Beck had finished giving me the full recap of his conversation with Jessica from a couple days before when his phone rang, lighting up with Conor’s name.
We both stilled when we saw the screen, and it felt like it took minutes for Beck to answer and put it on speaker.
“Yeah?”
There was no reply, and it felt like the pressing weight in the room as we waited for Conor to either hang up or say something was going to crush me.
And then we heard it.
Distant.
Muffled.
And enough to make me go still and my breathing stop.
A scream.
Jessica.
Beck’s head snapped up, his eyes wide with panic and fear.
The last thing I remembered was the call ending.
The next thing I knew I was pinned against the hallway wall outside Beck’s room, my breaths ripping from me. My arms wrenched behind me as Beck shook from the strain of trying to keep me there. My throat was hoarse as I yelled, “I’m gonna kill him.”
“We will,” Beck said, his voice ragged, like he’d been saying it for a while. “We will.”
“Let me go,” I roared, my voice echoing down the halls.
“I can’t, man.” A wet choking noise sounded from behind me. “I want to, but you know I can’t.”
“I’ll fucking murder you if you don’t let me go,” I said through gritted teeth.
Beck shifted me enough to slam me against the wall. “I love her too,” he yelled. “But you’re going to ruin everything. You’re going to get Conor killed.”
“Beck.”
A minute must have passed before he rammed me against the wall again and released me. “You’re going to get everyone killed.”
“Fuck you,” I roared.
“I love her too.”
“You have a fucked-up way of showing it.”
“You’re not thinking right,” he said when I started by him and slammed a hand on my shoulder.
I turned and had a knife to his throat within a second. “Did you hear her? Did that shred your soul too?”
The tears already filling his eyes was answer enough. “We need to find his assassin,” he said.
“That girl is mine. I’ll kill everyone who gets in my way of her again.”
He shook his head. “You’re gonna get us all killed.”
My mouth twisted in a dry smirk. “That’s one way to be free of this bullshit.” I dropped my arm and turned, calling over my shoulder, “See you in hell, Beck.”
I raced down the hall and stairs, out the back doors of the mansion, and headed toward the guesthouse.
I stayed along the trees lining the property, keeping to their shadows in the bright day until I was able to round the back of the small house.
Conor had been out front but hadn’t seen me.
And now that I was sliding open the bathroom window, I didn’t hear anything coming from inside.
No screaming. No talking. No movement.
Then again, I wasn’t sure how long I’d been consumed in darkness before I’d been able to come back to myself.
Even still, I kept my steps silent as I slipped inside and shut the window. My eyes settled on everything as I moved through the humid bathroom. There were fresh drops of water on the glass doors of the shower and wet footprints along the tile. Just one set.
Relief pounded through my veins and mixed with the agony from the echo of her scream. When I stole a glance into the bedroom, Jessica was there. Only Jessica. Curled on her side, facing away from me. Towel wrapped around her like a blanket, hair dripping onto the bed.
I’d only taken two steps into the room when she spoke, her voice thick and wavering. “What if I was made for you and you were made for me?”
My crushed heart raced.
I moved silently to crawl on the bed and slipped behind her. “Haven’t you realized that we were?” I asked into her ear, then rolled her over so she faced me.
The heartache etched on her face ripped through me. I wanted to apologize for not being there. I wanted to reverse time so I could prevent it from happening. I wanted to kill him slowly for doing this to her.
“Jessica . . .” I brushed away the wet clumps of hair and cradled her face in my hands. “I’ll kill him. I swear to God, I will.”
She nodded and her face pinched, a sob building deep in her chest. “I couldn’t see you. Everything overwhelmed me. It felt like I was being suffocated by it. And I tried to fight, but I just . . . I just . . . It was all there and I couldn’t pull myself out of it until he was leaving.”
It hit fast.
That beast inside overpowered me within a second as soon as I realized what she was saying. What happened. And I didn’t try to fight him.
In an instant, I’d stopped breathing and everything felt like it was both mine and not my own.
Not a sound. Not a trace.
Feed the blade. Watch the light fade.
But for the first time, I wasn’t afraid of having someone in my arms.
I wasn’t afraid of what I could do to this girl.
I wasn’t afraid of the sadistic monster begging for blood, whispering everything he wanted me to do.
Because through the whispers and bloodlust, there was an uncontrollable need to keep the girl in my arms safe. And even the darkness inside was acknowledging that. As if he knew the need to kill was for her.
Not a sound. Not a trace.
Feed the blade. Watch the light fade.
Pull her closer. Keep her safe, safe, safe.
“I’m here. I’ve got you,” I whispered, my voice sounding rough and not my own.
Her depthless eyes slowly lifted to meet mine. “Nightshade.”
