up so I was kneeling on the bed. One of my hands was forced back to grip shoulder-length hair. Gentle lips glided along my shoulder.
A voice like gravel. “You’re always in control.”
A shuddering breath ripped through my body as Kieran’s room came into focus.
“I’m fine.”
“I know,” he whispered against my shoulder.
“I’m fine,” I repeated, my voice tight.
I felt his head dip in a nod and his body move from mine. “I know.”
“I’m fine.” A sob wrenched from my chest. My body bowed under the overwhelming grief and fear and aches of what was happening in my life.
I’d never felt weaker.
And I couldn’t stop.
Kieran was there, wrapping the comforter around me and pulling me into his arms as he sat back against the headboard. He just kept whispering how sorry he was. Over and over.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t form the words to tell him that it wasn’t his fault.
No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t beg him to make it all go away.
The madness.
AJ.
The lying.
The unknown.
The fear.
Everything.
So I lay there in his arms, showing him my every weakness, until I mercifully fell asleep.