“I’ve got you,” I repeated.
“You didn’t fight it. You’re not fighting.” Her mouth twitched into a smile, pride lighting her face for only a second before it fell. “Please. Please, make it go away.”
My hold on her tightened.
Her voice was that same frantic anguish from the night before.
“I know you will. I know you can. Please,” she choked out. “Make it all go away.”
“I’ll do whatever I can. You just have to tell me what you need.”
“Don’t you get it?” she asked tightly, gripping at my forearms. “Make it go away. Nightshade, please.”
A distant part of me hated that name.
The part in control of my mind was focused on every single thing she was saying. Because she was talking directly to the darkness, and he was growing stronger with each plea.
“The demons. The madness. The men.” She released my arms, her eyes begging me to understand. “All of it. Please, make it go away.”
One of my knives was suddenly pressed against my chest as tears filled her eyes.
Horror filled me, gripping my spine. “Jessica, no.”
“Please,” she mouthed, then tilted her head back so her neck was exposed.
I felt myself reaching for the knife. I knew I wanted it. And I couldn’t stop it.
Not a sound. Not a trace.
Feed the blade. Watch the light fade.
Inside I was slamming against that barrier. Yelling for him to stop.
“I’ll make it go away,” I said in a dark tone.
I was in the bed, but it felt like I’d dropped to my knees. It felt like my stomach fell to the floor.
A muted sob left her mouth, but she didn’t move. She didn’t try to stop me when I took the knife from her.
Not a sound. Not a trace.
Feed the blade. Watch the light fade.
Leaning forward, my lips brushed against hers.
Pull her closer. Keep her safe, safe, safe.
“I’ll kill every man who ever hurt you,” I vowed as I tossed the knife away from the bed.
I’d slaughter him for touching what’s mine. Violating. I’d destroy him and raze his godforsaken empire.
Her chest pitched with her ragged breath, and I rolled her onto her back, covering her body with my own.
“I’ll fight every demon until they’re nothing but a distant memory.”
She gripped my hair and nodded slowly as tears fell from her eyes.
“The madness?” A smirk covered my face. “Stop leaving me and I’ll help that too. Yours calms mine and mine calms yours. But, goddamn, I know our lives will never be boring because of it.”
A soggy laugh burst from her chest, and I dipped down to capture her mouth for a moment.
Pull her closer. Keep her safe, safe, safe.
“But you need to live for me to make it go away,” I whispered against her lips. “You need to let me help you.”
“I don’t know how.”
“The same way you gave up control.” I dragged my teeth over her full bottom lip and growled, “Give me control, Chaos.”
Her head moved back and forth before she subtly nodded. Her fingers tightened in my hair. “Kieran, come back to me.”
Fuck, I wanted to.
My head tilted to the side in challenge.
“Kieran, come back to me.” She brushed her lips across mine and breathed, “I love you. Come back.”
A shuddering breath ripped from my chest. And then another and another.
My body was trembling from the physical drain, but I didn’t move. I focused on Jessica, easier now that everything wasn’t filtered by the dark haze.
“There you are,” she said softly, her mouth pulling into a proud smile. “I knew you could do it.”
I dropped my mouth onto hers, kissing her slowly.
Dragging my mouth over her jaw and down her throat, I lightly kissed the bruises then nipped at the spot behind her ear that made her writhe beneath me. “Say it again,” I pleaded. “I need to hear you say it without my darkness ruining it.”
A soft giggle sounded in her throat. “I love you.” She gripped my hair to bring my mouth to hers then spoke against it. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Our next kiss was rough and urgent and made me want to start erasing her demons now. But I knew she needed time after what had happened. “Keep yourself alive for me.”
I was so consumed in the girl beneath me, and the assurance I was waiting for, that I never heard him until he cleared his throat.
I was on my knees and throwing a knife within a second.
Beck cursed and fell into the bathroom immediately before the knife hit the wall where he’d been standing. “Jesus fuck, man,” he yelled as he staggered into the room.
“Announce yourself,” I growled in response.
“Eleven years of this shit,” he bit out and yanked on the handle until the knife jerked free. “I’m so over almost dying because you don’t know it’s me.”
“Announce yourself,” I repeated.
He narrowed his eyes at me then dragged them to Jessica.
A rumble sounded deep in my chest when his wounded stare stayed where she lay with the towel now barely covering her.
His eyes bounced between us again before he started walking through the room. “I’ll be in the living room.”
I watched him barrel down the hall, not bothering to close the door on his way out, then looked at Jessica.
With a weighted breath, I said, “He’s right. We need to talk.”
She nodded, but didn’t respond.
“Do you have something you can put on?”
“Your shirt from last night,” she mumbled with a small smile.
Mine was unrestrained. “Perfect.”